I Got Engaged

I got engaged this past weekend.

Lauren and I are going to get married and then hopefully start a family. 

That might be enough of a post for most people, but since I’ve been public with my dating life, I want to reflect on this for a moment.

A year ago, the thought of getting married wasn’t even on my radar. And yet now I’m in love. 

In this article, I’ll tell you what I did. I’ll even tell you how I changed my mental models on dating, why I love this woman, and what comes next.

The Good Life

First, my life was pretty good. Or at least it felt incredibly full.

I built businesses and made some good investments. I lived in NYC, moved to Austin, and just generally loved the thrill of dating and hosting events. 

My freedom is what I valued the most. I could fly anywhere in the world on a whim. I could pack a bag and go to Japan just for fun, and then leave the moment I got bored.

Being single felt like absolute freedom. I loved it.

Wanting More

But about a year ago, something changed.

I did the Tokyo blind date thing. Then my sister had a baby. And all my best friends started having kids. 

I looked around at my life and things just felt a bit more flat.

The dating experiences that used to thrill me were starting to feel empty. I was getting older, too, and I started to feel like my time was running out. I realized that I wanted more. 

I wanted to share my life with someone, and I wanted to start a family.

So I got strategic about it. Which I know is super nerdy and doesn’t feel romantic, but I had to change something major with my lens on dating.

I read books on relationships, I interviewed friends in happy marriages, and I thought a lot about what my non-negotiables were. I created a framework: big stuff versus small stuff.

Small stuff was what I’d always focused on. Looks, style, wit. These are the things for me that create instant attraction. 

Big stuff was the foundation. Values, wanting kids, where they want to live, how they treat people, and what a successful partnership means to them.

For too long, I’d screened for the small stuff first. Attractive? Check. Fun? Check. 

Good enough!

But finding a life partner meant flipping the order. I thought I knew what I wanted, but my intuition about what would lead to long-term happiness was often dead wrong. 

I had to look at the big stuff first and be willing to walk away if it didn’t align, no matter how gorgeous or charming they were.

So I started being direct on dates and telling people that I was interested in a serious relationship.

Showing Up

Then came the hard part: showing up.

One Tuesday evening, dead tired from work, my friend Katelyn invited me to Barton Springs Pool. Every bone in my body wanted to stay home and keep working. But I went anyway.

Lauren was up on the hill reading a book. She looked supermodel beautiful and was exactly my type. The book caught my attention. She was reading Being Mortal by Atul Gawande, which is not exactly a fun poolside read. 

I walked over to chat her up. Small stuff got me there, but the big stuff kept me talking. She had a rare confidence and a quick wit. When she talked about her family, there was a warmth I didn’t know I’d been looking for.

Three hours into our first date, I asked her if we should get married. But that was too bold. She laughed it off and said she’d think about it.

Fast Forward

That was ten months ago. We’ve spent nearly every day together since and moved in together earlier this year. 

Now she’s become my best friend.

When I get too intense, she grounds me. When I miss details, she catches them all. She pushes me to grow in ways I’d never push myself.

Lauren has a rare gift of social grace. She can talk to anyone about anything. Venture capital one minute and cowboy boots the next. 

The first time I joined her family for Rosh Hashanah they welcomed me with open arms. They roasted me, teased me about my affinity for name tags, and brought me into their world. 

Seeing how close they all are – how Lauren talks to them daily, how proud she is of her brothers and cousins and dad – I thought, “I want this. I like this.”

Last weekend was Lauren’s birthday. 

We went out to California to talk about our future. We talked about having kids and what building a life together really means.

I asked her again if she’d marry me, and this time she said yes.

It feels big. It feels right. And I’m super happy for what comes next.

The Announcement

Here’s how we shared the news to our friends on Instagram.

THE END

Hi from Nick! If you’re a single guy and feeling stuck, I actually wrote a post a while back about what helped me meet Lauren. It might give you a few things to try.