I made in my attic my own small photo studio.
I worked with other photographers as a Make-up artist before, but now for the first time , I did it all myself, the MU and as well the photography. Am really enjoying this!




(model : Loes )

Me twenties style ;
one of my assignements this year is self-portrait (..once again), i might use one of these..
     


 

I'm kind of proud of these .. I didn't do the photography but I did the Make-Up ! (finished my course 'make-up artist' now)


 

It is funny.
When I fall in love I always do it with the wrong people.
Maybe I should swap love for something else...maybe if I can't have a combination and love and carefree living in one relationship...I have to settle for something else.

Maybe I should go for a life of comfort with someone I am not in love with after all...I got invitations to travel with someone that is not my type at all...I feel no attraction at all nor to his personality or appearance..by now I have too many expectations for my perfect partner, I will never be able to find one like it ...the only attraction with him is his luxury life as a successful business man.
I met him once while I was spending time with another man in London this past month...it was funny because I only wanted to go out for a beer and meet a new friend in a city where I hardly know anyone..and all he did was try to kiss me and invite me to trips to Chicago and Seoul and Dubai and what have you ,while he was saying how boring Europe really is...Europe is for poor people he said..he himself had plans to move to Dubai, he could find me a job there he said,I could live with him there...
this all sounds tempting ,but it would also mean I will have to close my eyes and shut-down my emotions when I share his bed and life.

But honestly , if am getting the feeling this is the only way for me in life still...I can't have it all... it's either love and passion OR a secure life with no worries of the future.

I have tried so many things in life,including spending time with people I didn't really like ... I never really was a good actress for more than two hours or so, but if a person like him could deal with a relationship as just another business contract ,maybe then it could be easy on me too...if the reward is satisfying enough , if the visits to Dubai and other resorts are blinding and exciting enough .. just maybe I would be able to handle it... and maybe passionate times would merely become a hobby of mine too then .

Oh god.
I don't know what to do anymore.
All the love and dreams that I had are crushed...I tried everything to save some of it..really everything. It doesn't help.Nothing I can do.And it was all that kept me going really. I just feel totally empty now. Nothing is left, nothing is there.
I wish somebody would help.
Because I have no motivation left at all for life.
Even in my class yesterday I didn't know what I was doing there anymore,only trying to fight tears.

I always found it striking how clean and not-adventurous he looks...but his war photos are the way they are supposed to be !
(though it is discussable whether he should stick a lightmeter into a grieving war victim's face..I have no opinion about that myself so far..as well as the fact that with the opening of the exhibition of his photos people might stand with glasses of champagne in front of these scenes..isn't it funny)

 

It's all relative

Oh yes , I'm really Overpowered now !! 

http://haoneg.com/temps/Roisin%20Murphy%20-%20Overpowered.mp3