Modesty

Not that my thoughts or opinions matter too much in this world, but I have been thinking about this a great deal as I see article after article circulating around the internet and as I think of my young girls and how I would like them to see themselves and feel about themselves as they get older and mature.
I have two major thoughts on modesty 1. It's not about other people, male or female, bad thoughts or good thoughts, it's not about knees or elbows or wrists or ankles or belly buttons. 2. Modesty can be too much as much as it can be too little.
We often hear people say "Its just a shoulder.  Why is that so bad, provocative, or inappropriate?"  It's not.  Or I don't think it was ever meant to be.  Was the body created to be attractive?  Yes, I believe we were created to be beautiful and attractive.  But that's where things get blurry. Were our bodies created to flaunt and tempt?  I'm sure they were not.  Does that give people the right to blame others for their bad thoughts, even if they perceive that persons clothing to be inappropriate or immodest.  HECK NO.  We are accountable for ourselves and our thoughts.  Does our Heavenly Father love us more or less if we choose to dress a certain way? No. 
So whats the big deal with modesty?  In my short 32 years of life I have come to the conclusion that modesty is about us and our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  I can't say what kind of relationship people have with God, based off the way they dress.  Every person on this earth has had different experiences and sees the world differently.  The only thing I know is, for me, that the clothing I choose to wear is a direct reflection on my commitment to follow God.
If I wear my hair extra fancy or put on more makeup it probably means I'm going out with Joe and would like to appear more attractive or feminine for him. When fighting fire I wore nomex pants and nomex shirts down to the wrist, with leather gloves and leather boots and a hard hat. If I wear a swimsuit and flip flops, then I am going to the beach, most likely.  We dress for lifes situations and events. I believe I would feel equally uncomfortable attending church in a strapless gown meant for a red carpet event as much as I would if I were to show up looking like I were going to go for a swim.  I'm not saying we shouldn't go to church if we have to show up in a fire uniform, because ya know what, I've done that.  But the effort and the attention we take to show respect to our Heavenly Father and ourselves is the reason we should take the effort in dressing modestly.  It's not for anyone but ourselves.  We know everyday when we put on our clothes if we are thinking about what our Heavenly Father would want us to do and how best we can feel his spirit with us, or if we are wearing something to get attention from the world.  I know, and God knows.  That's what modesty is.  Its suppressing our desires to seek attention and keep ourselves in line with God. 

It's almost been a year

The babies first birthday is coming up and it is hard to believe that they will be a year old. It's also
hard to believe that this time last year I was miserably huge in size and measuring about 50 weeks pregnant.  Yes that is correct, 50 weeks, I think by the end I was measuring almost 54 weeks pregnant. haha!
Not too much has been going on, Josie started kindergarten, and is doing great, she loves school she loves to learn, and she loves to play.  She plays so hard!  Sami is doing preschool with grandma, once a week, so she loves that. 
Here are a few family photos from a few weeks ago.  I really like how these turned out, now that the babies can sit up, it was a lot easier to get a good photo, kinda. 

Family of 7

I guess I should at least attempt to write an an update on this thing, not that anyone really reads it.  It has been almost a year since the last time I posted.  A lot has happened in a year.  No longer a family of 4 but of 7.  The babies are already 6 months old, healthy and strong we couldn't be more blessed.  Some day maybe I'll find out how/why this all happened, but really it doesn't matter.  I have been blessed that is all that matters. 

 

Also the girls are now the face (for the time being) of my SIL's little boutique, this is one of the pictures of them modeling some dresses.

 I just wanted to share the blessing outfits my mom made for the babies.  It's been over three months since she made the blessing dress and I still am not over how much I love it.  It's beautiful!!

Things I've wanted to say but haven't

Some things that have been on my mind lately:

Having triplets will probably be the hardest thing I will ever have to do, but I am over the shock of the news and would appreciate your congratulations not condolences.
Yes, I will have my hands full.
I will leave my house, I have never been the type of person who can sit home for too long I know it will be harder to get out with triplets but I will get out.  I will even go to church as soon as the babies are ready.
Thank goodness for my mother.
I have real friends/family who care about me.
I hate stairs.
People have suggested I must be an amazing mother, and God wants me to raise up his children, I feel more like god must want me to be a better mother and figures this will do the trick, I have incredible friends who are amazing women and mothers I certainly am not a better mother than they are, yet they struggle with infertility.
This is going to cost a lot of money.
My stomach is going to be huge.

That's all for now.

Triplets?

"How does that even happen?"  Those are the words that came out of Joe's mouth when I called him after my doctor appointment on Mon. May 20th.  I was 8 weeks 2 days pregnant, but suspected I might have miscarried.  I told the doctor that I was experiencing some tiredness and fatigue, but little to no morning sickness, which is very unusual for me.  The doctor decided to get the ultra sound machine, just to take a look.  He told me there may not be much to see, since I was only 8 weeks along.  Moments after he started moving the wand across my belly he asked me to "hold this, just a moment" and left the room.  I was thinking hmm, maybe I lost the baby?  The doctor came back in with another doctor who started moving the wand across my belly.  He immediately started nodding his head and saying "yes I see them, there are three."  I wholeheartedly did not understand he was being serious and I jokingly said, "don't say that."  He continued "there are for sure 2 heart beats, the 3rd is hard to tell."  Then it hit me and I thought I cannot have 3 babies, what am I going to tell Joe?!  Both doctor in almost perfect unison asked "were you taking fertility medicine?"  "No, I have never needed to take fertility medicine." The doctors were just smiling at me like this was the best thing that could ever happen.  The doctor then set me up an app. with an ultra sound tech to confirm things, and assured me there were likely 3 babies.  I immediately called Joe whom I had to warn that I was not joking, that I was being dead serious, and that I didn't know if I should laugh or cry, as I was laughing and crying.  How do you go to the doctors suspecting a miscarriage and end up with triplets?
I don't think I was in shock until after my ultra sound app. the next day when they confirmed things, and were able to measure each baby, and get the heart beats.  Each baby was looking very healthy with its own sac and own placenta, so no worries about one overpowering the other, they will each get enough.  In a way it was overwhelming to hear, it meant this was a done deal, things were unlikely to change, and yet I was excited to be the mother of triplets, even with all the diapers and bottles, and hours of lost sleep that come with it. I am scared to death.  I am thrilled, and excited, the thought continues to go through my head that I will have more kids in one fell swoop than I currently have now.  That is overwhelming, I will have 5 kids under 4, that is overwhelming.  We will be a family of 7?  That is so exciting, a family of 7! 
Joe and I had agreed that this pregnancy was going to be my last, thinking we would forever be a little family of five, who could enjoy vacations, and camping and activities as a family of 5.  But Heavenly Father had other plans, and he clearly gets his way.  We have been pretty calm about the whole thing because we believe that it is what Heavenly Father wants, so what can you do but just roll with it, and do your best. 

My original due date was Dec. 28 but triplets usually make an appearance around 34 weeks.  Which would mean they would be here sometime mid Nov.  We don't know if any are identical or fraternal yet, though the fact that they each have their own sac and placenta suggests they are fraternal. 

We are also accepting donations of diapers and wipes, lol, I'm only kinda joking. ;)

Fire

I actually took this picture on a  fire I was on in the summer of  2008 in Nevada, but I post this because I am sure that this is how the fires of late have been acting, which is why it takes weeks to get them under control.   

Look at the wind pushing the fire, there isn't much you can do when a fire looks like this, and it can be so dangerous, this is what the firefighters are dealing with this year, and it could just get worse as conditions get dryer.  

Summer

I never get any thing done these days anymore, I feel like all I do any more is keep track of kids outside.  Right now as I type I am sitting outside watching kids in the pool while Sami indulges in the last of my ice from my soda at Sonic.  Sheets need washed, floors need vacuumed and clothes desperately need washed and folded.  But I just want my kids to have summer.  I guess I will just let those things have to wait, cause as much as I would like to shut my kids in and make them let me get some things done, I feel it is more important that my kids play outside and interact with the other kids in the neighborhood.  Hopefully I make it through the summer. hahaha.

Garden

Well this spring has been so great, we are getting ready to put in a massive garden, when we get everything planted I will take a picture, for my first garden I seriously think it is so big..... but it was already here when we moved in, so I guess we will take it.  We also have grapevines, a cherry tree, a pear tree, and a peach tree.  I love it.  I also want to start planting flowers, which are your favorites?  I don't know what to plant?

What are your thoughts on FB?

I hope this doesn't sound whiny and petty, but do you ever feel like when you are looking at Facebook that you are back in high school and everyone is trying to prove something about themselves that doesn't really matter, like their kids are cuter, or that their house is nicer, or that they are a better artist or photographer, or that they can loose their baby weight faster, or are a better outdoorsmen, mother, sister, or just human being? I do think some of those thing are important, and I do love that people share their talents, I have several friends who are amazing photographers, I love seeing the pictures they post. On the other hand it makes me feel apprehensive to post pictures I take, I post them anyway, I know I am not competing, yet a part of me knows they are not as good, and I wonder if they will think "Renee cannot take a picture." Or "Hmmm Renee still isn't down to her pre prego weight....."

Am I alone in this? I know I have insecurities, but I consider myself a somewhat confident person, I have been successful in areas of my life, and am a generally happy person, so I wonder why I feel like FB can be so "competitive". I have had moments where I wonder if I would be a more sound person if I simple deleted my Facebook account, but I can't get myself to do it, all the pictures and clips that I have downloaded to my profile are like a little scrapbook of the last 5 years of my life, and I don't want to loose those things.

I can't count myself out, there have been things that I post simply to get the response of others to tell me how great I am or that the thing I have done is so awesome.

I guess as I am thinking all this through that I realize that everyone needs validation and acceptance, and although some may take it to an extreme I kinda think it is good for us to see others success and be happy for them, give them encouragement, and help them continue in their success. Have we as a society lost our ability to be happy for people who have more than we do? Do we try to prop ourselves up so that we appear to have more than we do to make others jealous? These are things I have been thinking about. What are your opinions?

Catch up

I haven't written in a while, Joe has finally been home for some time now and I have been enjoying him being home with us so much that I just haven't written, and everyone has been getting sick one after another. I think with the warm weather we actually might be able to stay healthy, here's hoping!

So to catch up after Joe came home we started doing a lot of ice fishing, we love it, I love it, we bought an ice fishing tent so that we don't have to worry about anyone getting too cold. Well on our first outing of course Josie had to fall in the hole..... don't worry it is far to small for her to go through, but her leg was wet up to her hip. Being the awesome mother that I am I just knew something like that would happen and brought an extra pair of winter clothes for her, so we didn't have to go home just after we had gotten there. With all this fishing we have created a fish obsessed 2 year old! She always wants to go fishing and eat fish. Joe loves it.

Sami started crawling about 6 weeks ago and she gets into everything her favorite thing to do is unroll the toilet paper, but she may love to follow her sister around the house more I can't really tell. Josie and Sami get along so well, they laugh and play and laugh some more, I can't help but be grateful for such wonderful girls and I love seeing them become friends, I don't know what it is like to have a sister, and it is very exciting to see my girls grow together as sisters. We thought sami might have a lazy eye, I took her to the Ophthalmologist and she is fine, one of her eyes is slightly smaller than the other, and sometimes it makes her squint which causes the eye to cross a bit, but the doctor says she will grow out of it. So glad.

Joe and I have just been enjoying a predictable schedule, although Joe took off a long weekend from work, just to end up sick the whole time. I felt bad, and then I got sick too. boo. We went to a cabin in Feb. with my family and had so much fun, while there I accidentally locked Josie in our bedroom and it took us a good 20 minutes to get her out she was crying and scared and Grandma was having a hard time hearing her littler girl cry through the door, but we got the door open with a credit card, duh, should of thought of that in the first place. When Josie got out she looked at me and said "I wus stuck en tere!"

I have been doing Young Womens and have found teaching lessons in YW is harder than Relief Society, for some reason? I love going to all the fun activities with all the girls, sometimes Josie gets to come, and she thinks it is the coolest thing ever to hang out with all those girls. Anyway I know I missing something....

Oh yeah Josie is potty trained, finally success!! such a big girl!!

Biggest scare of my life!

I am so hesitant to write this, I know someone will think that I am the worst mother on the planet, and trust me sometimes I feel like it too, but I decided that I would write it because maybe it will cause someone else to be more cautious than I was!
So yesterday we were loading up the car, the whole family was outside, since it was a sunny 52 degrees outside, despite being mid Jan. I was loading Sami in the car when Joe said "where is Josie?" She was just in the backyard, but she loves to make a run for it whenever she see's an opportunity. I put Sami down in her car seat in the driveway as I ran to see if she had gone to the neighbors swing set, which she is known to do. Nope not there, Joe was checking the other neighbor, nope not there either. Well Joe ran back into the yard to check the corners of the yard, and she was in fact in the yard, phew what a relief. Now, where are the key's, oh yeah in the house, I run inside to get the keys I come back out to see that Joe has put Josie in her car seat, oh good, now we can get on our way. Joe hops in and we start backing out of the driveway: 'bump' What was that? I feel it again. Then the most terrifying thing that I could ever imagine was happening and my mind was racing a thousand miles per hour, and I realized Joe hadn't loaded up Sami, and that I had left her in the driveway. (shaking even now as I write this) I put the car in park, scared to drive forward, and jumped to the back of the car ready to see the most horrifying scene I had ever seen. I looked down and there was Sami sitting safely in her car seat smiling up at me unharmed. I burst into a bawling mess, crying on Joe's shoulders terrified of what could have just happened, how could this happen? My poor baby, I couldn't believe what I had just done! I know that there were many angels watching out for my precious girl in that moment, I know it because I was the one putting pressure on the gas peddle, and I don't know how nothing happened, thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach! Joe looked at me and asked "are you okay?" "No, I am not!" I can't stop thinking about it and I can't stop thanking my Heavenly Father for watching out for my baby! Never ever ever ever put your child behind the car, even if you are justly chasing after another one. The thing is when I put her down I had a picture in my head of placing her on the top of the car instead, but ignored it, how foolish! I hope that you will learn from my mistake here! Please do!

Turkey

We have a lot to be Thankful for, at the top of my list on Thanksgiving day is deep fried turkey. Disclaimer: I am thankful for many blessing, this post is not about the real things I should be thankful for.

Turkey being carved by my dad.

A picture of a turkey credit to Claire Bowler.

Turkey legs.

People snitching turkey, who could resist, really.

Turkey and stuffing and rolls and pie and all kinds of yummy things!

3 years

Joe and I will be married for 3 years this Tue. the 22nd of Nov. I think it is crazy that this is only our 3 year anniversary. I feel like I have known Joe forever. I think I feel we have been married longer because of how much we have been through, and that we already have 2 absolutely gorgeous girls. Our first year of marriage we went through some incredibly trying times. I have never shared them with anyone but my parents and a few family members. I don't feel ready to share them now, but by the grace of God, and the atonement, somehow things came together just as they needed to, I honestly believe my Heavenly Father gave us a true miracle. We have slowly been clawing ourselves out of the Hellhole called debt, that has been incredibly difficult, habits don't change overnight, and somehow you have to get yourself to do without things you felt you really need. Turns out I don't always need designer jeans after all. Although I can't deny that I still want them, lets be honest designer jeans look better. Joe had to sell his loved Harley to help pay off debts, and we haven't had any vacations or really expensive outings, despite Joe's decent wages. It has been hard, but honestly I feel like we have been through a lot, and that we could go through more and still love each other as much as when we first got married. Although I realize we still have tough times to come I am confident we can get through them together. There is not a man on this earth that I love more than I love Joe. He has been perfect for me in every way. He truly lets me be who I am, and as annoying as that may be for him, I am so grateful for it, I will be honest that with many guys I dated before, I conformed myself to what I thought that they wanted me to be. However I didn't do this with Joe and I have never felt like I couldn't show my true self with him. Joe is incredibly hard working, and in my very good opinion super handsome, He is the cutest dad, and loves his girls, he tells us all the time that his lot in life is to be surrounded by beautiful girls, and he couldn't be happier! I never imagined the life I have now, but I couldn't imagine it any other way now either. Joseph Luke Williams, I love you.

The first picture I took of Joe, it was on a fire in Nevada.

Our very first picture together.

Golden Leaves

Our backyard is blanketed with thousands and thousands of gold leaves, with lots more to come, (notice the big tree!) We have to try to get some of them cleaned up before a snowstorm comes through, but I couldn't bare picking them up without taking some pictures first, so I got my new chair, that I love, dressed the girls in pink (a color I seem to be obsessed with at the moment, which I previously have not been too fond of) and went out and got some cute pictures. Now only if I had my friends talents (Ashley Thalman, Kristen Brady) to take pictures then this would have been a golden opportunity!! haha, get it, okay I know I am not funny.

Cute Sami!

Jo's cute little smile!!

Pictures with the girls together were kinda scary as I was scared Josie was going to push Sami right off the chair.

My Top 5!

It was hard to pick!!

In other news Josie dropped the baby wash right on Sami's poor little head, good thing this girl will have no memory of it cause she would claim abuse later in life if she could!! She had a goose egg for a day or two! Poor thing. And my back has given out thank goodness for mom's!!

Blessing

So both kids have been sleeping, but now that I am writing on my blog I am sure one of them will wake up any second. So last week we blessed Samantha. It was so cool to see her in my blessing dress that my mom made for me, over 28 years ago. It fit her perfectly and I couldn't help but notice that she looked an awful lot like me. I will have to get some pictures of both of us in the dress posted so you can see for yourselves. Joe did such a good job blessing her, and I think my favorite part of the blessing was when he said that he hoped that Sam would be good friends with her sister throughout their lives, and that Sam would be understanding and accepting of others!! I so want Josie and Sam to be good friends. I never had a sister growing up and now I feel like I kinda get to experience it, by seeing my daughters interact and grow so close in age and become friends!!
Although I want Josie and Sam to be good friends it seems sometimes Josie likes Sam too much. She is always climbing on her, despite my efforts to keep her off. Last Friday, only hours before we were suppose to take family pictures, Josie climbed on top of Sam and got her finger right in Sam's little eye. She screamed like I have never heard her scream before. The redness and watering didn't go down after a couple of hours and so I took her to the instacare. Sure enough Sam had a scratched Cornia, it was a pretty good scratch... thank goodness the eyes have the amazing ability of healing quickly and she was fully recovered in 36 hours. But in the meantime we gave her an antibiotic eye drop to make sure she didn't get an eye infection. Although it heals quickly it actually starts to hurt more as it heals. So Sam wasn't her happy cheerful self for most of that day, and we ended up sitting in the dark for the rest of the day!

Me in the blessing dress that my mom made over 28 years ago.

Samantha in the same blessing dress I wore, that my mom made!!
I think it looks even better on her, I love it!

I think in this picture she looks more like me, cause you can see her dimples, just like mine.

And she thinks were just fishing

Joe and I try to get out and do things with our kids, we have so much fun doing the things we love with our girls. Here is Sam's first experience through a river.

What it's like when Joe is gone

I sleep with the hallway light on all night long, you could say I am afraid of the dark, but when Joe is home somehow it doesn't bother me. When Joe is gone I get spooked by the slightest sound, I always let Tank in the house, I have to admit having a pitbull can bring a lot of comfort. He is good to me, that old boy, he is 10 years old and I will cry when he goes. I say silent prayers, for some reason saying them out loud when Joe is away feels weird even though I know it shouldn't. Before church I get a bit of anxiety thinking about sacrament meeting with a 2 yr old and a newborn by myself. I think about how I would react if someone came in the house, if all panned out how I think about it, it doesn't end well for them. I jump at every chance to get out of the house and socialize. Joe and I talk every night possible, and I send picture messages of his girls at least 2 a day. I miss him a lot. I think about him. I watch chick flicks, and it makes me miss Joe even more. I count down the days, until he should be home. I wonder if I should be more independent, and not think about him being gone. I go to bed too late, and then my girls wake me up at least once every night, somehow all three girls end up in the same bed by morning. I love waking up with my girls crowding me out of my own bed.
I am thankful that Joe isn't overseas fighting a war, and that he is only gone for 2 weeks at a time, even if he ends up being gone for about the entire summer. I think that summer is pretty much over.

Proposed

Joe proposed on Halloween, should that be kinda creepy? I wasn't expecting it at all, we hadn't been dating too long, and we had talked about getting married, but it was mostly me telling him what I would expect from the person I married, I was pretty sure it scared him into never asking me to get married. I guess I was wrong. Just a few days after our conversation he asked me to come down to carve pumpkins with him. That sounded like fun to me, I love carving pumpkins. We had some dinner and then he showed me where he had set everything up for carving, we got started, I never really realized it before, but now come to think of it, I think his sister and mom were in the other room waiting for everything to go down. Anyway we got the tops cut out and were cleaning out the seeds, then I saw something gleaming. I was thinking 'what kind of pumpkin is this, what is that, how did they get that in there, did the grower somehow put this in here, what if I won something, oh my heck I finally won something, cool....' Then I said out loud "what is that?" I couldn't make out what was shining yet, but I pulled out a little plastic bag and opened it up to find a ring wrapped in a note that said. "you are everything that I have ever wanted, will you marry me?" I said "Yes". I still have the note. I won a lot more that I ever thought I would.

Things in the last few weeks have been pretty good, I think that God totally knows when you need some tender mercies and sends just what you need, right when you need it. And although the situation hasn't been ideal for some people, for me it has been a godsend. Joe has a co worker who has a rental in Logan that they can't move out of, so they were camping, camping! all summer! Joe invited the couple to come stay a few nights at our house, well then the guys got called out on fire after fire.....so Bonnie and I have been hanging out, and she has been staying with me while her man, Mike, has been gone, which is good for her cause she isn't camping by herself and good for me, cause I have some company and a little bit of help, which she is willing to give, and I gladly accept.
Josie turned 2 this month and got totally spoiled with a lot of gifts from her grandmas and aunts and cousins! She also got a bike from her mom and dad, but has yet to quite figure it out, she loves it anyway!
Samantha seems incredibly tall to me for a 6 week old, I can't wait for her 8 week check up and see what her stats are. She measured in the 95th percentile for height and 60th for weight she wasn't on the chart for head size, it was small, she has a small head! :) She seems to be incredibly aware, and gives the biggest smiles and I love them all! Here is a cute photo that my friend took of Samantha for me!