Due to the new LJ TOS, I've decided to stop cross-posting and go inactive here on LJ. I'm not deleting this journal, but I won't be updating it anymore either.
If you are still interested in hanging out, I can be found at musesfool @ dreamwidth, cacchieressa on tumblr, and of course, my stories live on AO3.
It's been a great run (fifteen years!), but I guess all good things come to an end.
*
If you are still interested in hanging out, I can be found at musesfool @ dreamwidth, cacchieressa on tumblr, and of course, my stories live on AO3.
It's been a great run (fifteen years!), but I guess all good things come to an end.
*
- mood:
nostalgic - music:Rogue One, A Star Wars Story
Opening day! Syndergaard on the mound! At least it's warmed up a little. I still think they should truncate the season a little at both ends, because playing the World Series in November is so dumb, but what the hell do I know? Anyway, it's spring, and a young person's fancy turns to baseball.
In other sports news, the Rangers held on and kept the Flyers out of the playoffs, which was mighty pleasing to me. I still don't see the Rangers going far - they could make it out of Montreal, but I don't see anything past that for them. It makes me sad, because I would love to see Lundqvist hoist the cup, but the window has closed so rapidly that I can't help but think he'll be another amazing player who never gets that opportunity.
In other, less fun news, I got my period this morning for the first time since November. Sigh. Restart the countdown clock.
Lastly, today's poem:
What the Dead Don't Need
by Faith Shearin
No need for shoes, of course, or closets full of empty
dresses. No need for the shade of trees or the approval
of parents and friends. They don't care about the objects
of this world: a new computer, a house overlooking
the sea. The place they occupy may or may not contain
a window to all they've left behind. We, the living, think
of them without knowing who or what they have become.
Ghosts? Dust? Butterflies? Wind? Other mysteries —
puberty, sex, childbirth — are the business of life, and
anyone can tell their story. On the matter of death: only
a closed box and the silence of earth or ashes. When my
daughter was small, my disappearance behind a blanket
or curtain seemed permanent. How could I exist if
I was not visible? When I returned, she was grateful:
laughter and kisses, her hand on the roots of my hair.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/921207.html.
people have commented there.
In other sports news, the Rangers held on and kept the Flyers out of the playoffs, which was mighty pleasing to me. I still don't see the Rangers going far - they could make it out of Montreal, but I don't see anything past that for them. It makes me sad, because I would love to see Lundqvist hoist the cup, but the window has closed so rapidly that I can't help but think he'll be another amazing player who never gets that opportunity.
In other, less fun news, I got my period this morning for the first time since November. Sigh. Restart the countdown clock.
Lastly, today's poem:
What the Dead Don't Need
by Faith Shearin
No need for shoes, of course, or closets full of empty
dresses. No need for the shade of trees or the approval
of parents and friends. They don't care about the objects
of this world: a new computer, a house overlooking
the sea. The place they occupy may or may not contain
a window to all they've left behind. We, the living, think
of them without knowing who or what they have become.
Ghosts? Dust? Butterflies? Wind? Other mysteries —
puberty, sex, childbirth — are the business of life, and
anyone can tell their story. On the matter of death: only
a closed box and the silence of earth or ashes. When my
daughter was small, my disappearance behind a blanket
or curtain seemed permanent. How could I exist if
I was not visible? When I returned, she was grateful:
laughter and kisses, her hand on the roots of my hair.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/921207.html.
- mood:
blah - music:The Only One I Know - Charlatans UK
I attempted a body balm yesterday with cocoa butter (+ beeswax and jojoba oil), and that stuff is not easy to work with. Also there's such a thing as smelling too powerfully like chocolate. Who knew? But it is nice and moisturizing, even if I probably wouldn't use it myself because the smell is overpowering. the people I'll give it to will hopefully like it.
***
Today's poem:
Newfane
by D. Nurkse
1.
How we loved to create a world.
Out of gray we made the pin-oak leaves
with their saw teeth and odd waxy sheen,
dry and matte to the touch, out of granite
we made the marriage house, and always
we added a flaw that we called fire
or time or the stranger.
2.
A drop of water on the lip of a jug,
trembling, trying to hold on
for another second to the idea of sphericity—
that was us, our nakedness.
3.
We worked to thwart our happiness
because it was so unexpected;
suffering tasted like our mouths.
4.
We had a flagstone path, a pond, four birches,
a dog racing in tight circles, helpless
against the dream of fresh snow.
In the future, that red Schwinn with training wheels
must find a way to pedal itself.
5.
World like a child who learned to walk
beyond our outstretched hands.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920879.html.
people have commented there.
***
Today's poem:
Newfane
by D. Nurkse
1.
How we loved to create a world.
Out of gray we made the pin-oak leaves
with their saw teeth and odd waxy sheen,
dry and matte to the touch, out of granite
we made the marriage house, and always
we added a flaw that we called fire
or time or the stranger.
2.
A drop of water on the lip of a jug,
trembling, trying to hold on
for another second to the idea of sphericity—
that was us, our nakedness.
3.
We worked to thwart our happiness
because it was so unexpected;
suffering tasted like our mouths.
4.
We had a flagstone path, a pond, four birches,
a dog racing in tight circles, helpless
against the dream of fresh snow.
In the future, that red Schwinn with training wheels
must find a way to pedal itself.
5.
World like a child who learned to walk
beyond our outstretched hands.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920879.html.
- mood:
lazy
It's National Poetry Month again, which means a month of posting poems that I like and hope you all don't hate (also on tumblr, and I generally try not to duplicate what I post each day). I can't believe I've been doing some form of this since 2005! So let's start:
Bread
by Linda Pastan
"It seems to be the five stages
of yeast, not grief,
you like to write about,"
my son says,
meaning that bread
is always rising
and falling, being broken
and eaten, in my poems.
And though he is only half serious,
I want to say to him
"bread rising in the bowl
is like breath rising in the body;"
or "if you knead the dough
with perfect tenderness,
it is like gently kneading flesh
when you make love."
Baguette . . . pita . . . pane . . .
Challah . . . naan: bread is
the universal language, translatable
on the famished tongue.
Now it is time to open
the package of yeast
and moisten it with water,
watching for its fizz,
its blind energy–proofing
it's called, the animate proof
of life. Everything
is ready: salt, flour, oil.
Breadcrumbs are what lead
the children home.
~*~
In other news,![[tumblr.com profile]](https://imgprx.livejournal.net/4f4ccc44a3149a084737c2c4cb8336006f56c18433253403835600e32d7492e1/P2WlxyVijxKgg2Fo88hRWUMdsf-ah7h0yFmVCaZGgtLf4VbXmszqDkswCUR4EAN4tU0XgQ:LgEUaG59UPWWYv5c0la58Q)
silveronthetree and I have decided we want an Obi-Wan/Satine Regency romance AU - of course entitled "Half-truths and Hyperbole" - and now I just have to figure out how to write it so it's as delightful to others as it is to us.
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920664.html.
people have commented there.
Bread
by Linda Pastan
"It seems to be the five stages
of yeast, not grief,
you like to write about,"
my son says,
meaning that bread
is always rising
and falling, being broken
and eaten, in my poems.
And though he is only half serious,
I want to say to him
"bread rising in the bowl
is like breath rising in the body;"
or "if you knead the dough
with perfect tenderness,
it is like gently kneading flesh
when you make love."
Baguette . . . pita . . . pane . . .
Challah . . . naan: bread is
the universal language, translatable
on the famished tongue.
Now it is time to open
the package of yeast
and moisten it with water,
watching for its fizz,
its blind energy–proofing
it's called, the animate proof
of life. Everything
is ready: salt, flour, oil.
Breadcrumbs are what lead
the children home.
~*~
In other news,
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920664.html.
- mood:
cold - music:Between Two Lungs - Florence + the Machine
I feel like my posts lately have either been super depressing or lists, so today we'll go with lists:
♦ Another board meeting successfully managed, even if I did forget the table tents. *wry* I feel like I could sleep for a week though. I think tomorrow is going to be a no bra, no boots Saturday. Not my real boss who is now my actual real boss - so I guess boss3 works as an identifier - was supposed to take me to lunch today to discuss goals and moving forward, but the weather is shitty so we've postponed for Monday.
♦ Joss Whedon may be making a Batgirl movie. First off, I will believe this when I see it, as in when I am buying (or more likely, not buying) a ticket for it.
( cut for rambling thoughtsCollapse )
So as you can see, I have a lot of feelings and they are very mixed.
♦ In other potential blockbuster franchise movie news, Lucasfilm is rumored to actually have an Obi-Wan movie in the pipeline. With Ewan McGregor. I am SO HERE for that, especially if it's wily desert hermit Obi-Wan fighting bounty hunters and Hutts and keeping young Luke out of trouble on Tatooine. (I honestly thought his cameo on Rebels meant there would be no movie at all, despite all my - and Ewan McGregor's - wishing.) I have a lot feelings about this too, but they are mostly good! *g*
( cut for thoughts about another rumored stand-alone movieCollapse )
Why not make an Ahsoka movie? Rosario Dawson is interested and she's already in the Disney/Marvel stable of actors...
♦ In something I have no feelings about either way, except they are going to have to find some extraordinary child actors, apparently HBO is co-adapting the first of Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan novels. I really should read the rest of those, but I found the first book so intense that I couldn't tell if I was enjoying it or not, so I haven't gone back to read the others.
♦ March 2017 recs update:
![[personal profile]](https://imgprx.livejournal.net/053277970de9da17136b97c3a1432e5fa089d788413ab21edff4c4144818d36d/P2WlxyVijxKgg2Fo88hRWUMdsf-ah7h0yFmVCbZBitHe5BHQgcnrB1ghT056GQJiv05e0zTaZg1RFEYV0g0o-lRBm3nIevQ:owCoEhM7Qd3is3NApKypYw)
unfitforsociety has been updated for March 2017 with 16 recs in 4 fandoms:
* 9 Star Wars
* 4 Avengers, 1 Spider-Man/Fantastic Four
* 1 Harry Potter and 1 Life
♦ and lastly, the March 2017 writing roundup:
Everything That Rises Must Converge (@ AO3)
Star Wars; Obi-Wan, Leia, Luke, Vader; g; AU; 5,165 words
In which Leia makes it to Tatooine's surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.
I actually did other writing this month, but nothing else got finished. I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out, though.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920354.html.
people have commented there.
♦ Another board meeting successfully managed, even if I did forget the table tents. *wry* I feel like I could sleep for a week though. I think tomorrow is going to be a no bra, no boots Saturday. Not my real boss who is now my actual real boss - so I guess boss3 works as an identifier - was supposed to take me to lunch today to discuss goals and moving forward, but the weather is shitty so we've postponed for Monday.
♦ Joss Whedon may be making a Batgirl movie. First off, I will believe this when I see it, as in when I am buying (or more likely, not buying) a ticket for it.
( cut for rambling thoughtsCollapse )
So as you can see, I have a lot of feelings and they are very mixed.
♦ In other potential blockbuster franchise movie news, Lucasfilm is rumored to actually have an Obi-Wan movie in the pipeline. With Ewan McGregor. I am SO HERE for that, especially if it's wily desert hermit Obi-Wan fighting bounty hunters and Hutts and keeping young Luke out of trouble on Tatooine. (I honestly thought his cameo on Rebels meant there would be no movie at all, despite all my - and Ewan McGregor's - wishing.) I have a lot feelings about this too, but they are mostly good! *g*
( cut for thoughts about another rumored stand-alone movieCollapse )
Why not make an Ahsoka movie? Rosario Dawson is interested and she's already in the Disney/Marvel stable of actors...
♦ In something I have no feelings about either way, except they are going to have to find some extraordinary child actors, apparently HBO is co-adapting the first of Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan novels. I really should read the rest of those, but I found the first book so intense that I couldn't tell if I was enjoying it or not, so I haven't gone back to read the others.
♦ March 2017 recs update:
* 9 Star Wars
* 4 Avengers, 1 Spider-Man/Fantastic Four
* 1 Harry Potter and 1 Life
♦ and lastly, the March 2017 writing roundup:
Everything That Rises Must Converge (@ AO3)
Star Wars; Obi-Wan, Leia, Luke, Vader; g; AU; 5,165 words
In which Leia makes it to Tatooine's surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.
I actually did other writing this month, but nothing else got finished. I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out, though.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920354.html.
- mood:
tired - music:just one swig of me would get most guys smashed
Ugh, work. Other people, why are they?
Last night, L met me for a quick drink after work to discuss my review, but of course, I was late because even though the board meeting happening this evening was originally scheduled for two weeks ago, nobody's slide deck was finalized. I don't even know. The meeting was originally scheduled for 3/14. How were the presentations not finalized until 5:20 pm on 3/29?
I mean, I get it. It's like uploading your yuletide story two weeks in advance and then deciding to rewrite the whole thing and suddenly not being finished at the deadline. But still, I find it really frustrating.
On the plus side, I was actually only 7 minutes late in the end, and the chicken fingers were excellent so it all worked out, despite my desperate annoyance with other people's inability to finish their stuff.
Then last night, I dreamt there was a Check, Please! update, but it was only available via Skype, and even though it was still a still comic, it was done as a slideshow with voiceover narration. I don't remember what actually happened, though.
Anyway, here are two links, one fun, one less fun (but still good for a little schadenfreude):
- 70 days in, Donald Trump’s presidency is flailing at Vox
and
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer 20 year cast reunion photos at EW.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920176.html.
people have commented there.
Last night, L met me for a quick drink after work to discuss my review, but of course, I was late because even though the board meeting happening this evening was originally scheduled for two weeks ago, nobody's slide deck was finalized. I don't even know. The meeting was originally scheduled for 3/14. How were the presentations not finalized until 5:20 pm on 3/29?
I mean, I get it. It's like uploading your yuletide story two weeks in advance and then deciding to rewrite the whole thing and suddenly not being finished at the deadline. But still, I find it really frustrating.
On the plus side, I was actually only 7 minutes late in the end, and the chicken fingers were excellent so it all worked out, despite my desperate annoyance with other people's inability to finish their stuff.
Then last night, I dreamt there was a Check, Please! update, but it was only available via Skype, and even though it was still a still comic, it was done as a slideshow with voiceover narration. I don't remember what actually happened, though.
Anyway, here are two links, one fun, one less fun (but still good for a little schadenfreude):
- 70 days in, Donald Trump’s presidency is flailing at Vox
and
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer 20 year cast reunion photos at EW.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/920176.html.
- mood:
busy - music:Run Away with Me - Carly Rae Jepsen
- My long black wool coat, which I wore literally until it fell apart, fell apart this morning. Sigh. At least it is finally warming up? A little? The blue wool coat is too heavy for 40-50 degree days, which is where we are now, so my blue jacket will have to suffice. But I loved that coat. It fit well and was roomy enough to wear a fleecy and a big sweater under and also had inside pockets like men's coats do. I wonder if they still sell it. I mean, it's a long black wool single-breasted coat. It shouldn't ever not be available right?
- So. My review went well, as these things go. They said a bunch of really nice things about me, so there's that. There are of course improvements to be made and also I at least now know who my direct supervisor is going to be going forward, and hopefully there will be some more transparent communication forthcoming in terms of stuff they want me to know about so I can do all the stuff they want me to do.
- I can't even discuss last night's Flash without an inappropriate amount of anger, which I know has more to do with timing and personal stuff than the show (though the choices made would have still made me angry prior to now, I probably would have shrugged it off a little bit more). ( spoilersCollapse )
- reading meme! It's been a few weeks, huh?
What I've just finished
DC Bombshells volumes 1 and 2, which I highly recommend if you like lady (adult) superheroes kicking Nazi ass up and down the European theater while lady (teenage) superheroes hold down the fort in Gotham (and elsewhere, but we only see the ones in Gotham). And why wouldn't you?! Do I think the Trump metaphor worked? Not all that well. Did I overall enjoy these two volumes a lot? HELL YES I DID. We've got Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Stargirl, Batwoman, a whole roster of Batgirls (and one Robin!), Catwoman, Zatanna, Mera, Huntress, Harley & Ivy (I feel like I might be missing someone? I'm still surprised Canary hasn't shown up yet), plus Amanda Waller. I even like the cheesecakey art, which is loving and fun, rather than gross and off-putting.
Technically I did not finish The Guineveres because it had to go back to the library and I guess I wasn't really feeling it, since it felt like a chore to open it up even on all the long trainrides I had this month.
What I'm reading now
I put aside Hidden Figures, which I own, in favor of library books, so now it's Born a Crime by Trevor Noah, which I am enjoying immensely. I plan to get back to Hidden Figures soon.
I'm also in the middle of volume 3 of DC Bombshells but they are clearly not collecting them fast enough for me.
What I'm reading next
I kind of went on a book-buying spree recently when there was a sale of ebooks for $2.99 and under, so I have even more stuff to choose from. And there's always the library, ready to spring something on me all unawares. So who knows?
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919859.html.
people have commented there.
- So. My review went well, as these things go. They said a bunch of really nice things about me, so there's that. There are of course improvements to be made and also I at least now know who my direct supervisor is going to be going forward, and hopefully there will be some more transparent communication forthcoming in terms of stuff they want me to know about so I can do all the stuff they want me to do.
- I can't even discuss last night's Flash without an inappropriate amount of anger, which I know has more to do with timing and personal stuff than the show (though the choices made would have still made me angry prior to now, I probably would have shrugged it off a little bit more). ( spoilersCollapse )
- reading meme! It's been a few weeks, huh?
What I've just finished
DC Bombshells volumes 1 and 2, which I highly recommend if you like lady (adult) superheroes kicking Nazi ass up and down the European theater while lady (teenage) superheroes hold down the fort in Gotham (and elsewhere, but we only see the ones in Gotham). And why wouldn't you?! Do I think the Trump metaphor worked? Not all that well. Did I overall enjoy these two volumes a lot? HELL YES I DID. We've got Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Stargirl, Batwoman, a whole roster of Batgirls (and one Robin!), Catwoman, Zatanna, Mera, Huntress, Harley & Ivy (I feel like I might be missing someone? I'm still surprised Canary hasn't shown up yet), plus Amanda Waller. I even like the cheesecakey art, which is loving and fun, rather than gross and off-putting.
Technically I did not finish The Guineveres because it had to go back to the library and I guess I wasn't really feeling it, since it felt like a chore to open it up even on all the long trainrides I had this month.
What I'm reading now
I put aside Hidden Figures, which I own, in favor of library books, so now it's Born a Crime by Trevor Noah, which I am enjoying immensely. I plan to get back to Hidden Figures soon.
I'm also in the middle of volume 3 of DC Bombshells but they are clearly not collecting them fast enough for me.
What I'm reading next
I kind of went on a book-buying spree recently when there was a sale of ebooks for $2.99 and under, so I have even more stuff to choose from. And there's always the library, ready to spring something on me all unawares. So who knows?
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919859.html.
- mood: busy
- music:Howl - Florence + the Machine
I had amazing cheesy garlic bread for dinner last night but it knocked me the fuck out. I eat carbs a lot more than a lot of people, so I don't usually get that crash afterwards, but I couldn't keep my eyes open! I was afraid I was going to fall asleep in the shower! So I went to bed instead of watching any TV.
I'm sure it's grief more than anything, since I feel like I was starting to emerge from my usual late-winter funk before anything happened, but gosh it's hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have a bad case of the Don't Wannas and nothing seems to help. I spent the weekend feeling like I was supposed to be somewhere else (i.e., the hospital) and it was a jolt remembering each time that no, that's over now.
And I know there are other big changes coming (hopefully good ones, but then again, I have my performance review tomorrow, so who knows?), and I just can't seem to get myself in gear to prepare for them. But I guess not everything can be lip balm and glitter. Sigh.
Adulting is hard. I don't like it.
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919571.html.
people have commented there.
I'm sure it's grief more than anything, since I feel like I was starting to emerge from my usual late-winter funk before anything happened, but gosh it's hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have a bad case of the Don't Wannas and nothing seems to help. I spent the weekend feeling like I was supposed to be somewhere else (i.e., the hospital) and it was a jolt remembering each time that no, that's over now.
And I know there are other big changes coming (hopefully good ones, but then again, I have my performance review tomorrow, so who knows?), and I just can't seem to get myself in gear to prepare for them. But I guess not everything can be lip balm and glitter. Sigh.
Adulting is hard. I don't like it.
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919571.html.
- mood:
morose - music:Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
Writing meme? Writing meme:
my stories:
1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?
2: What scene did you first put down?
3: What's your favorite line of narration?
4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?
5: What part was hardest to write?
6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?
7: Where did the title come from?
8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?
9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?
10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?
11: What do you like best about this fic?
12: What do you like least about this fic?
13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?
14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
15: What did you learn from writing this fic?
Hit me up.
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919460.html.
people have commented there.
my stories:
1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?
2: What scene did you first put down?
3: What's your favorite line of narration?
4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?
5: What part was hardest to write?
6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?
7: Where did the title come from?
8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?
9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?
10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?
11: What do you like best about this fic?
12: What do you like least about this fic?
13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?
14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
15: What did you learn from writing this fic?
Hit me up.
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919460.html.
- mood: tired
- music:homeward bound - simon & garfunkel
At dinner last night (the chicken tenders were AMAZING), I drank three firefly and cranberry cocktails, and they were so good. If you have a place near you that sells Firefly sweet tea vodka, I highly recommend mixing it with cranberry juice and topping it with a slice of lime.
On TV this afternoon, Keith Hernandez called the Atlanta pitcher "a human rain delay." Which I thought was hilarious. I'm so excited for baseball being back soon!
Before that, I caught up on some of the stuff on my DVR.
Steven Universe: Rocknaldo, Tiger Philanthropist, Room for Ruby
( spoilers for all threeCollapse )
I also watched the season finale of Star Wars Rebels: Zero Hour, though I had to hunt the first half hour down online since for some reason my DVR only recorded the second half. (Was the first half not listed as "new"? I honestly don't understand how this works sometimes, but it's infuriating.)
( spoilersCollapse )
So it didn't reach the emotional highs the s2 finale did, at least for me, but I don't think it could have?
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919238.html.
people have commented there.
On TV this afternoon, Keith Hernandez called the Atlanta pitcher "a human rain delay." Which I thought was hilarious. I'm so excited for baseball being back soon!
Before that, I caught up on some of the stuff on my DVR.
Steven Universe: Rocknaldo, Tiger Philanthropist, Room for Ruby
( spoilers for all threeCollapse )
I also watched the season finale of Star Wars Rebels: Zero Hour, though I had to hunt the first half hour down online since for some reason my DVR only recorded the second half. (Was the first half not listed as "new"? I honestly don't understand how this works sometimes, but it's infuriating.)
( spoilersCollapse )
So it didn't reach the emotional highs the s2 finale did, at least for me, but I don't think it could have?
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/919238.html.
- mood: lazy
- music:The '59 Sound - Gaslight Anthem
Last night and then today I made batches of this body balm, though I'm afraid I personally find it too redolent of coconut to use myself - I tried it last night on my lips and it tainted everything with the taste of coconut. #the taste of betrayal I made it with the addition of gold satin mica powder, hoping for a golden shimmer, but alas, I don't think it really provides one. today I tried copper sparks mica powder, which I think might actually impart too much pigment to use it on skin other than lips? But I guess we'll see. I suppose it could be a cream eyeshadow or blush...? I'm meeting L. for drinks tonight, so she can test it out for me. Especially since I substituted shea butter for cocoa butter, which the internet tells me I shouldn't have? It's very rich balm, either way.
Meanwhile, I am liberally covered in glitter and I could not be happier about it.
Marg and Helen and the girls all loved their lip balms (and glitter gels), so I feel confident I found a couple of recipes that people other than me like, so that's good.
This morning, I made these chocolate cherry breakfast cookies (pic) and I might have made them too big, since they took more like 15 minutes to cook rather than the 9 to 11 the recipe suggests. I also used almond butter since I don't like peanut butter (I know, I know; I also don't like tuna fish; I was a nightmare child!) and they smell and taste great. And I finally used up the last of the dried cherries from my Christmas chocolate making, which was good. I found they (the dried cherries, I mean) were not as good in salads as dried cranberries, so they've just been sitting around taking up space. *hands*
So I feel like it's been a productive day, even if I didn't get the good sleep I was hoping for last night.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918858.html.
people have commented there.
Meanwhile, I am liberally covered in glitter and I could not be happier about it.
Marg and Helen and the girls all loved their lip balms (and glitter gels), so I feel confident I found a couple of recipes that people other than me like, so that's good.
This morning, I made these chocolate cherry breakfast cookies (pic) and I might have made them too big, since they took more like 15 minutes to cook rather than the 9 to 11 the recipe suggests. I also used almond butter since I don't like peanut butter (I know, I know; I also don't like tuna fish; I was a nightmare child!) and they smell and taste great. And I finally used up the last of the dried cherries from my Christmas chocolate making, which was good. I found they (the dried cherries, I mean) were not as good in salads as dried cranberries, so they've just been sitting around taking up space. *hands*
So I feel like it's been a productive day, even if I didn't get the good sleep I was hoping for last night.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918858.html.
- mood: accomplished
- music:A Boat on the Sea - Kristen Vigard
Five random things on Friday afternoon:
a. I realized I'd miscalculated and only had enough lettuce for four days of lunch salads. I still have croutons, cranberries, cheese, andcashews walnuts (the alliteration was working there for a minute), but no more romaine. So I had an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese and it sure was tasty.
2. Why is it so hard to find a nice red patent leather tote bag? It doesn't even have to be real leather? I would take PVC! But apparently it's not in style now? I don't understand - how does red patent leather ever go out of style?
iii. I went to bed early last night - the past two nights I've had that low-grade fever feeling, with the aches and the chills - and slept okay but I still did not want to get out of bed this morning. I am hopefully going to get some sleep over the weekend.
D. so in the oft-mentioned but still unfinished Thing 1 and Thing 2, I've been trying not to repeat events (it's the same overall story told from two POVs), but I came to a thing that I think has to be told twice - once when it happens, and then once again later, as told by the person it happened to directly. I think that makes it less repetitive? I don't know. I still haven't figured it all out. I've never really done a thing like this before, where it's separate stories rather than just sections from different POVs. I guess we'll see how it works if I ever finish them.
5. Alyssa texted me that she was feeling sad on Wednesday so she put two of the songs from the Flash/Supergirl musical ("Super Friend" and "Put a Little Love in Your Heart") on repeat along with "Hooked on a Feeling," "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)," and the Lego Batman song and found it very cheering. In case you also feel in need of happiness.
Sigh. I am so ready to go home.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918578.html.
people have commented there.
a. I realized I'd miscalculated and only had enough lettuce for four days of lunch salads. I still have croutons, cranberries, cheese, and
2. Why is it so hard to find a nice red patent leather tote bag? It doesn't even have to be real leather? I would take PVC! But apparently it's not in style now? I don't understand - how does red patent leather ever go out of style?
iii. I went to bed early last night - the past two nights I've had that low-grade fever feeling, with the aches and the chills - and slept okay but I still did not want to get out of bed this morning. I am hopefully going to get some sleep over the weekend.
D. so in the oft-mentioned but still unfinished Thing 1 and Thing 2, I've been trying not to repeat events (it's the same overall story told from two POVs), but I came to a thing that I think has to be told twice - once when it happens, and then once again later, as told by the person it happened to directly. I think that makes it less repetitive? I don't know. I still haven't figured it all out. I've never really done a thing like this before, where it's separate stories rather than just sections from different POVs. I guess we'll see how it works if I ever finish them.
5. Alyssa texted me that she was feeling sad on Wednesday so she put two of the songs from the Flash/Supergirl musical ("Super Friend" and "Put a Little Love in Your Heart") on repeat along with "Hooked on a Feeling," "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)," and the Lego Batman song and found it very cheering. In case you also feel in need of happiness.
Sigh. I am so ready to go home.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918578.html.
- mood: tired
- music:Miles Davis and the Cool - Gaslight Anthem
You know, I've lived at my current address for nearly 15 years(!!!) and for the most part, Amazon, via FedEx, UPS, and the USPS, has never had a hard time finding me. Until this week. Suddenly packages are being "rerouted" after being sent to the wrong facility(!?) or they've been delivered "to my mailbox" when in fact they 1. wouldn't fit in the mailbox and 2. have not appeared in the vestibule or hallway of my building, where such things are usually left. I can't imagine someone, upon opening their stolen booty of roller bottles and tiny gift bags, made toddler fists of glee, so I have to think the box wasn't stolen so much as it just...wasn't delivered as promised. (I mean, I suppose someone out there did in fact get gleeful over the contents of the box - stranger things have happened - but it does seem kind of far-fetched. Unlike the times my order from LUSH went missing. At least that was worth stealing.)
Amazon refunded me and told me to reorder and they would pay any shipping costs (hilarious because I have Prime so there are no shipping costs) but it's just inexplicable that this has happened twice within a week. My address has not changed! It's not wrong in my profile! So I don't even know what's going on.
***
In other news, boss1 said something interesting to me the other day when she was offering condolences, that now with my father gone, we'd get back the younger version of him in our memories. And I was telling L about it, because I've been thinking a lot about it.
It's true that the declining years are top of mind right now, and that's why people telling older stories is so important - he wasn't just an occasionally querulous old man with no short-term memory - he was an active member of his community for a long time, he was loved by his family members, and thought of warmly by his co-workers and friends. He did a lot of quiet good in his way for the people in his life, even if he sometimes seemed overly-strict or demanding with us. And I guess that's the man I want to think of, the one who used to send cheery good morning texts every day, who always made us feel like he wanted us to be happy above all - even if he didn't understand what we claimed we needed for that, he wanted us to have it.
I want to remember how he was always ready to believe in the best of us, and bail us out even when we didn't live up to that (I don't mean actually bailing us out of jail - we never had that experience! but with teachers and other school authorities etc. I will never forget his firm insistence of "My son wouldn't do that!" when he got a call saying my brother had been found passed out drunk in the hotel hallway on the school ski trip. And he never yelled at my brother for it - he just made him pay back the cost of the trip over time, since he was sent home the morning after he arrived without ever even making it onto the slopes. As he later said, he figured the humiliation of being sent home like that and missing out on his trip was punishment enough).
He made his share of mistakes and left us with some annoying baggage, but overall, I think he did way more good than harm in the end. At least, that's how I'd like to remember him.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918499.html.
people have commented there.
Amazon refunded me and told me to reorder and they would pay any shipping costs (hilarious because I have Prime so there are no shipping costs) but it's just inexplicable that this has happened twice within a week. My address has not changed! It's not wrong in my profile! So I don't even know what's going on.
***
In other news, boss1 said something interesting to me the other day when she was offering condolences, that now with my father gone, we'd get back the younger version of him in our memories. And I was telling L about it, because I've been thinking a lot about it.
It's true that the declining years are top of mind right now, and that's why people telling older stories is so important - he wasn't just an occasionally querulous old man with no short-term memory - he was an active member of his community for a long time, he was loved by his family members, and thought of warmly by his co-workers and friends. He did a lot of quiet good in his way for the people in his life, even if he sometimes seemed overly-strict or demanding with us. And I guess that's the man I want to think of, the one who used to send cheery good morning texts every day, who always made us feel like he wanted us to be happy above all - even if he didn't understand what we claimed we needed for that, he wanted us to have it.
I want to remember how he was always ready to believe in the best of us, and bail us out even when we didn't live up to that (I don't mean actually bailing us out of jail - we never had that experience! but with teachers and other school authorities etc. I will never forget his firm insistence of "My son wouldn't do that!" when he got a call saying my brother had been found passed out drunk in the hotel hallway on the school ski trip. And he never yelled at my brother for it - he just made him pay back the cost of the trip over time, since he was sent home the morning after he arrived without ever even making it onto the slopes. As he later said, he figured the humiliation of being sent home like that and missing out on his trip was punishment enough).
He made his share of mistakes and left us with some annoying baggage, but overall, I think he did way more good than harm in the end. At least, that's how I'd like to remember him.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918499.html.
- mood: thoughtful
- music:The One You Knew - Joshua Radin
Oh, I forgot to mention Jane the Virgin in my post yesterday, but I thought it was a good episode - I just enjoy the show so much but sometimes I don't have anything to really say about it.
I got a late start on watching The Flash because L and I went to dinner, since she was away thus hadn't been around since my dad died, and I think it was good to watch it without commercials. ( spoilersCollapse )
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918204.html.
people have commented there.
I got a late start on watching The Flash because L and I went to dinner, since she was away thus hadn't been around since my dad died, and I think it was good to watch it without commercials. ( spoilersCollapse )
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/918204.html.
- mood: tired
- music:Moon River = Melissa Benoist
Supergirl
( spoilersCollapse )
Star Wars Rebels
While I didn't love the droid episode - I generally skip the droid-centric episodes - the Annie Get Your Gun interlude made me laugh out loud. If you can't dig two droids reenacting "Anything You Can Do," you must have something cold and dead inside.
And then there was Twin Suns. ( spoilersCollapse )
***
Back at work. 161 emails to sort through. *cringe*
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917844.html.
people have commented there.
( spoilersCollapse )
Star Wars Rebels
While I didn't love the droid episode - I generally skip the droid-centric episodes - the Annie Get Your Gun interlude made me laugh out loud. If you can't dig two droids reenacting "Anything You Can Do," you must have something cold and dead inside.
And then there was Twin Suns. ( spoilersCollapse )
***
Back at work. 161 emails to sort through. *cringe*
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917844.html.
- mood: tired
- music:(The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes = Elvis Costello
It was hard, Friday and yesterday. I don't have anything profound to say about it - it's just hard. I don't remember crying so much at the wake for my mother, but I think that was partly because we were all trying to support my dad, and also I don't think I fully processed everything until afterwards. This time, with the shock of seeing him last Friday night and also having had the experience with my mother, it was all too real and final without the shocked disconnect of "wait, what? what?" to insulate me from the reality of it. I was like holy shit, we're orphans now! Which is an utterly ridiculous sentiment to have at 46 years old, but nonetheless, it's just us now.
I mean, two Sundays ago I was visiting him in his room at the rehab facility, watching Star Wars! And now he's gone. (At least he got one more year of St. Joseph's pastries - my sister-in-law brought him one while he was in the rehab place. I think I'd have to go down to Ferrara's to find one today. I don't know that Agata and Valentina has them. I might have to go look.)
My niece wrote and read a really sweet and heartfelt poem at the wake and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. We told stories about him, and it's always so nice to hear from other people's perspectives how liked (even loved) he was - I think because the past couple of years saw his decline cognitively, it's hard to remember that most people hadn't seen that, that they were still used to the man who didn't talk a lot but who usually had good advice or an unexpected flash of humor in conversation.
One of my cousins had a picture of him holding her when she was a year old (and he was ~17) - she said for some reason she'd always carried the picture and just transferred it from wallet to wallet over the years, and she showed it to us and it was a really lovely photograph not just for the memories, but also because it was in brilliant color and hadn't faded at all - it looked like it could have been taken ten years ago instead of 60+.
Considering that neither of them knew him, I thought the priest at the funeral mass and then the priest at the cemetery both did a really good job of talking about him - the three of us have somewhat conflicted or even contentious relationships with the church, but my dad in his day was a lector (he used to love doing the Easter vigil mass with the seven readings? And I have very vivid memories of him practicing the reading from Exodus about pharaoh's chariots and charioteers) and a Eucharistic minister and he was at one time an active member of both the K of C and the Holy Name Society, and he still said his prayers every night - when we were picking the text for the memorial prayer cards my brother was like, "The prayer of St. Francis. He said it every night." and my sister was like, "How do you know that?" and my brother was like, "his bedroom was next to mine. I could hear him!" So that was an easy choice. (I mean, I think we would have chosen it anyway? I think we also chose it for my mother? Because it's a great prayer. Just like we were in basic agreement about the songs for the mass. though I must complain about them changing the wording on certain prayers and responses. My niece was like, they do that to catch out people who haven't been to mass in a while and I don't appreciate being called out like that, but I was like, why would you change a beautifully composed response like "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed" to "I am not worthy to have you under my roof etc." I mean. It's more literal, sure, and more colloquial, but it's mass! It should retain some grandeur of language! Otoh, the cues are the cues, and though I haven't regularly attended mass in fifteen years, I still knew when to sit/stand/kneel because you don't erase all those years of Catholic school and mass attendance. It's just drilled into you. We were talking about how when we were in grammar school, we went to mass every morning during Lent, and my nieces and nephews were like, EVERY MORNING!!! and we were like, yeah, and you just prayed you got Father Gordon, who could bang out a mass in fifteen minutes on a good day, and not Father Vogel, who liked to drone on and on - though I'll be honest, it's Father Vogel's voice that comes back to me when I mouth along with the Eucharistic prayer during the consecration. And also his homilies were always the same 'I do always what is pleasing to the will of my Father.' gosh, it must be thirty years since I heard the man say mass and yet.)
And both the meal between viewings on Friday and the lunch after the funeral yesterday were good celebrations of him, and of our connections with each other, both family and friends. I mean, that's what all this is for, right? The person is gone, all of the other stuff is to help us process our grief and trade stories about them.
We had asked to have the prayers at the grave site, but the cemetery made us do it in the chapel, and my sister and niece were both extremely upset about this (I mean, I was also upset, but it was cold so I was okay with being inside for it) but then, in an example of what my brother-in-law insists is divine providence (not that he used those words), the limo driver couldn't figure out how to exit the cemetery so we were driving around, knowing we had to head north and east, and as we finally pulled up to the exit near the railroad tracks, my sister looked over and was like, "There it is! That's our plot!" and you could see the workmen lowering the casket off a truck and onto whatever they use to put it in the grave. So that was unexpected but good - my b-i-l was like, "that had to be your father. you know he would have been like, 'watch and make sure they put me in the right spot!'" So. Whether you believe in that stuff or not (and I am skeptical but open to the possibility), it makes for a good story.
Anyway, please don't feel obligated to comment. I appreciate the comments I've received already more than I can possibly express, especially since I don't think I'm going to be up for responding yet. Hopefully we'll return shortly to our regular programming of complaining about work and talking about TV shows.
<333
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917604.html.
people have commented there.
I mean, two Sundays ago I was visiting him in his room at the rehab facility, watching Star Wars! And now he's gone. (At least he got one more year of St. Joseph's pastries - my sister-in-law brought him one while he was in the rehab place. I think I'd have to go down to Ferrara's to find one today. I don't know that Agata and Valentina has them. I might have to go look.)
My niece wrote and read a really sweet and heartfelt poem at the wake and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. We told stories about him, and it's always so nice to hear from other people's perspectives how liked (even loved) he was - I think because the past couple of years saw his decline cognitively, it's hard to remember that most people hadn't seen that, that they were still used to the man who didn't talk a lot but who usually had good advice or an unexpected flash of humor in conversation.
One of my cousins had a picture of him holding her when she was a year old (and he was ~17) - she said for some reason she'd always carried the picture and just transferred it from wallet to wallet over the years, and she showed it to us and it was a really lovely photograph not just for the memories, but also because it was in brilliant color and hadn't faded at all - it looked like it could have been taken ten years ago instead of 60+.
Considering that neither of them knew him, I thought the priest at the funeral mass and then the priest at the cemetery both did a really good job of talking about him - the three of us have somewhat conflicted or even contentious relationships with the church, but my dad in his day was a lector (he used to love doing the Easter vigil mass with the seven readings? And I have very vivid memories of him practicing the reading from Exodus about pharaoh's chariots and charioteers) and a Eucharistic minister and he was at one time an active member of both the K of C and the Holy Name Society, and he still said his prayers every night - when we were picking the text for the memorial prayer cards my brother was like, "The prayer of St. Francis. He said it every night." and my sister was like, "How do you know that?" and my brother was like, "his bedroom was next to mine. I could hear him!" So that was an easy choice. (I mean, I think we would have chosen it anyway? I think we also chose it for my mother? Because it's a great prayer. Just like we were in basic agreement about the songs for the mass. though I must complain about them changing the wording on certain prayers and responses. My niece was like, they do that to catch out people who haven't been to mass in a while and I don't appreciate being called out like that, but I was like, why would you change a beautifully composed response like "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed" to "I am not worthy to have you under my roof etc." I mean. It's more literal, sure, and more colloquial, but it's mass! It should retain some grandeur of language! Otoh, the cues are the cues, and though I haven't regularly attended mass in fifteen years, I still knew when to sit/stand/kneel because you don't erase all those years of Catholic school and mass attendance. It's just drilled into you. We were talking about how when we were in grammar school, we went to mass every morning during Lent, and my nieces and nephews were like, EVERY MORNING!!! and we were like, yeah, and you just prayed you got Father Gordon, who could bang out a mass in fifteen minutes on a good day, and not Father Vogel, who liked to drone on and on - though I'll be honest, it's Father Vogel's voice that comes back to me when I mouth along with the Eucharistic prayer during the consecration. And also his homilies were always the same 'I do always what is pleasing to the will of my Father.' gosh, it must be thirty years since I heard the man say mass and yet.)
And both the meal between viewings on Friday and the lunch after the funeral yesterday were good celebrations of him, and of our connections with each other, both family and friends. I mean, that's what all this is for, right? The person is gone, all of the other stuff is to help us process our grief and trade stories about them.
We had asked to have the prayers at the grave site, but the cemetery made us do it in the chapel, and my sister and niece were both extremely upset about this (I mean, I was also upset, but it was cold so I was okay with being inside for it) but then, in an example of what my brother-in-law insists is divine providence (not that he used those words), the limo driver couldn't figure out how to exit the cemetery so we were driving around, knowing we had to head north and east, and as we finally pulled up to the exit near the railroad tracks, my sister looked over and was like, "There it is! That's our plot!" and you could see the workmen lowering the casket off a truck and onto whatever they use to put it in the grave. So that was unexpected but good - my b-i-l was like, "that had to be your father. you know he would have been like, 'watch and make sure they put me in the right spot!'" So. Whether you believe in that stuff or not (and I am skeptical but open to the possibility), it makes for a good story.
Anyway, please don't feel obligated to comment. I appreciate the comments I've received already more than I can possibly express, especially since I don't think I'm going to be up for responding yet. Hopefully we'll return shortly to our regular programming of complaining about work and talking about TV shows.
<333
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917604.html.
- mood: tired
- music:Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen
Again, thank you so much for your lovely comments and kind words. When a couple of people said they were worried that I was dealing with this alone on Tuesday (because of the snowstorm), I was able to quite truthfully say I was not alone at all. ♥♥♥
Yesterday, we went and made the arrangements, and it was pretty stress-free as these things go. I think it helps that we all get along and don't really disagree on a lot in terms of how this stuff ought to go? My father would not have wanted a lot of fuss and so we're keeping it simple in tune with that.
My brother was telling us that the cardiologist who had seen him on Friday night when he was admitted to the hospital called him on Tuesday to offer sincere condolences. According to my brother, he ended up consoling the doctor, who was like, "When I saw your father on Sunday, I couldn't believe it was the same man I'd examined on Friday. We had a conversation! He was improving in all ways, every indication was we were bringing him back! So to find out on Tuesday that he was gone was a shock." And my brother was like, "To us too!" But as we joked, he died doing what he loved - eating. (I believe I mentioned he was having trouble swallowing? And they did the swallowing test and said he should have soft food and thick liquids, and they believe he aspirated on his breakfast and that's what killed him. Not that he didn't still have all the other problems to come back from.)
Also showing that our minds run along similar tracks for some things, when this all started, I was like, "oh shit, I better replace the money I took from the savings account where the proceeds from the sale of the house were deposited, because if he has to go into a nursing home, they're going to come looking for it!" And my brother was like, "watch him survive for the next ten years in a nursing home! the money was two years from being free and clear!" And when I mentioned to my sister that once all the dust was settled I would start looking for a condo using the house money, she was like, "when Dom told me he coded and came back, I thought, the money is free and clear for vic to use! and then it wasn't!" But now it is. Sigh.
All of which is to say, if you live in the US and your parents are getting up there in age and they own a house or have retirement savings etc., you might want to start thinking about how to manage that so that if something happens and they do require institutional Medicaid, their retirement money doesn't just get funneled into paying for a nursing home. (see Medicaid's Asset Transfer Rules and obviously consult with a lawyer as I am not one nor do I play one on the internet. I'm just speaking from personal experience here.)
My father was usually on top of this sort of thing - he managed it with his own mother etc. - but for some reason, even though he told me all the time that he was going to transfer the house to my name so that it couldn't be touched under these circumstances, he never actually did it. So when we sold the house in July 2014, even though the money was all transferred to an account in my name, if he'd needed a nursing home before July 2019, the govt would have come looking for it and so while I dipped into it from time to time to cover expenditures (mainly my new laptop and iPad), I generally paid it back just in case. Now, once the funeral expenses are covered, I should be able to start looking for a place to live/buy. That's one thing I can say for sure I know both my parents wanted for me (the reason I get the house money instead of it being split three ways is because my brother and sister both own houses - he discussed this with all of us and they've been supportive of the idea because the one think I've said repeatedly is that I don't want to fight about money.)
Anyway! The point is, things happen, especially when people start getting older, so be prepared.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917447.html.
people have commented there.
Yesterday, we went and made the arrangements, and it was pretty stress-free as these things go. I think it helps that we all get along and don't really disagree on a lot in terms of how this stuff ought to go? My father would not have wanted a lot of fuss and so we're keeping it simple in tune with that.
My brother was telling us that the cardiologist who had seen him on Friday night when he was admitted to the hospital called him on Tuesday to offer sincere condolences. According to my brother, he ended up consoling the doctor, who was like, "When I saw your father on Sunday, I couldn't believe it was the same man I'd examined on Friday. We had a conversation! He was improving in all ways, every indication was we were bringing him back! So to find out on Tuesday that he was gone was a shock." And my brother was like, "To us too!" But as we joked, he died doing what he loved - eating. (I believe I mentioned he was having trouble swallowing? And they did the swallowing test and said he should have soft food and thick liquids, and they believe he aspirated on his breakfast and that's what killed him. Not that he didn't still have all the other problems to come back from.)
Also showing that our minds run along similar tracks for some things, when this all started, I was like, "oh shit, I better replace the money I took from the savings account where the proceeds from the sale of the house were deposited, because if he has to go into a nursing home, they're going to come looking for it!" And my brother was like, "watch him survive for the next ten years in a nursing home! the money was two years from being free and clear!" And when I mentioned to my sister that once all the dust was settled I would start looking for a condo using the house money, she was like, "when Dom told me he coded and came back, I thought, the money is free and clear for vic to use! and then it wasn't!" But now it is. Sigh.
All of which is to say, if you live in the US and your parents are getting up there in age and they own a house or have retirement savings etc., you might want to start thinking about how to manage that so that if something happens and they do require institutional Medicaid, their retirement money doesn't just get funneled into paying for a nursing home. (see Medicaid's Asset Transfer Rules and obviously consult with a lawyer as I am not one nor do I play one on the internet. I'm just speaking from personal experience here.)
My father was usually on top of this sort of thing - he managed it with his own mother etc. - but for some reason, even though he told me all the time that he was going to transfer the house to my name so that it couldn't be touched under these circumstances, he never actually did it. So when we sold the house in July 2014, even though the money was all transferred to an account in my name, if he'd needed a nursing home before July 2019, the govt would have come looking for it and so while I dipped into it from time to time to cover expenditures (mainly my new laptop and iPad), I generally paid it back just in case. Now, once the funeral expenses are covered, I should be able to start looking for a place to live/buy. That's one thing I can say for sure I know both my parents wanted for me (the reason I get the house money instead of it being split three ways is because my brother and sister both own houses - he discussed this with all of us and they've been supportive of the idea because the one think I've said repeatedly is that I don't want to fight about money.)
Anyway! The point is, things happen, especially when people start getting older, so be prepared.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917447.html.
- mood: sad
- music:Ticket to Ride = the Beatles
Unlike last time, as soon as the mayor announced that the NYC schools were going to be closed today for the storm, the bosses announced that we also would be closed. So I was excited to get to sleep in without an alarm/having to check to see if we were open.
I woke up at about 8:45 and about an hour later, my brother called to let me know that dad died this morning. They said it was peaceful. Which. I guess is what you want.
While he had a lot of battles to fight, he seemed pretty lively on Sunday afternoon when I saw him, and my sister reported yesterday that he was pretty feisty, so even though it's not necessarily unexpected, it's still kind of a shock.
I think being stuck here - the weather means that none of us can really go anywhere or do anything re: arrangements yet - is making it weirder. When my mother died, I got the news, packed a bag, and headed straight to Penn Station. Today, I'm just sitting here refreshing tumblr and absorbing the news, wondering what happens next. Maybe it's healthier than rushing around trying to accomplish things. I don't know. I keep stopping what I'm doing to cry.
Anyway, after today, I'll likely be scarce for a few days so thank you in advance for any kind thoughts or condolences. I really appreciate it, and all the comforting words on my previous posts, even if I haven't been able to respond to it all.
<333
***
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people have commented there.
I woke up at about 8:45 and about an hour later, my brother called to let me know that dad died this morning. They said it was peaceful. Which. I guess is what you want.
While he had a lot of battles to fight, he seemed pretty lively on Sunday afternoon when I saw him, and my sister reported yesterday that he was pretty feisty, so even though it's not necessarily unexpected, it's still kind of a shock.
I think being stuck here - the weather means that none of us can really go anywhere or do anything re: arrangements yet - is making it weirder. When my mother died, I got the news, packed a bag, and headed straight to Penn Station. Today, I'm just sitting here refreshing tumblr and absorbing the news, wondering what happens next. Maybe it's healthier than rushing around trying to accomplish things. I don't know. I keep stopping what I'm doing to cry.
Anyway, after today, I'll likely be scarce for a few days so thank you in advance for any kind thoughts or condolences. I really appreciate it, and all the comforting words on my previous posts, even if I haven't been able to respond to it all.
<333
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/917245.html.
- mood: sad
- music:In My Life - the Beatles
Things I never thought I'd have occasion to learn:
1. it's really difficult to text while wearing non-latex (vinyl?) gloves.
2. if you put on a stupid paper mask as part of a quarantine protocol and you wear glasses, your glasses will frequently steam up when you breathe!
2a. however if you tuck the top edge of the mask beneath the bottom edges of your glasses, you can forestall that problem.
3. even though every piece of equipment in a hospital room is equipped with its own distinct alarm, nobody ever comes to check on them when they go off unless...something else happens? That has not been clear, but even with the monitors beeping endlessly and blinking with red lights, the nurses maintained that there was nothing out of the ordinary happening. According to one, "If you keep watching the numbers, you'll go crazy." So. Even though there is nothing to do in there but watch the numbers and the various lines on the machines, especially if you're there by yourself as I was yesterday, and the person you're visiting is asleep, you shouldn't try to figure out what the numbers on the monitors mean. You'll inevitably be wrong.
Anyway, the update so far is that the doctor is pleased my dad is off the ventilator - it is a good step in the right direction, though all of the other problems persist. ( medical stuffCollapse )
It's funny, when my mother was first in the hospital and then after she died, I mostly read and reread all the Tim/Kon fic I could find and also listened to "The Minnow and the Trout" on repeat for some reason (and did a massive comfort reread of Discworld after she died). Right now, I seem to be finding most of American Beauty/American Psycho comfort listening, especially "Uma Thurman" and "Twin Skeletons," and I can't concentrate on anything long enough to read it. I don't even know.
In other news, there's a blizzard bearing down on us and we just had to cancel tomorrow's board meeting in light of that, and are scrambling to find another date that works. I'm also hoping we're closed tomorrow as I could use a pajama day after all of these life-and-death shenanigans.
***
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1. it's really difficult to text while wearing non-latex (vinyl?) gloves.
2. if you put on a stupid paper mask as part of a quarantine protocol and you wear glasses, your glasses will frequently steam up when you breathe!
2a. however if you tuck the top edge of the mask beneath the bottom edges of your glasses, you can forestall that problem.
3. even though every piece of equipment in a hospital room is equipped with its own distinct alarm, nobody ever comes to check on them when they go off unless...something else happens? That has not been clear, but even with the monitors beeping endlessly and blinking with red lights, the nurses maintained that there was nothing out of the ordinary happening. According to one, "If you keep watching the numbers, you'll go crazy." So. Even though there is nothing to do in there but watch the numbers and the various lines on the machines, especially if you're there by yourself as I was yesterday, and the person you're visiting is asleep, you shouldn't try to figure out what the numbers on the monitors mean. You'll inevitably be wrong.
Anyway, the update so far is that the doctor is pleased my dad is off the ventilator - it is a good step in the right direction, though all of the other problems persist. ( medical stuffCollapse )
It's funny, when my mother was first in the hospital and then after she died, I mostly read and reread all the Tim/Kon fic I could find and also listened to "The Minnow and the Trout" on repeat for some reason (and did a massive comfort reread of Discworld after she died). Right now, I seem to be finding most of American Beauty/American Psycho comfort listening, especially "Uma Thurman" and "Twin Skeletons," and I can't concentrate on anything long enough to read it. I don't even know.
In other news, there's a blizzard bearing down on us and we just had to cancel tomorrow's board meeting in light of that, and are scrambling to find another date that works. I'm also hoping we're closed tomorrow as I could use a pajama day after all of these life-and-death shenanigans.
***
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- mood:
okay - music:Anna Begins - Counting Crows
Thank you all so much for the kind words and offers of help and pictures of puppies in undignified outfits. I appreciate it more than I can possibly say. <333
My dad looked much better yesterday than he had on Friday night. They'd tapered the sedative down enough so that he was occasionally awake and he responded when we spoke and knew who we were. And seemed awfully annoyed that he had a tube down his throat and couldn't talk. This morning they are supposed to try to wean him off the respirator and see if he can breath on his own now. *crosses fingers* I guess that is the most pressing issue, and then all the other stuff has to be addressed.
The virus he has is called human metapneumovirus (me, typing into my phone to figure out what the doctor was talking about: human meta human virus? google: no. me: human metanomial virus? google: no. human metaPNEUMOvirus. me: OH THAT MAKES SENSE.) which is apparently common but underdiagnosed, and dangerous in elderly people and also highly contagious (according to both the infectious disease doctor and doctor google), which is why we have to wear the masks and gowns etc. Which makes it superhard to have a facial conversation (my sister is deaf in one ear and my hearing is not so good, so we do a lot of making faces at each other across a room to communicate and that is not easy when you're both wearing masks and glasses), but since my immune system never met a respiratory infection it didn't roll over for, I'm hoping I don't end up with this one. (My sister, the one with the autoimmune disease, was like, I never get sick like that! I don't need to do all this! and her husband just stood behind her rolling his eyes.).
They didn't tell us what medication he's on for that, but there are also antibiotics to work on the sepsis and a second, even more special drug than the one he was on Friday night to stabilize his heart rate, which is alarmingly all over the place, and a bunch of other tubes and lines that are quite terrifying honestly.
That's basically all the updates I have. I came home last night instead of sleeping at my brother's - I just wanted my own bed - and I slept in this morning (I grudgingly set my clock an hour ahead when I went to bed so instead of going to bed early at 10 pm, it was regular time at 11 pm) so at least I feel less completely exhausted and more just regular tired. I'll be taking a much later train today than usual, and probably not staying quite as long since I still have to go to work tomorrow barring any unfortunate turn of events.
And now, there are some clementines calling my name, so I shall sign off rather than get the keyboard all sticky.
***
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My dad looked much better yesterday than he had on Friday night. They'd tapered the sedative down enough so that he was occasionally awake and he responded when we spoke and knew who we were. And seemed awfully annoyed that he had a tube down his throat and couldn't talk. This morning they are supposed to try to wean him off the respirator and see if he can breath on his own now. *crosses fingers* I guess that is the most pressing issue, and then all the other stuff has to be addressed.
The virus he has is called human metapneumovirus (me, typing into my phone to figure out what the doctor was talking about: human meta human virus? google: no. me: human metanomial virus? google: no. human metaPNEUMOvirus. me: OH THAT MAKES SENSE.) which is apparently common but underdiagnosed, and dangerous in elderly people and also highly contagious (according to both the infectious disease doctor and doctor google), which is why we have to wear the masks and gowns etc. Which makes it superhard to have a facial conversation (my sister is deaf in one ear and my hearing is not so good, so we do a lot of making faces at each other across a room to communicate and that is not easy when you're both wearing masks and glasses), but since my immune system never met a respiratory infection it didn't roll over for, I'm hoping I don't end up with this one. (My sister, the one with the autoimmune disease, was like, I never get sick like that! I don't need to do all this! and her husband just stood behind her rolling his eyes.).
They didn't tell us what medication he's on for that, but there are also antibiotics to work on the sepsis and a second, even more special drug than the one he was on Friday night to stabilize his heart rate, which is alarmingly all over the place, and a bunch of other tubes and lines that are quite terrifying honestly.
That's basically all the updates I have. I came home last night instead of sleeping at my brother's - I just wanted my own bed - and I slept in this morning (I grudgingly set my clock an hour ahead when I went to bed so instead of going to bed early at 10 pm, it was regular time at 11 pm) so at least I feel less completely exhausted and more just regular tired. I'll be taking a much later train today than usual, and probably not staying quite as long since I still have to go to work tomorrow barring any unfortunate turn of events.
And now, there are some clementines calling my name, so I shall sign off rather than get the keyboard all sticky.
***
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- mood: tired
- music:Uma Thurman - Fall Out Boy
So I did not get to see Trevor Noah last night.
That is a really terrible way to start this entry? But the fact is, I did not get to see Trevor Noah last night even though all my work stuff was done. I in fact left work not late but early, in order to get out to Huntington Hospital, because apparently my father coded in the ER and was intubated and sedated and my sister-in-law was like, "get out here now." So I did.
( medical stuffCollapse )
The nurse said this morning that he's somewhat coherent and can follow prompts - he squeezed her hand, for instance, when directed - but otherwise, no real change.
Let's just say I do not recommend the experience, either as the person undergoing the infection or the people who love that person.
I slept some last night but I still feel exhausted and I doubt that is going away any time soon.
Right now I'm home for a bit and then I'll head back out with a bag packed, in case I need to stay overnight.
Comments are of course appreciated but I doubt I will be in any condition to answer them. <3
***
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people have commented there.
That is a really terrible way to start this entry? But the fact is, I did not get to see Trevor Noah last night even though all my work stuff was done. I in fact left work not late but early, in order to get out to Huntington Hospital, because apparently my father coded in the ER and was intubated and sedated and my sister-in-law was like, "get out here now." So I did.
( medical stuffCollapse )
The nurse said this morning that he's somewhat coherent and can follow prompts - he squeezed her hand, for instance, when directed - but otherwise, no real change.
Let's just say I do not recommend the experience, either as the person undergoing the infection or the people who love that person.
I slept some last night but I still feel exhausted and I doubt that is going away any time soon.
Right now I'm home for a bit and then I'll head back out with a bag packed, in case I need to stay overnight.
Comments are of course appreciated but I doubt I will be in any condition to answer them. <3
***
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- mood: exhausted
- music:This Tornado Loves You - Neko Case
I was here until 8 pm last night*, since I can't stay late today and I did not want a repeat of the last two board mailings, where I was schlepping them to FedEx at 8 pm on Friday night. And they sent me home in a car and bought me a danish this morning, so I suppose I can't complain too much? Meh. The packets are with FedEx now and the documents have all been emailed, so if we have more snow on Tuesday, as predicted, everyone will have an electronic version at least.
*I can't even muster anything more than resigned frustration right now for the way two hours of my life were wasted.
Between work and my dad - he was taken back to the hospital earlier today for respiratory distress, and I'm waiting for the update from my brother, who had to get out to Huntington from Yonkers - I'm too exhausted to do much else but refresh tumblr and play online solitaire (plain old three-turn klondike for me). I am really good at online solitaire, you guys. It soothes something in my brain, I don't even know.
But I have no fic to post today because of it, and I wanted to, because today is Bucky Barnes's 100th birthday! And I even have a wip titled "Bucky's Birthday Breakfast" (a working title only) but like everything else, it languishes right now. Even the id-fic** I've been working on has been reduced to me changing "a" to "the" and back instead of making any sort of forward progress on it. I guess part of it is exhaustion and part of it is finally committing to the porn, or, rather, finding the right way for the characters to commit to the porn. *hands* Writing is hard!
**I mean, most of what I write is id-fic in one way or another. it's just that usually my id wants snappy banter and first kisses, and this is. not that.
It's also the 20th(!!!) anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Buffy and Bucky! Two great tastes that would probably taste great together.) and I've been enjoying some of the retrospectives on various pop culture sites. Buffy was the second online fandom I participated in, and I still have any number of friends from those days, and maybe someday I'll get around to doing that selective rewatch.
Oh! And the reason I have to leave work on time tonight is that I am seeing Trevor Noah get interviewed by Chris Jackson at NYPL! I am excite!
***
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*I can't even muster anything more than resigned frustration right now for the way two hours of my life were wasted.
Between work and my dad - he was taken back to the hospital earlier today for respiratory distress, and I'm waiting for the update from my brother, who had to get out to Huntington from Yonkers - I'm too exhausted to do much else but refresh tumblr and play online solitaire (plain old three-turn klondike for me). I am really good at online solitaire, you guys. It soothes something in my brain, I don't even know.
But I have no fic to post today because of it, and I wanted to, because today is Bucky Barnes's 100th birthday! And I even have a wip titled "Bucky's Birthday Breakfast" (a working title only) but like everything else, it languishes right now. Even the id-fic** I've been working on has been reduced to me changing "a" to "the" and back instead of making any sort of forward progress on it. I guess part of it is exhaustion and part of it is finally committing to the porn, or, rather, finding the right way for the characters to commit to the porn. *hands* Writing is hard!
**I mean, most of what I write is id-fic in one way or another. it's just that usually my id wants snappy banter and first kisses, and this is. not that.
It's also the 20th(!!!) anniversary of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Buffy and Bucky! Two great tastes that would probably taste great together.) and I've been enjoying some of the retrospectives on various pop culture sites. Buffy was the second online fandom I participated in, and I still have any number of friends from those days, and maybe someday I'll get around to doing that selective rewatch.
Oh! And the reason I have to leave work on time tonight is that I am seeing Trevor Noah get interviewed by Chris Jackson at NYPL! I am excite!
***
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- mood: exhausted
- music:The Chain (live) - Fleetwood Mac
I feel like I could complain about work but I also feel like all I ever do is complain about work so let's not do that. Have a meme instead:
send me a character & I'll answer the following about them!
general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don't like them | eh | they're fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life
hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang
hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff
best quality:
worst quality:
ship them with:
brotp them with:
needs to stay away from:
misc. thoughts:
I mean, surely you want to hear my sorting thoughts on various characters, right? There's literally no better way to start an argument among fans than sorting characters into Hogwarts houses. #SORTING IS SRS BZNS
Answered: Finn (from Star Wars, to clarify) | Natasha Romanoff | Bruce Wayne | Olivia Dunham | Felicity Smoak | Amy Santiago | Obi-Wan Kenobi | Zuko
***
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people have commented there.
send me a character & I'll answer the following about them!
general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don't like them | eh | they're fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life
hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang
hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff
best quality:
worst quality:
ship them with:
brotp them with:
needs to stay away from:
misc. thoughts:
I mean, surely you want to hear my sorting thoughts on various characters, right? There's literally no better way to start an argument among fans than sorting characters into Hogwarts houses. #SORTING IS SRS BZNS
Answered: Finn (from Star Wars, to clarify) | Natasha Romanoff | Bruce Wayne | Olivia Dunham | Felicity Smoak | Amy Santiago | Obi-Wan Kenobi | Zuko
***
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- mood:
cynical - music:Spare Parts - Bruce Springsteen
I forgot to switch to The Flash because I was half-asleep watching the Rangers, and they won! Though Tanner Glass was credited with a goal which means we'll never be rid of him now. Sigh. That Holden goal with him in front of the net was nice though. (Why didn't the goalie see through Glass? Because of the screen! ba-dum-tish. Sorry.) Anyway. Lundqvist looked great, though, more confident than he'd been earlier in the season, and Nash looks like he's feeling his oats, though he has yet to actually convert. Also what is that beard? He looks like an Amish farmer dude surprised by the scandal of the big city. And lastly, I wish Stepan had gotten an empty-netter, at least, just to get him off the schneid.
***
What I'm reading Wednesday:
what I've just finished
Um. Nothing? I'm still in the middle of reading things. For real though, the shorter commute is great time-wise but it does cut into my reading something fierce.
what I'm currently reading
I've put aside Hidden Figures for the moment in favor of The Guineveres by Sarah Domet, which came from the library on Sunday. It's okay so far? I don't really have any feelings about it one way or the other.
I'm also reading the first DC Bombshells trade and enjoying it. Superheroes fighting Nazis, as they were meant to! (Though seriously, Harper Row even here? Why not Steph and Cass? Sigh. I do like that Nell is involved, though.)
Listen, I'm not going to tell you DC is better than Marvel or v.v. because they are both terrible, but right now Marvel is making some really awful editorial decisions - or allowing Nick Spencer to make really awful decisions, anyway - so it's refreshing to read something that understands that as always the Nazis are the bad guys. I realize in this time of alternative facts things get confusing, but no matter what you call them - Death Eaters, Hydra, the Empire, the First Order, the alt-right - they are fascists bent on genocide and terror and they're the bad guys, always.
what I'm reading next
*hands* Probably the next Bombshells trade. I don't think I can catch up via individual issues, since there are 89 of 'em so far, so I guess I'll trade-wait. Sigh. As for books, I don't know!
***
Ugh, work. I am so confused.
I understand that the women's strike was time to coordinate with International Women's Day, but it is just bad timing for me. If it were next Wednesday, I would have happily stayed home. As it is, I didn't even know I was supposed to wear red, so I'm wearing grey and black, as per usual.
***
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people have commented there.
***
What I'm reading Wednesday:
what I've just finished
Um. Nothing? I'm still in the middle of reading things. For real though, the shorter commute is great time-wise but it does cut into my reading something fierce.
what I'm currently reading
I've put aside Hidden Figures for the moment in favor of The Guineveres by Sarah Domet, which came from the library on Sunday. It's okay so far? I don't really have any feelings about it one way or the other.
I'm also reading the first DC Bombshells trade and enjoying it. Superheroes fighting Nazis, as they were meant to! (Though seriously, Harper Row even here? Why not Steph and Cass? Sigh. I do like that Nell is involved, though.)
Listen, I'm not going to tell you DC is better than Marvel or v.v. because they are both terrible, but right now Marvel is making some really awful editorial decisions - or allowing Nick Spencer to make really awful decisions, anyway - so it's refreshing to read something that understands that as always the Nazis are the bad guys. I realize in this time of alternative facts things get confusing, but no matter what you call them - Death Eaters, Hydra, the Empire, the First Order, the alt-right - they are fascists bent on genocide and terror and they're the bad guys, always.
what I'm reading next
*hands* Probably the next Bombshells trade. I don't think I can catch up via individual issues, since there are 89 of 'em so far, so I guess I'll trade-wait. Sigh. As for books, I don't know!
***
Ugh, work. I am so confused.
I understand that the women's strike was time to coordinate with International Women's Day, but it is just bad timing for me. If it were next Wednesday, I would have happily stayed home. As it is, I didn't even know I was supposed to wear red, so I'm wearing grey and black, as per usual.
***
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- mood:
confused - music:I'm Not Down - Thea Gilmore
I enjoyed last night's Rangers game, mostly for Antti Raanta's heroics in net and then that glorious game winning goal by Mika Zibanejad (I find it so satisfying to yell out his name when he does something), but oy, the ever present wank about Tanner Glass, who rejoined the team last night for the first time all season, makes going to Blueshirt Banter a sore trial. I don't much care for him either (and I don't understand AV's hard-on for him) and I don't think better players should sit while he plays, but he had all of 5 minutes of ice time last night and he's not actually the root of all evil. I am just saying.
In other news, yesterday, I was tellingangelgazing* that I really want a Steve/Peggy vid to Brian Fallon's Nobody Wins, and I've been listening to in on repeat a lot lately and vidding it in my head. *sobs*
I mean, clearly it starts in Peggy's POV with Steve going into the ice while she's on the other end of the radio: Skin and bones, you never did come home / Crashing on my heart through the telephone and then, I must have lived a lifetime without you / You must've ended up somebody's angel would be footage from Agent Carter with Peggy saying goodbye to Steve and then meeting Angie/Daniel/Dottie and having a life.
And then switch to Steve's POV with The queen is gone, she died from a sad song / I lost most of myself pleasing everyone / I had to learn how to begin again / It's alright, move on with Steve's sadness errands and then joining the Avengers/his friendships with Nat and Sam, and then Peggy's funeral.
You could use the Howling Commandos toasting Steve (and Bucky) with If I never see you again / Have a round on me love, hallelujah, nobody wins, and then later Steve and Sam or Steve and Thor drinking together. And And hey, hey, pretty baby / I still remember you driving me crazy could be all the little early moments - Steve grinning when Peggy decks Hodge, the flagpole incident, Peggy poking Steve's pec when he's fresh from the serum, the red dress in the bar, etc.
Someone who actually vids should do that.
*She suggested it was actually a Steve/Bucky song, but I feel like there is still hope for Steve/Bucky! In my heart if not in canon, anyway. *wry* But Peggy is gone and she had her life without Steve - they had their wartime romance and missed opportunities, but he has to keep going after she dies, just as she kept going after he was lost/frozen.
***
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people have commented there.
In other news, yesterday, I was telling
I mean, clearly it starts in Peggy's POV with Steve going into the ice while she's on the other end of the radio: Skin and bones, you never did come home / Crashing on my heart through the telephone and then, I must have lived a lifetime without you / You must've ended up somebody's angel would be footage from Agent Carter with Peggy saying goodbye to Steve and then meeting Angie/Daniel/Dottie and having a life.
And then switch to Steve's POV with The queen is gone, she died from a sad song / I lost most of myself pleasing everyone / I had to learn how to begin again / It's alright, move on with Steve's sadness errands and then joining the Avengers/his friendships with Nat and Sam, and then Peggy's funeral.
You could use the Howling Commandos toasting Steve (and Bucky) with If I never see you again / Have a round on me love, hallelujah, nobody wins, and then later Steve and Sam or Steve and Thor drinking together. And And hey, hey, pretty baby / I still remember you driving me crazy could be all the little early moments - Steve grinning when Peggy decks Hodge, the flagpole incident, Peggy poking Steve's pec when he's fresh from the serum, the red dress in the bar, etc.
Someone who actually vids should do that.
*She suggested it was actually a Steve/Bucky song, but I feel like there is still hope for Steve/Bucky! In my heart if not in canon, anyway. *wry* But Peggy is gone and she had her life without Steve - they had their wartime romance and missed opportunities, but he has to keep going after she dies, just as she kept going after he was lost/frozen.
***
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- mood: nostalgic
- music:I guess we're never gonna end up the lucky ones
I completely blanked last week that Lent was starting - I am not even a C&E Catholic anymore, just a weddings & funerals Catholic - and I figured that 1. it wasn't even a sin really to eat meet on Ash Wednesday because 2. wasting the food would be worse. The pope should just call me on doctrinal matters from now on. *snerk* (I did manage to go meatless on Friday thanks to free bagels at work for breakfast and lunch.) But this week I decided to try to be better and have meatless Fridays because 1. I don't eat meat all that often anyway and 2. I feel like the effort to occasionally be mindful of what Lent means is...it makes me feel less bad about my complicated feelings about religion. Like, I might not be observant but at least I'm occasionally paying attention? Idek.
And I've just deleted a whole ramble about that because nobody cares, and that is not even what I wanted to talk about, which is that in the past I've made single serving lasagna squares for lunch using wonton wrappers, so that is what I was planning for this week (though instead of tomato sauce, I like to mix pesto with ricotta and use that), but I couldn't find wonton wrappers so I bought spring roll wrappers instead, and made ersatz manicotti instead of ersatz lasagna. Which was an interesting experience, as I had never worked with them before. The directions on the container say you should blanch them in boiling water, but the internet told me I could just run them under hot water in the sink before I filled them and that seemed to work okay.
I can report that the stuffed part works just fine but the folded over ends were too hard to eat, in my opinion. So I think next time - since I still have a bunch of them left - I will just trim the ends off instead of folding them over. Live and learn.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/915010.html.
people have commented there.
And I've just deleted a whole ramble about that because nobody cares, and that is not even what I wanted to talk about, which is that in the past I've made single serving lasagna squares for lunch using wonton wrappers, so that is what I was planning for this week (though instead of tomato sauce, I like to mix pesto with ricotta and use that), but I couldn't find wonton wrappers so I bought spring roll wrappers instead, and made ersatz manicotti instead of ersatz lasagna. Which was an interesting experience, as I had never worked with them before. The directions on the container say you should blanch them in boiling water, but the internet told me I could just run them under hot water in the sink before I filled them and that seemed to work okay.
I can report that the stuffed part works just fine but the folded over ends were too hard to eat, in my opinion. So I think next time - since I still have a bunch of them left - I will just trim the ends off instead of folding them over. Live and learn.
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/915010.html.
- mood: busy
- music:all you're ever losing is a little mascara
Since I haven't been sleeping well, I've been overcaffeinating, which means that I just slept worse, so after a very small cup of coffee yesterday and a decent (6 hours!) night's sleep last night, I didn't have any coffee today (I also slept for an hour on the train, which I generally try not to do, but it was very soothing), and so I have one hell of a headache. (I also didn't drink a lot of water, which usually forestalls the caffeine withdrawal headache, because of the aforementioned train trip.)
So I did go to see my dad, and he mostly slept through my visit. *hands* Yesterday he was feeling ornery, at least according to my sister, because he was having some serious back pain, and they wouldn't give him adequate painkillers, but after a couple of go-rounds with the nurses, they gave him something that worked. Today he said the pain was typical for him, and not nearly as bad as it was yesterday, so he refused the pain medication when the nurse offered it.
Amusingly, when I showed up and he was like, "Put on the TV," I put on the TV and there was Star Wars. It's like they knew I was coming! So we watched it. or I watched it and he snoozed through it. I left when it was over and Empire had started. Gotta love TNT, with their endless Star Wars and LotR marathons every weekend.
And there was Star Wars Rebels last night, which I enjoyed. ( spoilersCollapse )
And also I posted a story yesterday:
Everything That Rises Must Converge (@ AO3)
Star Wars; Obi-Wan, Leia, Luke, Vader; g; AU; 5,165 words
In which Leia makes it to Tatooine's surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.
This actually grew out of a tumblr post I made back in December, wishing that Obi-Wan had gotten to meet Leia, and wondering how that would go. But I couldn't figure out a way for him to survive once they were on the Death Star, so suddenly, on Friday afternoon, while I was supposed to be writing minutes, this idea sprang full-blown into being. I have never managed an Obi-Wan POV before, and I'm not sure I got it quite right, but it was fun to try.
silveronthetree and I were talking recently about telling the story from the POV of the person who knows the least, and how that can be a good technique for building tension and keeping the reader interested because they're learning stuff along with the POV character (or in some cases, where the even reader knows more than the POV character and thus you get some nice dramatic irony going). But in this case, I wanted Obi-Wan's POV as the person who knew the most because I wanted his responses to Leia (and to Luke and Leia together). I also enjoyed using the "obi-wan's casual relationship with the truth" tag, because gosh does he have one. (Otoh, it didn't quite merit a "sad bastard obi-wan" tag, but one day I'll use that.)
And then of course Vader showed up and he just takes over everything with his himness and his issues. But I can't resist letting him drama queen it up. I sent this gif set to my nephew the other day, thinking he must have seen Rogue One, and he was like, "I haven't, but I'm going to now! I love him!" and I was like, "*put-upon sigh* me too." Your problematic fave could never. ;p
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914776.html.
people have commented there.
So I did go to see my dad, and he mostly slept through my visit. *hands* Yesterday he was feeling ornery, at least according to my sister, because he was having some serious back pain, and they wouldn't give him adequate painkillers, but after a couple of go-rounds with the nurses, they gave him something that worked. Today he said the pain was typical for him, and not nearly as bad as it was yesterday, so he refused the pain medication when the nurse offered it.
Amusingly, when I showed up and he was like, "Put on the TV," I put on the TV and there was Star Wars. It's like they knew I was coming! So we watched it. or I watched it and he snoozed through it. I left when it was over and Empire had started. Gotta love TNT, with their endless Star Wars and LotR marathons every weekend.
And there was Star Wars Rebels last night, which I enjoyed. ( spoilersCollapse )
And also I posted a story yesterday:
Everything That Rises Must Converge (@ AO3)
Star Wars; Obi-Wan, Leia, Luke, Vader; g; AU; 5,165 words
In which Leia makes it to Tatooine's surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.
This actually grew out of a tumblr post I made back in December, wishing that Obi-Wan had gotten to meet Leia, and wondering how that would go. But I couldn't figure out a way for him to survive once they were on the Death Star, so suddenly, on Friday afternoon, while I was supposed to be writing minutes, this idea sprang full-blown into being. I have never managed an Obi-Wan POV before, and I'm not sure I got it quite right, but it was fun to try.
And then of course Vader showed up and he just takes over everything with his himness and his issues. But I can't resist letting him drama queen it up. I sent this gif set to my nephew the other day, thinking he must have seen Rogue One, and he was like, "I haven't, but I'm going to now! I love him!" and I was like, "*put-upon sigh* me too." Your problematic fave could never. ;p
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914776.html.
- mood:headachy
- music:You Make Loving Fun - Fleetwood Mac
Everything That Rises Must Converge
Star Wars; Obi-Wan, Leia, Luke, Vader; g; AU; 5,165 words
In which Leia makes it to Tatooine's surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.
Some dialogue is lifted from the movies and one line is from the comics. Title from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
At AO3.
( Everything That Rises Must ConvergeCollapse )
~*~
Feedback is adored.
~*~
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914569.html.
people have commented there.
Star Wars; Obi-Wan, Leia, Luke, Vader; g; AU; 5,165 words
In which Leia makes it to Tatooine's surface after the Tantive IV is boarded, and nobody is prepared for this particular family reunion.
Some dialogue is lifted from the movies and one line is from the comics. Title from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
At AO3.
( Everything That Rises Must ConvergeCollapse )
~*~
Feedback is adored.
~*~
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914569.html.
- mood: tired
what a clusterfuck of a day. usually this only happens to me on Tuesdays, so I don't even know what the fuck is going on today. The trains, technology, my own brain - it's all working against me in small but super aggravating ways that make it hard to catch up and stay on top of shit I need to be doing. Also makes it hard to appreciate this new sweet second monitor they set me up with yesterday, though I am boring and only use it to keep the bosses' calendars visible at all times.
I spoke with my dad earlier - he has a habit of not picking up the phone when I call so I hadn't gotten through in a couple of days - and they moved him yesterday to a rehab facility and he sounds so depressed. It makes my heart hurt. He just wants to go home, but his back still hurts and he has another problem that we are still waiting for clarification of from the doctor, but which would probably mean he can't go home until it's fixed (or if it can't be fixed, he has to go into a nursing home? Which is what we do not want, and what he certainly does not want) and meh. It's just making me sad.
In less sad news, someone asked me about Darcy in the GFFA, particular Darcy with Padme, and while I still find many things about Padme inexplicable, it was fun to revisit Darcy's POV with this. Darcy as the Skywalker twins' babysitter offers up so much potential for hilarity down the line. *g*
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914334.html.
people have commented there.
I spoke with my dad earlier - he has a habit of not picking up the phone when I call so I hadn't gotten through in a couple of days - and they moved him yesterday to a rehab facility and he sounds so depressed. It makes my heart hurt. He just wants to go home, but his back still hurts and he has another problem that we are still waiting for clarification of from the doctor, but which would probably mean he can't go home until it's fixed (or if it can't be fixed, he has to go into a nursing home? Which is what we do not want, and what he certainly does not want) and meh. It's just making me sad.
In less sad news, someone asked me about Darcy in the GFFA, particular Darcy with Padme, and while I still find many things about Padme inexplicable, it was fun to revisit Darcy's POV with this. Darcy as the Skywalker twins' babysitter offers up so much potential for hilarity down the line. *g*
***
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914334.html.
- mood: blah
- music:Heartshaped Box - Nirvana. oh the ipod always knows.
My eternal refrain: why is the Rangers' power play so terrible? WHY?
*
The Flash: Attack on Central City
( spoilersCollapse )
*
What I'm reading Wednesday:
What I've just finished
The Bees by Laline Paull, which is very inventive and wonderfully written, but I wasn't particularly emotionally engaged in it. *hands*
In the main Star Wars comic, ( I guess this is spoilery?Collapse )
What I'm reading now
I started Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly, and some of my WWII reading has already helped me with context here at the beginning; I'm sure my reading about the space program will make some later stuff more understandable as well. I love it when that happens.
What I'm reading next
Dunno! I've still got a couple months before City of Miracles comes out (May!? I thought it was coming out in April!) - that's my most anticipated book this spring.
*
In other news, Logan is getting really good reviews! Comparisons to Unforgiven have been made! Apparently it lives up to the trailers. Which is exciting. I might have to actually see it. Even though I haven't seen any of the other movies I intended to see over the past few months. *sigh*
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914003.html.
people have commented there.
*
The Flash: Attack on Central City
( spoilersCollapse )
*
What I'm reading Wednesday:
What I've just finished
The Bees by Laline Paull, which is very inventive and wonderfully written, but I wasn't particularly emotionally engaged in it. *hands*
In the main Star Wars comic, ( I guess this is spoilery?Collapse )
What I'm reading now
I started Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly, and some of my WWII reading has already helped me with context here at the beginning; I'm sure my reading about the space program will make some later stuff more understandable as well. I love it when that happens.
What I'm reading next
Dunno! I've still got a couple months before City of Miracles comes out (May!? I thought it was coming out in April!) - that's my most anticipated book this spring.
*
In other news, Logan is getting really good reviews! Comparisons to Unforgiven have been made! Apparently it lives up to the trailers. Which is exciting. I might have to actually see it. Even though I haven't seen any of the other movies I intended to see over the past few months. *sigh*
*
This entry at DW: http://musesfool.dreamwidth.org/914003.html.
- mood: busy
- music:Backwards Walk - Frightened Rabbit
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