nsk1

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i felt the need to share something with the awesome J/A fans <3
these are my first icons , i'm more used to make graphics on my tumblr ( including plenty of J/A graphics )
i hope you guys like it :)

She was staring at her window , smiling , the sun was warming up her beautiful face and making shine the diamonds on her dress. She was in peace and felt..surprinsingly satisfied. That pleasant moment didnt last long though , the knock on her door brought her back to reality. She put her hair up , straightened her crown and stayed staring at her windows
"come on in !" she exclaimed
"it seems that i ll have to take of two Pendragons soon " said the white women at the door
Ygraine recognized that voice immediatly , she turned around and  rushed to hug her friend
"oh my goodness! Carmelid! i missed you so much!" said the Queen , her face lightning up. They hugged each other as if they were separated for many years , just seeing each other was enough for the both women to feel that happiness , that...peace.
Carmelid was younger than Ygraine but as beautiful as her despite her poor and torn clothes...comparing to the wealth and the nobility of her mistress , the servant felt often uneasy and unworthy of the love and compassion that Ygraine gave her.
it had been almost 10 years that she worked for the Queen and the growing loneliness that both women felt , led to the start of a strong and honest frienship
" once ive heard the good new , i wanted to tell you right away but Thomas told me that you went to Alvarrad , i waited for you since then! "  she rejoiced
" i , indeed , had to sort out my affair...its Geoffroy." confided Carmelid
" again him? dear Lord , does he not have any dignity ? a noble like him who want to marry a servant ? what insanity !! "
"indeed , my beloved queen ...but the most insane is that im already married " affirmed Carmelid
"hum ...of course" said Ygraine , still indignant
"but i do have a good new to announce you...i went to see gauis this morning because of those pains that i had since one month or more"
Ygraine started to worry at the thought of her friend being sick , she took her hand , waiting for the bad new and ready to comfort her
"im ...pregnant ! " announced the servant out of the blue, moved to tears.
The Queen stood up right way , the happiness taking her breath away , she stammered : "oh my...thats ...ah...im so glad!! ..."
They stared at each other...in silence...a peaceful silence. It was just the two of them , two future mothers bonded to each other when everything should separate them.

"i know you...Carmelid...im sure you've already thought of a name for your child ! tell me !"
"haha , yes i do ...i hope it will be a girl...i already have a son and he is too turbulent for me!"
"Elyan loves , indeed , playing with you nerves " she laughed . The queen's unability to have a child until now made her attached to the very young boy...who represented what she wanted the most in her life...a son...
" Do you remember that story you used to told him ? about that sweet princess ? " asked nicely the servant
" Of course , the princess Guenievre , he loves that story! "
" well ...if i have a girl , id name her Guenievre ...and tell me...what about your child ? have you thought of a name?" asked Carmelid
" i do love that question ...ivent told Uther yet , i want to wait until i have my child in my arms but ive a name in mind ...if its a boy...." said Ygraine smirking.She took pleasure to see her friend getting impatient.
"Arthur....yes ...Arthur ! but you do not tell anything to anyone! i want to be the first one to announce to my son that his name is Arthur! "
" i wont tell anything i promess...its such a beautiful name ...Arthur..." said the young mother, pensif
"and Guenievre ... its beautiful too ! " added Ygraine , with her bubbly face.
" you deserve to be happy , my dear Ygraine , you deserve it SO much ! Uther and you are very good people ! im honored to be your servant ... until the day i die "
Those words .... it touched the Queen's soul
" thanks you so much for your kind words...it is the truth that you've been my trustful and only friend during all those years...even when ...even when the people and even my own husband started complained about my condition" confessed the queen...feeling the warm tears flowing on her face
"i promess...that everything will be ok , for the four uf us , ahah " smiled Carmelid putting one hand on her belly and the other one  on Ygraine's belly ...She always knew how to make her mistress smile
" i need to leave you now ..i " the servant interrupted herself...she had noticed a small bottle on the bed
She stood up and got it "what is it ? ive never seen that before in your room" she asked emotionless
"oh its nothing...Uther told me to drink a few drops of that potion every day before getting pregnant ...its really popular in Persia ! " she affirmed , sure of what she was talking about.
The servant was intrigued , she opened the bottle , smelled it and tasted one drop ...she never heard of that miracle potion before and working for Gauis gave her some usefull knowlegde
She wasnt usually an anxious women  but her mistress had been so eager to have a child that...i worry for nothing...i care too much about her..i shouldnt thought the young mother.

Carmelia was on her way to go when she turned back...hesitantly she asked on last thing to her friend...her mistress...her queen
" Ygraine...what happened to the princess Guenievre at the end of the story ? you never told me "
" i dont like the endings  , my dearest friend , you already know that dont you? " smirked The queen
The servant thought seeing ..for a second ... a terrible sadness in Ygraine's eyes...a sadness that even her beautiful smile couldnt mask.


"what ? ...oh gosh..." Gwen woke up in a sweat , her head was spinning and everything was so dark around her
it took her a few long second to realize where she was....
Arthur , shirtless , was lying next to her .He seemed to be in peace. She pushed his arm aside , and freed herself from his embrace , nicely.
She opened the window and breathed in . The air was cold but refreshing , she could feel her skin shivering.
what a weird dream...but it seemed ...so real. but how it could be ? ive never knew her
suddenly she heared Arthur coughing , he started to be cold .
While closing the window , she stared at him...only the moonlight lightened up his handsome face , she covered his chest with the blanket and sat down next to him , stroking his blond and soft hair.
indeed ...ive never knew my mother, ...  just like him...

in a dark corner of the castle , two shadows paced up and down the corridor
" Are you sure it will work? isnt it dangerous to use that spell on a human?  "
" She needs to find out the truth , only her can convince him and Uther is very well aware of that "
" have you thought of the consequences ? there will be no turning back ..."
but thats exactly what Agravaine wanted...no turning back.

everything was still vague around gwen ,she was  lying on the ground , in the middle of the forest .She tried to get up but her headache was too painful , she couldnt even move her legs.
"finally awake?"  She felt her heart beating out her chest ...morgana...
The witch was kneeling next to her , smirking. "its been a while gwen dont you think? did you miss me?"
"what do you want? " gwen said coldly , trying desperately to get up but it was as if ...she was stuck in the ground , she was feeling too dizzy to realize how close to her morgana was.
"  you really thought i was stupid didnt you? you intrigue me gwen...ive always underestimed you , how could someone like you ,be my worst rival ?  "
"i dont know what you are talking about ..."
"oh yes you do...did you really think that i was going to let you have my throne? i should be the one to be crowned, not a useless servant ! "
" and why not? because of your royal blood? trust me , people would rather leave camelot than being ruled by the exact copy of Uther pendragon"
Morgana was flushed with anger.
"no...even if i really want to , i cannot kill you now...that would be too easy , ive other plans for you my dear friend...by the way ...i hope that Arthur and Merlin arent too tired today"

it wringed her heart to hear Arthur's name , it was as if someone dealt her a severe blow....she didnt want to lose hope, maybe He was going to find her...maybe.
"dont you dare hurting them! they have done absolutely nothing to you ! "
"you have no idea of what Merlin did to me ? do you? do you really think that he is a good and honest friend?"
"i trust him , morgana !"
"just like you used to trust me ? before you knew the truth?"
Gwen felt the confusion in her head , she trusted merlin entirely but...he acted weird lately...especially before my departure and...when i think about it...there was a tension between him and morgana back then but it doesnt prove anything ...except..if 
"you've always been empathic , Gwen , you react that way just because you dont know the truth...remember when your father died? dont you find weird that Merlin suddenly sacrificed himself to save you wheareas he didnt really know you? People lies to you but you're too blind to realize it"


"ARTHUR!!" shouted Lancelot through  the smoke.A group had attacked them by surprise , killing everyone on their way .They had already injured Sir leon and they were using at their advantage the fog surrounding the knights to be more effective. Lancelot couldnt even see the face of the man he was fighting. He needed to run away, there was too much men , it wasnt a fair fight even for a training man like him.
He forced Arthur to come with him , it was too dangerous.
They were running through the forest , never looking back until they thought they were safe
"where are the others ? i though they were following us" said Arthur out of breath , he didnt manage to realize how dramatic the situation was . He was with Lancelot , all alone in a menacing forest ,
They were both helpless , gwen disapeared and their friends were probably injured
"we have to go back , we have to.."
"no its too dangerous! its almost night and she is alone out there  ! " interupted him Lancelot
it wasnt even a choice to Arthur , just a simple reflex but he couldnt help feeling torned.
" Lets find her " he said
Lancelot nodded , he had expected that answer.

"so thats it ? you're coward enough to kill me without a fight? that is not the morgana i used to respect" exclaimed Gwen. She wasnt going to let her kill so easily
"im not the same anymore , your life means absolutely nothing to me !"
" really? all the time that ive stayed awake besides you because of your nightmares, all the time that ive spend worrying about you ,all the times that ive told myself that you ll always be there for me , doesnt mean anything to you? " said  Gwen soft spoken , those memories was painful for her...and for the witch surprisingly too
" i gave you a chance to stay with me , dont you remember?" shouted morgana , she started to feel...hurted
"after trying to burn me at stake? thats what you call friendship ? " replied Gwen with sarcam
"you had promessed me your loyalty ! if you had stayed by my side , i would have never hurted you !"
"my loyalty will always belong to Arthur ..." said Gwen in anger without thinking , She couldnt understand her old friend , how she could be so heartless , so blind, so confused.
A deadly silence surrounded the two rivals , it was just the two of them..alone in the forest , facing themselves , their past and their future.
Morgana remembered the dream...how she felt crushed while seeing Gwen's death. Of all the people morgana knew , the servant had always been there for her...The lady didnt told her secrets and why she felt sad to Arthur , Uther or Merlin but to her...to gwen...she almost thought about how her life could have been if she had told her about her magic...
Gwen could feel the end coming...she was too weakened to defend herself ... no weapons , all alone against a powerful witch eager of revenge
"Arthur...ive never told him i loved him....he will never know...never"  the warm tears burned her face...her skin was as cold as ice , almost white.
"im sorry , i had to " said morgana with difficulty "her destiny is bonded to mine...i cant let her..."
" you always have a choice , do you hear me?  its easier to think..." replied brokenly gwen , trying to convince her
"that you dont..." she interupted her.

"hello brother ! " Arthur and Lancelot turned around to face her...morgana. She was surprised to not see merlin ,
"where is merlin? " she said , really disapointed ...almost angry.
"where is gwen ?! ill kill you with my own hand if youve dared touching her ! " shouted Arthur , ready to stick his sword into her heart
" She is alive...well for now , its just up to you"
"what are you talking about ? talk or ..."
"You will feel what ive felt...losing what you love the most because of what you are ..., a prince shouldnt be in love a servant just like i shouldnt be accepted because of my magic and why that? Uther "
"doNt play the victim , i loathe you , tell me where she is , NOW! "
"run to the lake of avalon...one advice...run fast." she said smirking , she enjoyed a lot that moment ...yes a lot...


They didnt hesitate for one second.They couldnt. They ran as fast as they could , they were running throught the trees ,the branches , the rivers , it was a race against time that they were both terrified to lose. They had no idea of what they were going to find at the lake and the possibility that it was a trap didnt stop them , they couldnt take the risk...but even they were out of breath , weakened and thirsty , they didnt slow down , not even for a moment.
tick tock...tick tock
The darkness were surrounding them , only the moonlight and the stars were guiding the two knights and only their love for gwen were giving them the strenght and the courage to continue...especially Arthur.
tick tock...tick tock

The prince was desperate to find her, all his body was fighting against the pain, more and more acute while Lancelot started to lose hope...everything..his legs hurted him, his head was spinning .

They were there...finally.
"NOOOO!!!" screamed Arthur holding his breath , the pain was too overwhelming , his entire world was falling apart  as if someone crushed his heart.
She was there , floating on the lake..the moonlight lighting up her face. Lancelot was speechless , his hope was gone... .He saw her...her arms and legs dangling ....in Arthur 's arm , he was getting her out of the water , drained..., her body seemed lifeless, ...it wasnt just the moonlight , her skin was really white...

The prince let himself fall , putting her down slowly.
...he barely felt her heartbeat...she was going to die...here ..in his arms.
he wasnt going to let that happen...he couldnt.

"im begging you...come back to me...god , i cant...i cannot live without you...i cant " his voice was broken, every words he said was taking all his energy
He hugged her tightly against him , his tears was flowing on her face...he couldnt let go of her
"is she ...gone?" asked the knight...trying to hide his tears.
The prince felt suddenly anger and comtempt towards Lancelot , that anger was consuming him...more and more
"you should have never left her! you should have took her away from me...three years ago..you should have stayed ! its my fault ! all my fault! do you hear me!? MY FAULT! " he couldnt help bursting into tears...the pain was too hard to handle
"will you SHUT UP!" shouted Lancelot " do you think that love is a choice!? do you think that she had chosen to fall in love with you instead of me? its NOT your fault , its morgana " he said , giving vent to his anger ...He thought of Merlin and what he would do in that situation...if only...if only he was there to use his magic to save her but it would be too late...camelot is too far away.
Arthur  felt that emptiness ...growing..inside of him ...when suddenly...he remembered.

Morgana's magic...Sir leon....the druids.
The fear was running through his veins...after what Nimueh , Morgause and Morgana did to him , he couldnt trust magic....was he going to ?
He looked at her...the women who always believed in him...who always trusted him, more than any man...
Was he going to use magic?...magic which killed his mother , turned his father into a murderer and changed to the worst his sister?...
no the right question was...was my fear and hate of magic bigger than the love i have for her? was something bigger than my love for her?....
"no."

He looked up to see Lancelot , still in state of shock.
"Let's go " The prince orderred.

"i need your help , she will die otherwise , im begging you.." asked the Prince
"The prince of Camelot is orderring us to use magic? Your father killed my friends and my family because of magic , You didnt even listen to us when we warned you about the cup of life and now you're asking our help?" responded the druid
"ill give you everything you want , please"
"we want nothing from the Pendragons , leave our land now"
"You call yourself pacifist , you're just liars...i dont have any time to waste , cure her or i swear ill make you bitterly regret your decision" said coldly Arthur, flushing with anger
the druids had no other choice but listen to him

"put her other there and wait outside"
"no way , i stay with her" said Arthur with an angry look
"trust us or leave"
Lancelot grabbed him , forcing him to follow him outside. "come with me now and dont ask questions" orderred lancelot .Arthur put up a struggle , he wasnt going to let her alone , he didnt trust them enough
The knight looked at him in the eyes , grabbing his shoulders " we have no choice do you hear me ? she is gonna die otherwise " he said camly trying to not let his despair showing on his face "trust them...for her ..."
The knight werent going to let Arthur come between the druids and her , he knew more than anyone that he could trust the druids and magic.
They got outside , in silence. "there is always hope..."  thought Arthur while staring one more time at her....

"father...she is already dead." said the young boy
"well then there is nothing we can do" responded th druid
"she was with  him...with the prince , do you think that she is ? do you think its her ?" asked the son , worried
The druid approached her , slowly , terrified that his son had right , he touched her with his fingertips and then he saw.
All his body was trembling , he felt it in his fist , in his feet , in the hollows of his eyelids shaking through his skull , through his spine and down through his ribe.

She was there..in the middle of the battlefield , fighting with all her strengh , handling the sword like a high  trained knight , her bloodstained face shouting " FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! " to the knights who were surrounding her....then as in flashback , she was on the balcony...the crown on her beautiful face , her dress was white and gold embellished with diamonds on her bodice...she was smiling...smiling to hundreds and thousands of men and women , acclaiming her , acclaiming their queen of hearts , the sincere joy filling their heart.
He saw her life flash before his eyes . She was in Arthur's arm , they were way older , she was holding him tightly whispering "always" to his ears.
Then it stopped.His eyes flew open , he tried to breathe slowly but his heart was racing ..too fast.
"its her...the once and future queen." he thought
"bring the cup of life , son, NOW! " he orderred.


"MORGANA!! " Merlin shouted " I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR MY CALL!! "
He was near Cenred 's old castle ,in the forst ,  shouting her name over and over .

     we're bonded...she is the darkness to your light...you and her are the same...


"she knows...she knows about me...how could she? it cant be a coincidence...i dont believe in it anymore...
but if...the dream? we dreamt it at the same time? if its true...god...gwen...i need to get to her ..now." thought the young warlock
" i was surprised to not see you with Arthur" said the witch,  coming out from the darkness of the forest
he didnt know what to say..."you knew...all along...you are just like me and you betrayed me , thats something....i wont forgive."
"get your revenge on me , not them , they are innocents."
"its already too late for her..merlin , your dear friend gwen is dead."
It was like he had lost his breath , breathing was more and more painful. The despair , the sadness , the guilt ...all those feeling was coming to back to him like a blow.He was paralized , helpless.
           
                 only death could save the once and future queen's destiny

"i dont believe you , you are a liar" he said not convincingly , his tears flowing on his face
"You judge me? YOU lied to me"
"She has done NOTHING to you , i should have killed you a long time ago!"
"Yes , you should have cause now.. you are going to pay for everything , i couldnt let her live...She was too important , way too important and you knew it "
She was interrupted by the noise of the storm breaking of  all sudden , and just a few second after , they found themselves in drainving rain. It has been month since the last rainfall , it was unusual...very unusual

"whats going on? its not the rainy season , i need to make sure.." said the prince , worried by the terrifying noise of the storm
Lancelot stopped him from moving forward. " we stay here , trust me"
"Three years ago...i left her because i didnt want to come between you and her "confessed Lancelot trying to prevent Arthur from interupting the druids
Arthur didnt want to talk about that , here and at this moment.
" i was a prince and she was a servant , didnt you think that it was insane ? i was so cold with her, you could had her easily " 
"  no ,...." the knight waited a few seconds , it was hard for him to remember that moment..." i saw a man who felt in love with someone he never expected , a man ready to risk his life to save a woman he couldnt touch and most of all i saw the way you two looked at each other , those looks full of pain and frustration , i wasnt enough in love with her to fight , to fight for her."
"and now? are you still in love with her? "
Lancelot took a few second to answer...he couldnt lie to him , lie to himself.
"She saved me from myself , she reminded of who i was and for that she will always be special to me."
"you didnt answer me" noticed Arthur
"i have some deep feelings for her but i realize that... i dont know her actually , so are my feelings really important then? 
 "im not the one she want and ill never be" the knight thought painfully
Arthur remembered the dull pain he had felt when he had seen her taking Lancelot's hand ...he had risked his life and merlin's life too , he  had just wanted her to hug him..to take his hand , as a reward for saving her.The pain to  know that it was because of what he was that he couldnt be with her , The pain to see her with another man knowing ,deep down, it was the best for her . The pain to be...without her..alone
 
Of all sudden , they turned around because of crackle. They thought that their eyes were decieving them . They felt a shiver down the spine .She was there , alive , her cloathes were rain-soaked , her hair in a mess, the tears flowing on her face and her arms around her because of the cold , her face enlighted up when she saw Arthur.
He ran to her and kissed her with such passion. He felt the coldness of her lips but also the warmness of her body , the new feeling he was feeling had swollen inside his soul until the pressure was almost too much to stand , he clutched at her as if he needed to feel her inside him , as if they were in hurricane tossed seas and to let go of her would be to lose her again.
"i love you..." she whispered to his ears "always " she hadnt enough strengh to raise her voice , she putted her head on his chest and heard his heartbeat.
Arthur made a sign with his hand to Lancelot to make him come here. The knight kissed Gwen's forehead , she was still in Arthur's arm , He never felt happier in his life , he caressed her hair gently and while watching them huddled together , he realized something , something he always knew .
"i rather die than come between them"  he thought

it was just the three of them : the prince , the knight and the blacksmith's daughter , alone but together

The druid knew what he had to do...he knew that her destiny was far more important than his own life , without her the Camelot he dreamt of , for his children , were never going to happen. She was the light in The prince's life , she was going to bring magic back to camelot, she was going to be the greatest queen that Camelot had even known..
He had sacrificied his life to save her , and him.  

     only death can change the once and the future queen's destiny



The three of them returned to Camelot , exhausted.They were reunited in Gwen's chamber
"nobody have to know what happened alright? nobody have to know that ive used magic , nobody."
Lancelot and her nodded.
" once morgana will hear that gwen is alive ...she wont stop until..."
"i know...i gave the order to my knights to protect you no matter what , Lancelot will be your first knight and I.."
"im not going to live in fear because of her " She saw the surprise in Arthur's eyes , she approched him and putted her hand on his cheek " we already have to keep our secret because of your father , i wont let your sister ruined everything that i wish for. "
"what do you mean?"
"i want to be trained , like a real knight ..i know it sounds insane for you but... i want to know how to defend myself , perfectly"
"you're a woman , Arthur and i are  already here to protect you , we.."
"you werent there ...when  i woke up , in chains , the water filling my lungs....She will try to kill me again and i want to be ready to ...kill her if i have to."
"i dont want to see you fighting , its too dangerous" worried Arthur
"it wasnt a suggestion , Arthur , im asking you this cause i want to learn from you... but im sure that my brother will be glad to teach me , just like when we were kids"
The prince didnt like that idea but he couldnt deny that she was right...he didnt know how morgana knew about his relationship with Gwen and why she wanted to kill her...and how was he going to protect her against the witch? 
He used magic , something that he never thought could happen ...but it wasnt a surprise to him..last years he was ready to give up his life and his throne for her...no...there is nothing he wouldnt do for her...nothing.

"ill teach you how to fight , but ive one condition..."
"what is it?"
"i want my knights to stand guard over you "
"then alright..you leave me no choice..." conceded Gwen
" tomorrow we will start your training , be ready."
" yes my lord. " she said, smiling to him

title : the tears of a queen
fandom : merlin
pairings : arthur/gwen + lancelot , merlin/morgana

note : the episode of my dreams that i want to see in season 4 , there will be several part and its the first time that i wrote a fanfic so dont hesitate to let me know what do do u think!


PART 3 : The beginning of the end

"so remember well...the plants of Sahared are used for headache but if the patient has headache and dizziness  you give him one drop of that potion , understood? " asked gauis to gwen , He trusted her , of course, but he couldnt help thinking about Merlin's dream...If Arthur lost gwen just like his father lost Ygraine , i fear that the prince would be never the same...but most of all i fear for camelot...

" yes i understand Gauis , i already know that , you shouldnt be concerned "

"concerned about what? " gauid was obviously upset and afraid to make gwen suspicious but even if he tried to expressionless ,she could feel that something was wrong , merlin had avoided her yesterday and now Gauis was always trying to look at his potions intead of her.

"nothing..i was just...nothing, is that all? " she prefered to ignore his wierd behaviour...merlin will have to explain me what is going on otherwise...

"are you ready , princess ?"  she turned around...it was Gwaine of course its him...

"nothing will ever make you stop calling me princess wont it? " she said , smiling. Arthur and the others knights never understood why he called her like that , but both of them knew...it was their little secret .

"...esmeralda would be more appropriate then? " he responded trying to hide his smile...

they were all reunited in the coutyard , ready to go.

"listen up everyone...for this day ill take Lancelot , Gwaine , Leon and Gwen , an another team with more servants , leaded by Elyan, will join  us later" exclaimed Arthur . He didnt want to take Lancelot with him but he couldnt deny that in case of an attack he would protect guenievre with his life ..."did they talk to each other since he came back? did she have feelings for him? but what feelings? how could she have feelings for him? and me? she never told me that she loved me...." He tried to focus on something else but he couldnt , his thoughts was all about her...

Gwaine was helping her getting on , she didnt even seem to notice Lancelot , who was arranging gently her cape on the horse.

Merlin was arriving with Arthur's materials in a hurry , he wasnt really in a good mood
"you're lucky that gauis needs you otherwise id made you pay your lateness ! " groaned Arthur looking at Merlin who wasnt even paying attention
He couldnt accompany him , he needed to go back to the crystal cave , it was the only way he could find to know why he dreamed about her and how all of this were going to happen in the future.
"its just an  ordinary day , gwen is safe "  he thought

"you vent been yourself me lately merlin...did i do something wrong?" asked gwen to the young warlock
"no...nothing is wrong , i m just very busy...thats all" he said not convincingly , leaving her with arthur and the others
"he is lying to my face..."

People around her had been acting weirdly lately  ...Arthur was more protective  , more than usual but he seemed so absent-minded at the same time , Merlin and Gauis was ignoring her as if she wasnt really important whereas the nobles kept gossiping about her new status
Her brother was too busy to spend time with her and Lancelot didnt even  look her in the eyes when he talked to her...She felt surprisingly ...alone
She really wanted to take Arthur in her arms at this moment , to feel him all around her ...but they had decided to not let the people know about their relationship , it was safer especially after the fierce reaction of Uther and the nobles when Gwen had became a lady .


Arthur and the others arrived in the village , everything seemed lifeless , a lot of injured and dead, most people were hided in their homes. Gwen was next to him , lost in her thoughts ...she was beautiful , the sun in her eyes and her hair falling perfectly on her shoulders , he could smell her sweet and faint perfume ...but then he saw her approaching Lancelot ...who was collecting the weapons, it wringed his heart to see to see her talking to him.

"could i speak to you for a moment ? " she asked to the knight . He was truly surprised , agreeably surprised
" of course my lady "
" please stop calling me like that , its quite inappropriate under the circomstances " as much as she hated that , she had to stay cold with him
" im sorry , i just ...well what is the circumstances then" Lancelot surprised himself to ask her that so quickly
"i want to be very clear , and because of that ill sound ...cold but it means a lot to me...alright? we cannot pretend like nothing happened between us ...you came to me when i was confused and afraid to lose my life but the truth is that... i ve  never been in love with you Lancelot " she said extempore
Those last words tortured him , he felt his heart beating out of his chest...he couldnt find the words to answer , its like she had slapped him..hard..really hard.
Despite the noise of the other knights and villagers , of a sudden an embarrassing silent surrounded them.
"i...dont know what to say...im not here to come between you and arthur"
"thats the reason why you left me alone in the forest without even saying goodbye ? "
"i couldnt...i couldnt face you ...it would have been too painful ...i had to....we both know that you were vulnerable , fragile and at the end of the day you would have chosen him anyway"
" im not mad at you for leaving me..actually im not mad at you at all ,three years ago  i thought that i could be with you without suffering, i thought that i could finally be loved and... "
"you thought that i could replace him" he interupted her firmly. " she could be with me...but she wouldnt really to..thats the difference between arthur and i ...she wanted him but she couldnt have him. "
Those words deeply hurted Gwen , she felt sorry for him , the man who saved her and sacrificied his love for her . She was hurted because she knew..deep down that he was right . " i only came because morgana begged me" she remembered how she felt at that moment...useless and insignificiant in arthur's eyes , she also remembered when he didnt answer to her , leaving her alone " maybe when you are king , things will be different"

Lancelot was everything that a sane women would want , he was kind , chevalrous , soft and gentle .He wasnt the son of his father's murderer ,he wasnt a prince with a great destiny coming first  , he wasnt the reason why she could be killed... Yes , it would have been easier and saner for Gwen to love the knight instead of Arthur but she was happy...she was happy being insane.

"i care about you Lancelot... i meant everything that i said to you back then , i really did but i need to know....i need to know if..."
"if i still have feelings for you?.... the answer is ...no..not anymore"  he said  "yes i do... since the first time i ve seen you."   he thought
"alright...but ...im not the women that you think i am...you dont really know me actually " Lancelot's answer should have relieved her but she knew he was lying , she could see that in his eyes. She didnt how to behave, what to say , her feelings for Arthur and him was very clear in her head but she could help feeling sad for him cause she knew , more than anyone, how it felt to hide one's feelings. Afterall she never had the strengh to tell Arthur that she loved him....

She left him alone...when of a sudden she noticed Arthur looking at her , at them....He seemed upset , it had been a long time since those blue eyes hadnt look at her like that....she turned around to see Lancelot who was looking at her too , coldly. it was just the three of them...as if nothing else existed. just like three years ago...

Arthur wasnt insecure about Lancelot , he wasnt a threat for him...not anymore...he was afraid of losing her....she had gone through so much for him and it was nothing compare to what he expected for their future...his father and his sister ...his so calling family were going to try everything to break them , to hurt her ... the nobles were already criticizing her....she was his weakness and his strengh at the same time.He was aware of that... "how much she can go through ? how many years she can wait for me? "
even if he tried to put a brave face in front of her...he knew that the road was still long...and if she felt something for the knight , the road was going to be longer.


it was the end of the day, it was almost sunset....everyone was tired and ready to go back to camelot when suddenly ....gwaine came out of nowhere , running.. out of breath, he was shaking
' i lost her ...i lost gwen...i was with her and when i turned around she was gone! i dont know what happened , ive search everywhere , i.." he said catching his breath.
Arthur hurled his sword , ready to hit gwaine with all his strengh " how could you!  how could she disappear just like that? you useless moron ! i want gwen to be found before the sunset , we will stay all night if we have too!" he shouted . He tried to stay calm but he was beside himself with worry , he knew that once the sun disappears , it will be more and more difficult to find her.
but Arthur and his knights had no idea about those men , the sword in their hands , who were spying on them ready to attack.


"nothing....nothing at all..."  thought merlin . He went to the crystal cave but nothing...it was as if the cave never existed. The young warlock started to lose hope when he found a letter on his bed.
"what is it ? i dont usually get letters"
He sitted and opened the letter....his hand was shaking , he was suddenly in a sweat , he couldnt see clearly his room anymore...everything became dark....'how is that possible? how could she..?"
He took his jacket and he went hurtling off.

" i know everything , you are just like me....we're binded Merlin
    you rejected me whereas only you could understand me....
     my revenge will have no limits

        Morgana le fay "

title : the tears of a queen
fandom : merlin
pairings : arthur/gwen + lancelot , merlin/morgana

note : the episode of my dreams that i want to see in season 4 , there will be several part and its the first time that i wrote a fanfic so dont hesitate to let me know what do do u think!


PART 2 : the day before tomorrow



"are you sure it wasnt a nightmare? said Gauis intrigued  " are the Pendragon doomed? Merlin's dream seems similar to Ygraine's death..."

"i wish it was but...i was there , i mean everything was so real ...the pressure ,the grief , the tears...it was unbeareable Gauis, i couldnt save her! its not fair...you keep saying that ive a great destiny but whats the point ? whats the...." merlin couldnt finish his sentence....he had always taken gwen for granted , as if one day arthur and her were going to live happily ever after....

"what is the point of living his great destiny ..ALONE.?" he thought

"stop torturing yourself! gwen is fine... lets think a little...so in your dream , you ve used magic to save her ? you said something about her behaviour... i dont remember"

" it was weird , its like she was in peace...as if she and i knew that it was going to happen , she said to arthur that she kept her promise but ive no idea of what she was talking about but he...i think he knew...." Merlin was staring at his books...all those pages and no answers to his problem
"She was loved gauis...by all those people...they had faith in her... she wasnt just a queen to them...she seemed to be a Queen of hearts" said merlin smiling , gauis could feel the proud in his voice but merlin came to reality quickly ,

"it was the beginning of the end..."   he thought...like a deja vu

it was late ... he had spent the day avoiding Gwen and Arthur , ...how could he look at Arthur knowing that the women he loves , the women for who he was ready to give up everything , was going to die in his arm? but the worst...the worst part of his day was when he saw gwen with a child...the little girl was so cute with all the flowers on her dress ...."she will never be a mother...never"  he thought
The little girl offered a candy to Gwen...it was a simple gesture but suddenly he knew...he knew that as long as he lived he wouldnt let anything to her  "destiny can be changed , and if not ill be the first men to make it change" 

he ignored lancelot in the courtyard he couldnt let him know about gwen , it wasnt fair to arthur...

"what is it young warlock? " said the great dragon , obviously still annoyed by merlin
"i need your help, please "
" really? my help? i gave you my help many times before but it didnt stop you to be stubborn"
" its about guenievre, she is..." said merlin , ready to explain everything but suddenly the great dragon changed his expression

"what ? he looks worried? no, of course...he dont even know gwen...why he..."

" i know the blacksmith's daughter but everything concerning her is none of your business , do you hear me? 
"WHAT? how do u ..." Merlin was in shock , why the great dragon was on the defensive?

"Dont look so surprised...Do you think that it was a coincidence that she was the first friend that you ever had arriving in camelot ? that she was the witch's maid or that you helped the prince and her to come closer without knowing it? I cannot tell you everything , merlin but you already know a lot " said the great dragon

Merlin stood speechless...immobile he couldnt move even if he tried "destiny..i hate that word"  he thought
but he had to stay focused , he needed to know about that dream

" ive had a dream about her , actually it wasnt really a dream but more a prophecy. I saw her ...dying , giving birth to arthur's son , i need to know how to save her , how to make sure that it will never happen,  , please help me...im begging you ...i dont know what to do"
it was more and more difficult for merlin to speak...knowing that the great dragon wont probably help him ...he could hear him breathing out loud as if his heart was racing "does he have a heart actually?"

"only death can change the once and future queen's destiny , young warlock"
it was the last words pronounced by the great dragon before he left.

"only death can change the once and future queen's destiny"   merlin kept repeating those words in his head...he didnt know how to react ...of course if gwen dies now she wont give arthur a son ! does he think im stupid? or does he have to sacrifice someone to keep gwen's safe? he could felt the rage running through his veins , he was confused , what he felt during his dream ...what he saw..."NOOO!!!" he screamed with all his heart until he was out of breath
He never felt more alone .

Morgana was alone ,staring at her window , she couldnt sleep afraid to have that dream again ..."me? crying over her? over them? they got what they deserved! soon...its the beggining of the end ... the end of Arthur Pendragon" 
She couldnt help smiling...finally a good sensation after that endless day ,
Morgause and her spent the day trying to find a way to kill gwen, but with no success.

"now she is a lady , it will be difficult to enter in the castle , sister , we need to kill her outside camelot."
"but how? ive no other choice to come back to camelot and kill her with my own hand ! " shouted morgana
"too bad that merlin and arthur wont be there to watch her die in my hands...wait...merlin...something about him in my dream...i ..."

"of course not! its too dangerous!" protested morgause interrupting morgana's thoughts
" i do not care! there is no other choices , im powerful enough to take care of myself...prepare my clothes and my sword...tomorrow ill pay a visit to my very dear friend ...Gwen." said morgana smirking


Since the return of Lancelot , Arthur felt a little annoyed.
" He is clearly still in love with her...if only i could know what happened between them three years ago...but i have no right to ask that to Guenievre ...not knowing that it was because of me...of my status that she found in Lancelot someone who could maybe ...make her happy...."

Arthur was watching his knight training , he tried to erase that feeling of insecurity inside him...
"sire! "  it was Lancelot.
"what it is?" said Arthur
" the man are ready for tomorrow , but Gauis wont join us , he needs to look after your father , he only wants to be cured by Gauis , sire , he said that he couldnt trust anyone now"
"there will be a lot of injured , i cannot take a lot of servants with me and..."
" but Gauis said that Gwen could come with us...she has been at his side for many years and she knows exactly what drugs or plants to give to the patients" continued Lancelot even if he didnt like talking about Gwen or even mentionning her in the presence of Arthur
They stared at each other for a few seconds...it was always akward betweem them "please dont let her come with us"  thought Lancelot , even if a part of him wanted be near her for a whole day
"if i say no ,Gwen would think that i dont trust her enough to take care of the injured but if i say yes...well i couldnt stand Lancelot speaking to her or even staring at her...but i do not care afterall..she is more important "  thought Arthur with a little smile on his face.

"Alright then.. i just need to ask her if she doesnt mind to accompany us." said Arthur .Both of them tried to be expressionless about that decision ...
but it was hard for them to hide their excitement ....that they were soon going to deeply regret.


" i would love to!" . Arthur had rejoined Gwen in her chamber. it was late and everything seemed peaceful...She was in his arms , watching the stars ...not a noise out there...She felt arthur's breath on her naked nake and shoulder
Arthur wasnt the kind of men who showed his affection easily  but after many years hiding his feelings for her , she brought out that part of him that he thought never existed...that part of him that only her could see...only her.
"its not an obligation , if you dont want to , id understand" said arthur hoping that she wont change her mind
" i want to help them...after what morgana did to them , they need your help and besides since you've taken charges i barely see you...and well...its not really...you know" said Gwen...She didnt like  to remember morgana ... the woman who tried to kill her , the friend who teach her to always fight for what you believe, the lady who betrayed her family and became just like her father ...but...
She felt Arthur's warm arms embracing her to comfort her , as if he was reading in her mind...it was still hard for her to open his heart to Arthur cause she knew that only him can break it and make her suffer like no other men
"its easy to open his heart to someone you dont really love , at least you arent afraid that his sister or his father want you dead or that one day he forgets you because his destiny is greater than you will ever be...what am i even talking about? " thought Gwen

Lancelot had just met Merlin in the courtyard, who seemed very troubled but he was in a hurry so he couldnt talk to him "who is he going to see at this late hour?" 
He went past Gwen's chamber ..."i can see the light ...she is still awake...should i tell her good night?...dont be silly Lancelot , just go to bed"

In the last three years , he thought of Gwen very often , she was the women who made him believe in life again afterall...without her he would have probably end up killed even if his heart was already dead back then...
He saw how Arthur became thanks to her , she enlighted his life and made him a better man but he knew ...he knew that even if he had stayed with her three years ago, she would have end up breaking his heart...."its always gonna be arthur...only him"  thought Lancelot , alone in his bed...


Indeed it was a very calm night...if only they knew ...if only they knew that nothing were going be the same after that night....


Morgana was choosing a dagger when suddenly her sister came to her with a very good new
" Tomorrow Gwen will be out of Camelot , its our chance my dear sister ! i already have a plan to get rid of Arthur and his knights ..."
but morgause expected a another answer from her sister
" no...i want Arthur and Merlin to be with her...i want to make them suffer just like i suffer...take that...i wont need a weapon for tomorrow afterall " said morgana giving the daggers to his sister
"but how you're going to kill her then? "
"its a surprise....sister...their surprise"

title : the tears of a queen
fandom : merlin
pairings:  arthur/gwen + lancelot  , merlin/morgana


note : the episode of my dreams that i want to see in season 4 , there will be several parts
  so its the first time that i write a fanfic , i dont speak english fluently so im really sorry if u find some faults , dont hesitate to critics me LOL
 id love to read ur impressions ( btw listen to shattered by trading yesterday while reading <3 )

(the icon isnt made by me)

PART 1 : the prophecy

“ PUSH!” Arthur was running through the corridor, helpless…followed by Lancelot, they met Gwaine outside the room, his whole body was shaking “there!” he said to them , they entered and find Gwen lying on the bed , she turned around to see Arthur and then smiled “I was waiting for you…”

“Always trying to put a brave face on everything, god I love her”

Merlin was using magic to help the baby to get out , he was in a sweat … Arthur trusts him , Gwen trusts him …Camelot trust him…he knew that one day it will happen, he knew...
The servants’ hands full of blood trying to calm down Arthur who was about to faint by fears , they don’t know how to do , WHAT to do …they’ve always seen Arthur’s brave side, “she cannot die…for the sake of Camelot , she CANNOT die” repeats herself Cristel ,the servant , she could almost feel her heartbeat ...”its Guinevere , my mistress, she will survive , I know that , she won’t give up , for Arthur…she will fight until…the end.”
Gwen's screams echoed in the castle, Gwaine was waiting outside the room , he couldn’t bear the sight of his beloved queen, HIS friend suffering , each scream is like a knife stuck into his heart "its a nightmare , a horrible nightmare , everything will be fine, I’ll have dinner with Gwen tonight as usual, we’ll laugh and ill tease her …everything will be … "

Suddenly a strange silence surrounded the room...the end is near...Arthur, in tears, felt the death coming “ no not her…take me…spare her…I am begging you… I need my queen …I need Gwen” for a second he realized that he didn’t call her Guinevere…is that even relevant? …Merlin, Lancelot and Arthur…around her…all she could think about was …Arthur, the man who changed her , showed her what love really means , her one true love, …kneeling next to her , looking at her, as if he couldn’t live without her “if only Arthur knew…if only he knew how much I love him…”.  
 Then she saw Lancelot getting down on his knees, the pain was too heavy to carry “why does he look so sad? I ve never loved him and I’ve broken his heart so many times “
finally she saw merlin…he seems to be a living dead, his skin is as white as the snow …she wanted to smile…to comfort him…and Arthur but she couldn’t. She still had the strength to tell Arthur that she kept her promise...always. “Live for me my love, take care of your son...our son...i love..."she said, one last kiss …before…her last breath.

 Arthur didn’t even want to look at his son, that son who took his wife away from him. His hands still holding Gwen's hands as if there is still hope..." there is always hope" it was what Gwen always said, He wanted to scream , to cry, to destroy everything but he was there staring at her, immobile , the pain was devouring him  , his hope was gone just like her…  
how can he admit that his true love , his strength , his muse was  gone? How can he admit that all those years of tears, pain and fights just to be with her are now useless? He could almost hear his father saying “I did everything to save Ygraine and it cost me my soul” he understand him now…but it was too late… Lancelot tried to hide his tears. The women of his life who never loved him is gone...forever .But he had to stay strong, for Arthur.

Merlin , the court sorcerer ,walked through the corridor, with Gwen’s son in his arm…he was crying…”just like all of us sweetheart…”  he arrived on the balcony , the people were there , the woman was in tears , the childrens was trying to comfort their mothers and the man had a candle in their hands….they were all there..in the courtyard ...waiting… in the dark , in the cold hoping that their queen will be alright….
If only he could use magic to erase his pain, their pain… if only he could sacrifice his life to save her... the women who change Arthur's mind about magic is gone...his dearest friend is gone...forever. What he was about to say was the most difficult thing, but he has to be strong…for Arthur.

" THE …QUEEN IS DEAD...i...i present you Galahad , son of Arthur and Guenievre Pendragon" , NOTHING...not even a smile or a noise ...everything seemed...lifeless… Merlin almost feared that people didn’t hear him well but Out of the blue , Sir leon screamed with all his heart “ GOD BLESS THE QUEEN” suddenly all the man raised their candles in the air screaming the same thing, the woman hugged their childrens …the sadness and the fear in their eyes was overwhelming…”They know…it’s the beginning of the end” though Merlin .

“NO!!!!!” morgana woke up screaming with tears in her eyes, Morgause came , worried sick “ what it is sister? What made you cry?”

“it’s her…AGAIN…Gwen…I …felt everything….I FELT all the pain…sister help me !” she said her voice seems almost broken , Morgana was totally helpless , it has been a long time since she hadn’t feel…human. But she came back to reality quickly, “she is going to be queen and the worst is that she will give Arthur a son!! Do you hear me? A SON !” The rage was consuming her, one minute ago she felt sad for Gwen , she cried for her …but now…

“Arthur cannot have a son! You are the legitimate queen! You have to be the last Pendragon alive!” Those words that Morgause said, was obsessing her. But something else was obsessing her…something that she saw in her dream ,she couldn’t remember but one thing was sure :   She was ready to kill Gwen and make Arthur suffer. Finally.

At the same time , Merlin woke up in a sweat , he tried to breathe slowly to calm himself down , his lips tasted like salt… that dream…seems so real but it can’t be true. But he knew , it was a prophecy . He feared that Gwen’s destiny was to die in Arthur’s arm , to give him a son. No…no.. He had to tell this to the Great dragon and Gauis first , he will help him but one thing was sure: He was ready to protect Gwen no matter what.

“Wow have you seen a ghost?” said Gwen, he turned around in a nutshell , he took a few second to realize that he wasn’t in his dream , it was Gwen , HIS Gwen smiling at him. He thought of hugging her but he couldn’t, she will be suspicious… she read him like a book.

Merlin and Morgana didn’t realize that they had the same dream at the same time and that both of them was prepared to do everything to prevent this dream from realizing...Gwen's destiny was in their hand ...at least that's what they thought ....