Whats on My Mind

Being a working woman

Recently, in two different conversations, two women walked up to me to say that they feel inspired by me and how do I manage it all. It led me to reflect upon if I achieved anything at all to inspire and not that I am a CEO on any company. And like every other woman I can come up with a list of 100 things that I could have done better in last one week.

I started as a small-town girl where I could have done my post-graduation and would have married to be a happy homemaker. But that thought never excited me. I wanted to work, earn my own money, have my own social life and my own identity. And I have all of it now. Many who started with me with same aim, settled for less or perhaps understood that they wanted something else. I have worked for 17 years in MNCs and raised 2 kids alongside.

Not that I count it as some achievement but if I think how it happened, I have to say it took work and a lot of will.

First and foremost, acknowledge what you want. To yourself and to your family. When I completed my MCA, I told my father that I wanted to work in IT industry. He was not convinced of sending me to a metro alone. But he showed faith in me and I promised him that if in one year I cannot make a place for myself, I would marry a man of his choice. To this day, he did not ask me to leave my job.

When marriage proposals came, I was not the coy bride-to-be. I told the suitors that I would like to work. I told them that family would be a priority, but I would not quit without trying and I want my husband to try with me , to make us successful. It takes two to make a happy home. I told them that I do not want to work because of money but because I like it. And luckily, I found a man who exactly thought the same way.

Secondly, prioritize. When I was expecting, I did not have a strength to work for 8 hours and then cook in the evening or do other chores. My husband worked late, there was not enough time for him to cook before dinner. So, we hired a cook. Many told me to take a break. Taking a break because I don’t have strength to cook, did not make any sense. The work kept me busy, active and sane. Cooking was not important, only eating was. Discuss with your partner what you want. Make sure he contributes to household chores. House hold chores are important but not beyond your sanity or your health.

Don’t keep yourself last in the list of your priorities. I am guilty of this even today, but I have improved. I had times when I did not see a movie for 5 years. Did not go for a kids-free date with the husband. Did not go for self-grooming for 6-8 months at a stretch. Did not think about my looks or fitness. And all this because I was too busy with the rest of it. And then I just decided to change that in 2010. I had my second child in 2011. But this time I prioritized myself better. I made sure I could go for a date or for self-grooming once in a while, without feeling guilty about it. That made me look and feel more confident, helped me calm down, gave me a break and made me a better mom in turn. So do prioritize yourself and make time for what makes you happy.

Plan and plan ahead. I planned on how and who will take care of baby when I returned to work. It was always a question of when and not if. I hunted day care centers and shortlisted them 6 months before the baby was born. I moved my rental accommodation close to the office, so I could feed the baby at mid-day. I discussed my plan with my manager as how I would shuffle my responsibilities for initial few months.

Next, ask for help. Get a support system. Family and if not, friends. I asked my mother to help me when I was advised bed rest and my MIL to baby sit for a few months when I returned to work. And I discussed this with her even before I conceived. Don’t live in the myth of “Super Woman” , they don’t exist, just like super man!

And last but not the least, hang on!! There will be days when you would feel it is all crumbling down. The kid has flunked a test, the house is a mess, the husband has a temper tantrum and it is all because of you and your job! Believe me, that’s not true. Do you think homemakers don’t have bad days? Push the urge to send in your resignation and sleep over it for a day or a week but do not take a decision in haste. Just hang on and things would be back to normal.

Remember that your struggles are not unique. Every woman faces similar ones. Go to online forums, office networks, mommy blogs and draw strength from others who have sailed through. And you may not even know that you have inspired a few on the way!