6 years ago... a full cycle

6 years ago today was the hardest day of my life. We said goodbye to this little boy for this life knowing it would be a very very long time until we see him again. And I know that time is relative to this life but since that is all we know forever seemed like just that forever away

they say time has a way of healing all wounds and 6 years later I can see how parts of that statement are true but how also how some things don't heal... like the longing to hold him again, the wishing for one more day to hold him and give him enough kisses to last a lifetime, and just the opportunity for our whole family to be together. This year marks the full cycle of life for our sweet Blaze. He was born on Thursday and passed away on Thursday... Thursdays were so so SO hard for me for a long time... and even now Thursday mornings are my hardest of the week. We have made it a full cycle in the weeks which has flown by from a time I didn't know if I could make to the next Thursday to now when we have gone years in the cycle. Some of the feelings of my heart today are that I always know that one of us is missing and as life has gotten incredibly busier with 3 other little blessings that call us Mom and Dad, my heart is so full of gratitude to have had 3 healthy babies and the opportunity to teach them that their big brother is in heaven. The part of my heart that aches the most is with the busyness I feel like Blaze has gotten lost in the shuffle... I used to never miss a holiday decorating his grave, never miss a prayer asking Heavenly Father to tell him how much we love him and miss him, and never miss a day without thinking of him. But in all the craziness I feel like I have let some of those things go... We were in Disneyland for his birthday this year so we did a little birthday in our hearts thinking we would do it when we came home and now here we are on the day of his passing and still no balloons... I hope somewhere in my heart that he knows I mean the best (but feel like the worst) I feel like 3 is more than I can handle some days and now he is on the back burner even more ugh! So today one that will always be a hard on to swallow no matter how many years pass I want to express my love and gratitude for the opportunity I have to be his mommy (no matter how lame I am) I know he chose me to be his mom. I want to let Blaze know that I love him! I wish I could feel him near as much as I used to, I hope that he knows he is not forgotten. I hope that I can be the mommy he needs me to be and I pray he will help me with his little brothers from the other side... heaven knows we all need it... I find comfort that I do have him rooting for me from the other side. I am grateful for these little spirits that have been so close to him to be able to come to our family and bring heaven into our home. I wish I could better express my feelings into words. This is a hard anniversary to have each year, but each year is one closer to the day we get to be together again. So until then we love you little man!! We miss you more than words can say and Love you to the moon and back! You are in our thoughts and we hope you feel our hearts... until our family can all be together again we love you!

What I wouldn't give to hold you one more day... Love Mommy & Daddy

Our Trip to Disney!

Our trip started by taking this little man to Grandma Kings... my mommy heart was a little tender on Friday to say the least...

I couldn't stop taking pictures of him... I bawled when we dropped him off but am so glad that she took him... we sure missed him!

We got to talk to this Handsome Man on Saturday morning from Italy! It was SO GREAT to hear his voice and see his face oh how we LOVE HIM! he is rockin the mission and was so so sweet when Kinzy came in it was so awesome! Love him!!I cried and cried when we said goodbye... my mommy heart between him and dropping off Heber was very tender. What a huge blessing it is to have Skype as a missionary! Loved every minute of hearing him speak. He prayed for us in Italian before we left... oh how we LOVE HIM! Then we hit the road for Vegas.

We had to stop a few times (5 to be exact) for Brydger to go the bathroom... this is his 'I am ticked pull over to go the bathroom' fit face... we only had 350 miles to go... it was a long drive ha ha.. we found it humerus he did not!

Road trip with this handsome man heck yeah! We stayed the first night in Vegas and then drove to Cali Sunday and played all day. Monday we went to Disneyland (Ray has all the pics on his phone of the beach and first day Disney so I will post them soon... this was DAY #2 we went to California Adventure...it was SO FUN!

Brydger and I stood in line to see Lighting McQueen Brydger was in heaven! We lucked out and got there just as lightning was leaving and Mater was coming so we got both.

He was a little scared of Mater because he talks so we got a picture together the cars we're AMAZING!

Big Red they really out did themselves making cars land it was ADORABLE!

Big Red they really out did themselves making cars land it was ADORABLE!

We got a parent pass for Lightning Racers since Brydger and Skyden couldn't ride so we 3 girls went when the boys were done. it was SO FUN!! I am so blessed to have Ashleigh as a sister and McKenna as my niece we had the best time! Love these girls! We had such a great time! More pics to come!

Finally back... Our View of Today

It has been WAY to long since I have posted. I have had the impression many times that I need to keep this updated but I am a TERRIBLE procastinator (always trying to change that) letting other things get in the way... well NO MORE. We are back! Our family title has changed to 'Our View of Today' I want to keep up with what my kids are doing day to day and what life is like for us... the best way to do that with pictures is here (for now) So I will start with the newest and work my way forward and back until I am all caught up :)

My view of this morning.. two of my little guys hanging out in my bed... mornings with them are my favorite! 4/22

Yesterday we went to Ogden for a quick trip to Costco and this is how Gman fell asleep Ring Pop in lights out ha ha 4/21

Cousin Sleep Over... Ash and Mike are in San Fran so we had their kids for the night.. this sleepover didn't last long but it was sure cute while it lasted. 4/20 more to come :)

Bahamas Bound

We decided 5 years ago that every 5 years we would go on a cruise or a big vacation.. 5 years flew! We booked out trip in March and time flew by till we were on a plane and Bahamas bound :) we had the best time! So here is a recap of our whirlwind of a week We ran a race in American Fork with Rays family for his Grandma as a cancer survior and for my darling Aunt Tammy also a cancer survivor. It was the best race ever! Great swag bags, great company, and we got to run with our babies all while chatting it was a very fun run! photo dump

Then we played all day at Tyrel and Elenas house and watched out babies drive away with Grandma King (ohhh that was heart wrenching.. first time I had ever left the boys not only for one night but for 7... ahhhh I am so grateful for my MIL she was AMAZING and our boys had the best time! Why was I even worried? I have no IDEA Silly Me ohhhh its because I am a momma thats why) We played in Miami for a day which also happened to be my BIRTHDAY I am now officially in my 30s... HELLO 31. That will be my next post :) My sweet Hubby got a rockin sweet at the Hilton top floor we could see the whole city it was awesome! And he took me shopping ALL DAY for new clothes (deperatly needed) he let me buy whatever I wanted it was SO FUN!! I think I might ask for that every year. We ate dinner in South Beach at an irish pub it was SO YUMMY, we played on the beach in the dark, swam in the pool and slept better than I have in 2 1/2 years it was a GREAT BDAY and great way to kick off the trip. Monday we boarded the boat

and said goodbye to Miami for a few days! HERE WE COME BAHAMAS

Tuesday we woke up in Freeport Bahamas. We did a little shopping and then took our chances on a banana boat tour. It proved to be SO MUCH FUN they took us through million dollar island where all the richies live and vacation, to see dolphins, we got to jump off a ship that was used in Pirates of the Caribbean, and we had BEST TIME EVER! Our tour guide Anthony was so fun! Seriously worth doing tours on our own not through the cruise. The only thing we didn't like was the coconut water they offer for $5 on the beach IT WAS SO GROSS! oh and that Ray left his NEW sun glasses on the boat bummer.

Wednesday We woke up in Nassuu Bahamas (the richest Bahama Island thanks to Atlantis) We played on the Beach HOLY BEAUTIFUL WATER and SAND! We shopped and learned all bout how rich Atlantis owners are ahhh! They have a 10 bedroom sweet that is $25,000 a night and has to be booked a miniumum of 4 nights WHAT?? So 100,000 minimum don't worry if you want to rent it you have time to save... it is booked for the next 5 years SOLID! Almost fell off the boat when I heard that holy richness! Next time we will go into Atlantis water park... when we strike it rich that is.

Thursday We went to a private island owned exclusively by Norweigan Cruise lines... I expected it to be a bust to be honest but it was the perfect end to the trip! We kayaked along the shores with a tour guide and saw lots of iguanas, star fish and other creatures. We played in the water and SOAKED UP THE SUN. It was so relaxing and SO GREAT... I loved it!!!

We were sad for it to end but so excited to come home to our babies! We had a great time and it was a much needed get away. Geared me back up to tackle lots of need to do projects, and most of all to be a better mommy. Vacations are needed in this house and we feel blessed that we can take them. Life is good!! We are blessed! More to come soon