"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it" – Lou Holtz

Breaks are easy to come by for some people. Whenever they feel like taking a break from work, they just pack their belongings and set out on their journey.

Not for me.

I’ve given up that luxury ever since I left the 9-5 (more like 9-3am) work commitment. We just can’t afford those breaks and when the kids went to boarding schools, our weekends were spent visiting them. It was OK for me. I felt less guilty because it’s a 2-in-1 thing. I enjoyed the long drives or the rides on the bus/train/flight to visit them.

I didn’t plan to write this blog today but I am so enjoying myself on a very much-needed break and I thought I should “record” this.

We are now at Berjaya Langkawi Resort. We got an awesome unit on the water and it is facing the wide ocean. Below is a picture I took a few minutes ago.

This morning, I was fortunate to see the sun rise. And it’s so breathtakingly beautiful. I feel so blessed and I have the Almighty to be grateful to for this, probably, once in a lifetime experience.

We’ll be going back to reality tomorrow. Will forever cherish these wonderful moments, just chillin’ with my family ❤️

I don’t know why. Maybe I am destined not to be able to go for holidays

Everytime I planned for a break, something would always come up. Plans have to be halted or postponed.

Sedih giler.

I am not asking for much. Bukannya nak travel jauh2. Overseas tu memang takkan dapat lah. Setakat nak time out sambil2 jenguk anak pun payah.

Apa lah nasib.

…. we get to own this table. Got it delivered yesterday 😍

Last night, around 11.30pm, my eldest video called me. He was walking back from his meeting. He told me he had one bad news and one good news and asked me which one I wanted to hear first.

I said “bad news first”. So the bad news was he hasn’t eaten yet. It was about 5pm over there in Ireland. He just laughed. “Ok… so what’s the good news?” He laughed even harder. Apparently, he has been offered to do his PhD under Dr Margaret, the head supervisor. Happy is not the right adjective to describe his feelings, or even ours. We were ecstatic! Syukur alhamdulillah! He said he had planned to open up his mouth to enquire more on any opportunities to further his studies at the university but he didn’t expect that Dr Margaret would straight away offered him that as soon as the meeting started 😄. He added Dr Margaret said that during the online interview that she had had with him before deciding to take him in, she didn’t know how his performance would be. And now she’s seen his work, she is very satisfied with what he had done and would like him to continue to be with them. She also told him to relay her gratitude to his lecturer in UTP (Dr Shuaib, if I got the name correct) for recommending him. Haha..

Aduhai…

I remember back in 2017, after he finished his foundation in UTP, we tried to have him continue with his undergraduate studies at UM. The main reason is because we just simply couldn’t afford it if he were to continue in UTP. Unfortunately, although his foundation results was excellent, UM couldn’t accept him and the only way for him to continue in UM was for him to do A Level and apply to UM using the A Level results. We couldn’t possibly do that. That would be a waste of time! So he stayed at home. He felt hopeless and was very demotivated then. His friends had started their undergraduate studies and there he was spending his time doing nothing at home. It broke my heart but there was nothing that we could do. We waited until the semester ended and then appealed for him to be back in UTP to continue with his studies. In the appeal letter, we told him to mention that he had to work to get some money to support his studies. UTP accepted him back and he was summoned to meet one of his previous lecturers. The lecturer told him that if in the future he had any financing problems, he should go and see her. Huhu…

Forward 3 years, who would have known that he would be given this opportunity to jump straight away to do his PhD after he completed his degree. Indeed, Allah is the Best Planner and He knows what’s best for all of us.

I sincerely hope this plan will materialize. With the current employment situation in Malaysia due to the Covid19 pandemic, it would be difficult for him to get any decent employment. But as what we have been doing all these while, we will leave it to Allah to chart the bestest path for him. We will continue to have faith that whatever he gets is actually the best for him 💕

Since I put both my feet into this education line in 2015, I’ve achieved quite a number of milestones which I perceive as my own personal development.

I started as a private tutor, tutoring 1 – 2 students at a time. Then, I started teaching a group of students of probably around a maximum of 7 students. Later, my group classes grew bigger to be around 15 students. And of recent, I’ve extended my teaching platform to include online classes (thanks to Covid-19 and the MCO!). A few days ago, I produced my first ever lesson video and soon, I will achieve another milestone, which is marking exam papers… online! Killing two birds with one stone, I might say 😄.

May my health continue to be good so that I can achieve more milestones in the future 💕

When the only time you can take your family out for a short getaway using the money that you got from your hard work, sweat and tears, you will feel so damn grateful for the opportunity and you will be more determined to work harder so that you can treat them again to a nicer getaway next year.

p.s.: I am so thankful that my kids never demanded for any specific holiday destination. For them, as long as we get to spend the time together, they are more than happy. May Allah bless them always. Love them to the moon and back!! 💕🥰

I think starting 2020 I am going to go offline in December. People start to post about their vacation everywhere around the world and I don’t get to do that for obvious reasons. It’s not that I envy them. I am happy for them. It’s just that I need to look at less fortunate people to be grateful for what I now have.

As far as I can recall, the last time I was admitted to the hospital was when I delivered my youngest.

That was in 2002.

30 Oct 2019 I was admitted again. I felt severe pain at my lower left abdomen. On the night of 28th, I felt the pain and it didnt go away, in fact, it was increasing as the hours passed by. In the morning, I couldn’t bear the pain any longer, I drove to our family clinic. The doctors (Dr Ravita and her husband, Dr Ahmad) looked at the image displayed on the monitor and they saw sone kind of a mass in my uterus. They told me to proceed to Emergency while the pain was still there. To cut the story short, we went to Emergency that afternoon but only came back to the specialist clinic the following morning since it was already 7pm when we were done and the clinic was already closed.

The next morning, we were directed to EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) supposedly for all gynae-related cases. After the doctors conducted several scans, they decided to ward me for at least 1 week! I was shocked. I was not prepared to be warded. SPM was just around the corner. How would Cipak take it when she knew about me being in the hospital?

To cut the story short, we decided not to inform any of the children because Syaima’ was having her finals and Cumai was on the road for an industrial visit in Klang. We only told them both after Syaima’ finished her last paper and after Cumai was back in UTP.

To cut the story shorter, I no longer felt the pain and the specialist who made the ward round on Friday morning dediced that I could be discharged. I was soooo relieved! And grateful to Allah. I could not see Cipak on the first day of SPM (which was on the following Tuesday).

Reflecting back.. my husband and I agreed that one small thing, if and when Allah takes it from us, could and would have led to multiple setbacks. For example, Cipak could have been affected and could have lost her focus, which could resulted in her not getting good grades for her to proceed in taking the course that she wanted. And she could end up not being able to become a doctor.

That realization really humbled us. Whatever that we have right now is simply because of His blessings. Not because of our hard work, not because we are intelligent (or so we thought), not because we have connections, not because we are lucky, not because we have the looks, not because of everything but because He wants to give it to us. Allahu..