wow, lj still exists. I must start loggin life again.

Well, thinkgs are going well, not as well as some people think they should be, but im pretty stable and not getting life get the best of me.
Tanya and I moved into our apartment just over a month ago. Its comming along nicely. Cable has been installed for a while, things are settling down, which is great.
Im entering into my 3rd trimester, this pregnancy has been flying along. which is also good.
things are going. When it comes to The baby's father im not sure what to say / how to feel. Im taking it as it comes and trying not to stress too much. We finally talked for the last couple of days, we hadnt for a month before that. So on again / off again, he wants it on again, im not sure how things will turn out, but i will give it a shot and see how it all comes about.
I had my ultrasound a while back also, Im having a girl, i think ive narrowed down the list of names, Dana and i havent discussed this at all yet. hmm.
anyway, that is all. Im still alive. Not emo, pretty opposite and holding everything together. Hopefully it wont all blow up at once, im trying to get out frustrations and anger, and cry periodically, just to make sure that doesnt happen.

Well, fun. I dont know if i am numb, or just sick of all the nonsence.
Where to start? My Boyfriend, Dana, has a gambling addiction. He has been out on a bender the last few days. Friday night he didnt come home until 12:30, that was to grab his laptop and leave with it. (he lost it, one of his 'friends' gave him money for it so he could play the video lottery machiene). Last night he Left in the morning, he did not come home until 1 am again. I was up waiting for him and i didnt yell, i didnt swear, But i told him we needed to talk. I told him i dont like feeling like im riding second to this. When he decides to go out like this everything else in his life is put on hold, that can't happen.
Finising post 2 hours later.
Im pregnant, It seems like he isnt serious about this whole thing. Apparently he is not. He says he will take care of the baby but this is finished. WTF? yeah, okay. I finally got the balls to step up and say that this sort of thing isnt alright. You cant make a child with someone and once you find out she is pregnant make a complete 180. His behavior since he found out i was prego is completely different. I dont know if its in my head, but he is 35 doesnt have any children and desperate to have one. I have the nagging thought that he was doing the song and dance to get one and then just left the dancefloor.
I have been supportive with this addiction, pouring more faith into him than i even knew i had. Now im stuck pregnant, unable to work due to the lack of medication, and waiting to hear from social security. *shakes head* how could i be so stupid.
Dana's mom called, asking what was up. She knows when he doesnt call for a couple of days that something is wrong. Since he usually calls them throught the day to visit. He is usually pretty close with them. I dont know what else to write here. I am so overwhelmed. sorry to pour all of this out on you. But i dont have any real friends as of recent years. I need somewhere to vent.

The oldest Journal entry i have is Sept 03. they must have purged entries from 00 to 03
it is a sad day indeed.

Something to ponder

HIV mmay be a cure for cancer ?!?
http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2005/02/66579

old news but it makes you wonder if they were, or if they are still exploring trying to alter the kv irus for our own good.

Im finding so many people that were at one point an inportant part of my life and have slipped away somehow. Yay for facebook i suppose. add me if you wish. Laurena Maxwell

I will keep this Short. Once again I am reminded why, People of our knowledge dont often contact tech support. My keyboard went out. Of course i tried another no avail. Knowing there was a 99 percent chance it was the mainboard since i could reboot and not enter setup i Chatted with online technical Support for HP/Compaq. Our conversation is as follows... Remind me again why we lost our jobs?


Laurena Larson : Multiple Keyboards not working. Problem has been intermittent over the last 6 mo or so reboot usually fixes. Does not work this time.
[An agent will be with you shortly.]
[You are now chatting with Amit .]
Amit : Thank you for contacting HP Total Care for Desktops. My name is Amit. Please give me a few moments while I review your problem description details.


Amit : I understand and I will be glad to help you.

Laurena Larson : if you need it my serial is cnh62726j2
Laurena Larson : thank you
Amit : May I know your computer's product and serial number?
Laurena Larson : the product number is SR1920NX
Amit : If I understand after rebooting it have solved the problem and again it started am I correct?
Laurena Larson : The keyboard has been functioning, Although it will stop working intermittently, Uaually a reboot will solve the problem however this time it does not work.
Amit : Thank you for the information regarding product and serial number.
Laurena Larson : I have tried a USB keyboard also, Instead of the PS2 no change
Amit : okay
Laurena Larson : The keyboards both work when plugged into pne of my other machienes
Laurena Larson : *one
Amit : Please provide me with the model number?
Laurena Larson : SR1920NX
Laurena Larson : or are you looking for something other than the product number?
Amit : This information will do.
Amit : What kind of keyboard you are using?
Laurena Larson : To add to the description i have also removed the drivers from the device manager in windows, No change. I tried it in safe mode, also no change
Laurena Larson : I have an older compaq keyboard. PS2, i have also tried a different usb keyboard.
Amit : Okay
Laurena Larson : Another thing, When i reboot, the keyboard doesnt work to enter setup, (F1) so im not sure its a windows problem either.
Amit : Please give me some time.
Laurena Larson : no problem
Amit : Your computers keyboard is wired or wireless.
Laurena Larson : Wired
Amit : Please check the check the pins at the end of the keyboard wire.
Laurena Larson : they are all straight and none are missing
Amit : Okay
Amit : Have you tried any other keyboard?
Laurena Larson : I have also tried A USB Keyboard in case the PS2 port was bad
Laurena Larson : I get the same thing, the keyboard doesnt work
Amit : can you see lights on the keyboard.
Laurena Larson : no
Laurena Larson : but when i plug the same keyboard into another computer it works and lights up
Laurena Larson : Is there some way to test the meyboard portion of the mainboard? Or reset the Bios to make it work??
Amit : Have you tried other keyboard on this computer with which you are facing the issue?
Laurena Larson : Yes. I have been alternating between 2 keyboards. One USB and one PS2 to make sure it was not the keyboard.
Amit : Have you reinstall the again after uninstall it.
Amit : The drivers of keyboard.
Laurena Larson : When you uninstall the driver from device manager, it restarts the system, reinstalls the software and restarts again. It does not solve the problem
Amit : Please go to devide manager.
Laurena Larson : Okay
Amit : device manager
Laurena Larson : device mgr is open.
Amit : please click on the plus sign of the keyboard and tell me what you see.
Laurena Larson : Standard PS/2 Keyboard (101/102-Key)
Amit : Do you see any yellow colour exclamatory mark on that option.
Laurena Larson : No.
Amit : Do you see nothing on that?
Laurena Larson : It does not indicate that there is a problem there. Should i remove the driver again and restart to reinstall it?
Laurena Larson : when i came here before to remove it there was no Exclamation point there at that time either
Amit : Please provide me 2-3 minutes while I check my resources to assist you in better
way?

Laurena Larson : sure
Amit : Are you chatting from the same computer.
Laurena Larson : :) No. I am on my laptop. If i did open a chat window from the same computer i would not be able to type back and forth with you
Amit : Please note this Activity ID 237694, for your future referance.
Amit : Okay
Amit : Please uninstall the keyboard driver and restart the system and let me know what you see.
Laurena Larson : ok.
Amit : I will be there?
Amit : Great
Laurena Larson : The computer prompted me for a restart. It is now comming back up.
Laurena Larson : The startup programs are still loading, it will be just another minute
Amit : okay
Amit : Sure take your time.
Laurena Larson : It just installed the drivers for the keyboard. It sais i must restart
Laurena Larson : Normal POST beep, i see the RAM test and now the windows screen.
Laurena Larson : Startup programs are loading
Amit : Okay
Laurena Larson : I opened Notepad, When i try and type i do not get any characters.
Laurena Larson : I cannot type a URL in Internet explorer either
Amit : Okay
Laurena Larson : If it were a driver issue, i would be able to push the F! key to enter Setup for the computer, When I boot that does not work either.
Laurena Larson : Is thee some way for me to test the Mainboard myself? I believe i had tried all of your troubleshooting steps already.
Laurena Larson : excuse me F1 key i meant
Laurena Larson : It does not work outside the windows environment. When I hit F! before windows even loads, Or escape for the boot menu.
Amit : Plase give me a moment please.
Amit : Please
Laurena Larson : Sure
Amit : Thank you for being on line. I appreciate your patience.
Laurena Larson : No problem.
Amit : Laurena Please try to do a power drain.
Laurena Larson : Unplug the power Cord to the computer Completely you mean?
Amit : Yes
Laurena Larson : ok, the black power cord is removed from the rear of the Case. Let me know when you want it plugged in
Amit : Now as it is disconnected please press and hold the power button for twenty seconds. and then release it.
Laurena Larson : ok, plug the power back in now?
Amit : Yes
Amit : And restart the system.
Laurena Larson : I cannot hit F1 to enter the setup. It is continuing to load
Amit : Okay
Amit : Are you there?
Laurena Larson : i am
Laurena Larson : okay. Whats next?
Amit : Please let me know the status.
Laurena Larson : the keyboard is not working
Amit : It still is not working?
Laurena Larson : No
Amit : Okay..
Laurena Larson : How much would it cost for me to order another replacment mainboard direct from you?
Laurena Larson : According to the website "Motherboard (system board) Nagami2L GL8
REQUIRES RETURN OF DEFECTIVE PART" and does not allow me to enter the quanity of 1.
Laurena Larson : If i wanted to order this board it appears i would need to open a RMA tkt
Laurena Larson : If the keyboard does not work to enter the BISO setup it will not work when you re-install the windows drivers.
Amit : The port of the keyboard on the motherboard has gone bad we need to take it for repair and You will be charged for that, because your warranty has expired.
Laurena Larson : that is fine, how much is it for a replacment Mainboard?
Laurena Larson : I tried looking on the HP site before comming to your chat window and it indicated i would have to turn in the mainboard to order annother. How can i do this?
Amit : Well Laurena It will cost you two hundered twenty dollars to two hundred eighty dollars.
Laurena Larson : okay, well thank you for your help. I can build another machiene for the sam amount, or find a replacment Mainboard online from some user who is selling parts from this same computer for less.
Laurena Larson : Have a great night. And brush up on your comprehension and technical skills

Tags: techsupport
Current Location: Rapid City, SD
Current Mood: irritated

6:34 PM - Merry Effing X-mas


So I'm out here in WA. Fucking spontaneous Raina. Weirdo Fucking Rock Chic i suppose.

LOL, Can you tell I have hated Christmas most of my life. The most important thing i have is 1400 miles away. She is opening Presents today. Is she even wondering where her mom is?

FUCK

Julio stopped in for a little while today. That was a nice gesture. Mom is out with her kids at her Boyfriends family's house. Im sitting here, watching the top 100 80's countdown.

I didnt have a Yule Celebration this year. I didnt want to take one of the most powerful solstaces and turn it into a negative energy fest. From a Full moon, to the solstice to a white christmas. Yay.



am i sounding nutso now? I need to get my ass back out to my daughter. I dont even know why comming to seattle was more important in the first place.

Now im more mixed up than ever.



I love you Tanya starr. *hugs*

LOL, i got caled in fr an hour. Computers are down and no one is open at the Oncall place they are replacing me with. fun fun fun.
Stopping at drhills for an ajustment as soon as he is open. I need to figure out how this will work out. Im really not sure what we will be doing.

It should help me pad the paycheck a little.
This whole ordeal blows. The only thing keeping me together at the seams is Tanya. My b-day went well. Isnt it funny how. Alcohol makes you forget the pain. Physical and mentally? Well. At least I had one enjoyable day this week. I wonder what my husband is doing. And if he thought of us on V-day.
I have a massage scheduled for this weekend. it should be nice. I went in every day this week due to pain. i think i can only go in 3x a week. I shouldve spaced them out so i could have some release.