A Man Looks at 40

 I am a man...I am 40.

Years ago, and long before his cable news choices were scrutinized, Oklahoma State University Football Coach Mike Gundy gave an impassioned press conference in defense of one of his players. He felt the press had been too hard on what was essentially a kid and that if the press was going after anybody, it should be him after all, he was a man...he was 40.

So as friends have approached this milestone over the last few years, I have often congratulated them on the official entrance into manhood. Ten years ago, I wrote a post on what it felt like to turn 30. It's fun to look back on what was important and what my goals were. There was one person that I really wanted to be at my 30th birthday party. We had gone on one perfect date, and I was hoping she would be there. 10 years later, that girl is my wife and the mother of my two girls.

It is fairly normal to look back when you reach milestones and see how far you have come. Like many of the loyal Pete Chat readers, I have experienced some of my greatest joys and some of my lowest despairs in the last ten years. 

For my birthday, Shannon put a book together for me. It was filled with tributes from friends and family. It was so fun to read the messages and remember the wonderful relationships I have made over these 40 years. 

20th Birthday as Äldste Dorsch

30th Birthday - Long Live the Wolf Shirt

40th Birthday - Long hair in Cancun

As I look at 40, things are less important to me. Maybe with some financial security, you care less about acquiring more stuff. Instead, what means the most to me are relationships and experiences. I try pretty hard to maintain relationships even though distance and circumstances can make that difficult. If you have ever received a seemingly random text or a random picture from me, that is my way of letting you know that I haven't forgotten about you. I don't know if other people feel this way. 

When I look back at my life, I segment it like this and it usually has to do with the people I spent time with.

• Ye Friendly Town
• Freshman in College
• Mission
• Post Mission BYU
• Washington DC
• Grad School at Pepperdine
• Newlyweds in Agoura
• Life in Orange County

Somewhere along the way if you are reading this chances are you fit into one of these groups, a few even overlap. 

What does it mean to be a "man"? In the scriptures, it says:

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." 1 Cor 13:11

I don't know if I have put away childish things but I have certainly added grownup responsibilities, I have a mortgage, life insurance, and a retirement account, two kids, and even the vaunted minivan, but I still like video games and comic books, and yes pro wrestling, things I am sure 9 year old me loved but thought I would grow out of by 40 so maybe I have a ways to go on that front.

As I was reading through the aforementioned book, some of the consistent themes were that people noticed my sense of humor ( not that they enjoyed it but that it was at least present), my love for my teams, my youthful looks, and my textbook memory. These are the people who know me the best and I think that is an accurate representation.

I think about mortality. My parents were 39 when I was born. They are both gone. I think about my girls and whether I will be there when they turn 40 ( I hope so). It's weird to think about so I try not to dwell. Decisions are more carefully thought out and the days of we will just see what happens are long gone. 

Life isn't quite as fun as it was ten years ago but it is more meaningful, there is joy. I think it comes from being a dad.

For my 40th Shannon took me and the girls to Cancun. Our wonderful friends and the future in laws of one of my daughters 😜  Matt and Courtney, as well as Lucas and Scarlett joined us for an adventure south of the Border.

*40 and feeling so humbled and blessed. There is not a single day that I take for granted, especially during these times when we are all reminded of the things that truly matter. For my birthday this year, I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it than with some of the people who have helped shaped me into the man I am today. Before COVID, I don’t think any of us truly appreciated what a simple luxury it was to be able to travel and be together with family and friends in a safe environment. After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time. We danced, rode bikes, swam near whales, kayaked, watched a movie on the beach and so much more. I realize that for most people, this is something that is so far out of reach right now, so in moments like these, I am humbly reminded of how privileged my life is. #thisis40

I drank a tremendous of amount of Shirley Temples, ate a tremendous amount of food, and just all around relaxed and enjoyed the time. I can't think of a better way to have spent my birthday.

I'm excited for what the future holds, I feel fulfilled in my life, and look forward to what the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 and probably 70 years brings.

*Some of you will get this joke and this will be very funny.

What I Like

When I was a senior in college at the wonderful Brigham Young University, I wrote my senior capstone paper on President Dwight D. Eisenhower's social policy. I cleverly (at least in my opinion) titled it "What Ike Liked". I got an A on it.

Former Washington Football Team and current Minnesota Viking quarterback Curt Kurt Kirk Cousins once asked if, in fact, we liked that?

And Sensei John Kreese once told Mr. Miyagi what he liked.

All of this asks the question, what deserves a "like"? My friend JoeJohn and I were having a conversation on the nature of likes.

For me, a "like" is an acknowledgment that I do, in fact, really like/agree/enjoy the thing you posted. If you get a like from me, it means I have seen your post, and it actually moved me to respond. At times I have thought oh, I'm not going to like that, but then I guess it is inauthentic if I don't. 

Some things will almost always get a like from me.
1. A new job
2. An engagement
3. A wedding
4. A dog

And sometimes people repping the Y. If you ever wonder why I like your seemingly random pic, it might be because there is some sort of BYU paraphernalia involved.

My friend Matt is a die-hard fan of an institution I do not support and certainly don't like, I do recognize his happiness when that particular institution does well, and I have said that I would not be opposed to an "acknowledge" button.

I have the feeling that occasionally people see a friend like something they disagree  with on another friends post and wonder why they would do that. Friends can disagree on things and still be friends, that is ok. But, sometimes, it just means I see you, and I acknowledge your humanity/existence, and nothing more should be read into it.

I am curious what moves you to like something.

I Highly Recommend

I told myself I was going to blog more, and well, I intend to do that. As we continue to deal with the new normal that is life during a pandemic, I thought I might share with you a few of the things that I like that you might like too. None of these are particularly new, so maybe you know all about them.

BOOK

I have a goal to read 12 books this year. I am doing ok on that, just a little behind. One of the books that I read recently and give my highest recommendation is called Factfulness by Hans Rosling. It is really easy to feel like the world seems terrible right now. But according to Dr. Rosling and his data, life is better than it has ever been.

"It turns out that the world, for all its imperfections, is in a much better state than we might think. That doesn't mean there aren't real concerns. But when we worry about everything all the time instead of embracing a worldview based on facts, we can lose our ability to focus on the things that threaten us most."



SHOW

I have heard that in uncertain times people revert to comfortable things, things that are familiar in our choices. I have been rewatching a show that I love, but I'm not sure other people have seen, it's called Justified, and it is available on Hulu. Justified is the story of US Marshal Raylan Givens. Raylan is transferred home to Kentucky and thrown back into a world he tried to get away from. The show has great characters, stories, and dialogue. Give it a few episodes.



PODCAST

You may know that my favorite author and cultural commentator is Chuck Klosterman. When he tweeted this, I took notice.

WIND OF CHANGE is the most interesting podcast I’ve ever listened to.

— Chuck Klosterman (@CKlosterman) May 16, 2020

And you know what... I think he is right. It sounds crazy at first, but what if the CIA helped write a rock song that helped usher in the end of the Cold War. That is the premise of Wind of Change. I have always enjoyed the song, and this makes it all the better. You'll be whistling along for sure.

I encourage you to go to 4:15 and listen to a letter from a former CIA operative. It gave me goosebumps.

WEBSITE
And my final recommendation is a website called https://genius.com/. Do you ever listen to songs and wonder what the lyrics mean? You can look up just about every song, and there are annotated lyrics that you can follow along with. I enjoy it thoroughly.

So there you go. My recommendations. Let me know if you have any recommendations.

Peter with the Green Thumb

Well, loyal Pete Chat readers I hope you are thriving during this unusual time. I am sure you are just as sick (and probably more so) as I am with the social distancing and quarantine. What a truly strange time it is.

Today is a very simple Pete Chat. Some time ago (more than a year) our office got a Bonsai tree. I am not sure exactly how I got to be responsible for the tree but I did and guess what? The tree is thriving. The tree's name is Steve, named after my all-time favorite football player Steve Young. And with regular watering and sunlight, this little guy continues to grow.

Having demonstrated my agrarian proficiency I was given responsibility for what very well could have been a dead orchid plant. But using my trusty formula of sunlight and water it started to bloom much to my surprise.

That's all.

She's Here and She's Wonderful

This is a little late but worth the wait. Our darling Hela (sounds like Hay-la) was born 02/02/20. Her due date was a few days after, and I kept telling people, I really just want to be able to watch the Super Bowl and then she can arrive. Flash forward to Saturday Night, Shannon goes out to get her hair blow-dried and Ella and I are at home watching basketball.

When Shannon got home she said that a man asked her when she was due and she said Wednesday. He said, "Oh no, that baby is coming tonight." Hela's grandma had said the same thing. We laughed and went to bed. A few hours later Shannon taps me and says I am in labor and I said, "SHHH SHHH go back to sleep." "No", Shannon says, "I am serious." So I was frantically running around to get ready. I called my sister to tell her that we were on baby alert and that she needed to come to watch Ella, she said you better call Ryan and Kim in case you need to leave soon, so we called the Crowleys to come from Huntington Beach, and the Denny's came over to be our go-between until Warren and Rocio got there. 

One thing I didn't mention was that Shannon and I were both sick with colds. Having a baby when you are sick is not ideal. There isn't a lot of traffic at 1:00 in the morning on a Sunday between Ladera Ranch and Newport where the hospital is located. We got in went up the fifth floor and I announced to the reception, we are having a baby to which the nurse responded, you are in the wrong place. Once we corrected that mistake we checked in and they hooked Shannon all up and said yep, you are in fact having a baby.

The nurses were amazing. They took great care of Shannon and listened to me talk about the 49ers. It went much faster than when Ella was born. Before long the anesthesiologist was there giving Shannon her epidural and after a half-hour of pushing our sweet Hela Noelle arrived at 8:11 AM weighing 7 lbs 2 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long. And yes I made sure that the first song she ever heard was the BYU fight song.



We first heard the name Hela from our friends Christian and Bridgette. Christian's sister's name is Hela. We both liked it when we heard it. It is Nordic so it goes well with Dorsch, ends in a la sound like Ella, and we just liked it, and we barely told anyone that it was under consideration because you really don't want to hear opinions about name choices. Her middle is Noelle after Shannon's grandpa Noel. We think it is a very nice way to honor someone, and yet no one has named any of their kids after me...puzzling. I was so curious about what the baby would look like, would she look like Ella?

Shannon was an absolute champ. As we got the baby I couldn't help but think this may be the single best day of my life as the 49ers were going to be playing in the Superbowl later that day.

One thing we were worried about was how Ella was going to react to this new person joining the family, and let me tell you, initial impressions were not promising.

You sort of forget how little a newborn is compared to a toddler. But I felt like an old pro holding her compared to the way I felt when we had Ella. Jennifer and Kate brought Ella over and we made the in-person introduction for the first time and it went much better.

My perfect day was not to be as the 49ers lost. I was very careful not to let myself believe we could win until 8:53 left in the game up by 10. We don't need to rehash what happened, and six weeks later I am still unhappy about it.

Hela is a really good baby, she loves to be held and she only cries for the most part when she is hungry (and then she cries very loud). Shannon and I take turns waking up with the baby. Shannon gets the first shift and I get the second. Hela and I have watched a lot of TV in the 3 AM - 4 AM hour.

The sisters seem to get along for the most part, although I think Hela gets a little bit stressed when Ella is around. Life is good for the Dorsch family of four even if we are practicing social distancing and the Cougars awesome Basketball and Volleyball seasons were cut short.

We love our new house and our new ward ( who brought us lots of meals and checked in on us despite the fact that they don't even know us), and we seem to be figuring out this two under two kid thing. So when we are done with the social distancing come over and see us.

Farewell

This is not a very good photo but it is a very special photo. I am the photographer. Staples Center has a capacity of 19,067  but in this photo, it is just 10 or so people. One of them was Kobe Bryant. I got to work early one day and got to watch Kobe shoot. To me, it was absolutely remarkable. I felt like I was seeing something that few people ever got to saw. It was greatness.

I wanted to try to write about what Kobe meant to me. His death has affected me in a way I didn't expect. Unfortunately, I have become acquainted with grief. I have been very sad when people I love have died but those were family members. Kobe Bryant didn't know me but I knew him (the tiniest bit). I worked as an intern for the Lakers in the 2011-2012 season. It was amazing. The most amazing internship you could imagine, especially for someone who loves the Lakers the way I do.

 I remember the moment I met him for the first time, Irene and I were pushing some cart full of donated equipment. I was pulling and she was pushing the cart. As we navigated a doorway out to the parking lot Kobe appeared behind Irene. I tried to play it cool but inside I was so excited, we are only two years apart but Kobe seemed so beyond me in every conceivable way. The first time I met Kobe Bryant, I was wearing Kobe brand Nikes. 

The question I got asked most often about my internship was, "What's Kobe like?" I would answer, "Kobe is intense." Not an angry intensity but an extreme focus. The thing I noticed was that he was constantly being asked for things. Kobe can you do this? Kobe can you be here? He did a make a wish after every game and he never talked about it. I watched every Laker game that season and whenever we were behind I would joke with my boss Jason, just give it to Kobe. I auctioned off an autographed Kobe jersey for $8000. I worked at the Lakers Charity Golf Tournament and all the players needed to show up. Kobe was there and one of the items they auctioned off was a racehorse. If I remember correctly, Kobe and Pau bought a racehorse.

A few years ago I played on a co-ed softball team, I took it seriously possibly too seriously. I got a phone call from the manager telling me that people on the team were complaining about me and that we were there to have fun, winning didn't matter. I think this is the reason I loved Kobe, to him winning was the only thing that mattered. When Ramon Sessions joined the team that season the first thing Kobe said to him was, "We win championships here." I love winning and I hate losing, I am a sore loser. Kobe loved winning and he hated losing.

He had his demons and he was no saint. I know that. I may be getting soft in my old age and being a dad but this tragedy has left me heartbroken. Life is precious, life is fragile, and this part of our existence is temporary. I feel so bad about this tragedy. That these families are going such terrible terrible pain.

 I couldn't put my finger on why this was impacting me so much and then I watched this clip from my man Jim Rome and he hit the nail on the head.

Kobe Bean Bryant joins the immortals. I'll tell my kids about how their dad got to see one of the greatest up close.

The Mamba is dead. Long live the Mamba.

2019 in Review

I miss blogging. I know I will never be as prolific as I was between 2007-2009 but once in a while, I like to fire up Pete Chat and do a post. As I thought about 2019 I thought to myself...this might just be blog-worthy.

Was this the best year of my life? It might have been. After a very polarizing 2018, 2019 was a year of happiness and contentment.

By far the most wonderful and surprising thing about 2019 was finding out that Shannon was pregnant. I am not sure I can express just how shocked we were. I had been traveling with the Young Men from my ward for their High Adventure trip and Shannon and Ella had been in Virginia visiting family. Shannon came home and was exhausted, exhausted in a way that she hadn't been since she was pregnant with Ella. Considering our fertility issues she figured she would just take a test to rule it out. When the test came out positive we simply did not believe it. Needless to say, we were shocked but in a really good way.

2019 we got to travel a bit. Like I mentioned before I took the Young Men for their High Adventure Trip. I thought a lot about the trips I had done when I was younger and I wanted my boys to have a memorable experience like I had. We hiked, we climbed, we swam, we ate and I would say we had a blast. As I get older and the opportunities shrink I like to test myself to see if I still can. So I climbed, I sort of wake surfed to see if I could.

After spending three of the last four years serving in the Young Men's organization for our ward including the last two as Young Men's President I was released.  It was bittersweet, I am not sure there is a better calling in the church and I loved my time with Young Men. I had so much fun and felt privileged for the opportunity. I did like getting my Wednesday nights back.

Besides a short layover in the Seattle Airport, I had never been to the Pacific Northwest, a place I always wanted to visit. So Shannon, Ella, and I went during the summer. We had such a good time and got to see my friend Dan a fellow 49er fan in Seattle and his kids, and my friends Jeff and Corrine and their kids in Portland.

We also crossed the border and visited our neighbors to the north in Vancouver Canada. We enjoyed Canada but never did eat poutine that I liked despite trying several different varieties. However, I was able to eat at a different Canadian institution.

Our summer on the road continued with a quick trip out to Virginia. We added a new member to the family when my sister in law Allison (who caught the bouquet at Warren and Rocio's wedding despite not participating in the bouquet toss) married Will Ashby. I was the MC for the wedding which was a lot of fun.

My final trip of the year was back to Utah to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my freshman year at BYU. My friends from May Hall had been talking about a trip for years and we thought this was the year to do it. I rented a house from Air BNB and we spent the weekend reminiscing and making new memories. We even saw BYU beat a ranked USC and rushed the field after the game. 

One of the things I wanted to do was recreate a photo we took 20 years ago. So we walked over to May Hall which is now a girl's hall and found someone to take our picture. This group hadn't been together since 2006 at Jim's wedding but we picked up right where we left off. I committed to finding our freshman ward yearbook for our next trip.

1999

2019

We had such a great time and before the weekend was over we were all already making plans for our next meet up.

2019 was an up and down sports year. The up being the 49ers going from one of the worst teams in football last season to one of the best, Mike Trout winning the MVP and the Lakers trading for Anthony Davis. BYU football and basketball were at times exhilarating and other times maddening so pretty typical in the respect. We took Ella to a few Angels games and a BYU basketball and football game. She is a pretty good spectator.

I also got to see Bayern Munchen when they came to town to play Arsenal this summer. Now all that is left to do is see them at Allianz Arena in Munich. They lost but it was still fun and I wore my number 30 Dorsch jersey.

Professionally I celebrated year number four with my firm Venture Strategic. We have an awesome team and we do interesting and meaningful public affairs work. I continue to enjoy what I do and I have great coworkers. 

None of this great year would be possible without my Shanny Boo. She is a great mom and she is very understanding of my sports obsession. In August we celebrated our seventh anniversary and once we found out that we were having a baby girl due February 2020 we knew needed more space so we took the next step in life and bought a house. We looked at a lot of houses but when we walked into our place we both agreed that this was the one we wanted. We had an awesome realtor Tracy who engaged her self professed pitbull skills and got us our house in Ladera Ranch. We moved into our new place in mid December and had our first Christmas here. 

2019 was a great year filled with great blessings. It wasn't perfect but it was pretty close. I know Shannon would agree that the best thing about 2019 was Ella Joy. She is our dolly delightful. She is busy, loud, and totally cute. We love to see her learn and grow. We are thrilled to be adding to our family and look forward to what 2020 brings.