AN ADOPTION STORY (Part 1)

I AM ADOPTED:

I am adopted. Knowing that has never really defined me though, not as a child at least. I've always known I was adopted, I don't remember the first time I was told...I just always knew. I knew my parents "picked" me. I was special, my parents made sure I knew that. My parents had been married 11 years when they got the call that there was a baby girl waiting for them. I've known this since I was a child. They waited a long, long time for me. Eleven years; I can't even imagine. 

Then this beautiful, pregnant young woman who was 21 years old saw my parents’ profile among those looking to adopt and knew that if she could give ANY gift to ANY couple it was to be her baby to this couple. I met this selfless women 24 years later when I found her. I didn't know what to expect when I found her. I didn't know if she would welcome me into her life, or want nothing to do with me. All I wanted to do was to thank her. Thank her for giving my beautiful mother the gift of motherhood. Thank her for giving me life when I know so many others may have chosen a different path for an unwanted child. Thank her for the beauty within myself, because I knew some of it was from her.  She is one of the most selfless women I've ever met. 

Our meeting was beautiful. She laughs like me, or I laugh like her, I suppose. She is beautiful inside and out. Since that day over a decade ago she has become one of my closest friends. My beautiful mother, who raised me, has past away and when I am with Betty, my birth mom, I feel like there was a time before earth, before our mortal bodies, that this was planned out. It was then that the gift of a daughter was discussed. I imagine them being the best of friends in heaven even though they would never meet in person on this earth. I imagine my mom running to her and thanking her for the chance she had to be a mom. I imagine how my mom felt because now, years later again...I feel the same way. 

(Me and my Birth Mom with my biological siblings on my wedding day)

HELPING A BIRTH MOM:

I was 25 when I bought my first house and had a roommate who had gotten pregnant and adopted out a baby girl. I saw how beautiful and painful this experience was for her. It really opened my eyes to how difficult it can be to love so much but really know you don't have what you need. She had an open adoption with the family that adopted her daughter. Helping my roommate though this experience was so beneficial to me later in life. 

ON BECOMING AN ADOPTIVE MOM:

I was 28 when I got married. Six months later we planned to get pregnant; and we did. It was magic. It worked exactly like we planned. Our little Lucy was born and she was the easiest baby on the planet. Honestly; so great! 

(Lucy as a baby)

When she was just 6 months old we started trying for baby #2 because we had wanted our first two close in age. After the first year of counting days and dates and ovulation tests I started fertility treatments. The fertility drugs must have worked because I had my first miscarriage after starting them. At least I knew I could get pregnant though, right? I mean that is what the doctors tell you, to see the positive. I don't remember how long it was after my first miscarriage that I had my second miscarriage. This pregnancy went 10 weeks and I bled for 3 weeks before the doctor went in and cleaned out my uterus to finally put an end to the miscarriage. After that I had to go on depression medication. I wanted a baby so bad. I remember cooking dinner one evening, my husband, Nick, wasn't home and I was so sad that I just fell on the floor sobbing. I knew there was another baby for our family, but I couldn't figure out how to get her here. It was so humbling and so depressing. I tried to just focus on the beautiful daughter I had. I knew I was blessed beyond belief, but there was something missing. After a total of 4 years Nick and I decided to do everything we could for three more months and then on Feb1st 2010 we would contact an adoption agency and start the process of adopting. 

(Rosa, my daughters Birth Mom)

In the mean time my friend’s youngest sister found out she was pregnant and moved in with my friend in my town to have the baby. I didn't know them that well, but when I heard she was considering adopting her baby out I knew I wanted to meet her. Not necessarily to get her baby, remember at this point Nick & I were going to "extreme" measures to try to get pregnant (We never did IVF). I wanted to get to know her and what made her make that choice. I took her to dinner and we were out for 3 hours. During that time I told her all the reasons I would want a closed adoption and she told me all the reasons she wanted an open adoption. She had just chosen an adoptive family earlier that day. It was eye opening for me. The only reason I wanted a closed adoption was because in 1976 when I was born it was, of coarse, a closed adoption...it was what I knew. It was good to hear from her, get to know her, and become friends with her. I made her some dolls--one for her and one for her baby. They matched, they were my cutest set of dolls to date and I was happy to help give her something for the time after she gave her baby to this family. I was sensitive to how difficult it would be for her. With my past roommate I saw that the first year was difficult, it is a time for personal growth and healing. 

(The dolls I made for Rosa and her baby)

This young pregnant girl, Rosa, was so much fun. We started hanging out. She would spend time every day at my house. She made me feel young and we became genuine friends. I cooked for her, she kept me company, it was just a great friendship that I really enjoyed. After some time she told me that she wasn't sure the other family was working out. It wasn't just her, even the agency had some concerns when the family moved across state lines just 10 weeks before the baby was born, knowing this would require to start the process all over again under new state laws. On January 31st, 2010—a Sunday and oddly enough the last day of our 3 month “extreme” pregnancy work—Rosa asked if we would adopt her baby girl. Of coarse Nick an I were so full of joy and said yes. On February 1st, 2010, a Monday, we contacted the adoption agency. My husband was hesitant to adopt because he feared that there would always be a different feeling from his own natural born child versus an adopted child. He shared this concern with our case worker and was told that neither of these children are OURS, but they are Gods children. We are given the gift of parenting them. It was a perfect message at a perfect time. All of our concerns with an open adoption versus closed adoption were eased during that time that we had taken to become friends with Rosa. If we could have handpicked a birth mom for our daughter, we would have picked Rosa. She picked us too, it was such a beautiful time for us! Those next 9-1/2 weeks Rosa and I spent all of our time together. We got to feel Sarah kicking and having the hiccups. Besides carrying my baby myself I couldn't have imagined something so beautiful and magical. I felt what my mom must have felt for my birth mom. I was so humbled by her. I really felt like Rosa & I were meant to answer each others’ prayers. She was answering 4 years of prayers from Nick & I and we were giving Sarah a loving home with a mom, a Dad and a sister. Sarah was meant to be in our family, but Rosa was also meant to be a close part. 

April 6th at 9:11 a.m. a beautiful baby girl was born. We were outside the delivery room and heard her first sounds. I was there when my daughter entered this world. I was the first to hold her. We were able to take her into a separate room and hold her and take care of her. It was incredible. Then we left and Rosa had several hours with her. She had pictures taken with her. I had the utmost respect for what Rosa was doing. I knew it was difficult and painful. Thankfully she had a lot of love and support through that time. Her family was very supportive. It is so important to have that network set up for a birth mom because it is hard. She moved away to Arizona when Sarah was 4 days old and we would video chat with her once a week or so. I wanted her to feel proud of her choice to give Sarah a family. I wanted Rosa to not regret her decision long term. When Rosa left I missed her so much, she really had become such a dear, close friend that it was hard to have her move, but I knew it was good for her to start fresh. I knew it would be painful for awhile, so although I missed her I was happy she was making good friends in her new home. 

 (Sarah's newborn pictures)

After 1 year we flew Rosa back up to be here for Sarah’s first birthday. From my point of view, I think it was a real healing moment for her. It was so wonderful having her here. I saw it in my old roommate too, that the 1 year mark is a huge healing moment in time. We had a photographer take beautiful pictures of all of us together. My birth mom, Betty, had come to town too so we even got a picture of them together. It was beautiful. 

(LtoR: Sarah, Kim, Betty, Lucy & Rosa at Sarah's first birthday)

(Sarah's first birthday photo shoot)

Two and a half years later Rosa was married in the LDS Temple to a young man that makes her giddy. Our whole family went to celebrate. I was a bridesmaid, and I had Lucy and Sarah wear matching dresses. Both my girls call Rosa's parents grandma and grandpa and they are such wonderful people that I admire and love with all my heart. I loved watching Rosa in the arms of this great man, who is now her husband and remind myself that if 2-1/2 years ago she had kept that baby girl she gave birth to, her whole life would be different and lacking. Gorden B. Hinkley said "You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make." I hope that Rosa feels her giving Sarah to us is one of those great investments in her eternal life. 

 (Sarah and Rosa at Rosa's wedding)

 (Eternal friends Rosa & Kim)

HELPING OTHERS:

Since Sarah I've been able to share my story and encourage other young, single pregnant mom's. I've been asked by so many people to share my story, to write it down. Adoption is all about love. It takes a lot of love to choose adoption. It is not the most popular choice, it may not be the easiest choice, but please consider it. Please consider all of your choices, really think about your future, think about the future of the child you are carrying and think about the families that are praying and crying for a baby to raise as their own. 

THE SUMMARY:

My daughter Sarah will always know Rosa as her Birth mom. I truly believe that Rosa and I are eternally bonded in a way even stronger than a blood relation. Sarah will always know the sacrifice and gift that Rosa gave her and our family. She will always know that Rosa is treasured and loved beyond words. Lucy and Sarah will always, always know that they are both MY daughters, that regardless of who I carried in my body, I carried both of them in my heart way before I held them in my arms.

ALSO READ: A NOTE FROM ROSA (part 2)

             A NOTE FROM BETTY (part 3)

AN ADOPTION STORY (Part 2)

A NOTE FROM ROSA (MY DAUGHTERS BIRTH MOM):

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I was always meant to be a mommy. To have a loving husband, with LOTS of children and going on amazing adventures together as a family. So, in the summer of 2009 that dream came a little early. I was almost 18 and I was pregnant by the boy I had been dating for the better part of 4 years. Sure it wasn't the timing I had dreamed of but I was going to be mom! I was so excited. Then  things went down hill with the boy, he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby and made it clear we weren't going to be together. So, 3 days later I picked up my things and moved to Washington with my sister and her family in hopes of getting a clearer idea of what I was going to do. At first I had no doubt I was going to raise this baby; after all, no one could love her like I did and some how I would make it work. 

For my senior project I did a documentary on the decisions, feelings and physical changes of a teen girl in high school. I began interviewing people from all side of the spectrum. Women that had been adopted, women that were adopting, women that had single parented and so on. My eyes were opened to a whole new side of life that I had never thought of. Like the realization that my child will have no real father in her life; she would know a mother who worked 40+ hours a week and came home exhausted; she would know babysitters more than she would know me; I wouldn't have the money to put her in activities like dance, gymnastics, piano lessons, voice lessons and so many more. I would be dating men and having them come in and out of her life, never giving her a stable image of a "father". These thoughts and feeling began to eat at me. How could I make the one person in this world, that I loved more than anything else, be raised this way? Is this the future my child would have chosen for herself if she was capable of making the decision? No. But it wasn't her decision it was mine. It became this drive in me to do whatever it took to find the best possible life for my precious daughter, no matter the cost to me mentally, physically or emotionally. 

So, in the midst of all this inner contemplation an amazing woman from my sister’s church befriended me. This woman was Kim. I felt a connection with Kim from day one. We became the best of friends and I began not just going to lunch or dinner with her, I began going to her house every day and hanging out with her and Lucy, Kim’s only child. She was the best mom I had ever met. I loved the way she mothered and took care of her family, and little Lucy was an angel. She also was an incredible cook ;) So while Kim and I continued to become the best of friends I was trying to find a family for my little girl. I had chosen a family from LDS Family Services and things just weren't going as smoothly as I thought they would. I didn't feel that peace I thought I would feel in finding her a "good" family, something wasn't right. Well, I was right, things ended not working out and I was so frustrated. I remember calling my parents at about 2 in the morning and telling them I wasn't going to do adoption and that I would never be able to do it if I felt like my little girl was simply a "bargaining chip". Shortly after that night I was making dinner with my sister and we were discussing things. In the midst of our conversation she turned to me and asked "Have you considered Kim and Nick?". It was one of those light bulb moments! I couldn't wait to talk to Kim.  I went over there the very next morning and as Kim was putting on her makeup I asked her. She was SO excited and so was I. It felt right! I felt a hope for my little girl, but above all I felt I could trust them. Our friendship we had built grew ten fold in those next few weeks. 

As the time arose for me to have Sarah the reality of what I was about to do really began to set in. I felt scared, anxious, nervous and every other feeling under the sun. I was about to do what many believed to be the impossible and all I could do was pray that the Lord would continue to bless me with strength. I gave birth to Sarah on April 6, 2010 at 9:11 am. She was beautiful! I had requested that I not be the one to hold her first because I knew how important those first moments were for a mother and child to be together, so they took her to Kim. As they cleaned me up and I started to get ready for my time with her I felt a peace, a special kind of peace that seemed to some how quench the pain. I knew what I was doing was right, I knew that Sarah belonged with Kim, Nick and Lucy. In the meantime, I had a whole family backing me up. Though only my mother and sister were there with me my entire family had put together a support bag. All 10 of my siblings had written me letters and sent me goodies, it was exactly what I needed.  Finally they brought me Sarah and of course I just cried when I held her. Her family came in a few minutes later and we had a whole photo shoot together, it was so special. So after the photo shoot I kept Sarah till later that evening, then in came Sarah's family. We sat and chatted together and then we just knew that now was the time. I gave Sarah over and they walked out to go spend their first night together as a family. Oh how I hurt, my mother and sister held me and I just prayed and cried. Four days later I moved to Arizona where my parents were living so that I could start my life over.

I would be lying if I said placing my baby for adoption was easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. The key to adoption is love and not just love from the adoptive, its love from the birth mom. The love that is instilled so deeply inside us to provide and nourish at all costs, even if the cost means sacrificing the right to do it ourselves. I loved my Sarah SO much and when I gave her to Kim and Nick I wasn't giving her up, I was giving her MORE. More than I could have given her on my own. Now, not only has Sarah been given an amazing life but I have been given a second chance. A chance to do things right this time, to live up to a higher standard and to prove that people can change. 

I love adoption, it's been on of the biggest blessings in my life.

ALSO READ:  
AN ADOPTION STORY Part 1 (from Kim, the adoptive Mom)

             AN ADOPTION STORY Part 3 (from Kim's birth Mom)

AN ADOPTION STORY (Part 3)

A NOTE FROM BETTY (MY BIRTH MOM):

I can not begin to express the joy that these stories have brought to me, there is so much love in adoption.When I found myself pregnant with Kim, I was going to be selfish and keep her all for myself...I wanted her so badly. 

I was 21, I left home and came out west to have her, away from everything I knew to start my life over.  Those were hard times, I didn't have much money for food and rent, I struggled a lot.  It was eye opening for me...HOW was I going to raise a baby, feed her, clothe her and give her the life that I had imagined in my head, alone.

One day I woke up and I just KNEW that I had to give my baby up for adoption.  After 6 months of loving and making plans for "us", I knew that I had to make plans for her.  It was a hard decision, but once I made up my mind there was no turning back. 

I made an appointment with a social worker and started the process of making sure it was what I truly wanted.  On one of the visits he had some files on his desk and he started to tell me about this couple...this couple that had wanted a baby for SO long.  It tore at my heart what this woman must have gone through for so many years...my search was over, I knew that I would have more children, this lovely woman had waited far too long to hold a child in her arms.  I can only imagine the joy that she must have felt when she learned that she would indeed be getting a baby.

Giving birth to Kim was the hardest scariest thing that I had ever done, and I was alone, that was the way I wanted it...just me and my baby.  So pretty and so tiny and pink. I knew I had grown a perfect baby for this mother that I would never know, never meet, but this was my gift to her, this stranger that would raise and nurture into this wonderful human being...my Kim.

As Kim mentioned, our reunion was perfect, she is one of our children and has been since the beginning. 

We have been so blessed, our family, through adoption, through Rosa and Sarah...all a part of our forever growing family.

I love each and every one of you.

For Kim...from your Earth mother,

Betty

ALSO READ: 

AN ADOPTION STORY Part 1 written by Kim

             AN ADOPTION STORY Part 2 written by Kim's daughters Birth Mom

I'm back.

It has been 2 years since I have posted on a blog. I started on Facebook and it's just easier to post pictures right onto facebook from our Mac...really, like a button and it's done. With that being so easy and this taking, you know...effort, I just converted. So then why am I here NOW? After all of this time why am I coming back? I have to admit that I have felt a real push to have my experiences with adoption made public. I'm tired of hearing of young, young girls feeling like there is no choice and they are stuck. So over the next day or two there will be some really long posts, stories if you will. Stories of me, my family and the love of many, many people.

Until that is all ready for me to post though I thought I should post some updated pictures of my sweet family from the last month. 

We were able to go to the Oregon Coast with some good friends. We rented a big beach house and it was so much fun! They have kids similar in age as our (plus 5 more that are older), so we just had a really really great time!

 This is at the Oregon Coast. Lucy & Nick.

 Sarah's first time riding a horse. We wanted to take Lucy on ride on the beach but you have to be seven. They did let her ride around the parking lot though which is pretty cool when you're 2 and 6 years old!

 Lucy out in the waves - the beach was such a perfect vacation spot for these too chicka's!!

 Sarah enjoy the waves too...nothing slows this girls down! I love the pure look of joy in her face here!

 Daddy and Sarah EARLY in the morning. We went out to see low tide. It was COLD.

 Our sweet little family. Our friends we had gone with is a photographer and so even though we hadn't really planned on having family pictures taken it just turned out that way. We would have maybe planned outfits a little different though if it was more planned.

 This is our trip to Salt Lake City. We had gone to the Bear Lake area for a wedding and thought it was worth our time to drive an extra 3 hours to go to SLC since Lucy had never been there. It was pretty awesome and the girls were so great, well they are just great girls :)

We actually leave in just a couple days to Disney World so I guess when I get back I'll have A LOT of cute pictures and stories ;)

New favorite music...

Early May there was a new Mormon Message with a lady that inspires me to be a better Mother, to love life, and to enjoy every minute. She goes by Nienie, and if you don't know who she is then you should. She wrote the most beautiful blog about motherhood and life and was an inspiration to all Mothers out there. Then she was in a plane accident and she was in a coma for 3 months. She was in a Mormon Message last May. You can view it HERE. Then in June I saw THIS POST about the music used during the video. I put the album on my wish list that Nick & I keep. The album came out this month.

The other day I had the lap top in the kitchen with me while I was making dinner. Then I see that the computer was being controlled remotely from Nick while he's at work. Then THIS ALBUM starts to play. I was so touched by my husbands thoughtfulness. itunes has been on repeat listening to the beautiful voice of Mindy Gledhill. I love the clean, crisp feel of the music. It's beautiful. I hope you enjoy it too.

PS. By the way it took me like a month to finally post this from the time I started writing it. This is why I am no good at blogging! Ha! Seriously though, listen to the music - you will love it!! It just makes me happy, and I love things that make me happy...which really makes me want to start another post about my favorite things in the whole world, my daughters & hubby.

Camp Kim...Day 5

We "studied" butterflies today. We made them by coloring 1/2 sheet of tracing paper (a favorite item in my house right now), putting with a clothes pin and adding jewels and pipe cleaner antennas. Then we went to youtube and watched video after video of caterpillars turning into butterflies. Pretty awesome.

Our American Girls

Here are my girls all ready for church. Sarah didn't have Red, White & Blue, but she did have a cute Pink, White & Blue dress so I had her where that....it was close...right? The hair bow was made by one friend and the dress was a gift from another friend,

they match perfect!

Lucy wearing her bracelet that we made in Camp Kim
Our family enjoying the fireworks with friends. It was great, THANK YOU!!!