I never, ever blog anymore because...

 

...I have been busy with these guys:

 

 

 

Of course, I can't blame them for the lack of posts. But, every time I think about updating my blog, I quickly become overwhelmed with knowing how much of our blessed, little life I haven't chronicled here. Today, instead of worrying about that, I will just add these pictures (most of which are quite old) and a few of the fun things the kids have said and done recently.

 

*While Max was in the bathtub, he smothered his chin with bubbles and said, "I'm Santa and you're the Girl Santa...but we don't kiss!" I asked, "Why not?" and Max said, "It's weeeeeeird!" (For the record, this little boy gives kisses all day long!) I asked, "Do you think you'll ever kiss a girl?" and he said, in a very contemplative, decisive way, "I probably will." He has become very interested in music and recently made up a song (included here in its entirety),  "Christmas all the Day!" which we all now sing a lot.

 

*One day, we were shopping at Sam's Club. Cameron was surprised to see them showing The Dark Knight on one of their large display T.V.s. He loves everything Batman, but we've, of course, never shown him the movie. He was almost shaking with excitement and fear. It was as if he wanted to watch it, but didn't want to at the same time. I pushed the cart along and he said, "I can't believe they're showing that! What about the kids???!!!" (My sentiments exactly!) Cameron wants to be the President of the United States when he grows up so that his face can be on a coin.

 

*Sam is a mover. He's not hyperactive, he just loves to be moooooving all day long. He's athletic and has to always be either doing something with a ball of some sort or wrestling with his brothers. He also loves playing the piano and composing songs, which provides a fun soundtrack to our daily lives. Laughing, teasing, and cracking open eggs are some of his favorite things.

 

*Vanessa loves words and names. She makes long lists of imaginary families' names. She is happiest when she's involved in a play (the school just finished The Music Man in which she played the part of Gracie Shinn; she was radiant.) She looks grown up and tells us she feels 'considerably older' than Sam, even though they are only 19 months apart.

 

Dave is my rock and provides me with opportunities for a good belly laugh every single day. The gospel and my family are everything to me. I truly love my life!

  

Imagination

La familia at Zion's National Park in April

Poetry has haunted me for decades. I love reading it, love the swirl in my brain when I come across a textured, layered piece of poetry. Emily Dickinson is my homegirl. I used to write poetry sometimes, but have found that the necessities of the now keep me from really doing anything with it. Well, that, and my laziness.


However, Vanessa is a poet. My daughter, this girl who has a notebook and pencil growing out of her hands, loves writing acrostic poems and will say things like, "I love iambic pentameter!" or "Hey, you just used alliteration and assonance in the same sentence!" I thought I'd provide a sample of one of her poems for you here.


"Alone in the House!" By Vanessa


As the night turns black
and the air turns chill,
courage I surely lack,
No excitement, neither thrill.
Creeping, creaking in my ear
frightful shadows coming near.
No, just leaves, swaying in the breeze
and those leaves fall down from trees.
Dogs bark, trains whistle, cars zoom by.
Come on be brave, try, try, try!
The sun comes through
the mountains blue
the day has come
what has become
of the dark, dark night?
My room is flooded with light...
a brand new day.


On another imaginative note, Sam recently wrote (with some typing and illustrating help from his sister) a story entitled "Food Wars" (you know, like Star Wars). It contains characters like Darth Sushius (a big, scary sushi roll), the Raspberry Rebels, Luke Lemon, Anakin Apple, and so on. The first chapter is entitled: "The Dark Side Attacks!" Oh, and on the inside of the front cover it says, "Dedicated to: Cameron & Max." Awww, I guess they really do love each other after all!


Cameron is almost five. This age should be known as the "I-say-so-many-things-that-are-funny, my-mom-can't-find-pen-and-paper-fast-enough-to-write-even-a-tenth-of-them-down" age. The other night we had the home teachers over. It was their first visit, and we were trying not to show them how chaotic and loud our house is most of the time. Things were going pretty well when Dave asked Cameron, who was sitting on his lap, to give the closing prayer. Cameron said, "Can I say the prayer like a bat? Can I bend backwards over your lap and cross my arms in front of me like I have bat wings?" Dave told him no. Cameron was fine with that, but during the prayer, he said, "Thank thee that the visiting teachers could come." I could not control myself. Vanessa and I began laughing so hard. I'm sorry for laughing, Cameron. I do feel bad. Really, how are you supposed to know the difference between home and visiting teachers? Also, yesterday at church, he told me that my forehead looked like it had cracks in it, referring, of course, to my many wrinkles. Nice.


Max just turned two. Boo. Hoo. Hoo. I seriously can't handle it. Sam will often comment on how grown up Max is getting and how he wishes he could freeze him so he'd stay little. I agree. It's just not cool. But, one of the advantages of their getting older is their growing language ability. He's starting to put words into sentences, "Daddy car." "Me's coat." He calls Cameron, "Dameron." He's also obsessed with the song by Taio Cruz, "Dynamite." He shakes his little, adorable booty and tries to sing along. Yes, that song is about partying really hard, but don't worry, he does have a spiritual side to him. Today, we pulled up to the bank and he saw the white marble building and said, "Temple!" Yeah, I, too, would have much rather been at the temple than at the boring old bank!

Things I've Learned (or re-learned) in the 334 Days Since My Last Post

*Your nine year old might be really good at secretly hacking into your blog. (I AM proud that you and your brother did so well in the science fair, 'Ness!)

*If your grandfather has a 90th birthday celebration, go to it. (I have an amazing grandpa. He makes violins, is a physicist, and owns a hat that says, "Been there, done that, can't remember.")
*If anyone tells you that having four kids is the same as having three, don't believe them. They are lying. Or, they are far more patient and organized than I am!

*Sweet pork quesidilla/taco thingies are delish...thanks for the recipe, Kellie!
*Get-aways to San Francisco and Hawaii (thanks to Young Living and Sky Miles!) with your best friend are essential and oh-so wonderful. It helps to have parents that are so willing to help with the older three children. Thank you!

(Here is Max on the grounds of the Hawaii Temple.)
*A month ago, I would have told you that sleep was overrated. Now that I'm finally getting more of it, I realize it is so NOT overrated.
*Be forewarned: You know that really annoying, dread-inducing music from the ice cream truck? Yeah, your seven year old may ask you for the CD of it.

*Two family reunions at Bear Lake in a two-week span can be fun, stressful, and tiring. But mostly fun.
*A baby's smile, cute expressions, and laughter are three of life's most indulgent pleasures.

*If your husband goes on a ward Father/Son campout, make sure you know where it is. Otherwise, you may find yourself driving around Hobble Creek Canyon at 3 a.m. with an E.R. bound, asthmatic daughter looking for him. Incidentally, I didn't find him that night. But, I did see a lot of skunks and porcupines!
*Hiking the Y with the fam was awesome, but a little bit harder than I thought it would be. Yes, I am a wimp!

*Remember the sweet stuff your kids say. Such as your three year old saying, "I get to see Jesus there!" when you tell him that he gets to go to the temple open house.

*Does your hubby have to go on a lot of business trips? Guess what, it MAY be a possibility that when he returns, you MAY have learned not to greet him curled up in a ball, twitching, and singing to yourself! Yes, I think it's getting a little bit easier.
*If you decide to move a mile or so away, be prepared for a lot of bittersweet moments. (We love our new house and neighborhood, but we really miss our old friends and the home we made so many memories in for seven years.) Here is our old house in Kelvin Grove and the kids in front of our new house in Jessie's Brook.

*If your baby turns one (as mine did yesterday), try not to focus on the fact that he's growing up. Celebrate his achievements, milestones, and delectable cheeks!

(Yes, he got two cakes! The one with sprinkles was for a Goodman family birthday party and the "bathtub" one was just for us here at home. He LOVED them both!)

I won first place in the science fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!from Vanessa

Prayers

When Cameron was born, it was a really dark time for our family. I don't think I really comprehended just how hard that was until recently; I think I've actually been in denial about how utterly difficult that was for us. I say "was," but it still sort of is hard. Even though Cameron is truly our miracle and has surpassed every expectation that anyone ever had for him, his future is a little frightening. We know he'll have to have at least two more open heart surgeries; I dread this with every part of my soul. But, if you know Cameron, you know he is a happy, stubborn, smart, friendly, funny little boy who truly loves life, so we try to focus on the miracles of each day and the happy fact that he is here with us, challenging us, loving us, and giving us a reason to go on.



In his first week of life, I craved normalcy. I knew that his condition was critical, that he would have a major surgery, and that, because his lungs had been so compressed in utero, he might never breathe on his own. But, I wanted something, anything, to be normal. Because he was on a ventilator, we couldn't hold him. I remember sitting by his bedside, aching from the c-section and aching for my two little ones at home, trying to pretend that instead of maneuvering my hands through all of the tubes and wires to be able to touch him just a little bit, I was actually holding him. I'd close my eyes and pretend that I could feed him and snuggle him. I wanted so desperately to have some sort of connection with him, to let him know that I loved him, and I felt that I couldn't convey that to him because I couldn't do all of the things that one normally does for her newborn child.



But, Heavenly Father knew my desperation, so He gave me two little, tiny things to help me in that first week before his heart surgery. One day, while Dave and I were there with him, I was stroking his little hand with my finger. Of course, healthy babies have a reflex that causes them to grip your finger tightly in their fist. Because Cameron was heavily sedated, he hadn't been able to do that. But, that day, he did. He squeezed my finger so tightly and, in wonder, Dave and I took turns letting him squeeze our fingers for a little while until he stopped. It was amazing. Then, the next day, he opened his eyes and looked at me for the first time. I felt a deep connection with my son as we looked at each other. He'd been so sedated and his eyes so swollen that he hadn't been able to do that. After a brief minute or two, he couldn't hold his eyes open any more and he closed them. I was so thankful that I'd been given that blessing before he went into surgery.



For the next year or so, I kept having this feeling that we were supposed to have another baby very soon. In my sane moments, I would think, "What?! We can't have another baby yet. Cameron is still so sick and so young. What are you thinking, Deb?!" And yet, there were many, many times that I felt very strongly that we not only needed another baby, but that I needed to get pregnant right away. As Cameron entered his second year, that feeling started to go away, and then resurfaced last year (resulting in our new, sweet Max!). I've often wondered why I had been feeling that way, when it was, so clearly, not the right time for another child.



I've since realized that what was making me feel that we needed another baby right then was this need for something normal. I think I was sad, and maybe a little angry, that I hadn't had the opportunity to have a normal delivery, a normal two-day hospital stay, and a healthy baby that I could cuddle and feed. I felt cheated. So, I had thought we needed to hurry and have another one so this void could be filled. It wasn't that Cameron himself was making me feel a void, it was the whole happy newborn experience that I'd enjoyed with Vanessa and Sam that I missed and craved.



And so, last month, it happened. I started feeling strong contractions on a Wednesday night and by the next morning, at 6:35 a.m. the doctor lifted Max up over the sheet after my very routine c-section and I got to see him for the first time. (My first thought was, "We got our mini-Dave!!!") Unlike Cameron, Max didn't have to be resuscitated at birth. I heard him cry. Dave went with him to the nursery and got to watch him be bathed for the first time. I touched his fine, black hair. I got to try to feed him when he was three hours old. He roomed-in with me and I could look at him whenever I wanted (thinking so many times, "Whoa! He doesn't have any tubes or medications going into him! Yeah!") I smelled him. I held him in my arms. My prayers have been answered.




Good times.

Introducing...

...our cherished and adored

Maxwell Santiago

Seven pounds, five ounces. Nineteen inches long. Black hair, dark eyes. Squishy, soft, and smells like heaven!

There's nothing like having a new baby in the house. Suddenly, everything matters a little bit more, yet strangely, nothing matters anymore! Everything's a bit more exciting, a bit more tiring, a bit more loving, a bit more...

...Magical.