HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year and don’t forget to visit your local library! Look how happy it made me:

Bedazzled by Lights

It was a beautiful winter’s night when we drove up to Centerville to break bread with my brother and his family before we went to Temple Square for a night of perfectly placed lighting, gorgeous Nativities and the joys of finding parking in a torn up downtown.

 

We happily wandered the grounds with cousins and a very pregnant aunt (I didn’t tell her, but I packed some clean newspaper, hot water, dental floss and a wooden spoon, just in case…) enjoying the scenery, December chill and Christmas anticipation.

 

  As you can see in this last picture, Annie was a little tired. But what you don’t see is what has gone on behind the scenes of this lovely night. As we made our way to the main Nativity, where they retell the story of Jesus’ birth, we find ourselves in the back of the reverent crowd. Some of the kids moved up to the front to get a better view. I picked this bundle of cuteness out of her comfy seat so she can see the scene a little better.

That is when I noticed the smell. The smell of death and rot. I turned to my little dainty flower and said, “Did you make a poopy?” Just then, she decided to play “Improv” and ‘become like a cherubic fountain’. Once again, those damn diapers failed to hold what this angel could give it and fecal tainted urine shot from the top of her diaper all over the front of my coat. I promptly dropped set her on the ground and used all the strength in my body to not drop the ‘F-bomb’ in front of the Salt Lake Temple. Not that I would ever do that anywhere. EVER. I swear. I mean, I promise…

Guess what mommy didn’t bring…a diaper or a single wet wipe.

Guess what mommy smelled like….well, it wasn’t roses!

I did the only thing I knew to do. I picked up my soiled child and booked it for the nearest restroom. I feel bad for any woman that went to that bathroom for the rest of that night because what we left in there was unholy and demonic! (Note to self: pay a little extra tithing next week to cover the fumigating costs of that poor public bathroom!)

What I didn’t know is that my very shy and VERY pregnant sister-in-law, Catherine(who, amazingly enough, wasn’t crowning…yet…), was going up to complete strangers that just happened to be pushing a stroller and asking them if they had a diaper they could spare. I think she hit up four different couples before she found one! So, thanks, random stranger, you saved us that night, or at least covered my poor baby’s bum!

Unfortunately, Catherine couldn’t find any perfume or disinfectant for me so guess what I still smelled like! It was cold that night, too, so I wasn't about to take off that coat but I’m pretty sure those who passed me wondered what the bewitching scent was that I was wearing. With my added aroma and Lily’s lack of pants, I figured it was time to call it a night. But not before one more incredibly necessary photo op:

 

This is me being incredibly happy that I smelled like s@#! and the fact that Annie would NOT let us take a cutesy-poopsy picture of just the two of us.

  

This one turned out a little better because I was holding my breath, which helped, aside from the loss of consciousness afterwards, and holding Annie back with my foot as she screamed and begged to be by mommy.

We look totally happy and well adjusted don’t we?

*Side note: The coat has since been washed. Twice.

A year had gone by….

So Christmas was fabulous! How about yours? I think it was one of the best ones we’ve had as a family and I couldn’t be happier about it! We’ve just had a lot of fun family time. Maybe I’ll put up pictures….maybe I won’t…. we’ll see…

My husband found this app on Facebook where you can make a collage of your status updates through the year. I was reading mine and some of them were cracking me up! So I thought with the last few days of 2009 I would post some of them on here. If I bore you I totally understand but if I don’t I hope you get a giggle.

Here are some of my favorites from the beginning of the year:

Mindi:

• was Inaugurated President of her own fan club!
• Thinks motherhood is slap in the face, kick in the crotch fantastic!
• is pasty….
• is butt flexing
• Thinks ‘junk punching’ is hilarious!
• Wants love and world peace…and bacon….and a Diet Coke…
• Thinks Mother Nature is really PMS-y and is taking it out on us wee mortals! Someone get her some Midol!!
• Will not enable or be enabled anymore…unless you really need it or I want it!
• is trying to come up with something very personal and inappropriate to share with you. All I can come up with is…my foot hurts….I know…sad…
• is pretty sure she’s not as funny as she thinks she is…
• doesn’t have an ounce of motivation in her dainty, gazelle-like body…I am ready for my beverage, though…
• is so lazy I don’t think I can even finish typ
• My day is filled with rainbows and sunflowers.
• found true joy and happiness at Maverick…
• My daughter asked me the age old question: “Mom, is fartknocker a bad word?”
• thinks “wheat’ and “thins” means it’s okay to eat the whole box.
• is wondering if Merry Maids does pro bono work…

So, that was just up through May! I really need a life! I’m sure you are happy to know I will be sharing more with you this week! I know, you can’t wait! It’s funny to go back and read them because I can totally remember what I was going through or doing just from the few words or lines I wrote. You know what is really sad, though? I printed them out so I can pick some out a little easier and it was 19 pages! Holy moly, do I do anything else with my day? Apparently not? So what if I live my life through status updates! A girl’s gotta live for something, right?!

Christmas Miracle(s)

I have a small confession to make. 2009 has not been my favorite year. This year has really tested me and a have failed most of those tests. There has been a lot of crying and why me’s and just pure numbness. often, I have allowed our trials to overshadow the joys of this year. it always seemed like just as things were turning around, we’d get slammed with something new.

Now as I sit here, all I think think is how blessed we have been. We have had a handful of miracles in just a few short weeks that make me want to shout for joy! I honestly didn’t know how we would do Christmas this year and I really wondered how it was going to happen. On top of that, our car was having trouble, we had a antifreeze leak and it was apparent that there was something wrong with the heater coil. Basically, everywhere we went we left a funky rainbow spot and we couldn’t use our heater without the smell of burnt celery filling our car. ElRey was researching the part we would need to fix the leak and guess what, they didn’t make it anymore. We didn’t know what we were going to do. ElRey, being the mechanical genius he is, came up with a way to fix the leak. It took a few tries but it cost very little.

We still had the problem of having no heater and it was going to probably cost us $60-100 to get that fixed and we didn’t have it. In the process of trying to figure something out, the problem suddenly fixed itself. The heater started working without the celery smell. The problem simply went away! We are still in awe and very grateful!

We still had the problem of what are we going to do about Christmas. We had no extra money to make that happen this year. I feel like a fail my kids quite often and this was just an epic fail and it was killing me! Then around Thanksgiving, ElRey’s work gave us  a gift card to Walmart. The next pay check, another! I had enough that I could do at least something, it may not be big but there would be something under the tree! We even got sent another gift card in the mail from a secret angel! I have no idea who from but I was deeply touched by their anonymous kindness! The last big thing was ElRey got a generous Christmas bonus from work that we weren’t expecting (but hoping) to receive!

I hesitated even writing this because it seems to be all about money. But that seems to be our trial right now. We have healthy kids, happy marriage and friends and family all around us but money seems to be our big problem. This isn’t about the money, it’s about the kindness of God. He shows is in so many seemingly small ways that He loves us and is watching out for us. These have been gifts from heaven in a time they were very needed. I feel like this was something I needed to put out there to show gratitude and recognition of what has been given. I feel so blessed in my life and my heart is so full and I want to revel in it and share it with others!

On top of all this, my family is all living within a 20 mile radius and we haven’t had us all together like this in over 10 years! I also have some of the kindest, supportive and loving friends anyone could ever have! Some have moved or are moving but even though we are more than minutes apart, I know we will always have each other! I don’t know how I have been so lucky to have the these awesome people grace my life!

Okay, so my last miracle I will share, then I’ll quit crying and go finally take a shower! I passed math! Now, if that doesn’t prove to you that God exist, nothing will! My final grades were: C+(okay, so we can’t all be math geniuses!) and two A’s. Oh, that’s another thing! I took this Exercise Physiology class which is a biology credit, only to find out I took the wrong one and it didn’t count half way through the semester! Grrr….well, I appealed to have it count for my bio credit because the thought of actually taking a biology class makes me ill an they gave it to me! They are letting it count for my biology credit! If I can work out some transfer credits, I will graduate with my Associates Degree at the end of spring semester! Miracle indeed!

Yes, God treats me good!

I Belong to The Church of Jesus Christ

One of the wonderful things that happened this month was a baptism in our family. Audrey was baptized on December 5th and she was so excited! In our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe you reach the age of accountability at 8 so we don’t baptize our babies, the usual age is 8.

We are so proud of her. What a wonderful example she has been for her younger sisters!

As we went through the process of getting her ready, I was surprised at how much she already knew. She had an interview with our bishop and she had no problem answering the questions he had for her. I often worry if I am doing enough to teach her and help her recognize the Holy Ghost in her life and know the Gospel as well as she can at this young age. After her baptism and everything, I realized she knows and she tries to do the best she can. I had the epiphany that it doesn’t matter if you are 8 or 45 when you are baptized, you know very little about the Gospel. All you need is the confirmation from the Holy Ghost and faith that what you are doing pleases God. There is time after to learn more as we all are throughout this life and if we remain worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, he will help us learn and know truth. baptism is not something we do AFTER we know everything. Baptism is the opening of the windows of Heaven, showering us with knowledge and truth. We just have to be willing to receive it.  I know that Audrey is willing to receive it. I see it in her eyes when she talks about her baptism, when she gets ready for church and when we talk about the Gospel and Jesus Christ in our home.

  

It’s not everyday you get to be baptized with your BFF!

I know that I complain heavily about being a mom of girls or really just being a mom but I am very blessed! I don’t know what God saw in me that He was confident enough to send these beautiful souls to my care but I am humbled by this gift. These girls are a joy in my life and it’s moments like Audrey’s baptism that remind me of how truly blessed ElRey and I are as parents. I hope I can live up to what they deserve as a mom and an example. I fail often but somehow they still give me hugs and kisses and tell me they love me so I must be doing kinda okay.

After Audrey came out of the water (we baptize by immersion), Annie said, “Audrey! Are you okay?” If I had been near I would have said, “She’s more than okay! She’s better off than any of us here right now! Her soul is perfectly clean!”

Holy Cow It’s Christmas Already!

Well, if you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been around for a while. It just got to be too hard to do everything so it all fell to the wayside while I muscled through the last few weeks of school. This would include blogging, reading blogs, exercising, cooking, talking to my husband unless it involved crying-I always made time for crying, oh yeah, and being present in my children’s lives. I seemed to have plenty of time to stuff my face. Go figure. Get it?? Go figure?? Like my figure is going to Hell in a hand basket??? yeah….that’s not funny at all….pass the cookies…

Can I just say, I think it’s hilarious that a few of you thought that was my crack I posted a while ago! I love it! You know me so well! Maybe someday I will do what is expected of me-inappropriate partial nudity of yours truly- but for now I will leave it to the kids. Trust me, you’d know if it was me! I’m sure I would have a “Muffin-Top” WITH a thong involved, just to make it that much more comfortable for us all.

There has been many events this past month that I am excited to tell you about but some of them cannot be in the same post that I just created the above vision so I will wait on those. I do want to bring up a phenomenon that I do not understand.

Once a year something magical happens. Yes, that’s right all of our brothers and sisters who never leave their homes decide to leave the comforts of their caves to venture out for the month of December. It makes for a fun drive and an even more enjoyable shopping trip at Costco or our favorite place, Walmart. This is where they prove their awesome driving skills even more with a cart in a narrow aisle. Sure, it’s totally cool to completly stop and look at that Elvis snow globe and leave your cart in the middle of the aisle so NO ONE can pass you by so we can all enjoy the moment with you. Better yet why don’t you just cut across the busy aisle a nanosecond before I am right in front of you so I can attempt to stop my cart that is overloaded with Diet Coke, brownies, chips and the larger size of Calvin Klein’s because my butt is getting bigger and I don’t know why Christmas dinners for less fortunate families and Christmas gifts for all my neighbors. Then when I do get it stopped so I don’t run over you, you should stop and look at that new Sarah Palin book AND read the inside cover while I wait for you to move. No rush, I’ll wait.

The other day I was at Hell Walmart when I noticed a young couple smiling and giggling as they run about the store with birds frolicking about their love struck heads. As they looked at toys for no other reason than the girl was thinking “I bet he’s sooo great with kids! Look he’s looking at toys and he thinks that tea set is so cute! We’ll have at least 4 girls and he will spoil them and love them!” While he is thinking, “How long do I have to pretend I’m having fun looking at toys so she’ll make out with me?” All I could think was, “You’re on a date and you came here? On purpose?” All the while wishing I could climb to the top of this Walmart and dive off just to save myself the agony of..dun, dun, dun….the dreaded checkout line.

On any other day of the year these places are crowded and I have to deal with traffic but it seems as though from December 1st till Christmas day, the population doubles, nay, triples (did you notice I used the word ‘nay’?? School is totally making me smarter!)! I really don’t get it. I’m beginning to think either pod-people who deal in an underground city unknown to all of us come out shopping because even though they live in the sewers, they need bath gift-sets and Christmas towels, and stocking stuffers too, or it’s like the Wendover bus where people are shipped in from all over to do their shopping here.

I’m pretty sure it was the first one.

I give up!

 

Why is it no matter my effort to avoid this, this is what I see all day?

Either this child has too much crack or clothing designers need to rethink their patterns…

i don’t even have the energy or brainpower to come up with a title…or capitalize….

 

I’m tired. But it’s the Biggest Loser Finale and that is important stuff to stay awake for. School is killing me but I have one week left and maybe I can enjoy some blogging again…..after I sleep some…..

 

 

 

 

 

It’s kinda almost still Tuesday….kinda

So, I’m a little late! I sat here doing homework for about 6 hours straight so my bottom needed a little rest. So I sat on the sofa for a few hours. It’s always good to cross-train.

Click on the above Post it to join the fun!

 

      

Have a nice Tuesday. Or early Wednesday. Whatever.

This would be why ElRey and Mindi walk around like zombies all the time:

For weeks our youngest has been struggling with sleeping. She’s 2, she should’ve had this figured out a long time ago. For some unknown reason, she wakes up several times a night. I’m pretty sure she waits until she hears snoring and that’s when the screaming commences. Again.

Let me take you on a trip. A trip of our night life. Oh yeah, it’s hot!

12am: I am just getting to bed. Some nights I amaze myself (and ElRey) and get to bed by 10:30. By this time Elrey has usually been asleep for 2-3 hours at this point.

1am: I have finally dozed off and the screaming begins. One of us goes and gets her and *gasp* bring her into bed with us. All in an attempt to keep other small people sleeping and maybe get a little of that ourselves.

1:05am: The crying for water begins.

1:15am: I am laying in soggy sheets because the stupid piece of crap sippy cup leaked.

1:25am: A small foot in someone’s unmentionables.

1:37am: A slap in the face by a small hand.

2am: One of us takes her back to her bed (usually ElRey, because he’s pretty awesome).

2:15am: More screaming.

2:17am: A strong desire to put a fist through the wall fills our bedroom.

2:18am: Child is back in our bed.

2:25am: I am laying in soggier sheets because the stupid piece of crap diapers she wears can’t hold what she gives it.

2:26am: Swear words, the smell of urine and stale farts fill our bedroom. I will only claim the swear words willingly.

3am: Another attempt to put her in her bed(probably by ElRey again-I’m telling you, he rocks!).

4am: Again with the crying, dammit.

At this point I pretty much give up on sleep because I am desperate to get to the gym to get on with ‘damage control’ from the past couple weeks of debauchery. This is when I lay there thinking of how in the world am I going to take care of this:

And this:

And this room of fun:

And these cute things(I have an extra one for a couple days):

And all this (note the small hand getting in the way, a sign of how that may actually go…):

How much of this will be ingested to help me through it:

   

How much of this will be taken to keep that migraine at bay:

All without the aid of this, which died this weekend:

All because of this:

  

I know you are way jealous of my life. But it’s mine! You can’t have it! Now go get on with your rested life, I gotta get back to being a zombie.

TURKEYS RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! I will keep you safe….I promise…

 

It is that time again! I am beginning to think this is the only way to go for blog posting. Quick, easy and totally random. Just like me!

 

 

 

 

 

What are your Thanksgiving plans? I hope it’s a great one!

Piercings, sleepovers and staples

It’s been busy and crazy over here. The semester is winding down for me but the hissy fits seem to be escalating. The kids fear for their lives. Momma just might end up in the loony bin. But at least she’ll have an associates degree. It was funny, I was talking to my SIL last night and she asked me why I was going to school and Audrey said, “Because Obama told her to!” I do as I’m told.

With all this craziness, I decided it was time. Time for a piercing. Yes, I got my navel pierced and by navel I mean nipple. Yeah, I’m hard core. And by hard core I mean I took my newly 8 year old to have her ears pierced. I just wanted to gross you out. I’ll wait while you clean the vomit off of your keyboard.

Anyway, my first born turned 8 recently and to celebrate we did what I did for my 8th birthday-she got her ears pierced. The only difference is this time around no one passed out. I was very brave. And so was she:

I think those earrings were laced in speed or something-she was so hyper! We took her out to dinner just the 3 of us and it was a delight!

I was so excited because I was about to have some Chocolate chip cookie pie. It doesn’t take much to get me excited!

We then did the cheapest thing I could think of and yet have it still feel special-we allowed Audrey to invite 3 friends to sleep over. It may be the last one for a long time but it went really well. I had one girl say, “I wish this night would never end!” and another girl say, “I wish we could sleepover 2 nights!” There was more fun and giggling than there were sweet dreams but they had a blast and we all survived!

This last week, Lily was at a friend’s house when she fell off the coach and hit her head on the windowsill.

This picture doesn’t really do it justice, all I know is if I looked it in the eye, I would get a little woozy-especially when the doctor treated it like a Muppet while testing it’s depth. My baby got her head stapled but was a major trooper:

The next day she was back to her climbing, crazy and giggling self. She’ll get the staples out this week and I am not looking forward to that appointment!

I missed class last week because of that injury, I really could have made it even if I was an hour late and I am really wishing I had gone because while my professor was very understanding and let me email my homework to him, he also told me he would send me the review questions for this Wednesday. It’s Monday night and I haven’t received anything. I have emailed other students, I have emailed him twice, called his cell phone and I am officially in panic mode. It takes me a week to work on these reviews. So, pretty much I want to run screaming down the street and finish off with pounding my head against the wall. I’m sure chocolate would help, too.

Needless to say, I've been very fun to be around today. I am restless and antsy wanting to do something and yet not knowing what to do. So I am sitting here rambling into the blogger universe, boring the masses, or at least 3 people, counting myself.

There is something that makes me very happy. This past week I ended up with almost '50 ‘followers’ on this blog! I don’t know how it happened, or how I duped you all into thinking I’m cool (especially how often I talk about my Rule as Queen of the Dorks) but I am flattered! I may not know how I will pay my mortgage but I have a few new followers and that makes me smile! Thanks for coming by!

Minor Update:

I finally heard from my professor-no test Weds! The review is the test! Sweet mercy, he really is a rock star!! I'm so happy, I'm gonna go make-out with my hubby! And by make-out I mean read scriptures with him....