For me.

Today was hard, for reasons I don't want to say because it shows how weak and pathetic I am. People are dealing with so much everyday AND people deal with my crap everyday times a million! People are strong. Today I felt weak and defeated. I felt like I let life get the best of me. Over and over. I felt so selfish in all my whining and complaining to myself too. I just. It was all too much. I laid in bed after I put Ollie down and had somehow managed to pull myself together enough to clean the house, do the dishes and laundry and prepare for tomorrow. That was probably the only tender mercy I experienced today. See, again, Selfish. I'm hoping to get over myself and be better to myself, my boy, and others tomorrow. Life is so...weird. I feel like all my thoughts and goals and actions are always contradicting each other. I'm a talker. Not a doer. But I want to be what I'm not. I always see the ways I can be better, but I don't ever act on it and I never live for who I am either. I guess I'm a pretty self-consciece, under confident, undefined, small person. That's who I see in my ways. It's not figuring out HOW to change, Spence and I are so good and philosophizing and figuring out life, it's DOING the change. I'm in a circle of life that leads me back to where I started constantly. Can't wait to get that circle straight. I don't even believe I can...that's, sad.

Vegas Christmas

I always prefer to celebrate Christmas year round...also in order to get my 2012 blog Blurb book printed, I have to finish it out. Follow through - always a weakness, BUT we push on, no matter how far off I've put it. This is a blog mostly for my own personal journaling and to keep family and friends updated, so if you're bored real easy, warning: move on now.

Alright so after our lil break in San Diego we ventured to Vegas to spend Christmas with the Taylor family. I currently have my parents, sister Lindsey's family and brother Morgan and his wife living there so it's one location with most of the family. Because the Leavitt family have all their grandparents in town they spread out their Christmas's so they weren't hounded by gifts on just one day.

Also then they can enjoy Christmas in their home with their family. 

Leavitt Christmas was held at their house complete with a feast, 3 happy present openers and boys watching football. It was the first time we did it this way and it was a success of goodness. 

Nana and Papa hooked them up

Logan couldn't hide her love for her gifts so she hugged each one. Special.

Talin was dress like a fashionista mini j crew model

Papa takes pictures of everything. Now I get that I do that too, but my pops, you gotta see him in action. I guarantee dem pics are all blurs with no smiles. The fam loves to joke on him.

Nana, my mom, got them American Girl dolls. 

Rylee got Molly.

I always wanted Molly.

Always.

Nana, my mom, did not catch on I guess.

At least someone wins

And then we played

At some point these two came and visited us for a quick joy ride.

And we went to church in our Sunday best

Christmas eve is spent in my parents home with a tradtional flank-steak dinner followed by our makeshift Christmas-Eve program. 

It's my favorite of favorites.

Logan entertained us with poses and pictures before dinner

Classy

Talin wanted in too

I love this picture. So much love, and so much character

Then she wanted to take our pictures...low-to-high angle

Logan's very own kid table

But cute dad visited

The best group pic I can get from my family...

My momma's kind of a cutie

On to the program...

Spencer was the host this year. 

He takes his business very seriously.

Logan sang "Dun Dun" aka "Don't Stop Believin"

Jana showed us what she teaches to her dance students...The Penguin Dance

Rylee and Talin danced and sang

We skyped in Brett and his kids who were the only ones who couldn't make it. 

They even skyped in their program entries!

Chicken Bucket Soccer...Taylor family memory video 2012

Kickin' back 

Pajama Elf goodies

The Taylor ladies

Family gift exchange/white elephant

My parents ended up with a his and hers of these:

I love that they got them and how much my mom loves them.

She says she wants to do a photoshoot of them frolicking in the park in them <3 p="">

Christmas Morning

It's so sad what becomes of all that prettiness

Christmas day was LAZY and awesome. 

We were so happy to be with the 'rents, Zach and Jana, and Morgan and Kaylee.

Spencer of course enjoys the aftermath, turning anything into a sport

The Brazillian missionaries: Dad, Brett and Morgan, and their wives all got a cruise to Brazil for Christmas so it was most focused on the latter of us. 

I was fine with that.

Especially with this beauty appeared:

I can not tell you how in love I am with this object. 

It makes me so happy just looking at it now.

It's not just because it's so lovely, it's also because it means I get to practice and try to develop a talent and sing to my hearts content and annoy spencer to the utmost degree.

It means that I have a connection to my daddy, who (along with my mom) loves to hear me sing and play.The most special part is that my dad picked it out. 

My mom is the one who does all the Christmas shopping so when ANYTHING is picked out by the Mr., it automatically is sentimental and perfect. 

It really means so much to me. 

"Thanks mom. Thanks dad."

We got a pretty hefty and much needed haul of goodness from Vegas so thank you Santa, PJ elf, and White elephant (Which we ROBBED with our top two prizes won!).

Upon  cleanup we had our traditional breakfast and went and saw round 1 of Les Miserables.

I lied, that was the best Christmas present.

It all ended with a true American/Taylor style Christmas day dinner

Spencer's dream come true

Next stop...UTAH CHRISTMAS!