Blorboposting Till The Sky Falls Down

Worked a little more on my Neocities this morning. Added a little more to the one page I'm re-making, got some more fics copied over for a total of six out of the 65 I need. Better than 0.
I'm only taking a pause now because a) I feel like if I stare at HTML for too long consecutively I may just go insane, and b) a folder on my computer in which I keep a variety of graphics for use on said Neocities is horribly disorganised, and I've been overcome with the urge to organise that a little instead. So the site itself can wait.

Also, I spent the vast majority of last month unable to write anything-- or being weirdly unhappy with whatever I managed to write. But I managed something right before the new year, and getting that out seems to have helped. I managed something yesterday, and am making solid progress on something today-- we're back, baby!

So frustrating having to go to a wiki still hosted on fandom.com. It's not that bad ad-wise on desktop (but that's only because I have an adblocker), but on mobile, it feels like half my time spent on there involves ads taking up literally the entire screen. You never realise how grateful you are for the wikis that have moved offsite until you encounter one that hasn't...

(edit: yeah, you know what? maybe I should've looked into a mobile ad-blocker a little sooner... that's a massive help here)

I think next month, I'm going to try to do Weird Web October. A month late, yes, but I didn't even bother trying to fit it in this month: between trying to pull together good words for Kinktober/Whumptober & normal personal/life stuff, even looking at another challenge's prompts just seemed ridiculous. But better late than never, I don't have any other creative commitments next month.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a little disappointed in myself for not managing to do much fic this month, though. I kept stopping, and starting, and stopping and starting and then sometimes if I managed to finish something, I'd not be in a good mental state to post it... frustrating, but I'm hoping that this might be the kind of break from writing I need. I really like working on my site.

I don't understand what makes some Borderlands 4 side missions replayable, while others not. This has been irking me in particular with The Next Quest Thing. Great mission, would love to replay it, can replay the one that came before it... but not it. Maybe there's something I'm missing about it that's glaringly obvious why I can't replay it? Or maybe it's some stupid nonsensical internal rule.
I've been playing some of the game in Japanese. Mostly side missions, because this is more to learn vocab, and I don't want to accidentally miss major plot details or anything because I don't have the skillset to fully understand. And I really wanted to do that one, because I'm a Rafa main and he was great in that mission and I love how he reacted to it, and Rafa's Japanese voice actor is so good with a similar exaggerated/dramatic kind of tone and I really wanted to hear his take on it. But again, can't replay.
I did manage to find an upload of someone playing through the mission, but with Vex as their Vault Hunter, which doesn't really help me much. Can't find any other uploads. Hypothetically, someone's played it in a livestream or a VOD or a longplay or something, but combing through videos in hopes of finding that one specific mission that they may not have even done is not my idea of a fun afternoon. I guess this means I'll have to do a full replay at some point.
(there's a post that says some missions aren't replayable because of 'super minor 1 off gags' ('and the like')... I don't get it. Is this a 'something about the mission makes it impossible to play again without screwing up the story/world/loot balance/etc' type thing? or is it just 'we didn't think it would be funny enough that anyone would WANT to replay it'? I see no good reason for the latter.)

And so, it once again turns out that doing things to make myself feel better does actually make me feel better. Damn.
I stopped while playing Rimworld to go get up, make a nice hot drink, and actually get something to eat (for I don't always have lunch), and hey, what would you know? It helped a little. Bested once again by self-care.
It's a minor, stupid thing, I know (oh wow look at me I Made A Meal), but it's something. And I can't always manage a 'something' for things like this.

In going to write for Kinktober/Whumptober this year, I've found a certain level of frustration. Every single thing I write feels wrong, every situation not good enough, every single sentence a weird display of lacking skill. Not a fun feeling. But then I go to draw something, and that comes out fine... 
I'll feel guilty if I don't end up posting anything for either -tober event, I know, but I'll feel bad if I post something that just sucks. I fluctuate between feeling like I can write anything at all or write nothing at all, and I'd really rather I get back to the 'anything' stage real soon. I think I've sunk down into being too aware of how other people perceive me lately. That's never good. I think I do my best work when I say "fuck it" to everything and everyone and just make whatever makes me happy.
As much as I want to say I'll "try" to write something for either event (in fact, I already have elsewhere), if I say I "try" and then don't, then I just feel like I've failed. If I say I will do something and don't, I feel like I've failed. I need to write something good, but stressing about writing something good won't help me write anything good at all.
Or something.

The new Mafia game is good. Cesare really stuck out to me in the trailers, and I really like his character. He's exactly as much of a jerk as I expected him to be... and it turns out I just like characters who are dicks, I guess.
Though, I have seen about three posts now of people complaining about the ending (posts which I avoid looking at too hard in case of spoilers), so I guess I'll just have to wait and see if I think the game holds up in that department.

Another thing I'd love to see written more, or write myself again sometime, is more Largo/Guybrush. I have such a weird soft spot for it, and I'm not sure why, since I'm not much of a Guybrush-writer. I need those two in a smutty and mentally unhealthy scenario.

One thing I've been thinking about, though, is how often I think of ideas that I quickly either forget or abandon. This, as well as my last ramble-y similar post, are one of the rare times I write ideas down. Usually they just bounce around in my head until I either a) manage to put one sentence down or b) be all "oh this is such a good idea I'll never forget-- aaand I've forgotten". I need to, every time I think of a prompt, just make a note of it somewhere so that there's no chance of me forgetting. Even if I don't think it's a good idea, or I'm the right guy, or whatever. And I can tell myself I'll get around to writing them eventually, but unfortunately, coming up with ideas takes a lot less time than fulfilling them (and I struggle to finish fics sometimes as it is).
AO3's prompt memes are cool for that sort of thing. Just a large idea dumping ground. As cool as I think it'd be to have a fandom-specific prompt meme collection, I know it'd not get used simply because there's not many of us writing for the fandom anyway (assuming other people did even have an interest in it... but whatever)