Random Thought

There is a story I remember from the movie 'What the Bleep Do We Know?' about Native Americans not being able to see Christopher Columbus' ships when they were offshore. In the movie, a neuroscientist is explaining the story and explains that a local shaman went to the edge of the water every day because he could see ripples in the water that were made by the ships - but he couldn't see the ships himself. He struggled to understand this and day after day he looked out to try to see something - until finally, he was able to see the ships. Apparently no one else could see the ships until he was able to see them and explain them. In the movie, they explain that we only see what we believe to be possible. The Native Americans couldn't see something they had never before experienced, so their brains couldn't comprehend it - they simply couldn't see it.

Regardless if this story is true - and there is some debate about it - it is a story that I found fascinating and it has stuck with me in the back of my mind. The reason I bring this up now is because when I was in the midst of my 16 mile run on the trail along Lake Michigan yesterday and I looked over the gorgeous lake - enjoying the beauty of the morning, the subtle waves and the sun reflecting off of it - and suddenly, I thought "What if there was something actually out there that I couldn't see simply because my mind wasn't able to comprehend it?"

Which in turn got me thinking about life experiences and as odd as it sounds, I couldn't help but feel like there is something out there for all of us that we may not be able to see because we can't comprehend it or aren't ready to accept it. In life, change is inevitable - it's not a good thing or a bad thing - it just is. It is our perspective and our willingness to accept that change and keep moving that makes change into a beneficial thing.

I am certainly not the best one to be explaining this, but I think so many of us are so content with the way things are without being willing to look out and see the potential of something different. What would happen if, metaphorically, a ship was coming in the distance. Would we be able to recognize it?

Summer 2011

I was just taking a break with studying, it's rainy and humid outside, and Scott is painting (and therefore, doesn't want to be distracted), so it seems the most ideal time to check in and update on what's new.

First of all, I am writing this post on a new laptop. It's so strange to have this after the years and years of having the bulky, outdated computer. Having something small, light and incredibly fast is definitely not something I'm used to. But it's been amazing to have with the fall semester for school starting.

(Isn't she lovely?)

Speaking of which, I am taking two classes this semester - Intermediate Algebra with Geometry and Psychology. 8 credit hours total and it's been keeping me fairly busy. It's a different change of pace from the summer semester - during the summer, everything was so condensed. I mentioned that both of my courses during the summer were both online - and while it was great for convenience sake with my work schedule, I found that I was working on an assignment everyday. Weekends weren't sacred - in fact, the few times that the classes "met" online in a chat forum setting, it was on a Sunday evening. I feel, however, it was a great way to get back into the school setting and focus myself better. I always felt like I could be doing something to improve an assignment or that I should be reading something and as a result, this fall semester I've become fairly strict with myself in setting time aside for studying and homework. By the way, I received an A in both the English and Humanities class - so, I feel I'm off to a good start (and have the same expectation for the rest of my classes as well.) Math has never been my strong point - in fact, for as long as I can remember, it has been the weakest of subjects and I've had a sense of anxiety whenever I had a class or had to do math in front of anyone. To be honest though, I'm over it. I've decided to make my weakness a strength, and I've committed myself to understanding it and, God willing, actually enjoy it. Surprisingly, despite pangs of anxiety that still seem to come from time to time, I'm doing well and enjoying it.

Work is going well - nothing terribly new to report. The night shift doesn't differ much in terms of new product. It usually seems to be the case that we are either terribly busy and I am running around all night praying I can get everything done before the different departments come to pick up their product or it's an average day and I'm able to help out some with the day crew's projects. Such was the case last week and I was able to do my regular work and then do odds and ends for the day crew to help them out, like make batches of cookies, candy walnuts and pecans, make rice pudding, make fillings and icings for cakes and things of that nature. As simple as those projects sound, it's nice from time to time to do those types of things to keep those types of projects fresh and to break up the standard day to day business. I, unfortunately, haven't had enough free time to devote to trying new products and testing new recipes, but that time will definitely come in the coming months - the fall is terribly busy and then it gets all "feast or famine" during the late fall/winter months. Lucky for me and the girl I work with at night, our tasks are consistent and essential and we'll always have hours to work - compared to the day crew where they could be working 50+ hour weeks and then turn around and have a 3 day work week because business is slow. The more I think about the permanent switch I made to do the night shift, the more I realize that I made the right choice - for sanity and otherwise.

These past few months have been very busy with work, school, moving, Scott getting back from New York, training for the next marathon, visiting Scott's family, people visiting and staying at our place - It felt like a whirlwind - and in the midst of it all, I got news that my opa had fallen and that he was in the hospital. Through the busy days, I got updates from my mom and siblings about his condition and any and all news. It seemed, despite his age and his condition, he was actually beating the odds and doing well. Not surprising, to be honest, the man is a fighter and has always beaten the odds. And then, I got news that he had passed away. I couldn't really believe it - the news was almost numbing.

Thanks to my mom, I was able to fly back to Utah for a few days for the services. I flew in Sunday afternoon and my brother and his family picked me up and we drove straight down to Mt. Pleasant to the viewing. The drive was a good hour and 1/2 - which was really nice to be with Jason, Dani and the boys. Very few people in my life know me like they do and their humor and personalities match mine exactly - so the drive down and back were hilarious and wonderful despite the circumstances. It was pretty amazing that every member of my extended family was there - and being one of 32 cousins (not including spouses/partners, kids, etc.), we are a large bunch. The funeral was the next day, emotions were high - especially seeing my oma saying her last goodbye to her husband of almost 55 years - but the service itself was a tremendously wonderful tribute. There was beautiful music, all of the aunts and uncles told little stories about him, my mom gave a wonderful history of his life along with more stories that I had never heard of before. It was definitely emotional, but it certainly felt like a celebration of a wonderful life and for that, it felt very bittersweet. After the service, I was able to spend some time with my siblings and mom before we headed back to the Salt Lake area. I spent the night at dinner with my mom, Bob, Jason, Dani and their boys reminiscing about Opa's life and general catching up. Then, that night, my mom and I talked a bit more about my opa and oma and the events leading up to his passing and what had happened after - and it was strange because I didn't feel like his death had really hit me until that point.

(At the cemetery - I realized at this point that I didn't get a picture of his casket which was designed and built by my uncle, Chris - pictures don't do it justice. It was beautiful workmanship)

(The Klunker Family - Oma, Mom, aunts and uncles at the cemetery)

*Picture taken from Mike's facebook page - it was such a good picture I had to share it

(At the reception after - Mom, Shiloh, Heather... and Jason, acting like a bug buzzing around Heather's head while wearing my sunglasses...)

(Shiloh - in all her adorable glory)

(Me with my aunts Stacy and Jann - although from my dad's side of the family, they came to the services. I realized that I didn't have a picture of them since my farewell back in 2002, so I took advantage of the opportunity, in spite of Stacy's protest)

My mom went upstairs to go to bed and I was by myself in her guest room for the first time in weeks - no assignments to finish, no people to entertain at home, Scott wasn't there to talk to - and so I was able to lay there and really think. I looked back on my relationship with Opa and realized that he and Oma had always been supportive of me in every decision I ha ever made. Opa was at my high school graduation, he was supportive and proud when I chose to go on an LDS mission, he was always happy whenever I talked about culinary school and being a pastry chef and most recently, he and my oma always told me they loved me and that my partner and I were welcome in their home. Furthermore, whenever I talked with Opa, I always felt important. He always had a way of adding humor, sincerity and love to everything he did and I realized that he was one of the few people in my love who had been completely unconditional. After I had realized all of this, I was a hot mess. The grieving process is funny that way - I had received the news, been to the viewing and the funeral service and it wasn't until after all that, that it really sunk in.

The next day, was emotional because I had to leave back to Chicago. I felt raw from this entire realization and then I had to leave family again. Mom, Jason and I grabbed a quick bite to eat and then they dropped me off at the airport and then I was back to reality... *sigh* All in all, it was an incredibly quick trip - I believe it was only about 48 hours total that I was back in Utah - but it was nice to be able to be with family. I remember being on my mission and getting news that my grandma had passed away after her tough battle with cancer and not being able to be with family or attend any of the services. Quite simply, it was an awful experience. In fact, I'm surprised I even brought that up because I still can hardly look back on that moment in my life without having a pit in my stomach. Being with family, even for a short time, was not only where I wanted to be, but where I needed to be. There is nothing better than laughing together, crying together, sharing memories together and when everything has been said, simply being together in the same room without saying anything at all is enough.

(At the airport with Mom and Jason - I love the photobomb from the luggage crew in the background)

When I got back to Chicago, I heard this song by Jennifer Hudson called 'Still Here'. I've had it on my MP3 player for a while, but I never really listened to the words - but when I was on one of my runs, the track came on and the words hit me deep and I couldn't help but remember Opa and the great man he was and the wonderful way he always made me feel.

Here is that song:

In fact, it has been one month since he passed away - I didn't realize it until I saw a few posts from a few of my aunts on facebook. It's crazy how time flies...

Anyway, it is definitely time for more homework - I have a decent list to take care of before my weekend is over. Hope to keep in touch again soon - Until next time!

I'll be back soon...

Hey guys - just a quick note to let you know that I'll be updating soon. My computer crashed near the beginning of July - which was around the time I had mid-terms, Scott coming home from New York and crazy days at work. Needless to say, it's been a busy summer and not having a computer of my own has caused me to somewhat drop off the face of the internet world. I'll be getting a new computer this week (just in time for the fall semester to start next week) and I'll update then. Lordy, I have things to say... Until then~

Home, Goals, Marathoning, School, Questioning Humanity?!

I realize my posts are fairly inconsistent - for which, I apologize. But it begs the question, where in the hell have I been? Well, the answer to that question is all over the place. Utah, quick-trip back to Iowa, Ohio - not to mention things have been busy and pretty exciting here in Chicago.

But let me not get ahead of myself - Let me begin by telling you a bit about my trip back to Utah and how I had the wonderful opportunity to visit family. The time spent in Utah was short, but it was definitely wonderful. I find myself missing at times, the simplicity of being able to hop into my car and head over to my moms or a siblings home when I want to see them. It now requires months of planning, saving and arranging of schedules... being an adult with responsibilities can be taxing. (And I suppose living across the country doesn't help either.)
I flew into Utah directly following a shift at work - I was tired, but the energy of being around my family was enough to keep me going well beyond my usual sleep cycle. I was able to have brunch with my mom, hang out with my brother and his family, spend time at my sister's house (where I was able to meet my newest niece, Shiloh) - while there, my other sister and part of her family came by and we were all able to relax, catch up and just talk. I also was able to spend some quality time with my mom as we went around running various errands. I think I miss those moments the most - where we don't need to be having any sort of discussion - it could be an observation, a joke, random thoughts and just sitting there laughing. And I did a lot of laughing over the course of those few days - My mom and Dani like to say that my brother, my nephews (Aidan and Jarron) and I share one brain cell because we have the exact same humor that no one else seems to get. And then we feed off each other and just end up rolling on the floor. Take, for instance, the random moment of my brothers cat going into heat the night I was over - making random sounds, acting strange - then hearing Jason and Dani explain to the boys why the cat was acting the way it was... I still laugh about it at random times. Simple moments that become fantastic memories.
Speaking of fantastic memories, many members of my family and I took part in the SLC 5K as Team Sadie. It's a tradition that is holding strong and something I am finding myself looking forward to every year. I decided recently, that I plan on winning the 5K one of these years and represent Team Sadie - so with that in mind, I decided to run the race this year. I did place 5th in my division, which I was happy about - and it also gave me the opportunity to cheer on Team Sadie as they all crossed the line. I think the 5K will always be emotional for me considering why we are doing it and the memories it stirs up, but this year there was another family with a boy who is facing a DIPG who met up with my sister during the race. So while they walked, they talked and ended up crossing the line together. I hate that there seems to be more and more kids with this type of cancer, but I can't help but love the fact that there is such a strong support between all of us families who have experienced someone we love going through it. There is strength in numbers and the support for each other is overwhelming and incredible. Later that day, the entire family got together for family pictures - an event in itself considering the size of our family, but it all ended up turning out fantastic. All in all, a short trip but incredible and memorable.

It was around that time that I decided to do something a little more with my goal of 50 marathons in 50 states. I thought it might be a great idea to merge that goal and somehow benefit or raise money for The Cure Starts Now Foundation. I sent an e-mail to the foundation with a rough idea and they seemed really supportive of it, so they gave me some information on what to do to set up a fund-raising page and gave me creative liberty to make it happen. I decided that if I could commit people to donate $10 with every marathon I run, then that would add up substantially over the years - even though donating roughly $20-30 a year doesn't seem like much at the time. People seem to have been really supportive of it and I'm looking forward to seeing how well it does in the future. (Side note, for more information the link to my page at The Cure Starts Now is: http://events.thecurestartsnow.org/site/TR/AnnualGiving/General?team_id=1690&pg=team&fr_id=1050, and I have also set up a page on facebook, http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/50-Marathons-50-States-for-The-Cure-Starts-Now-Foundation/227211247304538 where I will be giving updates about future marathons, information related to DIPG and childhood cancers, running information, etc.)

A few weeks after I was in Utah, Scott and I did a 5-hour road trip out to Cincinnati, OH for the Flying Pig Marathon. We arrived in Cincinnati in the afternoon and immediately went to the marathon expo so I wouldn't stress about getting my packet/bib. After that was taken care of, we decided to walk around downtown. I'm not going to lie, there wasn't much to see or do. Random pockets of fantastic, high-end stores next to completely sketchy stores - and there was nobody on the streets. It was bizarre - so we wondered for a bit, found a fantastic Italian restaurant and then headed back to the hotel. The next morning, I got up for the race and felt incredibly excited and ready for it - I didn't even care that it was raining. My main goals in training were not to get hurt and to be healthy for it (since those were my two main problems when I ran in the Chicago Marathon). Not to mention, I had been training the entire time with all -natural snacks and coconut water, so as weird as it sounds, I felt very grounded and all-around healthy.
I had a very special moment as I was starting the marathon - I was thinking about running for the Cure Starts Now and the wonderful kids I've met over the past couple years who are facing the unspeakable. And I thought of my niece and the trials she had to go through - And then, as the race began and I was inching toward the start line, a song came on my MP3 player that was the song that was playing in my car when I got in my car to drive home from my sister's the morning Sadie passed away. There I was standing in a crowd of cold, anxious runners with rain dripping down our faces and I as soon as I heard that song, vivid memories of Sadie came flooding back - of that day and so many others, almost in a steady stream, taking me back. And with that in mind, the marathon didn't seem daunting at all. I had a niece who fought cancer for over a year. I've met other kids who have fought the same battle who don't let it hold them down in any degree. But with that in mind, I don't want any other child to have to face it. So suddenly, with the song as a reminder (which I honestly feel was a Sadie shout-out), I felt extra motivated to make the goal to benefit The Cure Starts Now even more of a reality.
The race itself was ideal. While it did rain for the first 12 miles or so, the temperatures stayed low and tolerable. The only main problem I faced was that Cincinnati has many hills and I did not prepare adequately for that - so near the end, I found myself wincing at the idea of heading down another hill (no matter the size)... you'd think that the uphill would've been the issue, but they seemed easier compared to downhill. Oh, the lessons you learn... I ended up finishing the race in 04:46:46, which I was very happy with. Scott met up with me in downtown Cincinnati after the race and we headed back home that afternoon. On the way home, he treated me to a celebratory dinner at Texas Roadhouse - we ate way too much and I' pretty sure I put back in every calorie that I burned during the race, but it was totally worth it. It took me a solid week and a half to feel better - but after I finally felt 100%, I decided to choose my next marathon - The Monumental Marathon in Indianapolis, IN on November 5. I'm already looking forward to it and have started light training for it (This week put a bit of a damper in those plans with temps being in the high 90's AND my A.C. being broken - suffice to say, not much of anything was done.)

It was around that time that Osama Bin Laden was killed. I know it may seem weird that I'm bringing this up in a personal update, but the reaction of people around me was really surprising in so many ways and I found it had a profound effect on me. When I heard news that he was killed, I was shocked - though I didn't really have a strong feeling either way. I wasn't sad but I wasn't happy about it - it was what it was. News. And I found that very strange for me - have I been desensitized by news that I honestly felt no reaction. Then I started reading posts on facebook - people were celebrating, praising the military, saying how great it was to have Osama dead, etc. - and that is when I found it appalling. The general consensus online was celebrating the fact that he had died - and regardless of what that man did and who he was - I honestly couldn't believe it that people were responding that way. It didn't take long before people were rebutting, quoting scripture about not taking joy in an enemies death, etc., but the way that those people presented themselves almost seemed like they were on a high horse looking down on the people that were celebrating. And suddenly, I questioned humanity in a way and what we, as a culture, considered to be good and bad, what the expectation of morality is and where we are supposed to draw the line. It is something that I still am curious about, even though the news articles no longer run Osamas name and all of the status updates about it are a distant memory... it was just such a strange moment for me. Stranger still that I don't have a resolution for how I feel about it...

At any rate, I mentioned briefly in my last post that I was thinking of going back to school. Well, that is true, though I changed course a little bit. The more I looked into Kendall College, the less thrilled I felt about it. The degree only went to a Bachelors (and I felt that I may want to pursue further later in life), not to mention astronomical tuition rates. I, unfortunately, have learned a valuable lesson about student loans the hard way. Going to a private culinary college, while great for the experience and great for the name since I've been out of college, was a mistake in many ways. Tuition costs and the private loans with obscene interest rates - it is something I will literally be paying for for a long time. Not to mention, none of my credits transfer from culinary school to any other state college or university. So, I am starting from scratch and I'm doing it smart this time around. I have enrolled (and already started, as I'm writing this) at Truman College in Chicago. The tuition costs are incredibly reasonable compared to other universities and colleges and I also have the added benefit of getting tuition reimbursement through my job at Marriott (if I do well in my classes, of course). I started school on Wednesday and am taking English and Humanities - both online courses. I thought the online courses would be good for me because of my schedule, but it is definitely taking some getting used to. I need to be incredibly structured with my time otherwise I find myself in the middle of a project and then checking my e-mail. Bad. The summer courses go pretty fast, so there is a lot of information to cover and projects aplenty - but so far it's going very well. The goal is to take 1-2 classes every semester until I'm able to transfer to University of Illinois Chicago to study Nutritional Science. It will take time to get to that point, but I'm up for the challenge and feel driven to make it happen.

Other news, Scott is in New York for a summer program. Luckily for me, he will be back next week for about 2 weeks for a small break before he heads back to New York to do the actual production (for which, he'll be gone for about 3 weeks) So the past two weeks have been trying to get myself organized, doing some running, yoga, meditation, catching up on sleep, working a lot and getting myself geared up for new projects at work and school. So, the past few months have been great and I'm looking forward to what this summer has in store. Perhaps I'll write more frequently... but don't hold your breath. My track record is pretty lousy. :) Until next time~

Hiatus to the extreme...

Wow. Didn't realize it has been so long since I've written a blog. My apologies -

Here is a quick update to catch up - the end of the year was as much as a hot mess as I expected it to be. Massive amounts of work, doing side projects with my personal business, not to mention Scott was incredibly busy with all of this choir, regular work and singing demands with auditions. So we hardly had much time to do just sit back and enjoy the holiday season, let alone each other. So when we found time, we tried to make the most of it. The holidays were lovely - We ended up going to Des Moines and spending some quality time with Scott's family. I couldn't take much time off of work, so I ended up leaving early and started right into the new year with working part-time at the restaurant and lobby bar in the hotel and switching over from a regular day shift to the night shift (from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m.) to help out since the previous baker retired.
Whenever I tell people that, they seem to think 'Dear sweet baby Jesus... how can anybody work those ungodly hours?' and trust me, I said them to myself when I started. But as the days and weeks went by, I noticed that my body responded very well to working at night, I had more freedom in many different aspects and it was tremendously less stressful. All these factors led me to switching permanently to the night shift and I've been loving it. It is a little tricky with Scott's schedule (which, with his full-time job is a typical 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. - not to mention his other music demands) - but even then, I usually see him in the mornings before he heads to work, and we have the weekends off together. So all in all, it's been working out great.

In addition to the night shift and working as a server part-time, I've also been training for a marathon that will be happening on May 1 in Cincinnati, OH. I just ran 18 miles earlier today and the run went pretty well - my main goals for this marathon training is no injuries, no sickness and to keep high fructose corn syrup out of my diet. The first two goals stem from the fact that I've overtrained for my previous marathons and have hurt my knee - not too seriously, but enough to negatively effect my performance - and not to mention, I had a cold on the Chicago Marathon. Bad news bears. And the high fructose corn syrup... I just don't want it in my body anymore. I've made some major switches in my diet to keep it out, namely, absolutely no soda, only using 100% pure maple syrup, avoiding power drinks like Gatorade (yes, it provides the electrolytes my body uses up with running, but there are other options, like coconut water, that provide a natural approach). This entire training season has gone very well so far, despite being busy from work and missing some of the daily runs.

And let's break it down and cut all the bullshit. One of the main reasons I've fallen off of the blog radar is because I had a little thing called a 'quarterlife crisis'. It sounds strange but google it. It's very real and I had no idea it existed and was natural for people my age. Near the end of the year, I got really depressed and didn't know about what I wanted to do with my future, what was happening for the future with Scott, where I saw myself in the future... It was just a bad situation for me and for those closest to me (especially Scott). I won't go into details of everything - but just say that I've been working through it... and that things are tremendously better.

And that being said, I plan on going back to school to study nutrition. I plan on continuing with culinary education and doing a concentration in nutrition. There is a fantastic program here in Chicago at Kendall College (one of the best culinary schools here) and I've been talking with them about starting by next year. Obviously more to come as this develops.

And on a personal level, I have gotten into yoga lately. I'm in the process of taking a few classes at a studio downtown and the instructor is incredible - very much about the process of uniting mind, body and spirit. It's not just poses (which I'm fairly familiar with because of Mr. Rodney Yee and his DVD's) but the classes focus on breathing, centering ones self, clarity --- it's been an incredible experience so far and has helped me quite a bit in this transition in my life.

All that and my new niece, Shiloh Huish, was born yesterday. Things are fantastic - what can I say?

I'll do better at writing on this, since I feel I'm in a better place to do so. Until then~