no one's ever attempted a double bypass brain transplant before

Okay none of this is going to be a coherent thing, I just have to put all of my excitement out into the universe. I am not going to remember everything because it's the next morning and I don't have the bluray/dvd in front of me, but here we go! Obviously this is going behind a cut so no one gets spoiled.

( I am overwhelmed )

I watched the concert today alone in my living room in the middle of the day sipping at vodka coke and dancing stupidly in my pajamas - yay staycation! But something I did with Japonism this time was really try and stay away from any details people were posting online throughout the tour and beyond. I vaguely knew about the solos because people naturally get excited about those, but for the most part I was able to avoid a lot of photos or descriptions - and didn't read the set list on the back of my bluray either.

So it all felt very new after a long wait, which was excellent! And I had so many unexpected big feelings that I can't contain them and livejournal was the only place I could think to bring them. No screencaps or gifs below - I haven't gotten around to grabbing a digital copy, so this is really just flailing. If you're interested for whatever reason, then full speed ahead!

( MY HEART, MY IDOLS, MY HAPPY PLACE )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIBA MASAKI!! Thank you for continuing to bring sunshine into our humble fangirl lives. This year has been so incredible across the board, and getting to share Aiba moments just reminds me how much so. As in tradition for this year - I've done 33 for his 33rd birthday :) No individual shows here, so if you have anything you'd like to share from Manabu or TSD (OR ANYTHING really!) please feel free to do so in the comments ♥


33 AMAZING AIBA MOMENTS

1. When he showed off his smokin' hot abs!



( more this way )

Happy, happy birthday to Jenny (thoroughlynerdy), who has been a great friend to get to know and spend time with ♥

Hope you've had a great one. Here is a nice wall of Junba to warm your heart on this special day.

( Jun and Aiba are in love and went on a tanabata date probably... )

HAPPY 32nd Birthday, Nino~!!

I decided that the best way to celebrate was to collect a series of 32 moments I enjoyed of Nino on TV between his last birthday and this one. Unfortunately I did not manage to include any Nino-san (that's how many moments there were! I got to 32 before I'd even reached it!), so if anyone would like to add Nino-san moments in the comments they would be very welcome. :D

ANY additional moments welcome! Nino love ♥

But for my contribution, here we go!

32 PRECIOUS NINO GEMS

1. The time he made Jun mad during a quiz and he attacked the set.



( fashion, failure, and fantastic faces )

I was told over and over by my friends that my facial expression was blank, both after the concert and sometimes during. I didn't flail or scream or squeal a lot, I didn't feel like I was riding on a high and just needed to keep going endlessly. If you'd asked me before the concert how I thought I would react, I'd definitely say I would cry a million times and scream my head off and leave wanting to keep singing and dancing until finally bursting into billions of fangirl pieces.

That did not happen.

( Lots of happy feelings under the cut!! )

That's all from me. Forever fan. So grateful that I got the chance to experience this, even just once. ♥ 5x15!! I sincerely hope for 5x20 because this band of idiots is the best thing going.

Stole this from my new friend moniquethehuman. Based on I'm assuming the Shiyagare with Fukada Kyoko. :D

Marriage: Matsumoto Jun. I think he would ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME but in that way that only someone you really, really love could do. He's not the type of guy I would typically find myself attracted to at first, but I think he'd bring out some of my better qualities and help balance my life. I'd get a little more socially active, which I need, but he's also capable of staying at home and watching a romantic comedy with me. I think we'd have a lot of great conversations, and I would trust Jun to raise kids - I think he'd really put his heart and soul into that. It would be equal parts adventurous and peaceful, and that sounds wonderful to me. ♥

Lover: Ohno Satoshi. He's the type of guy I would crush on - highly creative, intelligent but maybe not in the book-smart kind of way, and reserved unless you get him hyped up about something. I know I'd want to be around him, want to impress him, would have a fantastic time in bed with him (I mean, c'mon!), but then it would get to a point where I just didn't feel quite myself around him and it wouldn't work out. Sorry, Ohno! We'll always have Paris.

Friend: Sakurai Sho. We share some common traits that I think would be difficult in a relationship, but perfect for a friendship. I'm incredibly chatty, and so is he, so I think we could pass time together really easily just talking for hours. We could also probably travel together, as I think he has a lot of the same interests so far as tourism is concerned. We'd take photographs and eat at great places and be annoying with slideshows. But so far as ~romance~ is concerned, I don't think we'd balance each other enough.

Father: Ninomiya Kazunari. Even though I would love to pick him for lover, friend, or marriage... I just feel like he fits here. He'd be really fun to have as a father, and I think he'll make a great one in the future. He cares about his family, that much is clear to me. One thing I've always liked in a parent is when they treat their kids like little adults, not so much in responsibility, but in how they communicate. I bet Nino would treat kids like a friend, and that's what I have with my parents right now. Maybe he'd write songs for me to dance around to or something. It's a little weird to picture this category at all, but yeah!~ I'll go with this one. :D

Stranger: Aiba Masaki. :( But I think this just means that one day we'll pass on the street and I'll be like "OMG, COME BE BEST FRIENDS WITH ME" and then I'll have both Sho and Aiba as friends and that would be THE BEST COMBINATION for a trio. It'll be Ron-Harry-Hermione kind of thing, without the threat of death (maybe a tiny, tiny threat of death by bad food or sumo tubing).

I TAG ALL OF YOU. GOOOOO. :D

Helloooooo.

In the time since I last posted, by which I mean in the journal-ing capacity and not just Arashi's faces (though they are worth a million posts and all of my time ♥) I have:

Gone to a memorial service at Arlington National Cemetery
Started walking every morning at noooooo'clock
Paid for over 1,000 dollars in repairs to my vehicle
Marathon watched and caught up with Game of Thrones
Met tangiblewhimsy and taken her to the beach ♥
Mourned the loss of another family member
Lost 15 pounds and given up soda
Taken a step forward in the modern world by replacing a 10 year old modem
Met with amazing Arashi fans in DC for food and passionate discussions of our manband
Decided to purchase a new, less cursed vehicle by the end of the year
Started writing some stuff

Among other things. It's been a fairly productive summer, given how I would normally spend my time curled up in a ball complaining about how the temperature should never be above ~my comfort~ degrees. I have been actively attempting to change myself for the better. I want to be healthier, happier, and exist more in a social sphere.

It used to be that I didn't really use Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or any apps on my iPhone for anything basically at all. I isolated myself to LiveJournal only and spent the rest of my time playing bubbleshooter.

I still like bubbleshooter, don't get me wrong, but it's nice to interact with people too. I like to send stickers on LINE. I like to converse in real time! In fact, please add me on things if you're looking for me! @twitter - @tumblr Introduce me to your friends and I'll introduce you to mine and I promise no biting, just flailing.

I think it would be exhausting to be super positive all the time about everything. I'm too passionate about certain things to not get angry, to not feel frustrated or upset. But I feel different lately! I really do, and I hope the people around me can see it. I'm still learning, growing, figuring out what to improve. I still have goals, still have some small dreams, don't entirely know what the hell I'm all about, but... summer's been unique this year and I'm glad it's not quite over.

How are you? ♥

THREE INCIDENTS OF HYPERACTIVITY FROM SATURDAY NIGHT:

★ 1. My younger sister came home from college for the summer! This is always a good thing because she's really fun and a fellow Arashi fan and sometimes I just need her around. When I saw her car pull into the driveway I might have gotten a little too excited, however, because after hurriedly slipping into some shoes and heading out to greet her... I fell down the porch steps.

It was honestly like something out of a slapstick comedy. I opened my arms and shouted "SHANAENAEEEEEE" and then BAM, I am sliding down three steps and into the mulch (much of which I displaced). I'm probably lucky I didn't crack my head open. D: SO MUCH AFFECTION, I COULDN'T HOLD MYSELF UP.

★ 2. I watched Popcorn again with my sister and got maybe a little too into it, if there is such a thing. SPOILER ALERT!!! - Honestly, I'd forgotten the bit of growl Nino added to his voice during the performance of 駆け抜けろ! and it made me maybe possibly jump up off the couch, scream, and clap my hands wildly. I might have had the same reaction to a Day in Our Life just because I love that song and the brass sound they added at the beginning for extra fanfare. Also Jun's ass. Jun's ass is wonderful. Many things were wonderful, like Nino not even sitting down or getting noticeably tired was that even really him!?!? So good.

★ 3. When we were attempting to buy my mother some gifts for mother's day, my father told me about this rare jewelery he'd gotten her in Chile and would bring home. He told me that it's something you can't really find many places, and that mostly it was where he was in the Andes and in Afghanistan. So Saturday night he gives her this present and as he is explaining to her about the rare stone he goes, "This! This... is Lapis Lazuli."

I freaked out. I was clapping and jumping up and down (this was just a Saturday night thing, apparently) and shrieking because you can get it in Minecraft. When my dad said you could only find it in two places I said "THREE!" and then my younger sister reminded me that Minecraft isn't real and I DID NOT CARE. LAPIS LAZULI. REAL LAPIS LAZULI. MINECRAFT. YEAH.


In other news, it's hot as balls and our air conditioning is broken. I'm attempting to eat healthier and sometimes it's good, sometimes it makes me want a lot of ice cream. I might possibly change my sleep schedule so I can get up even earlier than the ass crack of dawn and walk/jog/exercise in some fashion before work but I'm afraid of losing time with west coast friends - but then, it's going to happen regardless if I add exercise to my schedule and I might just have to deal with it for the sake of my health.

I have an iPad now but hardly any apps, so if anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears!

There is a Shoneen Club contest going on. I am maybe possibly gearing up to write more fanfiction myself but am afraid to tell everyone that I will probably drop most if not all of my WIPs.

Has everyone seen that episode of Kitchen Nightmares that went viral? I made my whole family sit down and watch it and it was AMAZING.

Nino-san is really great, I am excited about potential subs for it. Aiba Manabu had me giggling the other day. It really is just like watching Aiba and some comedian pals be child-like in wonder and goof around. Enjoyable! Sho's Face Show as I call it is... I'm not sure yet. I keep meaning to watch more of it, but it doesn't pull me in the way the other 2 do. I think maybe Sho and Ariyoshi are too similar in overall mannerisms? Maybe with subs it will improve, if anyone decides to pick it up. :)

BUT SHO'S DRAMA IS THE BEST IT IS SUCH A MIND FUCK OMG LOVING EVERY SECOND. And I include the Arashi tie-in song Endless Game because I find it catchy as hell and I can't wait for a performance!

OKAY LJ/DW. I think I have sufficiently posted to you for the month of May. >.>

HI EVERYONE!! ♥

I've now officially had my LiveJournal for 10 years. It's gone through some name changes, friend changes, fandom changes and more - but it's never moved.

I started this journal with the intent of keeping in touch with friends from middle school, who have long since left the platform. The fact that it became such a "home base" for me in life was unexpected. Discovering that I wasn't alone in my thoughts or feelings on media allowed me to open up and ask questions of people I've never met before about incredibly personal things. What I did not feel confident enough to approach in my environment was easier here, safer. I found that being open with others could be incredibly rewarding.

Since I was 13 years old I've been documenting my hardships, my passions, my perspectives, and more in this space. In an odd way, even more than my physical location -- here is where I grew up.

The mean girls in high school were the LJ users who said I was a friend, then started a roleplaying game without inviting me. My closest confidants were girls from all over the country (and now all over the world), who stayed up late talking to me over instant messengers and in LJ comments. Through various fandoms - I learned the negative consequences of speaking first and thinking later, of diving into friendships without being ready to commit to the effort, of being too stubborn to let another person enjoy things you do not, of feeling victimized instead of addressing your own role in your unhappiness. I've also experienced the joy of shared interest, the bonds of open discussion, freedom of expression, and creative development.

Whenever I have feared that I am worthless, whenever I've wondered if I can make it through another day, whenever I've questioned my view of myself or my ability to make friends - the connections formed through LiveJournal have brought me comfort.

More than any other website, I have felt heard and valued here.

I think that's why I'm having a difficult time knowing how or when to move forward. The fact that I'm even typing this in DreamWidth's interface is a powerful indicator that things are scattering. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about my experiences on other social media platforms. I've been talking about Tumblr and Twitter lately and how I'm not satisfied, but it's not because I'm not having fun. The more I use them the more I get out of them, in fact. But it's for all the reasons I listed above that I think it's okay for me to say it's not the same. It could be, someday, but I don't know how to approach it.

I think 2013 will be the year that I contemplate what it is I want, how to best achieve it, and push myself to step into the next decade of my Internet existence.

If anyone has any suggestions or insight, I am all ears. Because I love you, and I love your feedback and friendship, and I trust you. As always. ♥