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lore's eclectibles |
| Age...fading sounds.... |
Wednesday May 14, 2025 5:33 PM |
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I suppose there's no hiding it anymore. I'm aging. And while my brain wants to age gracefully, with acceptance and positivity, my heart often gets in the way. I can definitively say that music is my trigger. Nothing can make me cry out of the blue like a piece of music. I went to the trusty (rusty?) TiVO this weekend - yes, it still works! - and I watched a couple Great Performances. 1. Henry Mancini's 100th birthday anniversary at the Hollywood Bowl and, 2. Rodger's and Hammerstein's 80th anniversary concert First, I should point out that I didn't have to look up any of the artists to spell their names correctly. That's how ingrained they are in my life. Second, I didn't actually cry at any of this, but I did get sad. I could tell that most of the crowd at the Hollywood Bowl seemed to appreciate the music, but did not understand the history and weight of it. Mancini's daughter, Monica, singing "Two for the Road" should have brought the house down, but there was mere applause. I think that's because most of the audience was born after Mancini's heyday. I'm not even a particular fan, but I can't get "Moon River" out of my damn head. Cynthia Erivo sang "Le Jazz Hot" from Victor/Victoria, and she sang the heck out of it, but not the hell out of it, which is what Julie Andrews did with it. I'm not knocking Erivo, either. I know she wanted to give it her own spin and energy, but it's just not the same energy as Andrews' (go to 2:53 for when the song picks up if you don't [why why WHY??] want to view the whole thing). In other Songs Taking Up Residence In My Head Since Last Weekend, I feel like the singers of the Rogers and Hammerstein special had more energy, as did the audience. Maybe because musicals are so open to interpretation, the performance can be different, but still compelling. I just have to share this tiny bit of Marisha Wallace's Ado Annie from Oklahoma. That's a production I wish I could see! If you want to hear the whole song, the audio alone is on YouTube. Watching the R&S special made me want to dig out my DVDs or find an Old Movie Streaming package. Is anyone else not unpacking DVDs since streaming hit? I know there's lots of good, new "stuff" out there, some of which I'm likely to talk about soon. But sometimes, I just want to old lady wallow in some movie musical magic. So, is this a post about aging? Not exactly; I can see that it turned into my thoughts on the specials. But if you want one tiny piece of Old Lady lore to take with you, remember this - I can't hear "Don't Stop Believin'" in any form without getting teary. I didn't even successfully type this moisture-free. I think it's the anthem of my life - once a message to follow, now a nodding regret. love, lore This entry was originally posted at https://lore.dreamwidth.org/150262.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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| What's so Cozy about murder?...Noodle Shop Mysteries.... |
Thursday May 8, 2025 5:03 PM |
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Feh. I have more fannish navel-gazing on my mind, but I don't feel like picking at scabs today. ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small} pauraque, I will reply soon, but thank you! You had some helpful thoughts. <3 Reading-wise, I've been trying to figure out the "Cozy" mystery phenomena by starting to read one. So far, I'm still mystified. I'm on book 4 of the Noodle Shop Mystery series, labeled a cozy series by my local library. After my ongoing obsession with the Crazy Rich Asians books, this series seemed like a good fit for my first cozy read. They are not written with too much depth, which I define as above a 12th-grade reading level with more vocabulary and flourish, but that's not a bad thing. I haven't had as much time to read fiction in the past few years, but I am determined to keep fiction reading in my life. So, something that goes down easy is fine with me. The writing is not overly simplified - I've read a couple of those books, and no, thank you. I think the cozy part is that the murders are gristly, but not graphic, and there's a huge cast of characters with lots of charm. It's like reading Gilmore Girls. I also could see this series as a Hallmark Movies and Mysteries offering. The basic scenario is that Lana, daughter to the owners of Ho-Lee Noodle House in Asia Village and sometimes waitress, can't help but poke her nose in when murder visits the Village. If you read the author's bio, that's Lana; she's not hiding the Mary Sue of it all. She's surrounded by the regulars of Asia Village, who spend most of their time telling her to stand up straight and stop snooping around - it's dangerous! Thank goodness, Lana doesn't listen well. ^_^ love, lore This entry was originally posted at https://lore.dreamwidth.org/149671.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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| Snape/Lupin notes...Still struggling with small-letter fandom... |
Monday May 5, 2025 11:34 AM |
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I had the SO* open up a blog for me because I felt weighted down by the history of All Things Journal, but this is still my preferred platform for writing my thoughts, sporadic as they may come. I had a lovely note from the person running a Snupin Discord community. A post will probably appear on ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small} lupin_snape sometime soon, but if you can't wait, visit https://discord.gg/npBpN2mXhC. I'm already lurking there because no matter how bad JKR makes me feel about her work, the people who love my ship are some of the best still hanging in fandom (and yes, I know there are others great Fandomers out there. All Fandoms rule, no matter how weirdly I feel about being fannish these days).I *still* haven't been able to bring myself to post that fic I discussed previously to AO3. I really ought to just pull the trigger and take my lumps. I have slowly, at a glacial pace, been talking to AO3 about moving a couple of the major Snape/Lupin archives I inherited or created to AO3. It's a complicated process, but these two sites keep going down and the platforms are beyond ancient. I'm worried they will go down and I won't be able to get them up again, even with the help of the SO. Think I'll stop here for now. Still struggling to be fannish in this world of properties going on too long, creators revealing what asshats they are, and other properties being cut off at the knees before they really get started. It's hard to get excited about anything these days. I miss the Fandom part of fandom. love, lore *SO = Significant Other for those new to my language quirks. This entry was originally posted at https://lore.dreamwidth.org/149275.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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| Screens are the tip of the killer iceberg.... |
Friday March 3, 2023 11:49 AM |
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Bad Projection Is Ruining the Movie Theater Experience - Multiplexes are failing at their most basic function: delivering a bright, sharp image. - The story won't be free forever, but the title says it all. This is a fascinating look at what's going wrong with screens across the country with added commentary from expert projectionists. And you know what? It's very true. In fact, the entire movie-going experience was horrible before the pandemic - dirty floors; gummy, broken seats; and sloppy screens, including a local one with a permanent splotch from a thrown soda. I love going to the movies. When the audience is truly captured by a film, there's nothing like that shared experience. I used to chase that high almost weekly for a couple decades. But I haven't been back to the movies since the pandemic started, and ill-kept theaters are a huge part of my absence. I can't bring myself to risk COVID and be forced to sit in a seat that I'm afraid could give me a disease while my feet make scotch-tape noises every time I move them and the movie spills dimly off the edges of the screen, and, depending on the specific theater, a splotch in the upper-right corner. I want very badly to go back to the movies, but not with the theaters run that far down. An event has to be worth me dying to get me out to it. So far, that has included a Neil Gaiman talk and Alton Brown spectacle. There are movies that would qualify, like Everything, Everywhere, All at Once, but there are no local movie theaters that meet my Death Standard. love, lore
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| Need some help and opinion on an old story.... |
Monday December 12, 2022 2:38 PM |
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So, a long time ago, I wrote a story for Snupin Santa. I can't even remember the prompt - it might have been the Byron poem I quote at the end - but what resulted was a story that might be...problematic in this day and age. Let me give the plot, which I normally, on all my stories, only hint at. Snape is cursed at the close of the war and he becomes a woman every night, reverting to his male form during the day. Snape insists on giving his female form a female name, and forces others in his life to use that name when he is female. Severus and a group of HP characters try to figure out how to break the curse. (and now I dimly remember that the prompt for the plot might have been the movie Ladyhawke) So, I ended up making some pretty specific choices about which gender I was using and which Name Snape would be called, and not all of it was based on time/body. I believe I reverted to using "Severus" for the final part, which Snape mostly spent as a female, in part because the story was written as a Snape/Lupin gift request, thus, it felt necessary to keep the idea of slash. I also wanted Severus' male name used there to ground him and the reader in his ultimate gender. At least, I think that's why I did it. It was...omg 2008...after all. I've always been supportive of people being exactly who they are, which includes transgendered people and those who cross-dress. This story isn't really about cross-dressing, although I think a moue of it comes up, and it's not exactly about being transgender, although I think there are more elements of transgenderism in the story than anything. I can see brief parts of the story affecting people who are LGBQIA+, too. I mean, the lines are really muddy here, and I know I am essentially a dinosaur that's been taught to read and write. Meaning, I am not perfect in my thoughts or words on LGBTQIA+ - it takes effort - effort that I want to never stop making, but that I also fail at sometimes. I don't mean to give the wrong message, but I don't think I knew enough in 2008 or know enough now in 2022, to have written this story without offensiveness. I'm sure there is some offensiveness in here. Maybe a lot? That's where you come in. I'm not looking for praise, but evaluation. Should I repost this story? Should I edit and repost? Should I leave it in its one, almost forgotten, corner of the internet? Or should I take it down altogether and just be sure the original recipient of the gift exchange has a copy? I especially do not want it left out here if it's hurtful. I'm revisiting the story because I was thinking I should add a few more of my works to AO3 before the holiday and this story came up and made me think - maybe too much or maybe I didn't think enough at the time. Let me know what you think.... love, lore
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| Thursday May 5, 2022 11:53 AM |
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It's not easy being alive today. I never suspected I'd live in times like these. I thought we would only move forward in my lifetime. And you know what bothers me the most? I can't figure out a way to fix it. I have Grand Ideas about Big Problems sometimes. They may also be Dumb Ideas, but they are also grand and I think they could work if there was enough money/time/personpower. For example, there was a time when I thought the Recycling industry was definitely going to be the Next Great Blue-Collar Job. That there would be profit in the manual sorting of recycling, including profit to the planet. Ha ha, say plastics manufacturers. And in case you want to say, "yeah, but that was 2020", looky at what was just posted today. Let's face it, plastics are a long-term problem (oh yeah, they're in our bodies for good now, too). The state of the extreme right and its power over the country is pretty much a constant for me. We can't save the planet if we can't save ourselves from each other first. Too many deniers. Some people can look away. I can't. And I can't come up with even the wackiest of solutions to bring us together. I think even a giant space monster taking out NYC wouldn't move the dial. If anyone has any good ideas for bringing the world back together on a mass scale, feel free to share them. I could use a little hope, even the wacky kind. love, lore P.S. Happy of the day - finally figuring out that Marakara moved over here.
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| 20 years.... |
Friday April 22, 2022 3:54 PM |
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I imagine many of you are going through that "20 years on LJ" moment. Every time I'm reminded of LJ, I think that I should delete my LJ. I have a permanent account, so they don't make much off me from subscriptions or ads, but I assume my occasional login still counts for something. The problem is, when I go to delete it, I check the notifications and I see old friends, lovely people, still posting there with no alternative journal. Then I hesitate and then I get busy and I close the tab for a few more months. Anyway, here's to 20 years with good friends, live and electronic, present or past. I still offer my *HUGS* and love, lore
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| BloMo30: Musings on Crazy Rich Asians.... |
Monday November 30, 2020 11:51 PM |
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Has anyone else read the "Rich Asians" series, of which Crazy Rich Asians is the first book? It has been a very, VERY long time since I've read general literature. I'm a die-hard genre reader, but for the last 4 years, all of my reading power has been keeping up with the news. Between our 4-year national horror show, terrible endings to series I was invested in, and genre series books dragging out with no end in sight, I just haven't been inspired to read much for fun. The movie Crazy Rich Asians has become a comfort re-watch lately, taking over from where My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding left off. I think CRA has been on the TiVO for a year and a half, if not two years, and I've run it almost weekly since I first watched it. The movie is so bright and colorful and full of energy. I've spent much time wondering if the world depicted in the movie could possibly be real. Eventually, I picked up the books, looking for more insight, but, if anything, the books paint an even more decadent lifestyle than the movie. I am starting to believe that most of what the author writes about has to be true. I can't imagine anyone making that level of spending up outside of a genre book! Also, I've been surprised at the format and shape of the books. There are dozens of characters given a point of view. And not all the thoughts are finished or even picked up in the next book. Some characters never seem to grow. But isn't that like life? People rarely change, rarely learn lessons from important moments. There's a certain satisfaction in knowing a character is always going to be the way they are no matter what they go through. I'm left wanting more, but I don't think there is any more...The rest is up to my imagination. I bet there's a thriving Rich Asians fandom somewhere writing epic FanFic about how Eddie learns to give his children a break and Peik Lin finds love of her own (I'm still reading the last book, in the first 1/3, so shhhh if this happens). BTW, the movie is vastly different from the books, but this is yet another case of me being glad I saw the movie before reading the book. They are each good stuff in my eyes, but if I'd have read the books first, I would have expected the movie to be closer to the books. I always assume books embody their own space in the fictional realm, so I never expect a book to be like a movie. Only the other way around, so why put that kind of pressure on a movie by reading the book first? love, lore
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| BloMo29: Cheating on the wind-down.... |
Sunday November 29, 2020 11:56 PM |
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So, I had a bit of a meltdown today. It's hard enough for me to manifest Christmas spirit in a normal year, and it's not any easier in this insanely stupid year, either. I was starting to organize my cards for writing and then I was torpedoed, and I spun into a serious case of the Why Do Anythings. Christmas is not my favourite time of the year for many reasons I've written about in the past. But it's really just me, my sister and the SO now, so I try to muster up some spirit. My natural inclination is suffer grumpily into January, but I try. I mean, you have realized by now that I watch all those Christmas movies to make fun of them and scoff in disbelief, right? No one goes from being a lawyer to a professional on the Ice Sculpture Contest Circuit. No one! Anyway, I'm out of the funk for now. We'll see if those cards get out. I have been thinking that in Pandemic shut-down, there's no excuse NOT to get out cards. ***** Speaking of excuses, though, I have a good one for yesterday! The computer actually blue-screened as I tried to post and when I got it back up, the post was gone and it was well after midnight. That's why I put up tonight's as a blank and am filling it in after midnight. I'm seriously worried for this machine now. It's been years since I've seen a blue screen of death and now there's been two in two days. Pray to the Techno-gods for Moon, the computer. Maybe Neil Gaiman can put in a good word for me. love, lore
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| BloMo27: Eventually, something to say, JLA.... |
Friday November 27, 2020 10:37 PM |
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Got up, got out, walked. Huzzah! Had our friends zoom tonight. We all pretty much had the same Thanksgiving - at home with no one else, simple meals, talked to family. I've sat here staring at the screen for a half-hour and nothing that's run through my head is worth writing down. I was worried about this when I started BloMo. It's hard to feel inspired day-to-day. How about: I may be the only person in the universe unconvinced that the Zach Snyder cut of Justice League is going to be significantly better than the theatrical release. I've found JL oddly re-watchable. I tend to leave it on almost every time I see it on the guide. The controversy around Joss Whedon's step-in on the film makes me unhappy, but that hasn't made me too uncomfortable to watch it. I can't say the same, for example, about the Potter movies. I don't like Zach Snyder as a director. His films have been exploitative of women, full of extreme violence for pretend artistic merit, and don't have much lightness amidst excessive darkness. The end of his 2 DC movies have been 30 minutes of mindless CGI destruction. I'm willing to give his cut of the movie a fair viewing. But I'm not holding out much hope that it will stop me from repetitive Theatrical views. love, lore
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| BloMo26: Like rolling thunder, this post.... |
Thursday November 26, 2020 12:52 AM |
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I intend to update this post throughout the day with random thoughts. We'll see if intention becomes reality. ****** First, a life funny. I have officially eclipsed all people who have stood there asking where their glasses are while said glasses were perched on their heads. Yesterday, I was ducking about, looking all around and under the bed, wondering where my underwear went. The S.O. informed me I was wearing them. We haven't laughed that hard since March. I think we've had too much naked time during the pandemic! ****** I'm ridiculously looking forward to Christmas by Starlight tonight because it stars both my favourite Hallmark Female lead with my favourite Hallmark Male lead. And neither have been in a TV show I followed! They have become my favourites by the parts they've played in countless other Hallmarks. I've noticed that some actors are either typecast or choose similar projects. Paul Campbell can't help but be funny and disaffected. He plays a very different kind of Male Lead in Hallmark movies, therefore, his movies are always more interesting to me. The one time they made him play serious and brooding - ugh. I see myself in the characters Kimberley Sustad plays. Shy, awkward, smart, unable to say No, trying to be as invisible as possible - that is all me, at least until I warm up to you. Then I am still just like that, but hiding it better. These two were in a spring movie that just didn't "land", but I have high hopes for tonight! ***** And, intention KABOOLEY! We had such a lazy day. Didn't get the walk in, didn't binge watch anything. Talked to my sister, which was good and made some plans for tomorrow. Otherwise: Vegetables. Probably needed, but still. Happy Thanksgiving/Thursday. love, lore
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| BloMo25: As the saying goes, I'm not obsessed, I'm focused.... |
Wednesday November 25, 2020 11:22 PM |
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Part of why I keep watching Hallmark movies is that they're shot in Vancouver, which means I get to see a lot of actors I've enjoyed over the years in other productions from networks that shoot shows there. I'm thinking of X-Files and everything that was on the old WB, UPN, and current CW shows. Right now, I'm watching Marc Blucas from Buffy and a woman I used to watch on Days of Our Lives the one summer I babysat the same kiddos for months. Many of the movies are like little homecomings between me and actors I used to see weekly. OK, I can't help but sound obsessed with Hallmark movies when they're on 24-7 for two months! ***** We went to an area park today for a little more substantial walk than we've been able to get in lately. It was drizzling, which means we had the place to ourselves. I love a nice park when there's no one around to witness me trying to use it. ~_^ We picked up some smoked turkey breast and a few sides from a local butcher shop. I had in mind that we'd do fish or something really different for Thanksgiving food because it will just be the two of us, but we couldn't seem to break out of the mold. Plus, we have the other days of the long weekend to attempt some of my alternative meals. Shabu shabu, anyone? love, lore
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| BloMo24: It's the little frustrations that count.... |
Tuesday November 24, 2020 11:32 PM |
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Man, I missed posting yesterday, but I'm liking this feeling of not sweating it, which I gave myself permission to do when I decided to BloMo. My internal promise was that as long as I got back on the wagon, I wouldn't feel bad. In the bad habit of merely diary-ing, it was the last day of earning this week, but it was a typical last day before a holiday - no one was in, yet one person, that one person*, found a way to torpedo my day and not get everything done I'd planned to finish for a fresh week on Monday. The S.O. had his last class for the semester, and, gee, his mood was considerably brighter tonight. We ran out and had a too-short walk (man, I am not just out of shape, I'm outside the lines!), a little PoGo adventure and a semi-sensible dinner. I guess I will sleep in tomorrow because the S.O. has said no less than 4 times today that I will sleep in tomorrow, despite me saying I'd like to get up early enough to get some seriously good daylight. This time of year, that means getting out the door at 10, which is to when I'd normally sleep in! Both are things that he knows. Hum. Last thought - Why do I keep up with the Godwink Christmas movies? They've added a terrible Bring-a-ling noise every time there's a supposed "godwink". UGH. love, lore *There's no particular person who is the One Person that train-wrecks my day. The One Person is a concept that never fails.
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| BloMo22: it's going to pick back up, promise.... |
Sunday November 22, 2020 11:41 PM |
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If I'm being honest, yesterday was too long a day, so I slept in and poked about the house today. I mean to write a post on what I've been reading, which is its own miracle, and I had other ideas that haven't come back to me yet. It would help if I started before 11:45, too. ~_^ love, lore
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| BloMo21: What it says about highs and lows during a pandemic.... |
Saturday November 21, 2020 11:18 PM |
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Not a horrible day. The SO got enough school work done to play a Pokemon event with me without stressing. The fact that he spent the last two hours of the event in the car with a work emergency over the speaker phone, though, sucked because that was my time, too. But still, we were not in the house all day. So an unhorrible day. love, lore
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| BloMo20: It's a picture embed kind of day.... |
Friday November 20, 2020 11:23 PM |
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It seemed like this week lasted 5 years and it's not even the holiday weekend. A lot of stuff happened, nothing earth-shattering, but I'm wiped.  Friends Zoom tonight consisted of just one friend, me and the SO. It still turned out kind of nice. I think that's the longest we've talked with that friend one-on-one, ever. love, lore
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| BloMo19: lore says YES.... |
Thursday November 19, 2020 11:41 PM |
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Amber Ruffin might just be my favourite person on any media platform right now. https://youtu.be/xRsrk_DuvBc She has incredible energy. It just pours out of her and goes straight through the screen. And I always, always laugh - even when the topic is painful. love, lore
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| BloMo18: Liking TV again while still rejecting it.... |
Wednesday November 18, 2020 11:37 PM |
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I'm beginning to think that a long break from regular TV was just what I needed. I'm still enjoying the few reality shows I will watch. The Voice is making me laugh, which it never used to do. And I'm finding the Amazing Race more wondrous than before. What I struggle with not watching are prestige shows where women are imperiled in some way. I'm not watching Big Sky, for example, even though the show comes with quite the TV Pedigree, including creator David E. Kelly, whose shows I've enjoyed in the past. I'm just tired of watching shows about saving women or dead women or kidnapped women or tough women with deeply fatal flaws. I've hit the wall in watching my gender serve plots that feature mostly men and mostly unhappy endings for many of the characters. I'm not being wussy for not wanting to watch these shows. I just feel beyond them. The real world holds enough peril for women. I'm not entertained by it anymore. So far, the only show I started watching in the "new season" was quickly canceled. I don't have any patience for canceled shows from streaming services - How can I get into a story that I know won't continue and isn't set-up to be closed-ended? The SO and I are looking for something good to binge-watch over Thanksgiving. My hope is to find something light, maybe even funny, and yet smart, but not intellectual for intelligence's sake. I'm thinking we should finally finish The Good Place, but I'm open to suggestions. Just, no Schitt's Creek. It's been over-sold to me at this point and will need a cooling off period before I'll feel like approaching it. ^_^ love, lore
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| BloMo17: Hallmark enters the 1990s.... |
Tuesday November 17, 2020 11:25 PM |
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I *think* the "Gay Hallmark Movie" is going to be on this Sunday. I can't quite tell from all the plot preview and two men touching foreheads. I have a feeling it's going to be obvious and a little painful, but that just means it will fit right in to the Hallmark Movie family. I learned a good lesson from a movie this summer that featured two women in the B-plot. At first, I had my outrage on at how Hallmark was using the couple as a marketing tool. The approach seemed pointedly on the nose, and, in my head, these are the stories Hallmark should have been telling long before 2020. But then I read the social media comments and there were so many gay women and men commenting on how nice it was to be represented in the Hallmark formula; to watch an over-the-top romance and see themselves. I took back my criticism, not by deleting it, but reforming and reiterating alongside some credit to the channel. It doesn't matter how hammy Sunday's movie will be - they all are hammy. What matters is finally seeing a wider spectrum of relationships in Hallmark movies. And not saying the wrong thing in a live tweet, ending up Internet spanked! love, lore
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| BloMo16: Of drool and the privacy of our future with some butt thrown in.... |
Monday November 16, 2020 11:44 PM |
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Today I asked for a short idea to write about from the SO and he actually gave me a topic! EEE, yay! I read Facebook only a couple times a week because it usually makes me cringe, and I have better things to read. Misinformation, hate, blackmail (if you love me you will repost...), country cute, over-the-top adorableness, and baby pictures do not make for appointment reading. It's the baby pictures that give me the most pause (well, those and wanting to explain to my extended family why the Constitution doesn't work that way , etc.). All I can think is how I would feel if my image was splashed all over the internet; the good pics mingling with my gap-toothed maw, making me look like Quasimodo's daughter for all to repost until time ends. *shudder* I was there at the Early Morning of the Internet, during a time when your nickname was your shield against Just Anyone knowing your private information. To this day, I can't understand how we even got to Facebook, sharing our entire lives online - genies we can never put back in the bottle. I'm wondering about 15 years from now, when the Facebook babies are grown. Oh, they'll be embarrassed, but will our culture have shifted again? Will there be a Facebook generation of grandparents, full of regret or post-grads outraged at their stolen privacy? It could happen. And I'm relieved that my part in it is limited - all butt-shots aside. (Because, really, who doesn't love a good candid, especially of friends hanging over a railing, shot from the back? At least I didn't put them on the Internet!) love, lore
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| Blomo15: Talk about talk.... |
Sunday November 15, 2020 11:24 PM |
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I put a * on an item in the last post and then forgot to define it. The * meant to refer to the fact that some of you might recall that the SO and I have been having communication issues. And not the kind people normally face, like, "I said 7!" "I thought you meant 7 am, not pm!" He just doesn't have much to say to me these days. We used to talk more, now we don't without me forcing the issue and it's been that way for a few years. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to me, that much I can tell, but that he doesn't think to talk to me. He's gone silent as he's grown older. I can't tell if it's because he's under too much pressure from work/school/life or if he truly has nothing to say. My father would go to work at 6 am before any of us got up, would come home at 6 pm, eat dinner on the couch and then fall asleep on it for the rest of the evening. At some point, he'd get up and go to bed. Repeat 5 days a week and sleep on the couch except for meals all weekend. Sometimes weeks would go by between the times my father would have something to say to me. And what he had to say would never count as conversation. I'm a little afraid the SO is turning into my father. They say that some women marry clones of their fathers, but that wasn't me and the SO when we first married. I'm trying to wait until classes are over for him in a couple years before I completely lose it and toss us into some sort of program. I hesitate to call it counseling because we both are leery of that. But we need to structure some sort of solution to this lack of talk between us. I don't want to be enjoying the silence at 60. It's going to take some work to find our way back to simple conversation. love, lore
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| BloMo14: I might as well hang my head out the car window.... |
Saturday November 14, 2020 11:17 PM |
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Ooof. I've hit the mid-month "don't know what to say" malaise. We were up early (for us) and went on errands. I really like going out on the Saturday errands with the SO during the pandemic, if I can wake up in time. I also tend to use the weekends to catch up on sleep. But if I make the errands, I feel like I get more "day" in, and I get a little conversation out of him.* He shops at the local farmer's markets. We're already down to just one for the winter because many of us are boycotting the city-run market. They keep allowing known white supremacists to vend there, saying it's an anti-discrimination issue. I would agree if the vendors would keep their political views to themselves, but they have been known to talk up their groups to people shopping and have even followed people around the market with their materials. They don't do this anymore since the news went wide about their actions. Still, to me, the damage has been done and the city is being craven, hiding behind anti-discrimination arguments. There are 8000 rules to vending at that market and they already broke several of the rules - boot them. I am all for ideology that doesn't match mine, but that doesn't mean I want that ideology in my face. That I could be approached or hear rhetoric while I'm trying to pick up tomatoes bothers me. Anyway! An independent group runs a market during the winter. The venue is enclosed, but it has several garage door-like panels that they had open today to keep the venue air circulating. I hope they will continue doing that into the winter. Sadly, global warming hit another milestone this week, so chances are good the doors will be open all winter. *sigh* Sadly, I now hide out in the car at actual venues because I'm the more susceptible to COVID of the two of us. We usually find a secluded spot to take a short walk and get some air, too. It rained all day today, which kept us in, but rain is its own reward. I love rain. love, lore
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| BloMo13: Sub-Holiday to my Birthday Day! |
Friday November 13, 2020 11:47 PM |
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I've always considered Friday the 13ths to be sub-birthdays and lucky for me. I took the day off and had a lazy morning and we ran some errands in the afternoon. The S.O. bought me a present that will take a few months to get here. We just got out of our weekly Zoom chat with friends. This is why I missed last Friday - we say it's going to be short and the last couple of months we've been going later and later. My friend that teaches says COVID is coming down the hall at him; the teachers in the rooms before his coming down with it day-by-day. I definitely know more people testing positive and having symptoms now than I did in the spring. We have to take this more seriously, but some people never will. love, lore
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| BloMo12: There's venting and then there's this.... |
Thursday November 12, 2020 11:26 PM |
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Anytime someone tries to tell me what a good person I am, I just have to think about how deeply I hate that the SO is in grad school, and I know better. Because I do hate it. I do. I should be completely supportive of him finishing his undergrad and earning a grad degree alongside. It's a wonderful opportunity and getting the degree will make him feel much better about future employment. He's in tech and the lack of an undergrad was starting to catch up to him, so the mental relief alone will be worth it to him. I want him to have that peace of mind. I just wish it wasn't taking so damn long. He's a useless creature when classes are in session. He works a full-time job, takes two classes at a time, and tries to maintain his fair share of our life together. Guess what gets the short shrift when his brain is frazzled? It doesn't help that college has changed so much. All these online courses and half are being made up on the fly by profs and TAs who don't know what they're doing. The emphasis in online courses is on Busy Work. Prove you're doing something because you're doing it from home and no one sees you working. He spends one night on each class making and replying to blog or forum posts. Then read 300 pages and then write a 3-page paper on the reading, due every weekend like clockwork. None of it overly hard, just designed to suck up your time. Your WEEKEND TIME. (OK, the grad classes are more of the real deal, but still) I'll admit it, I'm not very supportive. I try to stay out of his way. I've offered to help if it isn't cheating, offered to help him study, helped him pay for classes by maintaining my job despite all frustrations, and not much else. I resent the time school has stolen from us and I resent him waiting until this late in life to finally go for something I'd been asking him to do for the previous 15 years when we were younger and had more energy. I'm the worst. Really. Don't make me turn off the comments. love, lore P.S. If I made myself look even a little good in the above, I did something wrong.
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| BloMo11: A Responsibling Holiday.... |
Wednesday November 11, 2020 11:34 PM |
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It's been a long day. I don't have much connection to Veterans Day other than a deep appreciation for the people who serve. I left a note to my one friend who served. I really hope the pandemic didn't keep him from making the rounds today. My sister and I decided not to get together for Thanksgiving. She's going on a vacation the week before Thanksgiving, and she proposed that it would be too much risk to get together. This was a relief because I was thinking the same thing, but I was reluctant to be the overly cautious one and leave my sister alone on Thanksgiving. Our family is tiny and it makes me sad. I'm not willing to reach out to half-cousins, etc., like my mother and aunt did. We didn't grow up together and I don't know them. I think that's OK. It doesn't hurt that I think Sis needs some real downtime and Thanksgiving will be perfect for relaxing. She started a new, better job this week and didn't have any time off transitioning from one job to the next. I'm super proud of my sister. I just wish she would slow down more often for her own health - both physical and mental. Now the S.O. and I get to contemplate what we'll do on Thanksgiving. Normally, I would want to spend the day at the movies. Stupid COVID. It might come down to a small meal and binge-watching something fun together, but I am open to suggestions! love, lore
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| BloMo10: Blood, Sweat, but mostly the Tears.... |
Tuesday November 10, 2020 11:44 PM |
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Since HBO has started carrying the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame yearly induction, I've been watching. It started with me fast-forwarding to my favorite artists. Each year, though, I fast-forward a little less, watch a little more. I have a hard time parsing that the music I grew up with has grown up with me, and many of the artists have grown truly old. The show is filled with images from the 50s, 60s, 70s, long hair, long beards, epic amounts of fringe. Then the artists come on to accept their awards and the juxtaposition is shocking. Their hair is short, they're wearing suits - maybe not ties - and if there is a beard, it's neatly trimmed. When Rock and Roll grows up, it looks like the board of the New York Stock Exchange. As the fast-forwarding has slowed down, the welling of tears has increased. Music is emotional for me. Most older music represents a time and place for me. And because I've never been what I would call a Happy Person, memories of times and places usually makes me cry. This is why I remain obsessed with finding new music to like. New music means new memories that haven't grown old yet. I have a deep-seated fear that I won't be able to listen to old music when I'm nearing my time. It will make me cry and cry and cry. The way "Don't Stop Believin'" does today. love, lore
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| BloMo 9: I can still surprise myself.... |
Monday November 9, 2020 10:58 PM |
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I did not grow up an orphan. To spare you a long sob story, I grew up an emotional orphan. It's not the same thing; I promise that I don't go chumming around with actual orphans, pretending to be one of their own. In fact, the more I type the word "orphan", the more I suspect it might be one of those words we're trying to drop from the language. But anyway, I was watching one of the 8000 terribly white Hallmark Christmas movies off the TiVO tonight and a character was describing having to take care of herself and I thought, "yeah". That's why I like stories about people choosing to be family. Sometimes we're all alone, sometimes we're a little alone, and sometimes we wish we were alone. The people we choose not to be alone with are your real family. Blood related or not. love, lore
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| BloMo8: OK, maybe more than a diary of the day.... |
Sunday November 8, 2020 11:44 PM |
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Just a little journal of the day: .... Well, I didn't do much. There's 800 Christmas movies on the TiVO I haven't faced yet. I napped. Pokemon-ed because when you're in a pandemic, a game where you can drive around and avoid other people is a helpful new obsession. Walked - how could I not in this gorgeous climate-change November weather? That was about it, which is why I rarely diary my day. I have future thoughts on the painfulness of watching Hallmark movies, but I'll have to start that post before 11:45. Oh yeah, I did make a final post at hp_halloween. In the end, I decided to keep it short, despite how much it was tearing me up. I am not good at stepping away from things, especially online things I've done for a long time, and especially when they will continue without me. Because it will continue, it's like I quit, when, really, I retired from a long job well done (mostly by others!). Anyway. There are a lot more important things going on in the world. I'm trying to think what shape my part will take in the work we need to do as a nation. Today, I donated some coats to my county, but not all answers will be found by throwing money at the problem. love, lore
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| BloMo7: Cause I said so...so happy and tired... |
Saturday November 7, 2020 11:44 PM |
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Yup, I missed the 6th and decided not to make it up with backdating. We've been holding a weekly friends Zoom on Friday nights and last night, we went really late. Before I knew it, we were past midnight and I was very tired, as I have been since the election. Then today I woke up, got going, and right as we were getting out the door to pick up our farm share, the news broke and almost every woman I know called or texted. Those who called got a whoop and a holler, which ragged my voice for the rest of the day. Friends then came to our garage tonight to hear Biden and Harris speak and there might have been champagne. You'd think I'd be energized, but all I still want to do is sleep. I know when stress is released, my body says Sleep. I might need the next month off. For now, there's relief, hope, and exhaustion. I say, give us a week to feel all the feels. Then we need to get to work. love, sleepy lore
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| BloMo5: Finally found this pic.... |
Thursday November 5, 2020 11:36 PM |
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My birthday went into full swing on Halloween Eve. I had several calls and deliveries that day, but the best one came from my sister.  The Jack face will even peel off, so I'll be able to put the pumpkin to good use next autumn. love, still recovering lore
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nostalgic
determined
uncomfortable
discouraged
indescribable
morose
geeky
calm
frustrated
awake
drained
ditzy
moody
accomplished