| FRIENDS ONLY |
[24 Aug 2012|02:06pm] |
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. O.N.L.Y.
comment to be added
~We Don't Own Emotion, We RENT~
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[09 Jul 2007|09:35pm] |
don't really remember what its like to be held.
can't quite recall how love feels anymore.
No longer able to convince myself I don't care.
Forgotten what it feels like to be attractive, to attract someone.
Funny how memory fails.
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[02 Jun 2007|07:23pm] |
Dear World,
I am so glad you're all so happy together, you all have someone new/fun/deep/strong/real/exciting/true/, youre all living love stories out of the movies congratulations. Thank you for forgetting about me.
-yours truly
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[17 Apr 2007|08:55pm] |
Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ~Confucius
Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire. ~Arnold H. Glasow
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves. ~Edmund Hillary
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. ~Buddha
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes. ~Henry David Thoreau
No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth. ~Robert Southey
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. ~Theodor Seuss Geisel, attributed
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[26 Feb 2007|03:57pm] |
driving fast because then maybe it wont catch up with me. Nothing can touch me.
I look around this room and wonder how I ended up back here again. Starting to realize that maybe I never actually left.
Why does there always have to be more to it?
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| find out who you are, and do it on purpose |
[11 Feb 2007|10:05pm] |
"Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world is watching." - Thomas Jefferson
"Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." -Albert Pike
"Down South everybody cherishes dreams. In dreams this world and the next mix like sugar and grits."
-Grandma Ernestine
"The South--where roots, place, family, and tradition are the essence of identity."
-historian Carl N. Degler
"The greater part of our happiness depends on our disposition and not our circumstances." - Martha Washington
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| what to do what to do |
[11 Feb 2007|04:00pm] |
I don't know I just don't know.
I think maybe what I want and what I am are to very different things.
I haven't felt that self concious in a long time. I don't know what that means. I didn't feel excited... I felt scared. Why does this scare me?
I dont know if I am being myself or not, if I am doing the right thing for myself or not, because I dont know (on that level) who I am right now.
I didn't necesarily feel comfortable like I thought I would.
my reasons are falling away. I thought the first class would make everything clear, would make me gung-ho and lock in a choice. If I am so unsure about it now but wanted it so bad before, then maybe I shouldn't do it. But I feel like I can't just say no to something that has withstood so many obstacles in mind, something that despite so many changes of heart, and reasons not to, I still want to do at least on some small level enough so to be giving it a chance. its just so much.
who am I trying to be.
Ever since I came back from break I have been feeling like something is missing. Not the kind of thing where a boyfriend will fill the void or anything. Maybe its because of katrina and eddie, or maybe thats just a silly extra.
I dont know. I just dont know. and I wish so much that I had some clue...
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| welcome to the wrong side of the tracks |
[03 Feb 2007|07:21pm] |
I want to write again. I feel like that chapter of my life is being reopened.
I'm just not sure where or how to start. After so many unfinished attempts I have gotten to where I run ideas through my head start to finish before I put them on paper, and I shoot them down right off the bat when i realize they're inconclusive or unimportant.
I have something to say. I just dont know what. how does it all come together?
ordinary...
remembered...
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[16 Jan 2007|06:50pm] |
its funny how very much things change.
I think I am at the end of a phase, and its funny because now I dont know which way to go. I have been so absorbed in wanting to be that particular person for so long, and now that those goals are beginning to fade I'm not sure who I am or what I mean or where I stand or what I should be working toward.
It makes me less confident, and less socially graceful. But theres nothing I can do to regain stabality of person. its outside my hands.
maybe things are better this way? I just wish I had some sense of meaning. Wish I knew what I wanted.
and yes. I know. we all have those days..
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[22 Dec 2006|11:08pm] |
alone.
game of chance
give it a chance
second chance
sometimes all we need is a second chance...
mine is gone.
alone.
tears are a sign of weakness.
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[20 Dec 2006|10:45pm] |
She's tough as nails
and just as strong
Got the kinda spirit
no man can hold
And she won't let a single soul
ever see her cry
Cause she's hell bent
on being tough
and keepin up her pride
While she's breakin horses
she's breakin hearts
Without a thought
to the boys
that she's left standin in the dark
There was once a time
when her heart was soft
And she let love fill her up
She'd have given up a lot of things
for that man who made her light and free
But all that lovin
couldn't hold together
two very different dreams
So a painful goodbye raised callouses
on her heart like the ones upon her hands
and since that empty day
she's had nothin left to give away
and she's gotten pretty good
at keepin love at arms legth
She rides for her own dreams
and the only man she needs
is the gelding who she gallops
into every fading sun
She'll walk through fire
ride any bucking beast
but the slightest hint
of a love of a man
and she'll shy and spoke
like an unbroken mare
and gallop away
just as fast as she can
She's tough as nails
and just as strong
got the kind of spirit
in need of true love
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| Tough Guise |
[13 Dec 2006|12:06am] |
sometime we've gotta learn that its a two way street.
When you shut the world out, So the world shuts out you.
When you cut yourself off from love, from other people, then fate in turn cuts love and other people off from you.
I raise an eyebrow at you
across the bar room
we share a glance and a smile
But I should know its only friendly
and just as my hybernating heart prepares to leap
she walks up to you, takes you hand, kisses you
and you both dance.
I just watch, smile and wave, befriend you both
I claim that it is all just sticking to my priciples
Afterall I can't say that I feel letdown
or heartbreak
if I simply "don't dabble in love or men at all."
tough guise
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| these eyes have seen, the most beautiful dreams |
[01 Dec 2006|04:01pm] |
out on this cold marble dance floor
hesitant feet roll their dice
over a cold black and white patchwork of ice
hopeless stilletos, making a guess
there's no coreography in the ballroom of life
Because fires burn
long after they've been fought
and the faces of those we lost
are illuminated in the flames
every time our minds eye grasps a lull
Even without light
the shadows still project
on the walls of our mind
shadows of the people who once fulfilled out lives
those souls with which we indetified
the ones that made us whole
and the footprints remain
deep in the sand, despite the tide
so take off youre dancning shoes a while
let the illusion of music melt away
be bareffot for a moment
stop trying to decide
which steps are wrong, and which are right
just close your eyes
and wonder
why?
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| red roses |
[25 Nov 2006|10:09pm] |
I'm blessed
but my life is full of them. Full of red roses
I hate
red
roses
and they
hate
me
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| almost home |
[19 Nov 2006|03:51pm] |
The mom turned gently to the little girl sleeping in the back seat and whispered
"Wake up honey, we're almost home."
scarce rain drops in the cold, and that silver-blue tint that takes over the world. naked trees. naked hearts. broken down from expounding to much happiness all at once.
wake up honey
we're almost home
you're almost home
I'm almost home
what if she just stays asleep...
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| potential for a party |
[16 Nov 2006|07:24pm] |
life could be good... scratch that life could be great again.
this weekend has crazy potential. on so many levels. Time to open up my heart...
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| funnny what self defense and alcohol can do to you |
[22 Oct 2006|08:20pm] |
this place... its so funny. Its like that good idea you have that you cant quite carry through.
don't know where that came from...
I have to feelings here.
1) the sense that I am truly and completly on my own, and all my decesions are all my own. there is no one else in my heart backing me up.
2) the sense that I am not alone at all, because people here really care and someone will always be there to take care of you no matter what.
Its funny how the heart works. How you can love so much and then the heart just sort of goes into recess and you lack the capability or desire to put other people in that special place in your heart.
I like soft music and strings and taking it easy and dreams. but the fast paced nature of actually taking on life...
I have grown up so much this weekend.
I have grown up
so much.
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[19 Oct 2006|08:41pm] |
I am now in unoffical training to become a firefighter. I feel like I'm actually doing something with my life, and I cant express how important this is and how motivated I am.
p.s. I am SERIOUSLY addicted to working out hardcore. if you havent tried getting into it, i'll warn you its like a drug. I love it. everything about it including the soreness afterward. If I could I would work out perpetually, its such a great high.
p.p.s. I have a ton of shit to do, and its already the weekend! And I'm taking a self defense class now yay.
p.p.p.s. FUCK the equestrian team. it sucks.
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[18 Oct 2006|04:35pm] |
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to fight fire or not to fight fire, that is the question...
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