MRI update

Sorry the follow up is late.  I often have a rough few days after my MRIs with all of the anticipation and energy drains surrounding it.   For my MRI, I Felt like we got some good news and some not great news.  The good news is my scan looks about the same.  There is no new tumor "mass" that is visible.  Hurray for that!  I am continuing to experience an increase of seizures and they are changing a bit in the way they are manifesting.  We have Increased my medication but it has not been successful in controlling them.  They are really draining and disorienting. The doctor and seizurologist are concerned.  We will look at other medications or strategies to try to keep them at bay.  The electrical misfirings  that happen during a seizure can cause additional brain damage.   Coordinating my eyes and getting accurate basic relay to and from my brain has become more of a problem.   The Drs. say my left eye is not syncing up with my right.  This probably is one of the contributing factors to my very painful headaches that I have constantly.  Also this combined with my balance issues and memory struggles has me flotting around like a moth sometimes.  Bumping and running into things intermittently as I go.  Funny picture.  Not so fun to live though. As we talked with the oncologist about my symptoms he reminded us that there has always been tumor there and it is there now.  The tumor can change and shift in a microscopic level that would not be seen on an MRI but I would feel it.   So even through the scan looked good, it is likely that some minuscule tumor changes to the tissue around the surgical site are causing increased seizures and vision problems.  As the oncologist put it;  "it would only take a tickle within that lining for me to feel and sense changes.  It wouldn't be visible on the scan but is probably happening."  We can only do chemo and radiation so many times and for so long.  While using those strategies might slow whatever is happening we will have to save that card until later.  I don't want my body to weakened by those harsh treatments anyway.  I also want to not allow further brain damage and would like to preserve my sight.  I'm not sure how to do that.  It worries me.  I feel like if I work hard enough and smart enough I can rewire and strengthen connections.  I just need enough wiggle room to stay ahead of the damage. I am determined to find ways to make this work though.  I am learning more and more about health of the body, mind and spirit.   I am trying to learn more about nutrition.  I have pursued daily brain exercises.  Jason and I are meeting with some of the drs. At Progressive brain rehab to get some outside help and insight.   Honestly, each day is a struggle.  Sometime just really hard, sometimes scary.  But I have beautiful moments within those days and I treasure those.  Just as I treasure you, my family and friends. I get frustrated with life's challenges but Even if I don't happen to like life's circumstance I do love being here and having the opportunity to learn and grow and hopefully bring some joy and comfort to those around me.  I truly appreciate your prayers and gifts of love and service and friendship.  Thank you for being there and for caring.   ~Courtney

Just released my first single!!! The money earned will go towards my cancer care and hopefull future music. Support me by downloading the song and passing it on!

Jason wrote: "Courtney, her brother Clayton Pixton, and I have been working on recording and producing a lot of Courtney's music. This song is just the first finished one. we have many more on the way and will update as they become available. Thanks for all the support!"

Dreamer
http://cdbaby.com
Listen to and buy Courtney Pixton Atack music on CD Baby. Download Dreamer by Courtney Pixton Atack on the independent record store by musicians for musicians.

or buy it on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Dreamer/dp/B007KB1BX2

Here are the notes I put on the album on Cdbaby:

Two weeks after giving birth to my fourth child, it was discovered that I had a cancerous brain tumor. Two weeks later I had a piece of my brain, about the size of a large egg, removed from my right temporal lobe. That was two years ago. I'm now living with a terminal diagnosis and serious brain injury which affects virtually every aspect of my every day. Music has been my bridge to so many things; to my past, my recovery, my inner hopes and struggles, my happiness, and my health. I have been a musician all my life. I've performed since I was a young child, earned a bachelors and masters degree in music, and have worked as a professional singer, private voice instructor, and college music teacher.
There is no doubt that my involvement in music in the past is the reason I am as functional as I am now. Music spans both sides of the brain, and has taught mine to share functions between the two hemispheres. Thanks to this, I have not entirely lost those functions usually strictly associated with the portion of brain I had removed.
When I woke up after surgery, my first conscious effort was to search my brain to see if I still remembered my music. I do. Since then, it has been a key part of my recovery, and my most efficient way to express what I’m now going through.
This song, Dreamer, in part deals with some of my thoughts, heartache, and hopes as I came to grips with my current state. I hope you enjoy it.

Caden's new battle wound

Poor little Caden had a "collision" at school yesterday. His friends teeth with braces "collided" with his cheek! They apparently hit heads really hard. The placement just happened to be very unfortunate for Caden as you can see. He is such a tough kid. Not a single tear or complaint! This will be his fourth major head injury. He already has 3 scars on his face. For Halloween he was Harry Potter. I thought it was perfect! He already makes such a great Harry Potter with his look and I used an eye pencil to draw on a scar off of an existing scar that is lighting bolt shaped and everything. This new one was pretty jagged and icky but hopefully it will seal and heal well with minimal scarring.
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Quote of the Day

"When I accept that learning through trial and error and making mistakes is the way to wisdom I will see that failure is an Illusion."

Kids Fishing Trip

Jason took the kids fishing today. They went up to a trout farm in Oregon City. I stayed here while Joci was napping. They had a blast! We cooked up the 8 fish they brought home for dinner. The kids were so proud that they had "caught" dinner and I don't know that I have ever seen them eat so enthusiastically! ;) It was a great memory for all of them.

Joci is 2!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOCELYN!

Joci turned 2 on Wed. Oct 12th.

Photo courtesy of big brother Logan

one of my favorite quotes:

" Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain."