This is the official NG blog post for claiming my weird shit if I die. I do not have a will but I needed an excuse to talk about my feminist comic book collection. There's some neat shit if I choke and wanted to benevolently give people on Newgrounds the chance to claim some of it. You'll have to come get it, pry this stuff from my nephew's cold alive fingers but "get it" you most certainly can! I will consider new propositions if nothing I list here interests you, this list will be updated as people make claims to my stuff. Cheers!

Item #1 - My feminist comic book collection. I've amassed a small library of rare, totally worthless, graphic novels that feature predominantly female protagonists, huntressess, and warrior queens. Slay CrimsonKero, you have CLAIMED teh comics <3 <3

Item #2 - An abundance of game meat, gifted to us by our neighbors. Elk, vinison, cow, and pork. I specifically want a trans woman to recieve my meat, because reasons. CLAIMED by CrimsonKero.

Item #3 - I have decided against offering up my Blåhaj, I wish to be burried with it.

Item #4 - Box of Sex Toys CLAIMED by DoctorStrongbad - I do not want micro plastics tossed into some landfill or the ocean. Recycle, reuse, reduce!

Item #5 - Row machine. It gives you blisters and calluses in the weirdest nub of your butt crack. I simply seek to pass along this weird sensation, somebody please take this stupid row machine.

Item #6 - Old Xbox360 CLAIMED by Marc-Ant. It comes with every official Fallout 4 DLC, a ton of quality of life mods, and I can't wait until you see my awesome settlements. Do not delete the Fallout 4 data for MineCraft, you already have MineCraft on your PS5, shit, WHY DID YOU DELETE MY OLD DATA? I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS, PUT MY DATA BACK D:

Item #7 - Guitars, one of which is a light purple John Mayer PRS and we literally hate it, CLAIMED by AlexToolStudio . You'd be doing us a huge favor if you came and took the John Mayer guitar before I die. There's something wrong with the neck, fuck John Mayer and his cheap ass signature guitars.

Item #8 - Unused loop station, unused loop station, unused loop station, unused loop station... CLAIMED by Sylvistrix

Item #9 - Awkward stuffed animal collection that remembers all the shit I stole when I was 5 because it once served as a place where I hid contraband.

Item #10 - Pink Silicon bong CLAIMED by DoctorStrongbad. Unlike glass bongs this one doesn't break if it falls over. Also you can hide it by tossing it into the box of sex toys and no one will think twice when their eyes glaze over the color of pink silicon.

Item #11 - Yoga mat. Wash the fuck out of this.

Item #12 - Medical donations, cadaver through technicality and possible tomfoolery CLAIMED by CrimsonKero. KIDNEYS CLAIMED by Finasty. I have some really cool tattoos, claim them, dry the leather, make a belt. Lucky rabbit's foot? How about a lucky Quarl's foot? Do you like augmentations and titanium plates? This category is rich with loot. Carve away skin sluts!

Amended thought, how come loot and foot are pronounced completely different? English is not a serious language D:<

Item #13 - Mysterious pile of cables CLAIMED by Quest. I have no idea what all these cables were for or why I kept them. They are all yours now. Every random cable, yours. 

Item #14 - Important Paper Folder. Despite it's name, I have zero important documents that I keep in there. It's actually just random character sheets from old table top campaigns and one or two documents from when I changed my name. I also have documents for a speeding ticket that I got out of when my mom passed away. They wouldn't let me argue against the ticket because it was just a camera tracking a licence plate number but when I showed up like "she's dead" they gave up.

Item #15 - Whipped Cream Dispenser. You can whip up some cream or use it to communicate with extraterrestrial interdimensional beings but be warned: using this product for it's intended purpose is probably less fun.

Item #16 - J-lube Powder 10 oz bottle. Just add water!

Item #17 - Mysterious bag of cables. Not to be confused with the mysterious pile of cables, this prize is completely seperate from the pile and contains cables completely unique from the other collection of cables.

Item #18 - Mysterious box of rope. It's not actually mysterious at all, it's sex rope that never get's used. I drag the rope around the house when the cats want to play and SOMEONE gets mad when I do that BUT AT LEAST ONE OF US IS TRYING TO USE THE ROPE D:<

Item #19 - Vape pen that looks like an astronaut. I mean fucking look at it. Doesn't work anymore but it's so damn cute.

Item #20 - Glow in the dark glass jellyfish CLAIMED by Quest. Paper weight, but still really cool.

Item #21 - Broken scale. Rounds up a few pounds just to drive you crazy when all that excersize you've been doing doesn't pay off.

Item #22 - tba, I'm still pending new ideas. Item #22 could be YOUR idea. I will seriously weigh every request under the pretense that you will have to come to Colorado and look someone in the eye as you claim my weird shit. Look my family in the whites like "I came all this way for her foot."

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION ❤️ ❤️

@crimsonkero, @doctorstrongbad, @Marc-Ant, @Quest, @Sylvistrix, @AlexToolStudio, @Finasty