Letter to my son for his 10th birthday

Dear Alex,
The joy that you have brought to my life has been so incredible, I could not imagine not having you in my life. The stuff we have done together, the smiles, the tears, the games, everything has been so wonderful. As I am writing this you are 10 years old, outside playing with your friends and having a great time with them and your little sister. I love seeing you happy and smiling. It’s what I look forward to seeing everyday. Here is the story of your beginning. It was February 1, 2001 when I found out I was pregnant with you. When we went to the doctors to confirm it, he came in and told us that I was 5 weeks along, I was so happy I hugged dad so hard he couldn’t breathe (haha). You were due to be born on October 6, 2001. We were so excited to have you. The morning sickness came immediately, which really sucked, but it was so worth it. We were living in a tiny apartment at that time in American Fork, Utah, but after about a month we decided it would be best to move in with my parents in Lindon, Utah until you were born to save up some money so you would be well cared for.
Grandma and Grandpa Brewer had fun helping us prepare for your arrival. It was hard on them with my mood swings and cravings, but they got through it. We had a little scare a few weeks after finding out about you while in St. George attending the wedding of Aunt April and Uncle Curtis. I started to bleed a little and we went to the hospital to make sure that everything was ok, and it turned out you were fine, I just had a small infection, but those can be dangerous while pregnant, so we still had to be careful. I had a lot of those during the pregnancy and had to go to the hospital many times. I craved a lot of things while pregnant with you. I loved to eat pizza, and salad with ranch, chocolate, sprite, steak and lots of Hawaiian punch. The things that made me feel sick was the smell of sautéed mushrooms, lasagna and ramen noodles. It was so awesome to feel you start moving in my tummy. The little wiggles and kicks were just so cool. At 12 weeks we were able to hear your heartbeat. I was so amazed at how strong and regular it was. At about 22 weeks we got to get the ultrasound that would tell us what you were. Dad and I agreed that if you were a boy we would name you Joshua Adam but it later got changed to Alexander Nicholas, and if you were a girl, we would name you Mikaila Elise. Well obviously we found out you were a boy, and we were so excited. You just kept getting bigger and bigger. It was fun to play with you while you were in my tummy. You would move around in such a way, it would look like my stomach was alive, and you would poke your butt out and it would look lopsided.
You loved to hear daddy’s voice and to feel his hand on my stomach. Your favorite song was “Shake your booty” Every time you heard that you would start kicking so hard and wiggling, it was fun. There was another scare later on when Aunt Mary gave birth to Ehlena, your cousin, in July. I had been with her most of the night and hadn’t had much sleep, and it caught up to me and I started having contractions. It was scary. I asked a nurse about it and she told me to go straight home and lay down and hopefully they would stop. So I did, and fortunately they stopped. I had another ultrasound not long after that and saw how big you were getting and I saw your big feet and chubby cheeks. I was just so anxious for you to come. The last week of my pregnancy with you was SO hard! I was sick, I was hurting, but one day I had a dream about you, you were all grown up and you told me that you were coming soon and that you loved me. I will never ever forget that. On October 3rd, 3 days before my due date, I had to go to the hospital because I was having very painful contractions, and we didn’t know if they were real or not. They got me in a room and checked me and I was a little dilated, but my water hadn’t broken yet so they were thinking about sending me home, but I really didn’t want to go home. It was so painful. A little while after that the water started leaking a bit so they kept me there. I tried to get through the contractions the best I could, but eventually caved in and got an epidural. They really aren’t as bad as I thought they were. And boy did it feel good to not feel the contractions. But the relief didn’t last long. Apparently, epidurals make me very sick and I spent most of labor throwing up and was exhausted. I spent 12 hours in labor. I wasn’t able to start pushing until about 11:30 that night (and I had gone to the hospital at 11:00 that morning.) I was so sick and tired though that it was very hard to push, so they had to give me a break before trying again. About 40 minutes later they had me start pushing again because your heartbeat was slowing down. Luckily this time I was able to get my strength together to get you out. On October 4, at 12:37 you were born. I was so happy to see you for the first time, but they didn’t let me hold you or see you for long. Dad was able to cut your umbilical cord, but they had to take you away to put you on oxygen cuz you weren’t breathing well. Later they told me that your umbilical cord came out with you while it was supposed to stay attached to the placenta, and that during the pregnancy it was not attached correctly so I came so close to losing you, and I am so glad I didn’t. When they took you away, they put me on lots of drugs to help me recover. They were having complications getting the placenta out. Because of the drugs, I went to sleep while they got you all cleaned up and breathing better.
Dad was able to spend time with you and welcome you to the world. It was 4 hours later before I woke up enough to hold you and see you. You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. It made all the complications worth it. You had a little bit of hair and you had chubby cheeks and big feet like we saw in the ultrasound. The people that came to see you at the hospital were Mary, Ehlena, and Grandma and Grandpa Brewer. Daddy’s side of the family came to the house later to see you. They were really excited. And you were a hungry baby. You did not like to stop eating for anything. We had to supplement your diet with formula as well as my milk cuz nothing seemed to fill you up. It was really hard adjusting to you at first. You didn’t like to sleep at night and you got colic a few times and colds which made it hard for you to stay comfortable, but we were patient and got through it. The day we brought you home we found out that dad lost his job and had to look for another one. Dad started working at Convergys, and had to work late hours so it was up to me to keep you sleeping at night. You preferred to sleep in your car seat. Again it was tough, but we got through it. I was just so happy to have you. You were always smiling, and making funny noises. And you would make the cutest pouty face when you were sad. You still do. For Halloween that year you were still too young to take out so I dressed you up in a furby sweater and that was the first day you really smiled. It was so awesome. When I see baby pictures of you, I can still feel exactly how it felt to hold you and how cuddly you were and still are. Seeing you grow is the best thing. You are always so smart, sensitive and you do and say the silliest things. I am so incredible proud of you and the person you are. I have the best 2 kids in the world and I couldn't live without you or Mikaila. Happy Birthday Alex! Mom and Dad love you so so much! Never forget that. Thank you for being our son.

Lagoon and the best kids ever to walk the earth!

Yesterday me, Marty, Alex, and Mikaila, went to Lagoon with Martys brother Curtis, his wife April, and their kids Ethan and Kylee. It was SO MUCH FUN! April got coupons for a huge discount on tickets and invited us to come with them for the day to have some fun before school starts. Of course there is no way I was able to pass that opportunity up, especially since we had to cancel our planned trip to Disneyland this year because of financial reasons. We got there at 11:00 AM when they open and spent the entire day until pretty much closing just hanging out and going on a million rides. It was hot, the lines were really long despite it being Sunday, and by the end of the day I had blisters the size of my toes and couldn't feel my feet anymore, but it was so incredibly worth it just to spend the day with the kids and family and have fun. By the end of the day I was so amazed at my sons fearlessness and bravery because he went on ALL of the adult rides that I would DIE going on because they are incredibly scary, and he came off of each one and shrugged his shoulders and said, "meh, that wasn't scary". Of course I was the mother that was watching the entire time with my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from screaming in horror and they launched my little boy into the air (with his dad beside him of course), and my eyes wide open in amazement over him LOVING it! Alex is the kind of kid that HATES to wrestle and be tickled because "it hurts" but he will go on insane rides like this and beg to do it again. All I can do is shake my head. Mikaila is also fearless with some rides but not as many. haha! I don't have any pictures because we did not want to lug the big camera around while we were trying to have fun and risk it getting wet on the water rides, or stolen or broken. All i can say was, that was one of the best days of the year. Thanks April! Today I am even more amazed at the kids as I come home from work to be shown that they have made their own chore chart and done the chores they assigned themselves (they are not easy chores either) just to make us happy. We didn't even mention chores to them. I love my kids so much my heart could burst! How did I get to be so blessed to have such great kids. Of course, they are trying at times, what kid isn't? But most of the time they are amazing, loving, and adorable children. I am truly the luckiest being on the planet to have these kids as mine (and martys) haha! I would not be able to live without Alex or Mikaila.

Hiking is a bad word in my vocab

Today marty wakes me up from a great sleep and informs me that we are hiking today with my in laws. My first thought was yeah right, I will stay right here, you go ahead. I HATE hiking!!! But no, marty insisted that I come. Grumble grumble. Ok fine, but I am not very happy. We start getting ready for it and I get a little more excited because I get to see my sister in law visiting from NY and I haven't seen her the whole week she has been here. We go up to Silver Lake and OMG it is SO beautiful!!!! I was so pissed that I didn't bring the camera cuz I didn't want to lug it around. More grumble grumble. ;) So we start hiking and with me being as out of shape that I am and living off of 900 cals for 2 weeks straight while dieting, it is VERY VERY exhausting and I thought for sure I was either gonna puke, cry or pass out a few times on the way up but marty stayed by my side the entire time encouraging me and telling me that i could do this, so I keep going. (Isn't he just the best??) The surroundings are beautiful. I had a butterfly land on me, but by the time I got my cell phone camera ready to take a pic of it, it took off. :( Oh well. We will go up again to take pics later. We get about halfway when I am just too tired to go further and martys foot is really hurting from the big run he did last week without any previous training for it so he messed up his feet bad from that. While the in laws keep going, we turn around and start heading back. We also had to get back for a movie that martys work was paying for, but by the time we got down the trail and the canyon it was already too late. So we went home and the kids really wanted to see a different movie so marty and the kids went to see Harry Potter while I stayed home and took a much needed nap. I know, you all are going to murder me in my sleep for not seeing that movie with them, but I have never been all that interested in Harry Potter so I told marty just have a few hours with just the kids to go watch it. That was our day today. I loved it because I do feel like I accomplished a lot by going and doing something I really hate (hiking), but I got to see my awesome sister in law and the beautiful scenery and get some much needed exercise. I did get some pics on my cell phone camera. They aren't as good as my pro camera, but they are still gorgeous pics so I am posting them.

I'm back!

So I left this blog and made a new one but found that I missed this one so I am back on this one. I've gone through quite a lot lately that has just taken it's toll on me, and I am slowly regaining my emotional strength back. I am pretty much reorganizing my life. I got a new job at an insurance company. It has been great because I am learning all new things and actually challenging myself to think more and learn more instead of just sitting there answering phones and letting my brain rot like I was. It's been pretty rough cuz I am used to just sitting there and letting my brain rot. I feel so stupid most of the time, because someone will tell me something and most people will catch on and remember it. I have to write notes and read over them a few times before it clicks and I know it's kind of annoying to others, but it's the best way I learn. I like my new coworkers. They are fun and like to laugh which is awesome. I miss my Dentrix coworkers SO MUCH!!!! It's weird not talking to them everyday and BS-ing on facebook 24/7. But it is very good for me and I am happy. I am also going through my house and reorganizing everything. I have been getting rid of old junk that I will never use, deep cleaning and repairing things. Thats tough also because of work. I don't feel like doing anything after work cuz I am exhausted but I try to do the best I can. I am trying to also make myself healthier. I started doing the Isagenix diet to clean out all the toxins in my body and start over fresh. I hope to lose some weight and keep it off this time. After the 30 days of that diet I am going completely gluten free. I have had so many health problems for so many years with no one able to tell me what was wrong with me, but my sister has Celiac disease (Gluten intolerance) and the symptoms are exactly what mine are so I am just going to go with it. Plus, it's also healthier. I am having the whole family go on it so we can all be healthy and it's supposed to help Alex a TON with his Aspergers Syndrome. It's going to be so hard but well worth it I hope. I am on day 4 of my diet and have not had any soda/Mt. Dew or junk food and while I have not felt that much of a change, I have noticed that I do feel a bit healthier, my pants fit better, I have lost 3 lbs, I don't have caffeine withdrawal headaches like usual and I just feel better. So that is a good thing right? I was having a really hard time with the shakes at first because to me they taste really horrible but a friend told me to add bananas and ice to it and now it tastes really good so I am liking it so much more. Well, I think I have written a bit too much for now. I will update you later on the other goings-on that have happened on another post. Keep checking back!

Poor as dirt but having fun, and pictures!

This year is........well................... lets just say we are going to be busay! We have just found out that martys brother is getting married (YAY!), in New York! (OUCH!) So not only are we going to Hawaii (yay) this year, we are also going to New York! (Yay and ouch!) The "Ouch" is for our wallet. Both trips are very very expensive, so it's going to take a big hit on our savings. But we are so excited to visit New York (none of us have been there) and watch Eric (martys brother) get married to the most awesome person in the world, Alyssa. We met her a month ago when she came to meet all of us with Eric and I loved her instantly. We get along great! So I am happy to have her as a sister in law.
Along with that excitement, I am still working on my diet....it has been hard but i love the results. I still have not lost what I want to......yet, but I am getting closer. I have had to tweak a few things like my breakfast due to a very painful root canal infection, but I am trying to keep it working.
I am working very hard at learning more about photography. i want to take classes so much but due to being very poor right now i can't afford it so i am looking online and learning what I can for now. I have done a few photo shoots, and I am pleased with the results. I need to gain more confidence in myself and not get so discouraged when things don't go my way. Still learning a lot about life and how to get through it smoothly.
More samples of some of the pics will be included in the next blog so keep watching for it! (I promise it will be there either today or tomorrow.)

HCG diet update

Today is week 4 of my diet and so far i have lost 7 lbs. Not as much as most people have lost.....but I have cheated.....food means too much to me. haha! I am still learning so much about new food habits and still trying to stay as healthy as I can get without going crazy. I am proud of how I have done so far and hope to keep losing it. It is very hard with all these yummy Easter candies floating around and the tempting girl scout cookies. But again, even while cheating (a little, not a lot) I am being good at staying away from the majority.
I am excited for some real weather to come to Utah so i can take amazing pics of nature and people in nature to learn more about photography. I want to be very good but I have a lot to learn. I get frustrated with learning some things because I don't understand it very well but I hoping that will change soon. Marty and I are taking some photography classes this month. It should be fun.
Now I am frustrated because all the things I was thinking of writing on here just left my brain and for the life of me I can't remember, so i will come back soon and repost.......with pictures!

HCG diet...up close and personal

This is officially day 6 of my diet. I finally decided to just shut up and do it. I hate having shots and needles are evil but what the heck, if it helps me to lose weight, I will try it, cuz nothing else is working. The first 3 days were AWESOME! I was able to just stuff myself silly with as much junk food as I wanted, in order to release the fat cells, and then BAM, I had to start the real hard part of it. I am not doing as extreme as the diet requires because my dr. advised me not to so my metabolism doesn't die completely, but it is still pretty extreme to me. I am only eating about 900 calories a day. So far I have lost 2 lbs. I don't care how fast I lose it, i just want 30 lbs. to be gone by August so i can look good in Hawaii :) The hardest part is not having sugar. I am very very addicted to sugar and I crave it every day. The best part I love about it is, it made me realize just how bad my diet really was before the diet. Man, I am disgusted with myself. I don't know how I am going to do good after the diet is over. It's a total lifestyle change. Sigh! I am trying to hold in there, but some days are really hard.