Neglecting Angels for Fun and Profit

So I deleted my twitter account today. It had a lot to do with taking a step towards trying to combat my obsessive compulsiveness and also bringing structure to my life. I found myself spending more time checking it, than I was doing way more important things, like writing, taking care of my health, keeping my priorities straight. I'm already keenly missing my twitter friends (snuggles them all closely to bosom), but seriously, I know that I couldn't just put the damn thing down. I tried. Repeatedly. It was kind of pathetic actually.

My life has been in a downward spiral since around Christmas. I broke a tooth right before the holiday. Then three weeks later in January my PC's motherboard failed. Afterward I had to wipe my older PC before being able to use it, though luckily I was able to save my important documents.

Then my tooth got infected in February. The infection spread to my lymph nods. I started swelling up like a balloon, with daily migraines that made me feel like the top of my skull was trying to crush my brain. The swelling eventually spread to my throat and started to impede my ability to breathe. Luckily I was able to see a dentist and get the tooth a root canal and a build up as well as fight off the infection (mostly). The crown will have to wait until the next time my insurance cycles as I have to get a deep cleaning like woah and possibly extract a tooth I broke a couple of years ago and is now starting to flair up (I'm really hoping it's just a resurgence of the lymph-nods-that-hate-me-infection which I can combat since I'm pretty much out of insurance coverage and that would cost a lot to just extract it without insurance coverage).

With some of the tax return money my husband and I were able to build him a good PC that should last him a few years (and hopefully at least a couple before he'll even need to do his first upgrade). We used his old one to build me a new, faster, better than the motherboard exploded one. Unfortunately I had to wipe the old fast computer's hard drive. We couldn't save anything on it. It had my completed first draft manuscript on it.

This is a book I spent years writing because I'm a slow ass with no motivation and horrible self esteem issues. I now have to rewrite that book based off my notes. I also have to reorganize my life and my priorities. I can't spend another four years writing a book. Especially not one that's been written once already. I can't spend another year getting fatter in my office chair, letting my duties as a "homemaker" (what the tax return lady called me to keep the IRS from wondering what I do with my time since unemployed apparently is code for OMG DOING ILLEGAL THINGS FOR MONIES!!!) slide to the wayside.

I need to stop letting my life be in pieces around me, while I'm led from one stupid obsession that does nothing but distract me from my writing to another, flitting about the internets like some kind of OCD jagged bumblebee looking for the perfect daisy to fuck. And yeah, apparently my first motherfucking baby step had to be deleting my fucking twitter, because I'm just that goddamn obsessed with it. I started to feel like the social outcast in a bad internet high school and that's just ridiculous.

That's been my life since 2010 started. I hope things are going better for all of you.

*hugs to the flist*

Still alive!

Moved last weekend to a new apartment much closer to M's work. It's not a bad place, not too noisy, no domestic abuse neighbors to deal with, though the apartment gets incredibly hot during the day and I've been pounding down water like it's going out of style.

Nice to be in a new place, but I really hope we can stay here for a while, I'm sick of moving all the time (six times in five years yuck). Though the last three moves have been economical and this one because I couldn't take my ghetto ass neighborhood anymore.

Of course now I have to deal with the joy of unpacking. It doesn't help that the people who helped us move decided that the book boxes were too heavy to get up the stairs and so carried stacks by hand. I have books everywhere and quite a few damaged ones. *headdesk*

I really appreciate them helping and even going so far as to carry by hand (that's hardcore determination yo), but I wanted to cry when I saw some of my stuff getting mangled. But, that's in the past and the now is the now! And the now says, organize us bitch before we teeter and fall on your ass.

I had a nice birthday too. I spent the day *not* unpacking and relaxing. M brought home an ice cream cake and we ate some fast food and otherwise pretended our apartment wasn't a walking disaster. All good. Twenty-nine years old. I feel like I'm on the precipice of an abyss. Mostly I've been feeling supremely bored out of my mind lately.

And I've been dealing with a lot of depression and low self esteem. It's an ongoing struggle in la casa de perch's brain, but I'm trying harder to break the funk and get into interesting hobbies that peak my interest without making me feel like a giant ball of self-loathing and stress. And the hands are shot to hell. I can't go longer than a couple of hours typing now, but it means I get a lot of meaningful things done in those two hours. I miss having fully functioning hands that didn't hurt or get spazzy pinkies.

Those were good days.

Okay! Enough depressing now it's time for...unpacking. Oh yeah. That. *sigh*

*hugs to the flist*

I hope you're all doing well today and have a nice weekend.

It's Free Comic Book Day! Oh and a couple that look pretty and shiny this year like Atomic Robo and Friends and World of Aspen.

Wow thank you so much Denise and the random selection system. I didn't expect to get a free dreamwidth account. I'm super excited!