When I look back on my life, there are two events that I have had an incredibly hard time reminiscing and reflecting on. One of these time periods was the two years I served as a missionary for the LDS church. I remember growing up and hearing that those two years would be the best in my life... That, my friends, was a bold face lie. No offense to the LDS church, or the missionary program, or anybody who was involved in my life at the time but I was simply in a very awkward stage in my life and trying to figure it all out. Trying to figure myself out as a representative for an entire religion was... well... messy. Mainly because I was a mess. Honestly, who isn't a mess to some degree while in their late teens and early twenties? Throw "questioning sexuality", and "depression" into the mix and there was me: A smile on the outside and a rollercoaster on the inside. Suffice to say, I looked back on those times with a surface-deep perspective... the less I thought about the details, the better.
With this in mind, I recently felt it was time to take the time to really remember that period in my life - to work through it and get rid of the negative energy I have associated with it. I dug my mission journal out from my box of personal items and I started reading it like a book. Not only that, but I took time to remember those moments... all of those moments of faith, hope, happiness, discouragement, optimism, and honesty. There were so many happy times; there were also a lot of non-happy times... and it was refreshing to read it all. Because whether I liked it or not at the time, each one of those moments made me who I am today. So, nearly 10 years after those entries were written, I can finally look back on it with acceptance and realize that, yes, those two years were worth it, and even yes... those two years were great.
It has taken me nearly three months to finish because reliving many of those moments were a little exhausting... but its been completely worth it. Which leads me to my question to you: Have you ever taken time to read your own history? Many people write whether in journals, poetry, or other means, but how often to you ever take the time to sit down and revisit those thoughts? You might be surprised at the wisdom you didn't realize you possessed, but I also think you'll be amazed looking at how those moments made you into who you are.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Mission Journal
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Musings on Boston
"It's been a while..." seems like an understatement, but regardless, I'm here now. Unfortunately, it takes a sense of tragedy to bring feelings to light and with details of the bombings at the Boston Marathon plaguing my mind, I couldn't help but write something. My personal journal is being filled with personal drama of finding a new apartment, trying to find time between school and work to do much of anything, making sense of turning 30 this year... and, while those seemingly trivial topics do matter to me, the tragedy in Boston hits closer to home because being a part of marathons has been a way for me to make sense of loss. When I lost my niece nearly four yeas ago, I felt like I needed to do something, ANYTHING to be an active part of helping to find a cure. So I made the attempt to attempt 50 marathons in 50 states before I'm 50 - with the idea that I would do a fundraising effort with each marathon I finished, with the proceeds going to childhood cancer research. Even though it is a small gesture, I held out hope that more people would notice and, if not anything else, be aware of childhood cancer and the fact that awareness needs to be made. With each marathon I ran (currently four), I held my niece and other childhood cancer angels so close to my heart I could swear that they were running along side me. I can remember vividly being so close to that finish line and feeling such hope in the cause I was running for.
2012
I just posted another blog and realized I had never posted this one... It is terribly unfinished, but features pictures of 2012 - some have descriptions, some do not. But I'm posting this unfinished blog as is - flaws and all... Enjoy.
- N. Pug, 04/16/2013
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All of you dedicated bloggers out there, I tip my hat to you. Unfortunately on the list of priorities for me, updating my blog is fairly low on the list (shockingly, since the last real post was the beginning of this year). I attempted to update, but I always got stuck at trying to describe how work was going. I love baking and pastry with a fiery, dedicated passion - but the night shift has been wearing me down more and more. It's been harder and harder to shift back and forth between the night schedule and a regular schedule on the weekend, then balancing school, a healthy relationship, eating right, exercise, etc. - I definitely fell into a rough spot and the last post I did in June was my attempt to find something positive in the hours I was (and still am) working. Since then, I've been taking some incentive to make changes - mostly in matters of perspective, but also in other areas of my life (including the odd schedule I'm working). It's a work in progress - albeit appropriate considering the name of this blog. Alas, much has happened in the past half year (how could it not?!) so instead of my overly-mindful ramblings, I'm going to post random pictures and a brief description of each... My attempt to prove that pictures really do paint a thousand words.
