During the early 1960s I was working as a sales clerk in the UK headquarters of the American company, Art Metal Inc., which was at that time the largest manufacturer of office furniture in the world. Remember … “He took my soul and had it stenciled on a card, and filed… in an Art Metal cabinet.” … from the movie ‘The Petrified Forest’ starring Humphrey Bogart ?  Of course you don’t … Blimey! It was even before my time.  😉

I wasn’t making very much money working in the office, only about £12 ($20) a week and I needed every penny as I was saving up to get married: so I pestered my boss, the sales manager, to let me go ‘on the road’ as a salesman, as I figured that I could make a lot more money on the small basic salary paid to salesmen when commission was added. I might even make as much as twenty quid a week.  

Now I should say that my chances of getting such a ‘promotion’ were pretty slim at that time, as the sales force consisted of mainly posh ex-officer types with ‘double-barrelled’ names, bowler hats and rolled umbrellas. Not exactly ‘me’ with my ‘Sarf Lundun’ accent, ‘Italian’ suit, ‘slim jim’ tie and ‘Perry Como’ haircut.

Anyway, as luck would have it (well not for him perhaps) some old major ‘popped his clogs’ at just the right moment creating a gap in the ranks of the sales representatives, and after some territorial adjustments, during which the ‘old hands’ grabbed the best bits, I was given what was left, an area laughingly known as ‘the salesmen’s graveyard’.

Now you must remember that this was long before the days of company cars and generous expense accounts, so my first day started with a trip on the ‘tube’ to a grimy industrial estate on the outskirts of West London.

The rain was pissing down as I left the train, so I hauled my heavy case across the street and entered the first building that I came to. I introduced myself to a lady who was sitting in a small office. She asked me to wait and went off with one of my catalogues. A few minutes later she returned and handed an order to me for a four drawer filing cabinet and enough file folders to fill each drawer. … I couldn’t believe my luck, for I had just made ten bob (50p or about $1) on my very first call. … “Could it really be this easy ?” … I asked myself, as I had visions of long commission statements to come.

Well … actually the answer was …  NO ! … for a month would pass …

…       before I saw another bloody order  😦

I just spotted this ‘Draconian’ combination of signs on a post near my house.  

We know how to deal with people who let their dogs shit on the pavement (sidewalk) around here !

When I visited the USA back in the 1970s I was always surprised by how little most of the Americans I met knew about what was happening in the rest of the world.

Most newspapers seemed to report only local news and I would ‘flick through’ the TV channels in a fruitless search for some news from Britain or Europe in general.

Of course a lot has changed since then with events such as the fall of the Soviet Union, 9/11, and the Iraq crisis helping to focus Americans’ attention away from their own shores.

I well remember an event that helped to start this change, for I was visiting Turkey in the 80s and was sitting on the quayside of a small harbour where a cruise ship was docked.

I watched as two passengers came ashore. They were an elderly couple of  ‘old type’ American tourists. You know … loud check Bermuda shorts … white socks with black shoes … Hawaiian shirts … baseball caps (rare outside the US at that time) … and of course a collection of cameras hung around their necks.

They stopped near to where I was sipping from my glass of tea, as I sat among a group of heavily moustached locals who were smoking their hookahs and drinking their thick black coffees.  I saw them nervously glance our way before turning their attention towards the minarets and domes which could be seen rising above the date palms. The sound of a muezzin calling the faithful to prayer could be heard echoing from a distant mosque and the sun caught the white crescent on a Turkish flag as it fluttered in the warm breeze.   

The elderly pair hesitated and seemed unsure whether to procede along the quay towards the town or not. The man chewed on his fat cigar and said something to his wife before they turned around and headed back towards the ship. They passed close to where I was sitting and to my astonishment I heard the woman say …

…  ” Well it sure looks like EYE-RAN “.

Remember how a couple of weeks ago I reported how my local supermarket had been taken over by ‘zombies’ ?

Well today I was ambushed by one in the fruit and vegetable section, when I left my half full trolley (cart) in a quiet corner to avoid the usual gridlock, and went off to select my ‘five a day’, only to discover on my return that it was missing.

I looked up and down the aisles until I spied a shuffling creature with drooping eyelids slowly hiding my shopping under her selection of items in a trolley which had my large frozen food storage bag hanging from the handle.

OK, so anyone can make a mistake, as all loaded trollies tend to look alike, but how can you fail to notice as you walk along, that a bloody great bright green object … 

…        is banging against your knees ?