pleroma

I've come to realize that there are a number of people that I tend to reach out to in kindness and support who seem to have no interest in my friendship.

Before I really started working on myself, I would have gotten very bitter about the situation, because I would have thought, "If I'm showing these people kindness, why can't they do so in return?" I'd also get ticked off about things.

As it stands, my thoughts are tinged more with melancholy instead. I'm not reaching out to have them show me kindness in return anymore., but it makes me think that it might not be worth the effort.

The way I'm looking at it now, no blame is placed, but it becomes a choice as whether to keep expending the energy. They have their own lives, and I might not fit into the scheme of their lives.

The biggest thing that occurs to me is that when someone changes, many others get used to viewing them in their old remembrances, rather than looking at the person anew every time they interact with them. It's a human habit that's hard to break.

Oh well.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

pleroma

Woke up from a dream with a burning desire to write a letter or communicate something that I felt someone needed to hear or know. It's a bit of truth that they were unaware of or had been lied to because someone told them what they wanted to hear, not what was necessarily the truth.

But then I pause. Yeah, communicating what I want to would make me feel better. But then I pause again. Saying what I want to say could potentially cause a lot of chaos and hurt feelings. It would be potentially causing me to feel better at the expense of someone else's peace of mind.

It sucks to be the one who does the right thing when the other(s) involved wouldn't.

Pain and suffering comes from people being unhappy with how the present moment is—by not accepting, for better or for worse, how things are.

I really don't like this feeling of being the one who carries all this weight while the other parties continue without such a conscience, as they feel justified in their behavior. *sighs*

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

pleroma

I've been working on a great number of Buddhist ways of thinking—two of the biggest being compassion and love.

Thing is I've been dealing with situations where I realize that I've been taken advantage of, which is shifting my heart to a very cold indifference. Indifference, in my book, is the opposite of love.

I'm coming to this place after realizing that, in many ways, some people have been using me for various selfish reasons.

What's tough for me is getting back my equilibrium to where I can be indifferent to those who only see what they can get out of me (or have done so already) and compassionate to everyone else.

And yes, I know Buddhist thought is to be compassionate to all, but I'm needing the ice-cold distance for my own peace of mind, because caring about said people doesn't help me at all.

Bleh.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.