Just a warning in advance: The following rambling is more for me- my final thoughts and feelings as my grandfather passed.
My grandpa died two days ago. He was 94 years old. Over the last few years not only had his health declined, but his mental capacity also. He didn't know who I was, who my husband was, who my kids were, who my mom was and on occassion who my dad was. My heart broke when I would hear about my grandmother calling my dad in great concern because "Pappy" was crying and she didn't know why and couldn't get him to stop. What would it be like to be a prisoner in not only your body but also your mind?
So although it was a very happy time for Pappy, I found it very hard to say good-bye. I said my goodbyes last friday- he opened his eyes for me. I stroked his hand. He looked so frail. Just a skeleton. With tears in my eyes and a quivering chin I urged him to go home.
The nurse saw him on Monday- his pulse was weaker, his extremities cooling, his kidneys had shut down. I raced down to Salt Lake- I wanted to be there when my dear grandpa was freed from his worn-out body. I found him just as the nurse described.
His pale, yellow skin was beginning to look more blue. The coolness in his extremities was spreading. His fingers had started to curl. His nail beds had lost their color. His pulses were hardly palpable. He took shallow, laborous breaths- painful to watch. Short inspirations with long drawn out expirations. He was using his stomach muscles to help him breathe- causing his abdomen and chest to look like they were doing the wave with every breath. I held my breath, his breathing has now turned erratic. He's getting closer.
I stroked his head. He doesn't look much like Pappy any more to me. Having gone now without food or drink he's much more frail. Skinny. Gaunt.
I slipped away for a few minutes. I heard the family start singing songs to him. "Families can be Together Forever." "I am a Child of God." And then some Christmas songs. While singing the line "Sleep in Heavenly Peace" from Silent Night Pappy took his last struggling breath. I raced back in the room- I was devastated- I missed it!! That was the joyous, but heart-wrenching moment that I wanted to experience with Pappy. That moment where his spirit was being summoned to the other side. That sweet moment when Pappy would be Pappy again. A Pappy who knew who we were. And knew who he was. And could walk, run and (knowing how Pappy is), get back to work.
And then Pappy took one last gasp of air...and he was gone.
This is a link to an article written in the Deseret News for our dear Pappy:
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705350157/Elder-Royden-Glade-Derrick-dies.html
When the obituary is in the paper I'll post that link.
