Peg Kerr's Journal

I drove to Needles and Skein this week and bought a red Melt the Ice hat. For those of you not aware of this news story: a knitting shop in St. Louis Park did some brainstorming about what they might do to respond to the ICE Metro Surge in the twin cities. One of the employees, Paul Neary, read about the history of red hats that were knitted in Norway in World War II to signal resistence to the Nazis. They became so popular that the Nazis actually outlawed the wearing of red knitted hats.

So the shop posted a pattern on the knitting website Ravelry, charging $5.00 for the download.

On the day that I went to the shop, they had raised $750,000.00 through the sale of the pattern, which they are donating entirely to charities to help people caught up in this extraordinary situation. People all over the world have downloaded it. The wall behind the cash register was full of letters from people who had knitted the hat and sent it to the store. I was able to buy a hat for $30.00 that someone had knitted and sent in.



While scrolling through some news feeds about this, I saw this Instagram post from a man who has a knit hat company in Norway who was talking about this story, and about the initiative to encourage people to wear their Melt the Ice patterned hats on February 26, which is the anniversary of the date that the Nazis attempted to outlaw the red hats. In the course of his commentary, he mentioned a Norwegian word that struck me as a very appropriate title for my collage this week: Menneskeverd, which refers to the fundamental, intrinsic value of every human being simply by virtue of being human.

That is what we are fighting for, here in Minnesota.

I thought about ICE, and icebergs, and how what you see is only a small part of what is hidden underneath. I mentioned when I did my post last week that I'm doing work that I can't talk about. We are ALL doing work that we can't talk about, here in Minnesota, much of it on the encrypted app Signal. The administration is rumbling about trying to outlaw the totally constitutionally protected actions we are taking to deal with this siege, threatening to subpoena media companies to identify people who dare to criticize ICE. I have wondered about the safety of my blog here, in this little corner of the internet where I have been posting for close to twenty years.

Well. Doing what we are doing requires bravery, because you see, even though the administration argues against empathy and threatens those of us who show it, we believe in the fundamental, intrinsic value of every human being simply by virtue of being human.

Edited to add: a comment I saw elsewhere: if we are no longer in the land of the free, at least we must be the home of the brave.

Image description: An iceberg floats in water. The view shows both the part of the iceberg above and below the water. The ice berg is topped by a red 'Melt the Ice' hat. Above the water surface is black text listing things being done openly: Rent relief, The Salt Cure, Diaper drives, Donating miles, t-shirts, 3D printed whistles, GoFundMe, Rebel Loon tattoes, signs on telephone poles, too many businesses to list, Safe Haven, Concerts. Below the water surface is a Signal app logo and text in white of things done in secret: rides for immigrants, grocery delivery, the People's Laundry, school patrols, neighborhood patrols, Rapid Response, Can I get a plate check?, donate breast milk, we need a translator, Dispatch.

Menneskeverd



Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

So I have recently had something non-terrible happen. I have acquired a new car, a 2023 Hyundai Tucson. This has been an extraordinary leap forward in technology for me. In fact, I have remarked that driving it after years of driving my old 2000 Toyota Camry, I feel rather like I am piloting a spaceship.

It has seat warmers! It has a video console! You can move the side mirrors in before entering the garage! It has a backup camera!

This may seem like old hat to you--to anyone who is driving anything built in the last decade--but it is entirely wondrous to me.

I name my cars in alphabetical order, boy-girl-boy-girl. My last car was named Lafayette, so this one needed to be a girl's 'M' name.

Given recent events, I decided that I needed a warrior queen's name and settled upon Maeve.

Image description: Background: deep space, seen over the surface of a planet. A black car (Hyundai Tuscon) sits on the planet surface. A sleek spaceship hovers overhead.

Maeve



Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

This is raw. You'll just have to deal with it, as we are living in extraordinary times here.

My brother came out to Minneapolis this past week from his home just outside New York City, as he does every couple months or so to see my 97-year old mother. The two of us went out for breakfast on Saturday morning. He asked me what it has been like.

I told him.

The two things I think that have shocked my naive white lady ass the most, I told him, is that we are under attack from our own federal government.

And that they are LYING so shamelessly and contemptuously about everything going on.

You think I would know better by now. I remember how everyone on the staff for my employer (the Minneapolis Area Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) gathered in 2016 to listen to the verdict for the trial of the killing of Philandro Castile on the radio, and how shocked I was that Yanez was acquitted. And how even more shocked I felt when my Black co-worker said, "I'm not surprised in the least."

And in the years that followed, I started to better understand what she meant. When George Floyd was killed, I saw that cops lie about everything. I dove even harder into doing the work of deconstructing my own inner racism, which I had already started under the direction of my employer. I started to get a glimmer of what it might be like, from listening to Black activists in that aftermath, to live in a society where the government is absolutely not here to help or support you. They are here to attack and oppress you, and they will cut you down if you stand in their way.

But it is only the past couple of months that I have started to experience what it is like when the government's malevolence is turned on people exactly like me personally.

ICE vehicles race up and down the streets in my neighborhood, blowing through stop signs and red lights. Helicopters and drones hover in the sky over me. There are smashed cars all around me. And there are signs tacked on trees and fences reading, "Our neighbor was kidnapped here." One of those sites is a mere block away from me. Businesses I've frequented and loved for years are closing, unable to stay open in the face of the government's determination to kidnap their employees and ruin them.

When I went home after that breakfast with my brother, I learned of the death of Alex Pretti. I went by the corner where he was killed every time I went to work, just as I went by the place where Renee Good was killed.

That night, answering the call that went out on social media, my neighbors and I gathered on corners throughout South Minneapolis, carrying candles. I was a little late to join, as I was driving home, and I passed corner after corner where people were gathering. It was honestly so incredibly moving to see all those lights in the darkness held by people mourning and bearing witness. Hundreds of them.

I brought the candle that was lit at Rob's funeral. This was on Saturday, January 24. The eighth anniversary of Rob's death was on Monday, January 26.

God, I wish he were here with me, that I didn't have to go through this living alone.

I'm doing what I can. I won't say what specifically because we are at that point where we have to keep even constitutionally protected actions hidden from the government.

Sometimes I think that the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that the government (my own government) wants me to feel powerless and helpless and afraid. So I'm not going to be out of sheer spite.

My card this week is just one image, because sometimes one image says it all.

A woman bundled up in a winter coat stands on a street corner at night, holding a candle in a glass chimney.

Mourning



Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

I spent over an hour working on this collage without being able to quite pin down the name for it. Initially, I titled it 'Imbalance,' but that word didn't quite capture the ominousness of what I was trying to convey. Eventually, I decided upon 'Upheaval.'

I remarked to someone this week that I didn't envision the beginning of my retirement being quite like this.

Besides all the uncertainty over the usual issues at this time of life like 'what do I do with my time?' and 'what is my new budget going to be like?' there are other questions, like 'will my next door neighbor be arrested?' and 'is this neighborhood business open, or have all their employees been kidnapped?' and 'what are the chances that my car is going to get rammed by ICE?'

I'm not going to go into great depth about all the news events that this collage is reflecting. If you are not aware, the Twin Cities are under siege by the federal government. Constitutional rights are being absolutely ignored. Rather, the ICE agents cruising around the city are making a huge show of deliberately and flagrantly violating constitutional rights, apparently just to demonstrate that they can.

There are rumors flying around the city, and everyone is angry, stressed, and yes, afraid. Yet the city is pulling together, with people joining Signal groups to protect their neighbors, setting up patrols to guard schools, churches, and day care centers, and donating money and supplies to support immigrants in hiding from ICE. All these actions are like a lighthouse in the middle of a storm.

A stormy sea with a lighthouse, partially obscured by fog. A woman stands unsteadily on top of the waves, in three overlapping poses, arms flailing as if struggling for balance. A giant, ominous-looking kraken lurks partially below the surface of the waves, brandishing its tentacles threateningly, center right.

Upheaval



Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

This, my first collage of the new year, did not come easily, and in fact took several drafts, which doesn't usually happen. I am still not satisfied with it, but I have not been doing particularly well the past couple of days, and it's the best I can do.

Compare the first collage of 2021, Betrayal.

The past several days have been hovering both above and below freezing. The temperature gets up to the mid to high 30s, melting the piles of snow, and then plunges down, freezing overnight. As a result, sidewalks and streets everywhere are covered with thick layers of bumpy ice.

When I first heard the news about Renée Good, I felt numb. I took an ice chopping tool and went outside to chip away at the coating on the sidewalk and steps in front of my house, as I thought about what I had learned so far. I wasn't aware of much other than it felt good to physically pulverize the dangerous layer of frozen water that made everything treacherous in every direction.

I came in and saw the Venn diagram that naomikritzer had published on Bluesky:


It seemed fitting.

SUV trucks with out-of-state and blank license plates and tinted windows have been speeding around the streets of my city, like barracudas. I get text message reports several times a day: they've now been spotted at a construction site in Blaine. Now they're at the Minnetonka library. Now at a day care center. Now at an elementary school.

And now this.

Renee Good was killed a couple of miles from my home, on a street that I used every time I came home from work. Later that afternoon, ICE agents swarmed a high school eight blocks from my home as it was letting out, seizing two staff members and pepper-spraying students.

Minneapolis Public Schools have reacted by closing for the rest of the week.

The President flat-out lied in response to questions about what happened, defending the agent who committed murder and slandering the dead woman (who had just dropped off her kid at school) as a terrorist.

The next couple of days in my neighborhood have had the feeling of being under siege. Helicopters have been circling overhead, bringing back difficult memories from 2020. Many businesses, particularly those run by immigrants, closed the next day.

I went to the site on Portland Avenue today, and I spent some time listening to the speakers and looking out over the heaps of flowers, stuffed animals, and candles.

Then I came home and talked with two women from my block club, who came to my door to get me connected with Signal groups and warn me that ICE is reportedly going door to door, demanding that people tell them 'where the immigrants live.'

I have had difficulty sleeping.

This feels like the worst possible timeline.

Image description: A virtual sea of memorial flowers and candles. Center: a square sign with a stylized blue butterfly and the word "Remember." Foreground: two gold star balloons and a heart-shaped balloon with the word "Renee." Lower right corner: a blue plastic whistle. Background, behind flowers: an open peach rose (the flower I bought and left at the memorial.)

Renée Good



Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

Eric had surgery last Friday and needed to have someone accompany him and stay with him for twenty-four hours afterward. The aftercare turned out to be a bit more intense than expected afterward, and so I ended up staying at his place all weekend to assist him.

We were very quiet together. It occurred to me on Sunday, as we sat together in his living room, drinking coffee and looking out the living room window at the winter landscape, that it was the winter Solstice. A year ago on the winter Solstice, I was hosting a solstice party. If I had been at home, I would have lit all my candles to mark the day. Being with him on that day as he was recovering seemed fitting.

The winter solstice is a time for deep rest and healing, for reflection and resilience.

He is feeling much better now and counts the surgery as a success.

Image description: A window with a winter view outside. A pair of feet clad in red and white striped socks are propped up on the windowsill beside a red mug with a steaming hot beverage. A hand holding a couple of pills hovers above the feet.

Rest



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

My work life is definitely winding down.

For the past eight and a half years, I have planned and overseen what are called Candidacy Days every other month, and we hold the candidacy annual Open House at the December meeting. I have probably arranged fifty of these meetings over that time, but this past week was my last one, and the annual Open House was my retirement party. One of my sisters, Betsy, my two daughters, my granddaughter M, and Eric were all able to attend.

People said nice things about me.

It's really starting to sink in. I have one week of work left.

Image Description: three women and one man (Peg, her former boss Bishop Ann, her present boss Bishop Jen, and her supervisor Pastor John) smile at the camera. Center: Peg and her family (Eric, sister Betsy, and her daughters Fiona and Delia) smile. Bottom: a portion of a bouquet and retirement gifts.

Farewell



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

Last Monday, I had another Year of Adventure outing: kaytecat and I drove to Northfield, the city of both our alma maters (I went to St. Olaf, and she went to Carleton). Just outside of Northfield is a state park we were interested in exploring. kaytecat had a state park pass on her car, which made things easy.

The weather was splendid, with a brilliantly blue, cloudless sky. We took things slowly, as both kaytecat and I have some impairment to our walking, but we greatly enjoyed exploring the looping hiking paths as we talked. We've known each other for years in our common sf community, but this was probably the longest conversation we've had for years, and it was nice to learn more about the life of a long-time acquaintance.

After a couple of hours on the paths, we went into Northfield and had lunch at a tea shop I've dined at before. The food was good, and I bought a pair of earrings shaped like a teacup and saucer. After eating some delicious quiche, we spent a little time poking around Northfield, exploring a couple of antique shops and kaytecat bought several small samples of different kinds of balsamic vinegar.

It was a day well-spent.

Image description: Lower third: two women (Peg and kaytecat) in winter coats wearing sunglasses in bright sunshine smile at the camera. Between them a waterfall flows (Hidden Falls in Nerstrand State Park). Upper two-thirds: a view looking straight up of a vividly blue sky, with bare tree tops ringing the view. In the center of the blue sky is a pair of earrings shaped as a china cup and saucer.

Nerstrand



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

About three or four months ago, I started feeling a vague pain deep in my right hip. Not a muscle problem, not an arthritis bone-on-bone feeling. It just...hurt.

I kept trying to exercise, but it kept getting more difficult. I vaguely thought, "I should see someone about this." I had my usual yearly appointment set with my doctor for several months away, so I waited.

I probably waited too long.

I have been walking around Lake Nokomis regularly but by the time the appointment came up, I had been reduced from walking all the way around to managing only about one-third of the way around, limping.

Then I realized I was starting to feel pain in my knee. And my lower back.

And then I realized it hurt just lying in bed.

My doctor sent me to an orthopedic specialist and I met with her this past week. The diagnosis: Gluteal tendinopathy, along with some mild osteoarthritis in the right hip and tranchaneric bursitis in both hips. What a mouthful.

Action plan: start physical therapy, and if that doesn’t help, will consider cortisone shots.

image description: a view of a pelvis portion of a skeleton with a muscular overstructure on one side. Lower left: close-up of one side of the hip, showing the IT band. Right: picture of a woman sitting on the ground, with legs pulled up close and forearms covering her face. Lower center: a cane.

Pain



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

It's time to put the garden to bed.

These chores get a little more difficult every year. Thank heavens for my garden kneeling bench, but I feel the ache in my joints a little more every time I go through the process of pulling up dead plants, raking, and putting the hose and tools away for the winter. But it is immensely satisfying to get it all done.

Image description: a rather forlorn-looking concrete patio with emptied planters. Several paper bags full of yard waste are in the foreground. The background, above, shows a red garden leaf rake gathering up leaves. Top: a shovel and garden rake.

Cleanup



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.