What the CRAP?!

Yeah, that's right.  I'm blogging.  It's been nearly 3 years since my last post.  I'll be nice and say 2.5 years.  Esme wasn't even here yet!  What the CRAP?!  Hence, the title.  So, here's my stand.  I am committed to posting once per month with a goal of posting once per week.  Stream of consciousness venting works, the blogging thing helps me feel like I'm giving others a shot at keeping up with us, and I think I might be missing it a little?  If nothing else, I can convert these posts into short stories and sell them?  Who knows.  So, our first wrestling tourney is this weekend, Halloween is in 2 days, and we have been so busy this past month and I have lots of pics!  I'll be posting on Sunday to give an update, catch you up (not from where I left off but to at least current) and to begin my commitment/goal cycle.

Gol blog, I've missed ya!  See you in a few days!

~ Layla

This week, some drama....surprise, surprise.

So it's been a helluva week around here.  We never really got much of a weekend.  Saturday was devoted to to-do lists and Todd's cousin got married.  We spent about 8 hours in church clothes running from here to there and there to here.  It was a beautiful wedding celebration and it was so much fun seeing family but I was so pooped when we rolled into our garage at 10:30 pm that night.  I did find out, however, that Target sells maternity pantyhose and that I can still squirm into pantyhose in the car while Todd's making multiple U-turns and cussing under his breath.  That's fairly impressive for 28 weeks pregnant, I think.

Sunday was filled with various church and family activities and while I am glad that we celebrate birthdays and people's lives in my family, I wish we'd all do it when we're ready to actually spend time around each other.  I don't think that I was the only one who was wanting to sleep through Sunday evening...and the atmosphere was tense.  I love my family, but I still think (5 days later) that maybe I should have just stayed home.  Hindsight = 20/20.

I was counting on Monday to be a shiny bright start to a shiny and productive week.  It wasn't.  Monday brought a failed glucose test and the knowledge that I get to test for 3 hours to ensure that I don't have gestational diabetes.  While I've been constantly reassured that even if I do it's "only for a couple of months" I am still a bit freaked out about it.  I mean it's MY body that this is happening to.  Plus, I love bread and pasta.  Aren't I paying enough prices for these kids?  Why do I have to give up bread and pasta?  I should find out more come next Monday or Tuesday...I tested all morning Thursday so the results should be in soon.

Tuesday resulted in us finding out that Jackson's arm, while healing quickly, isn't really healing super straight.  The doctor wants to see him again in a week and will look at the latest x-rays and decide if it needs to be re-broken.  How fun.  Jackson is a brave little man with much fortitude and strength.  However, he does NOT like needles, sedation, or being out of control.  I would almost rather hold him down while we "complete the procedure" than ask him to accept sedation or any kind of shot.  It's would be easier.  I'm not going to spend my time worrying about it because if it's all due to muscular pull, that bone could be straighter next week rather than crooked-er.  Crooked-er?  Really?  I'm going to pray that it's straighter, anyway.  Poor Jackson, he's been so brave and patient...he doesn't need an additional 2 to 3 weeks of healing time.  He needs baseball!

Wednesday was just crappy old Wednesday full of stuff for me to do and not enough time.  Plus, I never get any "down time" on Wednesdays.  It's always 90 miles an hour from 6:45 am until well into the wee hours of the night.  I hate Wednesdays.  Hate.  So that's all I have to say about that.

Thursday was ridiculous.  Not only was I at Davis Hospital getting poked and fed glucose far more than anyone would like, Todd sprained his ankle so badly that he's on crutches for at least a week and a half.  Seriously?  By the time I headed home at 12:40 pm to feed and put Logan down for a nap, I was ready to cash in all my chips and catch the slow boat to dream land.  No such luck.  The dogs, the horses, Todd, it was all crashing in and I have realized that, once again, I have managed to create an environment where I get to prove that I can "do it all on my own" even if I don't really want to anymore.  Don't get me wrong.  I have a lot of people in my life who are willing to support and love me.  However, sometimes they have lives of their own which take precedent to my dramas (which I do understand) and sometimes I don't tell people what I need, and sometimes life just freaking sucks.  Now, at a point when I am more tired and more sore than I have been with any pregnancy (thanks so much Father Time), I am responsible for most, if not all, of the manual labor in our home.  All of the things Todd does around here to handle the yard, the livestock, the boy management, are not an option for him while he's on one leg.  It's so GREAT!  (Sarcasm is just dripping off of that previous sentence.)  I know I get to ask for help and I know that I get to hold (and teach) Jeffrey as capable so he can help carry the load.  I am clear about it.  But what a lot of brain damage.  It's not my experience that I was lacking in my gratitude for Todd and all he does.  I do admit, I like how I do things better...because I am me, so duh.  However, I am grateful for what he does, even when he does it his way, and I miss that he won't be doing a lot of it here in the next few weeks.  I am hoping he heals well and quickly so that I am not (literally) breaking my back in the last month of this pregnancy.  We have a nursery to get ready as well.  Ugh.

Today is Friday and so far, so good.  Todd is back at work and is finding out if he'll be working at his drill weekend or not.  He isn't able to work the flight line, so I don't know if they'll have him attend.  I hope he's home with me.  I'd love to have a nice Saturday with him.  Jeffrey and Jackson are at school and I am listening to Logan eat his "Goo-loo" in preparation for his nap.  A Goo-loo is a burrito.  I don't know why...it just is.  I'm glad I know, so I can respond when he asks for it.  I intend to snooze while Logan does.  My belly and back are sore and I didn't sleep very well last night.  My heart is at peace though and that is a step in the right direction.

I am grateful for friends and family who teach me things.  I am also grateful for the wisdom of the spirit and what it imparts.  I have much to learn, but during weeks like this, I am reminded to persevere toward what happens next.  I firmly believe that once we are done with this phase of our lives, we will move on to a phase where we have magical powers and the horses are fed, the goats watered, and the children bathed with the snap of my fingers.  And the house cleaned, and the bills paid, and the blankets knitted, and the laundry done, and, and, and...

Winter is dying...spring is being born..and with her another Hardy.

It has been too long since I updated and so very much has happened.  I'm not going to go into minutia.  It makes sense to pick up here and move forward while summarizing what has led to this day and this point in my life, Todd's life, the boys' lives, and our family life.

Blogging is something that I think is a treasure and an important way to spend time.  It is a record or journal of our lives through the eyes of someone in the middle of it all.  Blogging is a legacy and an opportunity to give and to receive, an opportunity to teach and to learn, and an opportunity to risk and, subsequently, to grow.  I haven't been awesome about it, but the template is a starting point.  Whether I come back to the start several times (as seems to be the case) or one time, doesn't really matter.  It is viable each and every time and I am grateful that you are willing to share it with me.  It seems to be something that is infinitely valuable whether anyone else enjoys it or not...because it is a record that I keep and get to partake of, and maybe someday, it will serve those I have brought to be on this earth.  Either way, I am glad to be back at it today, it is nice...sort of like sinking into a warm bath at the end of a long and productive day.

I feel that this past year has been so productive.  We have been so busy with so many things.  As we are.  It is our nature.  None of us holds still for very long.  I would love to blame the seemingly endless vaults of energy in our children on their father but I have to admit, I am a busy-body of the first order.  Last May we were coaching baseball (Todd, myself, AND my Dad) for Jeffrey and Jackson and we had a great time and learned a lot.  We got Jackson ready for "real" baseball this year and Jeff knows he needs to prepare to pitch because he'll be going into "kid pitch" this spring with the 4th grade league.  I, however, will not be his coach as I am going to be having another baby this May...our first girl.  We are so excited and I admit that I didn't know how much I really WANTED a girl until I found I was having one.

There is something fulfilling about knowing that I will have the opportunity to participate in the uniqueness of being a "boy mom" as well as a "girl mom".  I love my boys and the rough and tumble ways they go through life.  Everything is physical and loud and active!  It is an invigorating way to live and not a moment is lost on half-way.  These boys teach me to go with what feels good and to revel in life's small victories rather than get caught up in how I am "feeling" all of the time.  They seem to have a perfect balance on experiencing everything and when I stop them to ask them how they "feel" about things, they have an answer for me every time.  Jackson has broken his arm again.  It's the other one this time (his left).  That's three broken bones for Jackie-Mack and he has told me that he "hates having a broken arm" and that I "shouldn't have let [him] go outside to play".  I know, however, that some lessons are learned "the hard way" and that Jackson, Jeffrey, and two other boys from the neighborhood have an opportunity to learn from this.  Not only can they learn what games to play and which ones NOT to play on the trampoline, but they can also learn how to behave when one of their own is hurt and needs extra help.  Jackson, in the meantime, is frustrated with one less arm and the prospect of 5 more weeks in that position.  Patience is a virtue and I can gladly say that the whole thing seems to have cured him of thumb-sucking for good.  Hallelujah!  My boys...ever physical and ever ready (maybe I should say Eveready).

Back to the girl thing...I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to have someone to give my wedding dress to.  Who would I coach and mentor on pregnancy, cooking, housekeeping, husband training?  I know I have things to offer my boys, and I know that they lie mainly in the realm of "good habits learned from mom" like pulling the shower curtain shut to dry, putting dirty clothes IN the laundry basket, and putting dirty dishes right into the dishwasher.  I, however, am not stupid.  I realize that one day they will all have wives and while their wives will never know and will never "have" what I have with each of them as their mother and giver of life;  I will never "have" what their wives will have with them and the only way I will ever be able to participate in their lives, once they have wives, will be if she lets me.  That means that Priority #1 when they meet "the one" is to respect her and make friends.  Otherwise, I will be pushed out, excluded, and doomed to watch from the sidelines.  That is terrifying, especially since one lesson I've learned so far is that I can't control other people or the choices that they make.  Will I get to participate in the wedding?  What about the pregnancies and child births?  What about the grandchildren?  It's all up to her...

But NOW I get to have a GIRL!  I am going to be MOM!  That's mom the Role Model.  Mom The Source.  Mom, the one who "did it with me and will teach me how to do it too".  I know this because I have a mom who is just such a Mom.  My mom has been so great to teach me all of the above and more.  A reliable and honest resource who has "been there, done that" and wants nothing more than for me to succeed and for my marriage to win and for my children to be happy, well-adjusted, contributing human beings.  My Mom has been more than welcome in all my bridal preparations, my fittings, my photos, my decisions.  My Mom has been in all of my delivery and postpartum rooms and is one of the very first to hold each child I give birth to, for as long as she wants.  My Mom gives me advice about my head-strong husband from a place of love, about my children's overwhelmed teachers, and my fears when there is vomiting and high fevers late at night.  These are the things that girls call Mom about...not always boys.  In fact, not often boys...they don't need to, their wife has a Mom.  So now, I shall become Mom.  This May.  I am SOOO excited!  She will be born sometime between birthdays.  Lily's birthday on May 12 and Rick's birthday on May 21.  She will be a birthday present due (but not born) on her Daddy's birthday and she will, I have no doubt, run the show around here.  Jeff and Jackson are SOOO excited.  They can't WAIT to have a little sister and I can see (because of age differences and pure cuteness) bonnets, tiaras, and tea parties in their futures.  I am sure that Logan will have some immunity to this cuteness since, at just over 27 months he will still be sporting a very healthy dose of his own toddler cuteness when she is born.  I do know, however, the power women have over men and I fear that in some ways, I will be the only strength in this home at times.  As for names, we have chosen one and I have let it slip to some of you.  If you know it, great...if not, you'll find out.

Jeff turned 10 in December and is amazing to watch.  He is super tall, super lean, and super smart.  He is testing for an accelerated learning program this next month and will be accepted into a gifted and talented school this fall.  He will be changing schools and friends but he isn't worried.  He is so gregarious and confident that a change like that isn't a big deal because, as he says, "home doesn't change and that's what really needs to stay the same".  He is a ton of help around the house and often provides peace and quiet when his brothers would rather fire it up.  I appreciate his influence, when he decides for it to be positive.  When Jeff decides to be wild however, I am nearly at his mercy.  I have to remove everyone from the situation and create a new moment.  That is his sway with his brothers and he will either lead them to Heaven or to Hell.  He's a good boy, so I'm pretty sure it will be Heaven, but there may be some rest stops along the way...

I am in love with him.

We lost a few cats this year.  One to FIP, a nasty disease that ruined her liver and gave her not much of a chance.  The other isn't necessarily dead but could be...he's at least on walkabout...we hope to see him again soon.  We still have Levi who is needy and cute and mousing away.  Bless him.  We lost a chicken as well.  I'm not sure if she was sick, old, or too cold or if they just hauled off and chicken-massacred her.  Chickens are evil and violent creatures...you never know when they'll turn on you.  Be mindful of turning your back on chickens.  They are stupid and slow but they are NOT innocent.  Our dogs are still faring well.  Quincy has some unknown "mass" in his chest but it doesn't seem to be bothering him and the fact that he is old and arthritic releases him from a "workup".  We figure he's earned a quality of life in his old age and that we'll take what we can get and provide him with a humane ending when it is time.  Heck, it could be something he's always had so it may not be anything that will bother him ever...but now we know about it and so we treasure every day with our dear "first born child" Quinn.  Daisy is going strong and mentoring our current foster dog "Maggie" who is looking for a forever home.  If you find yourself needing a spunky and sweet golden...here she is!

 

The horses, goats, and other critters are all just fine and dandy.  We may add a "younger" horse to the herd this summer, but it's way too soon to even chat about that.

Todd's still working at the A-10 Depot support on Hill AFB and is happy as a clam.  I'm still placing veterinarians when I have time, managing the Cub Scout Bear den in our ward, and managing this family's crazy schedule.  Jeff played football again this year with Todd and my Dad as his coaches.  Their team was the 3A region champions and lost in the semi-final game before the bowl game for their age group.  Jeffrey played serious-scary linebacker again and added tailback to his resume.  He had touchdowns this year from returned kick offs as well as from caught passes.  It was a wonderful season...

 

Both Jackson and Jeffrey wrestled this winter and had a great time.  They were invited to participate in the "invitation only Freestyle club" at Fremont High school but we decided we all needed a break in the action.  As I said, sports will pick up again this late April/early May with baseball.

Logan is growing by leaps and bounds.  Fully two years old now, he is indomitable and a complete contributor to rabble-rousing and wrestling by sneak attack.  He "hurts" his brothers often now, they are finding that rough begets rough and that after he has his howl and his "kiss better" he's coming back to deliver paybacks.  He is scary-smart and so we've decided he needs to potty train before his sister comes.  We'll see how it goes.  He makes all kinds of connections in every single thing and recognizes all kinds of relationships between parts A and B.  He regularly amazes me.  Every single time he is present at an ultrasound or sees an ultrasound picture he says, in a tiny little baby voice, "So cute!  So, so cute!" and yesterday, as we saw our baby girl yet again on ultrasound, he said, "That's just crazy."  I'm not sure he gets what he's saying but why else would he say it?  It amazes me.  He totally high-jacked Family Home Evening earlier this week.  As Todd got up to finish our meeting and close the lesson, he got up and stood next to him, folding his arms, and mumbling every time Todd tried to talk.  Occasionally he'd yell a legible word like "Pray!" or "Jesus!" and there were lots of throat-clearing noises punctuated with "Ummm".  I was crying I was laughing so hard.  What a kick.  His second birthday was so much fun.  We kept it sort of mellow but it was just right and he was SURE he was king for the day...we had no problem celebrating his life.  He is a blessing to all of us.

Our lives are full of minutia and details that are so important each and every day but that would take forever to tell, so I will leave it out for now.  I am sure that any blanks will be filled as I take this on again and again.  I do so hope that this isn't a "false start" and that I continue rather than stop and start again.  I don't even really feel like my brain belongs to me right now...this girl is the boss of most everything that isn't already spoken for.  I am not willing to make any promises.

Life is so full of so much.  I am amazed at how full every single day is.  Not just "stuff to do" either.  So much emotion, so much up and down, so many blessings, wins, triumphs, and victories and so many losses, sadnesses, concerns, and worries.  Everywhere there are lessons.  Everywhere there is some way to push harder, face-up, become better, grow, and pursue.  It is never-ending.  In fact, I find, that even though I am tempted to avoid "reality" and resist the not-so-nice lessons and experiences of life...they are worth it.  With numbness to the "bad news" comes missing out on the good and it is not worth numbness to miss the amazing things Logan does and says every single day.  Nor is it worth helping Jeffrey rank up in Scouts or read at an 8th grade level or master long division.  Nor is it worth the random and periodical opportunities Jackson gives me to "snuggle" or the chances I have to listen to him read big words he didn't know last week and answer questions he has about nature and biology.  I hate debt and frustration and emotional let downs.  I don't like being used and abused or watching my loved ones go through the same.  I dislike worrying, hardship, and sore hips and backs...but such is life and with it, exquisite learning, love and growth.  Thank God for all of it...

There are things and then there are THINGS!

So, in the last month, there have been doings. Many, many doings. And goings on... (note: I wrote this June 6th or something and forgot to post it, sorry...a newer post will be coming along soon).

Todd came home from Texas on May 1st. We were so excited to have him back! We still are, actually....

In addition to his coming home, he brought with him some great news. He has landed an IMA (full time reservist) job at Hill AFB with the A-10 Depot (A-10 SPO) working to make sure that each and every A-10 in the entire Air Force fleet (that's about 390 jets folks!) are uniform in terms of their software, navigation, displays, GPS, etc, etc. This is a really big job and a great opportunity. He only has the job funded for the next 120 days (think early October) but it looks like days will be added and added as funds come available following this fiscal year until he's either a permanent military addition or a permanent civilian addition. How proud I am of him to know what his calling is in life, to feel so guided and blessed in what he does, and to be so committed and happy while he does it. If has been said, to follow your bliss...Todd does best when he follows his. I got to spend about an hour with four-star general Hoffman's (commander of Air Force Materiel Command) wife a few weeks ago talking about what things are "really" like for those of us in the lower levels of the Air Force. While I'm not sure she'll get to do much about any of it, I'm impressed at her willingness to listen and to do what she can. It is women who support their families and communities and who work hard to turn their "position" as the spouse of a leader into leaders in their own right who I admire. I know that if the world were full of such bravery, it would be a safer and cleaner place. Where do you get to own your leadership?

The boys are right smack in the middle of baseball season. Todd and I are coaching their teams with the much needed assistance of my Dad Bruce. Todd took on Jackson's t-ball team and has a great time yelling, "Run, no, that way! Now, stop!" and "Catch it, okay don't all jump on it! Now, throw it to first base. No, that way!" every Tuesday and Thursday.

I have to admit, Jackson is pretty bored with it. He's ready for coach pitch and is biding his time until next year. My dad and I have resumed our dream team coaching staff as we work to coach Jeffrey's 3rd grade machine pitch team. We have so much fun working on teaching these boys "the fundamentals" of America's Favorite Pasttime. Honestly, they don't really know much. There are a few boys who have obviously spent some time "having a catch" with Dad but, for the most part, they are babes in the woods. What we teach them will be long remembered and, heck, we're winning most of the time. So, I can't really think of a better way to spend this early summer. Jeffrey is loving baseball (now that he understands it and knows how to "be a hero"). Baseball ends in two weeks and we will have a VERY short break before football kicks off at the end of July. We're going to enjoy our weekday evenings and our weekends until then.

I got spoiled rotten on Mother's Day and feel so blessed to have such an appreciative husband and gaggle of children. The biggest presents were the boys...who've come in succession, 1999, 2003, and 2008. I am truly rich in love always. Todd's birthday was May 22nd and we video gamed, enjoyed the kids' field day at school, had breakfast and lunch out, and enjoyed X Men Origins: Wolverine, that evening. Todd always gets some awesome movie for his birthday. How cool is Hollywood to him?

Todd went to their first "Father - Son Campout" with the ward on May 13th at City of Rocks in Idaho. They had so much fun hanging out with all the awesome dads and kids (of all ages) of our ward. We live and worship with an awesome crew of people and I'm so grateful Todd and the boys feel at home with them and enjoy spending time with them. They created forever memories and I'm so grateful that Todd is a Dad who is not only willing but excited to create such experiences for his boys. The neighbors boys caught a passel of lizards and instilled them around the neighborhood when they got home. I hope they aren't too out of sorts in our garden. I hope they can stay away from the cats as they settle in...

We managed, shortly after my last post, to find a forever home for our foster dog Roxy. We now have "Louie" who is looking for a forever home. He's had a rough time of it. He's been a little abused and is afraid of the mischief he often finds himself in the middle of. He's happy to have other dog friends who respect him and a home full of people with love and soft hands...he'd be even happier in a home where he would be king of the hill. Louie struggles with seasonal allergies and is 10 years old. But he's a young 10 and loves to play fetch. If you can think of anyone who might want a good buddy...send them my way. Louie is a great dog and is ready for his home. We want to help as many dogs as we can, and we can only help one at a time...so the sooner we find Louie the perfect home, the sooner we can help another dog who is waiting to be out of the rescue kennel and into our warm environment.

The boys' last day of school was May 29th this year. They are home now. We have to get out once in a while and enjoy summer. If only this rain would stop...

Now, those are all of the "things" that I mentioned at the beginning of my post, ...now for the THING that happened this past month...

Lily Mei Solomon was born on May 11th at 7:03 pm and weighed in at 7 pounds 9 ounces (same as our Logan) and 19 inches long. What a beautiful and delicate face she has with a head full of sweet black hair. Lily came into the world to such a happy pair of caregivers in her mom and dad, Jeff and Jen. Jeff and Jen are smitten and will forever be changed. It is so much fun to see them fall into this role that they are so prepared for. I know that they sometimes doubt whether they are up to the task, but they are great! I watch them and am so impressed at their wisdom, patience, and intuition. They make it look easy! Jen was such a trouper during delivery and Jeff was a great coach. We got to see her shortly after her birth and she just hollered and hollered as everyone fawned over her sweetness. Once I saw her fingers and toes I knew she just HAD to be a combination of these people. With Jen's delicately beautiful face and Jeff's long LONG fingers and toes...her parenthood is obvious. I try to see her once a week (at least) and to be there to spell when I can. Anytime I get around her is precious and I am so happy for Jeff and Jen, they truly deserve such a miracle.

We spent last weekend at Hill AFB's air show enjoying the Air Force, it's accomplishments, it's mission, and it's prowess and I know that Todd and I got to revisit our own "new to the Air Force" awe as we watched our boys goggle from underneath the wing of a C-5 as the dogfighter planes flew overhead. We had so much fun reacquainting ourselves with what we've known and loved for years and, can I just say, it's nice to be back in the fold. I'm sure we have many adventures ahead and I'll have to make sure we keep you posted. Have a great summer and stay tuned, I'm sure there will be adventures galore!

Much love to you all!

Saffron goes to Rainbow Bridge and Babysteals.com comes through to save the day (again).

This gets it’s own post for several reasons. One of the biggest March events was the loss of our sweet dog Saffron. Now, while it seems like I’m teeing you up for a super sad post and a whole lot of grief, hang in there for one of the sweetest things that has happened to me this year. It seems that when we lose things that we love, we manage to be surrounded with some of the sweetest things that life has to offer in the face of our loss.

Mid-March, our 9 year old Golden Retriever Saffron was looking at 3 months of fighting sores on her skin that just weren’t healing. I was realizing that the “beginning of the end” had arrived and that I needed to watch her closely. I was afraid, but I’m not 100% sure, that her chronic hystiocytes had become cancerous and thus would not heal. However, she was still happy, still eating, and still, ultimately, Saffy. We decided that we would just take things one day at a time and that we would enjoy every minute we had with her until we knew it was time to let her go. After about a week and a half, Saffron started to avoid eating. She snorted and snuffled and wasn’t breathing easily through her nose anymore. Mouth breathing isn’t really an option for dogs. You probably think dogs mouth-breathe because they pant, but they don’t. For dogs, panting isn’t breathing, it’s air conditioning. We knew she wasn’t doing well. I tried a new round of antibiotics and beefed up her steroids but it wasn’t helping. We knew we needed to ready to let her go and then, she tanked in two days. Todd and I looked up and realized it was time. We made the decision and she was gone in 2 hours. It was so fast. While we’d been building up to it for a week and even, if you consider her illness, 7 years, it was very sudden. All of our plans went on hold. Everything got dropped.
Those of you who know me well know that the loss of one of my dogs feels the way I imagine it would feel to lose a child. I don’t mean to diminish the pain of losing of a child. I can’t even imagine losing one of mine. I don’t know what to say to explain, I can’t really, except that it is losing a member of the family. I love my dogs SO MUCH. They are so important to me. Saffron had been a member of our family since 3 months before we had Jeffrey! She was a long-timer. We would miss her dearly. However, I have told myself, life goes on. But I was having a hard time getting my crap together. I couldn’t seem to remember the errands I had to run. People who wanted to buy eggs were put off and forgotten, family was ignored, I wasn’t sleeping.

Meanwhile, my dear brother Jeff and sister in-law Jen are expecting their first and long-awaited baby girl on May 15th. This baby is to be celebrated after a long and painful infertility period of 6+ years and then successful invitro fertilization treatment last August. In my excitement to celebrate her arrival, I was preparing for her shower by making her burp cloths and hooded towels. I also found the cutest blanket sleeper on my friend, Jana’s website, which is babysteals.com. Jana and I went to high school together. I am so proud of what she has created! I didn’t really find it until about 6 months ago when I reconnected with her and, until recently, haven’t really seen anything that I NEEDED to “steal”. However, with the impending birth of this baby girl Solomon, her haute parents with their impeccable taste, and my love of blanket sleepers, babysteals.com saved the day! I was able to “steal” the cutest pink and brown polka dotted blanket sleeper (regularly $40 or something, only $13.50 on babysteals.com) to add to my homemade gifts for the April 4th shower.

I had managed to keep my “steal” even more criminally inexpensive by opting for “pick up”, thus avoiding shipping and being able to set up the opportunity to see, if not Jana, then her husband (also a high school friend) Eric by going by his office to pick up my adorable blanket sleeper gift. I had set it up with them via Facebook and was set to pick it up on March 25th, a Wednesday.

As it worked out, that was the day we had to put our Saffy dog down. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t even remember I was supposed to. The shower was quickly approaching; I didn’t have time to screw around. I couldn’t imagine not having that blanket sleeper but I also couldn’t seem to get myself together for another trip to Salt Lake before the shower.

The evening of March 25th, we got home from our trip to let go of Saffron and cried and cried. We fed the kids, put them to bed, and I settled down in front of the computer to check my email and my Facebook. Distraction computerized. I mentioned, in my status on Facebook, that I had put my dog down and, almost immediately, received so many loving thoughts and condolences from friends and family. I guess more people know about my “animal ways” than I had previously thought. I was so comforted.

One such message was from Eric Francis, my friend Jana’s husband. Jana of “Babysteals Mom” fame. Eric mentioned that he wondered where I was; he was going to message me to ask and, when he got online, he saw that I had put my dog down earlier in the day. He mentioned that he and Jana have a Golden Retriever like my Saffy and that he couldn’t imagine how sad he and his family would be if they had to say goodbye to their family pal. He mentioned what a good playmate their dog is and how their kids love him so much. I was tearing up all over again. Eric said that he knew we must be so sad and so overwhelmed. He said that he and Jana decided that I didn’t need to bother coming to get my blanket sleeper. That the least they could do to support me was to send it to me, free of charge, and that they hoped that it would help a little at such a sad time. I was so touched! How thoughtful that these, my friends from high school that I had connected with sporadically off and on, and had been so ingenious as to devise a business that brings beautiful quality baby items to needy moms worldwide at a “steal”, would remember our roots and reach out to me and make an effort that, while not very business-wise, was very heart-wise and would help me and my family at such a sad time. It may seem small, but it isn’t. It made all the difference and managed to extract even more tears.

I got my blanket sleeper two days later and opened it up to find the cutest item EVER! I wrapped it up with my homemade hooded towels and burp cloths and took it to the shower. It was a hit! In fact, my SIL Jen was telling me just last night that she thinks it will be a great thing for the baby to ride home from the hospital in. Not too much, not too little for spring weather, just right! Among the other things people did for us in our grief were to send lots of loving messages and phone calls, a bouquet of a dozen colorful roses, and some handmade frames for the boys to put her picture in so that they will always remember her.

I picked up Saffy's ashes a few days ago. The tears flowed again so freely as I thought about how we’ve missed her spirit these past weeks and how it is amazing that her once bouncy and beautifully red body fit into such a small box. We will never forget her. In her memory, we now open her “spot” in the family to foster golden retrievers who are looking to be adopted through Utah’s Companion Golden Retriever Rescue. A week after sending Saffron over “Rainbow Bridge” we took in “Roxy” who is a 10 year old Golden with more spunk than most puppies have. She is learning rules, getting lots of love, and waiting for her forever family. When we find a home for her, we will take in another, and another, always filling Saffron’s “spot” with compassion, love, and patience for a dog who didn’t have the family that Saffron got to have until we are able to find one who does.
I am so grateful for the Francis’ love and compassion to help me get my “steal” on time for the shower despite the sadness I was experiencing. I realize that it really doesn’t seem like much but it is something I will always remember. I also find that I am more eager to learn about the daily steal now. Maybe in hopes of being able to give back to them by supporting their business while keeping the babies in my life outfitted and supplied with the best items available to steal on the web every day at 9:00 am MST. Check it out, http://www.babysteals.com/

Happy birthday Babysteals.com and thanks to Eric and Jana for being great, compassionate, and understanding friends at such a sad time in our lives. May your Golden Retriever have lots of years left to romp with the kids and shed in your home.

Parenthood, gardening, and schtuff...

Hello Everyone! It's been forever and that's so unforgivable. I've been super busy. Too much to say or do in one post, yet an attempt at an update is warranted.

Todd's been in Texas for almost all of April. He comes home this Friday, May 1st, and I think his plane lands at 11:30 pm or something. Slumber party in the car! I better make sure we're stocked up on Spongebob movies and juice for Jack. Todd's been doing some training for his new job with the Air Force Reserves as the Operations Officer for the 419th AMXS here on Hill AFB. I think if we lined up all the training Todd has had for jobs with the Air Force, it would be taller than 18 semi trucks stacked on top of each other. He's worth millions to them at this point. I would think...

Being a single mom isn't all it's cracked up to be. I have no idea how "they" do it! I truly deliver my respect. I have thought a little bit about this and I know that, to some degree, it's about bucking up, not giving up, taking things one day at a time, and realizing that failure is not an option. I've definitely been applying all of those principals this last month. Even when I wanted to cry "UNCLE!" because yard work was inevitable, I made it happen. I also think my kids have "two parent syndrome". This is a good syndrome to have. Don't get me wrong. They deserve to have "two parent syndrome". I'm grateful I could give it to them. "Two parent syndrome" is a syndrome that is derived from a child having an "intact family" where they can take for granted that all things adult (and even some things not) will always be handled by one parent or the other at any given time. This is because both parents are regularly on the spot and have their "personal" stuff handled to the degree that they are "on top of" the family as a unit. Now, just because a family is "intact" doesn't mean that their children will end up with this syndrome. I think it only happens when both parents are actively involved with the children, the household, and all other family dynamics on a regular basis. Who knows? Maybe my kids have an especially "severe" case because their dad has been around a lot more than the average dad this past year plus? It's just a theory people. Ultimately, my point is, that my children do not behave like the children of a single parent. My children are a little bit "spoiled" because they just spend most of their time being kids. They don't worry about helping unless they are asked to. Unless something has become drilled into them as a habit (i.e. my kids make their beds every morning right after breakfast because they've been hounded so much about it, it has become routine) they don't think to help or assist unless they are asked. If you combine this with my ridiculous lack of talent in asking for assistance you have one wiped out mom and three confused and helpless kids. So, what we've been working on this month is helping them learn to be aware of their environment. I've been working with Jeff to realize when something "extra" needs to happen. He's learning to look up and realize that the baby needs juice or the dogs need to eat and I can't be expected to ask him to handle it because I don't know about it or because I'm otherwise occupied. I think that children of single parents are a bit more independent. They tend to realize that their one parent can only do so much at one time and so they either develop extreme patience (not a trait of my kids) or they develop the ability to take care of themselves (to a degree). As I said, it's just a theory. But I realize that if we were this way (sans Todd) for the long term, my kids would get to shift. They would get immediate occupational therapy for their "two parent syndrome" and they would become more mobile, more self-starter-y, more independent. The thought, while comforting, is also terrifying. Anyone who knows Jeffrey knows that he would be hell on wheels were he more independent.

Other activities this past month plus are that Logan has developed, along with the ability to run and climb, an extensive vocabulary. He's now saying the following: "mommy", "daddy", "monkey", "dog", "Jack", "Je-ree", "kitty", "more", "yum yum", "bird", "horse", "bye bye", "night night", says "gook!" for drink and food, and makes monkey and kitty noises. He's also giving kisses with a "smack!" and blowing kisses when he says bye bye. He's wonderful! What can I say? His "Crazy Larry" hair is back and I need to cut it. I'll get around to it before Todd comes home. Maybe this afternoon?
Jeffrey tested in the top 10 percent in the NATION in Social Studies on the IOWA test. What a smart cookie! I'm so proud of him. He's unstoppable. Jackson just got an award for reading 200 books this year at school(and we've still got a month of school left). He's one of the top 3 readers in his class and we're so proud of how hard he's worked to learn and grow this year in Kindergarten. It seems that, considering their performance at school, my method of less television and video games is working. Hmmm, good to know.

My yard is rockin'. As soon as Todd's insurance settlement comes in, I can complete the project and finish the easement and rubber mulching but it's nearly there! I planted 250+ bulbs last fall and they are coming up so cute! My cherry trees are rocking and so beautiful with their flowers. The Forsythia are gorgeous this year and my flowering crabapple tree popped blooms this morning. My perennial garden is going to be amazing this year because everything is mature now. The little Killdeer family is back this spring, making their nest in my burm and raising their brood. I love them so much! I am loving all of it! It reminds me how much God loves us. If He didn't, we wouldn't have such rocking biology!

Easter was short and sweet. We participated in the Easter Egg hunt at Hooper Park. It started at 9:00 am and ended at 9:05 am. Jeff and Jack got tons of loot, of course. Logan was hilarious. He took off to "hunt" and just sort of wandered around. At some point, after passing many pieces ofcandy and a few colored eggs, he found "it" because he stooped down and picked up a tiny green tootsie roll fruit roll. He dropped his basket and took off. It was if that is what he had been searching for his whole life. At that point, the hunt was over. He did, later, pick up a small leaf and put that in his basket. He didn't "need" anything else. What a man.

Todd's parents came up for a few days and we had lots of fun with them. They took the boys golfing and spoiled us with some dinners out and "Monsters Versus Aliens". It was very helpful and a lot of fun! I am grateful for their support.

This next week will be my last as a "single" mom for a while. I'm glad. I'm tired. While we've all survived, there is no reason to believe that we need to continue to do it and I'm certainly clear on the reason for the Lord's plan with regard to family. I love Todd. I am grateful he is such a great husband and father and I wouldn't trade him. Not for the single life and not for anyone else. He's mine, I'll keep him. I am grateful for the work he has with the Air Force. I know he loves it and that he feels like he's completing some of his purpose by being able to serve our country. I am grateful for the income and the stability the Air Force provides. I am willing to pay the price of being an occasional single mom so that we can have those things. I just don't want to do it anymore RIGHT NOW. Give me a few months to get my feet back under me again, then we'll talk.

I love you all and hope you're well!
HUGS.

Winter Doldrums...or not.

Hello, hello everyone.  While it's been more than a week, it is less than two and so I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better (go ahead, think Monty Python, that was my intention).  There just hasn't been a whole lot going on this past week and a half.  I guess that isn't completely true.  Just not much picture-worthy, not much exciting, not much astounding.  We've been living along though, and with life, has come growth, experience, and something new every day.

Last week was a busy one.  Todd was working, working, working.  Over the weekend (prior to Valentine's weekend), he was full-time Captain Hardy at work with the 419th Maintenance Squadron here on Hill AFB.  The base was having a readiness exercise and it's a lot of work when you're martialing active duty guys around who work with their equipment and status every day of the work week.  Imagine, preparing guys to deploy to war when they only think about the military 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year!  While I'm sure that these guys and gals would be great in an active theater...getting them there is another story.  They aren't used to having their equipment prepared, their records updated, or their bodys in the right place at the right time.  Todd was ready to blow a gasket every time I talked to him all weekend long.  It wasn't just the reserve troops he was struggling with either...the active duty folks were making things doubly difficult because they are used to having immediate access to all military personnel whenever they want them.  Apparently reserve folks aren't always that accessible.

All in all, he was a great leader and got things done.  However, it wasn't without some yelling, goose-stepping, and threatening.  He didn't have the nickname "Ray Liotta" in Basic Training for no reason.  In addition to his UTA work on base, Todd has been pouring, shooting, and testing body and vehicle armor for the newest Phoenix Alloys project.  They are working with two big armor contractors to land sales contracts or maybe, even limited partnerships, to work this armor.  This stuff is pretty amazing.  It's stronger (by far) and a third lighter than anything our military and/or law-enforcement personnel are using right now.  We are anxious to get it out the door and into practical use.  Not just because of the money it will bring in, but ALSO and EQUALLY important are the lives it could be saving this very day.  Keep your fingers crossed and say your prayers...this stuff is miracle stuff, I'd love to see it get out there on our real life heroes.

Todd, Jeff, and I all had the (in)famous Blue and Gold Banquet last week.  With Todd as Cub Master, me as Bear Den Leader, and Jeff, our token scout, it was a family affair.  I had no idea how much time and attention it would occupy.  Luckily, my mom and dad watched Logan and Jackson while we scurried around, decorated, and ran the thing.  We had so many big to-dos that night!  Four boys received their Arrows of Light, not to mention plenty of awards in the Bear and Wolf dens.  Thankfully, we had lots of help from the other cub scout leaders and from some parents.  At the end of the night of "Presidential Celebration and Learning", we knew a lot more about our past and current presidents, had bellies full of lasagna, garlic bread, and salad, and a bunch of happy scout families.  Can I just say I'm so glad it only happens once per year?  What an ordeal.

With Todd running around like crazy working several jobs (how many does he even have now?), I was re-living my days as a military wife/single-married mom.  Only, I never did do that job with THREE kids.  Three is hard.  A lot harder than two and vastly harder than one (not even in the same ball park).  As a friend of mine once said, "When you have three kids, you switch from man-to-man defense, to zone."  No kidding.  I have two eyes, two ears, two arms, two legs, two hands...when what I really need is NOT three but at least five of each!  These boys are all over the place all at the same time.  It has been an adventure but not one I wish I could change.  I am growing into a better mother (I hope) and have spent a lot of each night evaluating how to be a better parent.  It is going to require my growth and adaptation as our family makes this next transition with Todd gone most of the time.  One thing is for sure, Jeffrey is going to have to step up and be the oldest (and most helpful) child.  I do enjoy watching him embrace his role as biggest brother.  He is a mother hen to Logan. He follows his around way of his risk-taking and

worried about catastrophe.  He enjoys watching Logan learn new things and develop new skills but he's just certain that each risk he takes will be his last.  As a result, Logan refers to Jeff as "No No!".  That's what is always coming out of Jeff's mouth at him, "No, No Logan!"  I think it's really funny.  Jeff walks in the room after returning home from school and Logan smiles and yells, "No No!" and points at Jeff.  Snicker, snicker.  The joys of parenting abound.

As far as Logan is concerned, Jackson's name is "Jack!"  Both brothers have earned exclamation marks after their names.  That is how Logan says them.  His two big brothers, "Jack!" and "No No!"  We also have "Da!" (Dad), and "DoG!" (the dogs) who also often get told "Go!" when he says their names.  As in, "DoG!  GO!"   Shouting all the way.  He is now asking for more of any snack or drink by saying "Mmmmoe" which I think is adorable.  We have been working on that for a while in order to curb the screaming he WAS doing.  Some times he screams a little and then remembers and says, "Mmmmoe".  No exclamation.  "Mama" doesn't have an exclamation either.  I prefer to believe that is because he has tenderness in his experience of me.  Just let him have it.  Let me have it.

Logan is walking.  He doesn't walk ALL of the time, EVERYWHERE but he does really well.  He can walk several dozens of steps at a time, catch his balance, and change direction.  He has trouble when his giant head gets behind him and sends him onto his bottom.  Most often, whether he walks depends on how safely he wants to get to where he's going.  He's equally fast at crawling and walking, but his walking style is pell-mell and results in occasional big crashes.  His walking, however, is becoming "more controlled" and it won't be long before crawling goes the way of the dinosaur for him.

Both Jackson and Logan were sick last week.  After fighting off a cold (colds?) for more than two weeks, we had two sleepless nights, lots of sadness, and one fed-up mom.  I took them to the doctor on Friday last week and good ol' Doc Eberhard determined that Jackson had an ear infection, a sinus infection, and a bronchial virus.  Logan had infections in BOTH ears, a sinus infection, and RSV.  Needless to say, we filled the Amoxicillin and spent Valentine's Day, President's Day, and the Sunday in between, at home.  Jackson was pathetic.  He didn't even care that he missed his first Valentine's Day party at school.  Jeff brought his Valentines home for him and he spent the weekend reading (and eating) them.  He carried a particular Spongebob Valentine around all weekend.  How cute!  He loves Spongebob.  I guess that's okay?  Spongebob is weird but oh well.  They are both much better today and Jackson is outside with Jeff as I write this making a huge snowman in the massive amounts of snow we have been getting.    Logan is currently chasing "The Girls" (Saffron and Daisy) around the living room with a lawn mower walking toy my mom gave him for his birthday yelling, "DoG!  GO!"  Oh, they love it.  Trust me.

I have a new job.  It is something that is, I am sure, an answer to a prayer.  I have often felt frustrated this past year and a half at being a stay at home mom. I think that this is partly because of the years I HAVE worked out of the home and because I am uncomfortable not contributing financially when we really could use more.  I felt particularly frustrated earlier last week and then an opportunity fell into my lap as I met a dear friend for lunch.  I will be working for a company called My Veterinary Career

doing what we call "Match Making" for veterinarians and hospitals nationwide.  I will begin by helping the company recruit hospitals for us to take under contract.  Sort of a "let us be your matchmaker" kinda gig.  I have such a passion for the veterinary industry.  I have, as most of you know, worked in that industry for a great deal of my adult life.  I worked as a technician for nearly 7 years and have many long-term relationships with veterinarians across the western US.  I also have a very special sisterhood with a veterinarian on the East Coast.  The industry, while critical to so many of us in the US, is way behind schedule and is due an upgrade.  I will be working from home about 2 hours a day, 5 days per week, and will be able to make a significant contribution to the veterinary industry as well to my own sanity and our family's financial coffers.  I am really excited!  I will finish training this week and should be hard at it by next week.  I will have to update you on my progress.  If you have questions, you can visit the website at www.myveterinarycareer.com and I would be more than happy to answer them as well!  It is such an opportunity and, as I said earlier, an answer to a recent prayer.  Wish me luck!

Well, even though I said that not much was happening, you can see that there has been a lot going on.  This week promises more growth as Todd pours more metal on Thursday, enters negotiations with Winchester about the development of "non-lead shot", and prepares for another exercise on base.  I will continue my training with My Veterinary Career and will be the best mom I can, and the boys will be boys...I'm sure they'll do something raucous.  I will be hosting a bachelorette party for my friend Andrea this weekend.  We're planning some good clean fun, I'm sure to have more pictures next week.

Love to you all!