Things You'd Love to Say at Work, But Can't!
- I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for thirty years.
- Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- I'm already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
- I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a damn.
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose.
- Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
- Do they ever shut up on your planet?
- Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
- Back off! You're standing in my aura.
- Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
- I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
- Wait. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
- Earth is full. Go home.
- Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
- I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
- Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
- I'm NOT stressed out. You're just extremely annoying!.
- Have a nice day. Somewhere else.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be?..
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn't an office, It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Errors have been made; others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- CHAOS, PANIC, AND DISORDER -- my work here is done.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
