Life's lessons

 Watching Grey's Anatomy gives you lessons about ...

Love, Insecurity, Possession

Lexie: Are you really gay? Like, how gay are you? On a scale of 1 to gay? 'Cause that's my boyfriend in the shower. My hot, hot, naked boyfriend and I... How gay are you?
Callie: I'm sorry. It's... I've known Mark a while and... But, I'll try not to do that again. The naked in the shower thing.
Lexie: Or, the you half naked in the hallway thing. Cause, cause even if you really are gay. He's not, and you're hot.
Callie: He doesn't look at my boobs anymore. The first thing he used to look at when I walked into anywhere, was my boobs. He doesn't look anymore. Not since he met you. Ok?
Lexie: Ok.

Pain, Chance

Izzie: Get up. I mean it. Get up! Now go get a life.
Amanda: I can't.
Izzie: George was a surgeon. He had a purpose. He wanted to save lives. Now he doesn't get the chance. Now he doesn't get the chance to do anything anymore. But you do. You could go to medical school. You could hang out with your freaking friends. I don't care what you do, just go do something with your life, because you have one. You lived, and George didn't! And I know that feels horrible and shocking and terrifying, but you lived. So go live your freaking live.
Amanda: I don't know how.
Izzie: Nobody does. Nobody knows how. But God, have enough respect for George to go figure it out. Because if I see you sitting on this bench ever again, I will kick your ass from here to Sunday.

Commitment, Support, Trust, Reliability

Alex: What is this?
Izzie: Take off your pants.
Alex: Iz, it's a...
Izzie: Be my husband, get undressed, get into bed and hold me. I don't know what you're so mad about and I don't know what you're scared of because you won't talk to me. But, I'm scared too Alex. And I can't... if you won't... If we're gonna have any chance at a life together then I need you to. Please...
Alex: You died in my arms. You died in my arms! You freakin died, and then you left instructions that I wasn't allowed to save your life. You wanna know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared to move. I'm scared to breathe. I'm scared to touch you. I can't lose you. I won't survive. And that's your fault. You made me love you, you made me let you in. And then you freaking died in my arms.

 Grief, Sufferings

Meredith (narrating): The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.

Stability, Insecurity

 Mark: You look crazy.
Lexie: This is partly your fault. You're the one who told me to go and act like I deserve to be here, and I did. And, now I lost a schizophrenic, and I am gonna be fired unless I find the schizophrenic.
Mark: Well, you're not gonna find him back there.
Lexie: You do not get to be charmed by this, because this is not charming. This is me getting cut from the programme. You're already amazing. I am just starting out! Ok, I have never stapled a bowel, and I have never resected an oesophagus. I am not amazing yet!
Mark: Alright. Lets just breathe. And again. (Lexie breathes deeply) Good. Look at me. Security is on this. You have become a crazy person that I do not recognise. I want Lexie back, can I get Lexie back?
Lexie: Oh god, that's him!
Mark: Just...

 Future, Worry, Ambiguity

Meredith (narrating): We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.

 Family, Sacrifice, Forgiveness

Lexie: So, I'm gonna be fired. I've done a lot of really dumb things today. Including, pulling your medical files.
Meredith: Lexie.
Lexie: Just, listen. I didn't wanna do this. I didn't wanna have to come to you for anything. Ever. So I thought if I looked up your blood type, and it was the wrong one, then that would be it. Then I could just stop thinking about it. But I can't. Because you have his blood. And I know that he's not your dad. I know that he was never there for you. And, I would never ask you to give him anything. He doesn't deserve a thing from you. He doesn't. But he's... he's gonna die Meredith. And, so I'm asking you to give something to me. I'm asking ... I am asking you to give me my dad. Because, as crappy as he was to you, he was wonderful to me. He never missed a single dance recital. He was there at my fifth grade graduation. What is that? It's not even real. I know he's not your dad. I, I know that. But somehow, you have his blood, and I don't. So I'm asking you, give me my dad.

 Pride,Believe, Respect

Arizona: Most people think that I was named for the state, but it's not true, I was named for a battle ship. The U.S.S. Arizona. My grandfather was serving on the Arizona when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, and he saved nineteen men before he drowned. Pretty much everything my father did his whole life was about honoring that sacrifice. I was raised to be a good man in a storm. Raised to love my country. Love my family. Protect the things I love. When my father, Colonel Daniel Robinson of the United States Marine Corps, heard that I was a lesbian he said he only had one question. I was prepared for "How fast can you get the hell out of my house?" But instead, it was "Are you still who I raised you to be?" My father believes in country the way that you believe in God. And my father is not a man who bends, but he bent for me because I am his daughter. I'm a good man in a storm. I love your daughter. And I protect the things I love. Not that I need too, she doesn't need it. She's strong, and caring, and honorable. And she's who you raised her to be.

 Reality, Fear, Truth

Meredith (narrating): When we're headed toward an outcome that's too horrible to face, that's when we go looking for a second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But sometimes, it can shed new light on the problem, make you see it in a whole new way. After all the opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered, you finally find what you're after - the truth. But the truth isn't where it ends, that's just where you begin again with a whole new set of questions.

Meeting ol' buddies

Friend: Who has changed the most?
Me: *stare around looking at everyone. trying to think hard who has changed the most* Hmm ... I think everyone still looks the same. No one has changed much.

(after talking to a few friends)

Me: I think we changed. People changed. Everyone changed. Just that we still look the same - physically we have not changed much but emotionally and mentally we have definitely changed a lot. I would say everyone is so mature right now. More serious with life reluctantly in a good way.

***

It's so funny that how over the years we can still look the same even though we do grow. I reckon changes take place beneath the exterior, it extends beyond physical growth and it encompasses so much more than what the eyes can see. What lies beneath this skin of ours changes all the time.

My life of nothingness

I feel like writing about something but I'm clueless on what to write.
What's life like after graduation? Honestly, it doesn't feel any different and it does feel like I am on the occasional "college break" before I return to college start working. I'm enjoying my days of nothingness - sleeping late, waking up late, eating ice-cream almost everyday, visiting my tumblr, missing people, thinking of people, dreaming of people, reading random things, etc.

So yeah, the past one week has been a life of nothingness. However, it is rather meaningful I think. Well, I believe anything is meaningful as long as I enjoy doing them :)

Your warm whispers
Letting me drown in a pool of you
Your warm whispers
Are keeping the noise from breaking through

And I'm weeping warm honey and milk
That you stay surrounding me
Surrounding me

- Warm whispers by Missy Higgins- 

p/s: Dear god, I really need your blessings for these coming days :) Hehehehe ... thank you! 

How Far & How Long

This is really good. I am not kidding. ehehehe :D

How far & how long must I go?
Without a taste of love fulfilled
Not bittersweet
The way I feel when you are near
Is love
And gives me reason to endure
Whatever comes

You know?

You know when I miss you? When I go to bed at night and I realised that I've got no one to share my blanket with You know when I think of you? When I am drinking my coffee or eating an ice-cream You know when I need you? When I am lost or sad and that I need a shoulder to cry on You know when I cry for you? When I don't know when's the next time I am going to see you again You know when I am scared? When I think if I am being too selfless in this love and what if at the end of the day everything turned out to be wrong You know when I am crazy? When I dance around when no one is watching me You know when I think I am weird? When I can actually think of writing this You know when I think I should stop doing this? Like seriously, it's right now! just one last one .... You know who is my best friend now? Facebook  No I swear it's my assignment :D You know when I love you? Always. 

Really that was my last one. Heheheheheh .. I am lame like that. 

Oh, you've gotta live every single day
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away, could be our only one
You know it's only just begun, every single day
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes

Time is going by so much faster than I
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you

Time is going by so much faster than I

Didn't I just turned 22 a few days ago? Well, I just calculated and it has been 11 days since my birthday. 11 days!!! Can you believe it? 11 days just went by like this? And suddenly it feels like new year is drawing nearer when Christmas has not even arrived yet. Why does it feels this way? Do you know?

Back to assignment! Back to assignment! If not I will start questioning, where did all my hours go to? And I will start crying coz I can't finish my assignment in time. Will I actually cry? Hmmm ... well it never happened before and I am NOT GOING TO allow such nonsense to take place when this is going to be my final assignment in my entire life!!! Well, unless I go back and do my Masters or something, I don't foresee myself studying again any time soon. 

Last ASSIGNMENT!!!! I'm not sure if I should rejoice in joy or cry in sadness? Hmmmm ... it's not like I enjoy studying, I just enjoy the process and all the perks that comes with the title 'student'. heheheheeh :D

Okie seriously, back to work! Blueerghhhhh =p

Let's have a good day today

Crazy love by Michael Bublé

 I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her that's where I belong
Yet I'm running to her like a rivers song

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

She's got a fine sense of humor when I'm feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Takes away my trouble, takes away my grief
Takes away my heartache, in the night like a thief 

Yes I need her in the daytime
Oh but I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight

And when I'm returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

 

Haven't met you yet by Michael Bublé



I love this video clip very very much. Why?

• It gives me such great vibes. Waking up to this song for a morning like this makes one feel good. There's just something about the beat of the music.
• I love the grocery store
• Did you see the pizza selections that they have in the fridge? So many!! =D (tee-hee-hee)
• And, he can sit right at the top of the aisle and even dance there. 
• Oh, the main girl in the video is skinny but boy she sure has nice boobs :)
• Can you actually find a grocery store that is full of happy people? As far as I know, Malaysian ones are filled with uptight and unfriendly cashiers who doesn't know how to smile. Unlike those in the video. They have a butcher who definitely knows how to groove. Just looking at the way he enjoys his job can put a smile on my face already. 
• Oh and did you see the elderly couple who was also dancing away? So cute. hahahaha
• There's also mobile cafe and bed. Shopping on bed should be fun. Don't you think so?
• I love love the leather jacket that the girl was wearing but you can't possibly wear something like that in Malaysia. 
• I love the dancing part at the end of the video too. Somehow it's always nice to watch a group of people dancing together. There's just something about those synchronization. By the way, they look like they are dancing under snowflakes shower. 
• You know that girl isn't exactly a supermodel or beauty pageant beauty. She's just a girl who is really pretty, beautiful and talented in her own way. (p/s: I just 'google' it up and it's his girlfriend. Her name is Luisana. It's so sweet of him to actually feature his gf in his video clip. No wonder there is such a great connection and chemistry between them in the video)
• So, how can you not feel good and happy while watching and after watching this video?

" .... all of us can relate to this feeling, 
this emotion called love 

and it's a complicated  feeling. 
It doesn't just come with butterflies in the stomach 

and happiness and sunshine and lollipops, 
it comes with heartache and jealousy 

and sometimes rage and sometimes insecurity 
and sadness and regret. 

It's a beautiful, complicated, 
and really special feeling that keeps us all connected."
 (by Michael Buble)

 

Leave me alone

It's raining cats and dogs outside. For the past few days, the weather in the morning has been sunny but as it gets towards the evening, gloomy clouds tend to overshadow the sun. And, that is when the pour will start.

I am in the library. I wish that there is a cafe in the library so that I am able to get a cup of coffee or hot chocolate :) Oh, it would be great if they also serve pastries and cakes. Ahhhh.... *yum*yum* And then, I could curled up on a comfortable couch with a blanket and probably I will feel more motivated to read my media law notes. Sadly, this are all images in my head only. Taylor's will never have such facilities for students. I do hope that the new campus will have one though. I think students like me will then enjoy staying back.

I regretted not bringing my laptop today. I've been bringing it for the past two days just so that I could head over to a cafe to have my own time (my sister's classes are dragged till evening!!) . The cafe that I go to isnt't excatly the most cozy cafe actually. It doesn't have comfy couch for my butt and back neither does it have good coffee. I just go there because it's convenient and cheap. I could also be alone and not be distracted by other people. I love being alone I guess. Plus, it has good internet connection. Way ... way ... way ... better than the ones in college.

So here I am today. Stuck in the library. Using a computer in one of the labs that is filled with many other students. Having to endure strangers sitting next to me. Not to forget, giving them such close proximity to take a peak at my monitor to see what am I up to. And how can I forget, having to endure sitting on a pathetic yellow plastic chair. It's really hurting my butt and my back by the way!!!

I swear the guy sitting next to me just took a glance at my monitor!! *arrrghhhhhhh* crack knuckles* Maybe I should stare at him with those "eyes".
Leave me alone =P


p/s: He just left!! AHAHAH .. maybe I have this ability to send out messages to people without telling them what I am thinking. :) I'm such a "meanny" person today. I don't know why. Maybe I am just trying really hard here to entertain myself and you about my oh-so-boring life. Whatever it is, I don't care but thanks for reading. Now, get back to your own work and stop starring at my work!! =P

=)

From me to you

   
  Five best things in life

        to have someone to hold you

               to have someone to HUG you

                                 to have someone to miss you

                           to have someone to want you

                     to have someone to love  you

Hello world, are you listening?

Hello world!!!

:(  I’ve been really busy with college and assignments and hence, for my long absence here.

It’s friday today and I am absolutely happy about it because love is coming home today, I hope. I can’t wait!!! =D

I have three more weeks till I can officially proclaimed that I am no longer a student. Shuckkkkss!! That doesn’t sound nice at all. Aside from my heavy workload at college, I think being a student definitely has its many perks, especially when it comes to skipping class! That’s like one of the best freedom one can ask for as a student.

Three more weeks and I am counting… =( It’s going to be a really fast phase before I have to step into the evil corporate world. I’ve always viewed the working world as evil because it takes up all the time in the world.

Just recently, my lecturer was speaking about ‘burnout’ - what are the symptoms and what are the remedies? Honestly, I think very often we don’t want to agree that we are ‘burnout’ but we would rather acknowledge it as giving our fullest commitments and taking real accountability for our work. We will convince ourselves that we are working hard for the future and we will reap the benefits in the end. It’s true to a certain extent. I can’t deny that when we are young, it is the perfect time to give our all because opportunity only comes once in a lifetime. Unless you are very blessed or let’s say miracles happen, maybe there’s second or third time charm. Oh god, I am digressing!! =)

But yea, what I am trying to say is that very often we don’t want to admit that we are ‘burnout’. By the way, according to the text book, one of the remedies is to convince ourselves that ‘dedicating yourself to your job now is necessary for the future’. AHAHAHAA … i just find it so ironic amusing that we have to give our all to our work but at the same time we have to stay sane.

How is that possible? Honestly, is it possible to do so? I am yet to discover the answer. Maybe in a few more months time I will be able to tell. Hopefully, I am still sane at that time. =))

Have a great weekend everyone!

More Beautiful You

It's so important to feel comfortable about who you are, what you are and how you are. =)

Just thought that the lyrics behind this song is so meaningful =)

AHAHHAHAHA

Such a little star - Wonderkid

So super talented!! If I have a kid like that next time, he can play for me everyday. Omg... that's so cool!! When I am sad, he can play emo songs for me and I can cry and tell him I'm crying because his songs are so touching. Or if I am happy, I can ask him to play me happy songs, and I can sing and dance along. I can even record all his songs and play it on my radio when I drive. If I have a favourite song, I bet he wouldn't mind playing it just for me. I could do with that everyday. AHAHAH =) Oh wait, but when he is older, I'll be worried then because he will be using his skills to woo girls. Ahahahaha ... by then, I will have a big headache. =p

Okie la, enough of watching videos on YouTube. I better get going with my work. I'm going to listen to his songs while doing my work. Hehehehe :)

It's Sunday already. Sigh! =( So fast. End of the year is coming too. So soon. It's scary! Don't you think so?

So cute!!

Picture of the day

(lun)

Today's question

“When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun,

then you grow up and learn to be 

cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. 

You look before you leap and 

sometimes you don’t leap at all 

because there’s not always someone there to catch you. 

And in life, there is no safety net. 

When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

          

                                                                         - Sex & The City-

Picture of the day

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

(wishopeace)

This gap in between

  "Love in all its simplicity, does not have to be extraordinary."

                         -ET-

 Long-distance relationships have an urgency that couples in short-distance relationships can only dream of. Every second together counts. Every shared meal is savored; every kiss must be good enough to last weeks,maybe even months. Have you really lived, after all, if you haven’t searched for your beloved’s face at an airport gate, cursing the flight delay because you have only a weekend before you must part again? We should all be so lucky to seal in our memories the image of our lover on our doorstep, suitcase in hand, clothes wrinkled from a long trip, skin emanating a scent that we’ve forgotten but suddenly comes rushing back, bringing with it the recollection of the last time, which was too long ago and too brief, and ended with a tearful goodbye on this same doorstep.

 -(iheartlove)-

(iLove)

I would love to have this as breakfast! Anyone cares to offer me?

(M-Altruism)

Till the next weekend

This week is going to be a busy week.

I shall just stand up, hold up, walk straight and look forward to the next weekend. :)

****

This is stimulating. 

(M-Altruism)

This is cute! Heheheh ...

(Pixdaus)

This is dream. :)

(Recordisphotography)

This is romantic.

(weheartit)

 This is sweet.

(iheartlove)

This is art.

(iheartlove)

This is cozy.

(halfalive)  

This is me!! AHAHAHA .. =p

 (DesigndollStudio)

This is by the end of the week. Hopefully.

(vi.sualize)

That's all for now. I need to be serious with myself this week. It's crunch time!!!

Restless

Today's weather is terrible. It's freaking hot. It's unbearable and it affects me. I get irritated easily. I get angry easily. Even my sister noticed that I am not myself today.

I am feeling restless.

I miss walking in the bookshop. I miss Borders at The Curve. I miss walking around the shelves looking at books. Sitting on the floor reading them or if I happen to find an interesting one, I walk to the coffee counter and pick a nice and comfy chair to sit and continue reading the book. When I am done, I start to contemplate if I should buy the book. 

I am feeling restless.

I have a lot of readings to do. Today is quite a productive day compared to yesterday.

I have not started on my assignment but I am doing my readings. So, that shouldn't be that bad right? At least, I am making a progress.

Sometimes e-mails are the best way to communicate. Maybe it lacks that personal interaction, but I believe it still has that personal touch to it. I love receiving random e-mails.

I am restless.

Let me tell you how my personal calendar works. Monday is Sunday. Tuesday is Tuesday. Wednesday is Wednesday. Thursday is Thursday. Friday is Friday. Saturday is Saturday. Sunday is Saturday. And, Monday is Sunday. Either you get me or you don't but I don't really care. ;p

I am restless and I am not looking forward to anything.

I am restless.

Hmmm ...

A few days ago, I was asked what is my biggest disspointment. I ponder at that question for so long that I kept coming back to it without an answer. I then started asking why not they just asked what is my weaknesses instead because that would be easier to answer. When I think about it now, I think the final answer that I gave that day was not my biggest disspointment. I think I might have just found what is my biggest dissapointment.

Life

There are many ways that we can look at life.

Today we have higher buildings and wider highways, but shorter temperaments and narrower points of view.

We spend more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses, but smaller families. We have more compromises, but less time. We have more knowledge, but less judgement. We have more medicines, but less health.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk much, we love only a little, and we hate too much.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk much, we love only a little, and we hate too much.

We reached the moon and came back, but we find it troublesome to cross our own street and meet our neighbors. We have conquered the outer space, but not our inner space. 

We have higher income, but less morals… These are times with more liberty, but less joy… With much more food, but less nutrition…

These are days in which two salaries come home, but divorces increase. These are times of finer houses, but more broken homes.

That’s why I propose that as of today — You do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a special occasion. Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to the needs. Pass more time with your family, eat your favorite food, visit the place you love. Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment; it isn’t only survival.

Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your best perfume… use it every time you feel you want it. Take out from your vocabulary phrases like, “one of these days” and “someday”. Let’s write that letter we thought of writing “one of these days…”

Let’s tell our families and friends how much we love them. Never pass up a chance at adding laughter and joy to your life. Every day, hour, and minute are special… Because you never know if it will be your last…

If you’re too busy to take some minutes to share this message with someone you love, and you tell yourself that you will share it “one of these days”… “one of these days” can be very far away, and you may not be there to see it…

- Unknown -  

Happiness needs sadness.
Success needs failure.
Benevolence needs evil.
Love needs hatred.
Victory needs defeat.
Pleasure needs pain.

You must experience and accept the extremes. Because if the contrast is lost, you lose appreciation; and when you lose appreciation, you lose the value of everything.

- Philippos -

               Are you happy flowchart

The rest of your life is a long time and whether you know it or not, it’s being shaped right now. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices, or you can fight back! Things aren’t always gonna be fair in the real world, that’s just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. Let me ask you one question. What’s worse? Not getting everything you wish for or getting it, but finding out it’s not enough? The rest of your life is being shaped right now, with the dreams you chase, the choices you make, and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time, and the rest of your life starts right now.

-One Tree Hill-

Beyond all these, there are a million more ways we can look at life. At the end of the day, it all boils down to perception - it is a state of mind.

How?

My hands are itching to bake. I want to make bread! Yum yum =))) And, I want to make this super delicious mushroom soup that I just saw. Well, because I know you love mushroom soup and the bread will definitley go so well with the soup. Sigh!! But, I am skipping class today so that I will do my assignment. But, but, my fingers are itching to knead some dough. How? Sigh!!! Anyway, I don't have the ingredients to make the things that I want to make. It's kinda pointless for me to rant like this. -_-

* My hair is growing so slowly. I want it to grow faster!! Faster!! =((

Time flies

I counted, it's about
14 days

 336 hours

20160 minutes
more till end of the month arrives 

These little things

I'm quite happy for today I think. Perhaps it's the random coffee session, dinner and catching up with the girls and of course even just the brief moment with you. How these little things go on to make my day is something inexplicable. I guess life is wonderful when you pay more attention to the little things in life. Sometimes, you don't need anything grand. A hug and a kiss would do good too.

This is also awesome

What would it be

if I could wish upon a shooting star

(linpernille)

or when the sky goes blue 

 (jaclyn)

 

 or if I could dance with the sunset and under the moonlight

 (TJScott)

or to kiss under the rain 

(orangeacid)

and maybe to get lost in an unknown place

(mikejones)

and to wake up next to you

(deejaynye)

This always happen

While you are sleeping

And my mind is waking

While you are resting

And my heart is racing

While you are away

And I am swayed by you

This always happen

Use Somebody

Which is nicer? Hmmm ...
I can't decide. I like both. AHHAA ..
But, the more I hear, I think I prefer Pixie Lott's version. I'm not sure =) Anyway, I just think both sang better than the original.

The Answer?

"In the small matters trust the mind, 

in the large ones the heart" 
 -Sigmund Freud-

Puzzles

I am actually in the midst of trying to do my work. Hmmm... ever since college started, many things have changed, many events have taken place. No matter how bad certain things are, I am always trying to look at it in a positive point of view. I think that this is the least I can do, or perhaps it's the best I can do, to embrace any changes that comes by in my life.

This is my final semester and barely 4 weeks into studies, we had a sudden break just last week due to the H1N1 outbreak at college. I don't really like having sudden break because I have no plans at hand at all. Well, I would like to make my holidays as fulfilling as possible and because of this sudden one week break, my supposedly 2 weeks mid-semester break in September is now a one week break only. Sigh! Anyway, there's nothing much I can do. So yeah ... Hmmm.. how has the semester been for me so far? Well, it's plain boring and mundane. Worst still, I am feeling so unmotivated to attend any classes (but I have clean records so far!!!). ;)

What's so scary about being in the final semester is the thought of going into the working world. Every time when I close my eyes and picture myself working, I can't help but to have this sense of rush, urgency and stress that I used to feel when I was working back then and it scares the hell out of me. Hence, I am undecided if I want to start my career at an agency. I have a few routes in mind, but I honestly can't tell you what I've decided because I'm really not sure where I would want to go. I can't seem to decide what type of job that I want. However, many people around me have been constantly reminding me that I should just apply to whatever that comes to mind because applying doesn't necessarily means I am getting it. I do see where they are coming from in that sense. However, I see no point in applying whatever that comes to mind because I think I should learn to prioritize and at the very bottom line, I should know what kind of environment I would like to work in. Right now, I am not looking at the money. Well, I can't deny that money is an influential motivating factor. However, I am looking for something more than just money. (but, if my job satisfaction comes with money, why not?!)

You see, I always believe that being young or to be more specific being a fresh graduate, we somehow have the leeway to make mistakes and to learn from them. Being a fresh graduate means that we are like a brand new sponge that is anticipating to soak up as much as we can and as fast as we can. I somehow believe that as a fresh graduate, it will be good to be working at a company which will help us discover our strengths and weaknesses because I can be quite certain that most fresh graduates have no idea where and what are their core competencies. I believe that it's important for fresh graduate to work with a company that believes in empowering their employees because when we are young and fresh, having a strong and supportive backbone is of paramount to boost our self-confidence. Having the power to carry out a role is important, but I think having the necessary support and confidence that help to boost our morale is more essential because in this way, we will tend to strive harder and achieve higher, if not for the company but for ourselves. I am sorry I am long winded. I guess, what I am trying to say is that I need to work for a company which will allow fresh graduates like me a chance to learn and not to expect me to know and deliver right on the spot. Everyone needs time to deliver exceptional results. Well, of course I realised that time has it boundaries too. I reckon in this context, everything is about give and take.

Anyway, during the sudden break I managed to catch up with a dear friend who has been working tirelessly. Working life is not easy and that is why it is very important to love what we do. They say love can be cultivated. I hope she will learn to cultive love for her job. *hugs*

As I am graduating very soon, I am also thinking about what the future holds for me - how much of what I have now will remain with me, or how much will I gain and lose as I go through this huge transition? These are just a few questions that I constantly ponder. It's heart wrenching thinking about things that matters so much for the fear of losing them. I know that the road ahead is not going to be a smooth sailing journey. I know that the road ahead is bumpy and winding as it's filled with many pit stops, traffic lights and sign boards. The road ahead is indeed tough and it's all about making choices. Hence, I know, the road ahead is one hell of a journey that requires confidence, trust, respect, support, love and many more of the good things that can make me feel that I am not alone in that road. One of the hardest thing to do as human is to remain strong and positive because it takes a lot out of us and that is why many things in life is not about physical capabilities but mental and emotional endurance. You know, till today, I can't decide if it's better to let the head decide or to let the heart rule.

"You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile"

("Smile" by Uncle Cracker)

24/6 - 8/7

Can I have back my 15 days AGAIN?
( x 10000000000000000 please) ;(

Glad that it's Friday

> So many things are running over my head right now.

> My tasks list is pretty long as for now.

> College workload is picking up but I am not even riding on any. I told myself that this semester I am going to give my all and not slack away ( i mean ponteng) like the previous semester. I skipped so many classes last semester that I lost count of them. As of NOW, my track record is still clean. As of NOW la .. whether how long it will remain clean is something to be questioned.

> There's like so many things I have to consider, reconsider, evaluate, reevaluate, assess and reassess - the process is never ending.

> I am not that busy but every night I am mentally tired.

> These days I have problem taking afternoon naps. I am tired but I can't seem to shut my eyes because I'll start thinking of the 1001 things.

> To decide is one of the hardest things to do. Those of you who know me would probably know that I will never decide on what to eat , where to go when , so on and so forth. I just hate to decide but I think I do not hate to decide (Sometimes I don't even get myself. I contradict myself way too often). Most of the time, I know what I want and I know where I want to go. It's just that I am afraid that I will be wrong and I will be disappointed at the end.

> When I am doing anything but blogging, I will have so many things in my head that I want to blog about. However, when I am right in front of the laptop, everything just vanished. They just vaporized into the air. As a result, this post is so random, messy, and just so everywhere but not quite there.

> I am at a point in my life where I think too much about my future.

> Why is it just so hard for us to learn to prioritize things in our life?

> There are so many things that I want in my life. I want to be able to stand on my own feet. I want to buy my own house and car. I want to travel. I want to spend without worrying. I want to fall in love with my job because I just can't work my life off. There are so many things that I want but, I think what I want most is to remain being myself despite all my other 'wants'.

You know ... there are so many things that we asked for in life, but most of the time we tend to lose ourselves along the way when we have them in our hands. We forget where we come from. We ignore those that matters to us. We hurt those that love us. We don't realise that our absence, ignorance and arrogance are painful to them. Hence, I always always remind myself that I will never forget where I come from. I firmly believe that if I want others to respect me, I will first need to learn to respect others; and this certainly applies to all other lessons in life.

Some people might think that I am being naive and idealistic. It's true and I don't deny it. Today's world doesn't allow us to be ourselves. In so many instances - whether consciously, unconscioulsy or subconscioulsy, we always strive to live up to the expectations of others. It's a fact that we cannnot run or hide. I also realised that this truth is becoming more transparent as we grow up. As a kid, most of the time we are only accountable for ourselves and our actions. However, as an adult, we are accountable for so much more than ourselves. We are expected to be accountable to our family, friends, job, employee, community, society and country. That is the reason why we tend to miss our childhood life which requires less of a worry and stress.

> I am getting along much better with my college friends. It's my last semester and I should be done by the 2nd week November. I'm not really sure if I'm looking forward to graduating because once I am done with college, life gets serious and boring. Hmmm .... unless unless .....

> I'm almost done with a book. It is pretty interesting and fresh at the beginning because I've never read something like that before. However, as the story develops, I find the story to be rather twisted, dark, depressing and remorseful. It's such a tiring book to read - it drains your emotions. I am almost done with it and I hope that the ending will be as beautiful as the beginning - interesting and fresh.

> I want to blog about my holidays but I misplaced my thumbdrive. I will have to get a new thumbdrive.

> I'm craving for a cup of coffee right now. I can always find a million excuses just to have my caffeine fix. This is BAD!!!!

> I thought yesterday we will have an ice-cream session. I thought. Never mind. Anyway, after class today, I bought myself an ice-cream from 7-11. I just have to have an ice-cream to stop my cravings. Anyway, I don't really care what kind of ice-cream I eat. Not even the flavour or the brand. I just enjoy eating ice-cream.

> I want to learn not to feel sorry or guilty so that I can put myself above others once in awhile. It's tiring being the good santarina all the time. I am not trying to be selfish but I've often think too much of others and not myself. And when I do think about myself first, people around me will start to misjudge me and make me feel like I am so wrong and not so right. They make me feel like I've committed the biggest mistake ever. So, I really want to learn not to feel sorry or guilty because I believe that can make me stronger and happier.

> I enjoy talking with friends that I can talk to. They make me feel comfortable and I will tend to speak my mind and share more about myself. I don't usually say much unless I am really really comfortable.

> I want to watch 'Alice in Wonderland'. I've watched the trailer and it promises to be a pretty exciting movie I can say.

> I want to watch 'The Time Traveller's Wife' because it's a romantic show. People say the book is great. Maybe I should read it before watching it. Oh, there's Rachael Adams in it. I like her - she's so sweet, pretty and funny!!

> I want to watch 'My Sisters Keeper' because the book was great and I am hoping the movie will do justice for the book.

> I bake and cook when I have too many things on my mind. I find the whole process theraputic. When I am stress, I can stand at the kitchen table peeling vegetables stems and let my mind wanders and then realised that I am wasting my time and right at that very minute, I will question what the hell am I doing. Funny? Weird?

> I like to surround myself with people who are happy, motivated and ambitous because they make me feel alive and make me want to have a life. However, sometimes I am tired being surrounded by people like that as well. There are days where I just want to be lazy, sad and not so alive, if you get what I mean.

> I am glad that it's Friday already which means no classes to attend. I like weekends because I will give myself the freedom to do nothing at all which is bad at times because there are important things that need to be done. But, I will just tell myself that it's the weekend!!! And when Monday comes, I'll be -_-

> I miss you. I'll wait ...

Esther, Miranda and Cyrus

"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up."

- OTH-

To my dearest friends: Esther, Miranda & Cyrus

I still remember the day when the three of you came to have lunch with me when I was still working. You guys don't know how happy I was that day. The visit really made my day =) thank you so much!!!!!! I know how tough working life can be, but I hope that god will be kind to all of you in as many ways as possible. Never give up when life makes it hard for you! Remember to kick those a**. Aahahhaa .... Most importantly, always remain true to yourself because that's the essence to true happiness in life =) *cheers to our wonderful friendship*
I hope that even when we are far apart, our hearts will never be apart.
All the best my dear friends!

Love,
Swee Ling

I'm surprise

I love surprises.
I can't even remember when was the last time I had a surprise.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
*jumps around*skips around*
=))))))))))))))))) tq

Today

(http://www.pbase.com)
Just like a little girl
who is waiting patiently and anxiously
outside the school gate for her mother to pick her up.

Sleep
The word 'sleep' 'is sleep
But if you look beyond the word
and hear the sound of it
It doesn't just mean sleep


We do this everyday
but not for everything
certain things are written in the head
and all over the heart

Congratulations

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."
(Meredith, Grey's Anatomy)

You'll start working in less than 2 weeks. I hope that the working world will be kind to you. I've always know you as a person who doesn't give up easily and damn you will go all the way to achieve what you want. But, we are humans after all. Sometimes, the best even falls and I hope that if you ever come to a point like that in life, just try to think that at least you've tried. I think you'll do great =)

p/s: Oh my! I once wrote that: "But, I am barely 21. Hence, I think I should not be working my a** off. With the unceasingly staring at the computer and late nights at work, I think I am going to look older than 21." And, now I am wishing you the best of luck in the working world when you are just a 21-year-old baby (well, you just turned 21 a few days back). :p

Someone Somewhere

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

It's so cute! Hope you like it =)