| Missed class today. |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|12:01 pm]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Tryin' To Throw Your Arms Around The World - U2 | ] |
I haven't put forth any self-disclipine or ordinary structure or routine since I started school. And now, I have just demolished any hope for perfect attendance by oversleeping. I really am hating myself right now. |
|
|
| 8'| |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|12:46 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Handshake Drugs - Wilco | ] |
F.T.W.
That is zall. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|12:07 am]
JPod
|
cdex didnt work. So not I found this in the Google Groups. Hope it felts you.
I HAVE THE SOLUTION.
The only way I was able to import the entire Foo Fighters album "In
Your Honor" into ITUNES was through safe mode. Reboot your computer
with one of the disc's in the drive and boot into safe mode (press F8
upon startup). I now have the whole album free and clear in Itunes. I
was pretty pissed at Sony for jobbing me by not being able to import
into Itunes. Well, I beat their stupid scheme. And I plan on
returning this album because I wasted 2 god damn hours figuring out how
to rip it. That's MY TIME spent trying to manipulate an album I
PURCHASED. For Foo Fighters to approve this method of copy-protection
is a disappointment. I have no respect for them or Sony. By the way,
the album is average at best also.
AT |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|12:24 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Country Yard - Daaah Vines | ] |
tuitioncreditcrarrign.. itds going to tatake a while |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|12:12 am]
JPod
|
I lfet my hooome...I left my hooooome...yeaaah yeahhh...where I should go....where I should goo....yeah yeaaaah...
Nothing, ntothing , nothing...gnothignds.adf
when on my own mown
when on m=- without my phone, whihdfdm y phoone
yeah yeaadhfdf
out theeeeere |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|12:10 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Homesick (on repeat) - The Vines | ] |
Nothing's gonna save you/ nothing's gonna save you/ nothing's gonna save you out theeere
Blue and green with eyes between are acting all the saaaaame
you and me are never free till we're cast awaaaaay
But it really doesn't matter
Couldn't change it if I triiiiiied
Yeaaah Yeaaaah
Nothing's gonna save you oout theeere...
(No speeling) I'm starting to question my own infirmaties. Particularily that of career direction. I gave up my natural curiosity for the arts so that I could reinforce the arts with the muscle of science as a means of creating a more powerful expression of art, the strongest expression found in a dynamic realm, the dynamic realm meaning interactive media such as video games, and the interweb. What have I? Nothing. Nada. In fact, my studies are sidetracking me away from that realm or escapism into a backup plan due to financial contstraints. How reactive of me. I hardly care for physical therapy outside the nickel and dime of helping others. Beyond that, the only incentive is the crossover science studies which can be bridged over to interactive media. I'm a repressed, depressed, and confessed of this mess I fresh-en in cycle. Rinse, wash, dry, soil, r3p3t3. I don't ahve the discpline it seems. Furthermore, without the sciences, making a buck strictly as an artist si nothing more than a jester's joke, all too common, all too meek, all too taken. Took took. Wookie. I'm going to learn some things. Punctuation, thougth striation, silly masterbations. I"m a can, man. HahQ A can man! Letting go is so mcuh mor eforunner than it has ever been known to be for e I new it . Yeaaah yeahh. Coulen'dt chan gtiu unti lI tried. I treally downsnt' matter. I'll be here tilll I get it riiight! I fi could suck the w wind of adrenlaticne now ti would To get hight. Un learn tsomd thieng s silly reapeat. If doudfadmfdklfjaskdfme;lfkjdslkfmd;kfm;djf;skdjfskjf;kdj there. l ndoend Post to sssgugbmit. fsdigedget |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|11:51 pm]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  exhausted | ] |
....zzz....wanttooostudddy.jlkf |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2006|09:43 pm]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Learn to Fly - Foo Fighters | ] |
Let the insanity, the long hours, the dogged determination, the litany of memorization begin. College starts on Monday. |
|
|
| You've got her in your pocket... |
[Jan. 7th, 2006|01:06 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | I Wanna Be the Boy - The White Stripes | ] |
Tonight I was reading a message among many messages from Jack White of The White Stripes ala their official site. His posts are off the cuff. So as inspired, mine will be as well.
After watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (thanks to  locke_cole), I was reminded by Frodo Baggins that it is normal that some wounds are still felt long after the damage inflicted. A physical testament to this would be the infrequently irritated muscle tissue between the spine and top portion of my right shoulder blade (sustained in a hit-and-run accident about a decade ago). On occasion, when stressed using that peculiar area for forceful movements, I sense the muscle stretch abruptly, signal a shooting pain, then tingle and subside.
The same can be said of emotional endurements. I've gone to and through many a woman before I met Melissa: Danielle, Elisah, Emily (again), Jamie, Naomi, Megan, and other fruitless short dramas. From each I hold memorable strands of an unfulfilled sadness for the lack of their influence in my present life. I miss them. But I sorrowly realize that time and events ever changing cannot gather that fellowship back into my circle again.
Now that I am with Melissa, the switch from a love fool to a fool that is loved is most awkward. Appreciatively, I understand the contrast between infatuation and love more intimately, sharply now.
My mind and heart still wanders afar from my physical surroundings and present responsibilities. The contention inside - the wrestling of who I am and who I struggle to become - is ongoing despite magnets of financial hardships and time constrictions polarizing me in the opposite direction of the technology arts and other lofty aims.
I can't help but imagine of other paths - where they may lead and end, and at what end?
On the go, to and from doing my cares, I overhear the sounds bites of an almost daily conversation of a marriage tearing apart from infidelity. What can possesses a man to cheat on such an attractive, laid-back, polite young woman as she??? It utterly perplexes me. But then again, the same could be said by someone else about me if I were to do the same behind Melissa's back and thereafter fall away from the relationship.
The allurement of the horizon, the unknown, is as a Siren calling me away. I half-thankfully remain stranded upon these safe shores. I do not trust myself for my heart has lead me astray before. |
|
|
| Dusting up and moving on... |
[Dec. 18th, 2005|04:24 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | sad | ] |
In one month, I will be attending college again. Except it will be for a career that soberly feeds the mouth, utilizes my natural inclination of helping others, and lessens the the debt more so than invigorating the heart and mind with imagination and wonder. Sure, I will openly look upon the subjects in a wondrous light, even reasoning that it extends over to what I want to accomplish creatively in game development (which it may). Yet, I know this time around my brain will be digesting a simpler, blander diet of information with no core courses related to the computer industry at all.
I enjoy cleaning up my room, ridding myself of decorative Matchbox cars (all but a sheriff truck that just rolls so smoothly even across rough carpet terrain), organizing my bookshelf, etc. It's all junk that I can't take with me beyond this life. Anyone want a Donovan McNabb bobble head desk statue? Besides I enjoy streamlining and downsizing my life appropriate to the proportion, need, and want of my goals and values.
Again, anyone want a bobble head Donovan McNabb desk statue?
There is so much I want to say, so much I want to achieve, so much I want to do with my life that it is a shame that I have tethered any of my progress with the weighty expectations of the previous. Life is everchanging, dynamic. So why must I remain centered upon - even with my back turned away from - my former performances, as if I will not succeed again.
I've almost found my tears again. They've been stashed away with my past. |
|
|
| ... |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|12:50 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Given to Fly - Pearl Jam | ] |
Good-bye, David. |
|
|
| Questions and more questions... |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|11:09 pm]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | introspective | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | River of Dreams - Billy Joel | ] |
Citizen Kane stands as one of my favorite movies. It is a movie that deserves several viewings, much like of the deceased character himself. Please see it yourself.
In lieu of the movie, I reflect: How many of us vainly claw back to those innocent years of childhood as we are dragged to our graves in age?
What will I do tonight that will bring me satisfaction in what I loved and still love from those childhood years? Am I a man of conviction and set values or one of a soft spine?
My life feels as wet sand crumbling, escaping through these fingers.
// Lehigh Carbon Community College
Today I was handed my class schedule starting on January 16th. I am considered to be a full-time student with taking the 12 credits. My classes will be from Monday - Thursday, ranging from as early as 9:35 AM to as late as 3:55 PM. I start taking the core Physical Therapy courses in autumn 2006.
From there, I will be working from 3 PM (or 4:30 PM) - 11 PM if I let my work schedule alone, as-is. I have yet to decide whether to take on the full 40-hour work week or request my employer to reduce it (with the option of filling in more time if available). The lessons of challenging my body and brain to the utmost of sleeplessness whilst at Full Sail remain fresh in mind. This choice will be a circus clown juggle emotionally, physically, socially, and financially. What would you suggest if you are reading this?
// My sister's first
David, I am sorry. In retrospect you weren't that reckless of a guy. I was just being protective of my sister. I am sorry you are dying. I feel rueful for my previous impatience towards you. Life isn't fair. How can I be given more time and you not. I feel sorry for my niece, your daughter. I am apologetic. (-_-)
Strange how I disliked two of Brena's boyfriends; one is dying and the other dead. What's wrong with me that I should fear life so as to bind myself to the often treaded paths?
I almost want to cry but I can't. |
|
|
| Fever ever forever not. |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|03:26 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  sick | ] |
I called off work yesterday contested by a fever, chills, fatigue, a throbbing headache, and aches throughout my mortal chassis. My employer telephoned me back to offer 3rd shift to no avail. I desired to work but the flesh and bones decried agony.
About midnight, my temperature was a sizzling 99.9º F. That was after one shower.
One lukewarm and one cool bath with Epsom salt later my temperature dropped down to a comfy 97.5º F. Above all, the last bath did me right. I cannot explain to you how much something so simple as adding Epsom salt makes a positive difference to an infected body with so many hurts.
2 Ibuprofen and 2 Tylenol later my throbbing headache still exists, however subsided in its intensity.
Overall, my body feels worn out from this biological struggle.
Pain, pain depart! |
|
|
| This just in... |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|03:12 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  thankful | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | No, Woman, No Cry - Bob Marley | ] |
I love my adorable girlfriend, Melissa.
That is all. |
|
|
| Chubby Checkers |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|01:14 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | thankful (with tears) | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Life By the Drop - Stevie Ray Vaughn & Double Trouble | ] |
Joseph Koons, how I miss you, bro. I'll never forget the wonderful childhood I had with you from 2nd to 7th grade. I only wish we could have finished high school together. I remember your stubborn grandfather, the Gameboy, the Sega Genesis, your mother, and the many bike ride outings we had together. You were my first best friend. I had seen you many years later when going to Memory Lane in the Schuylkill Mall. You were quieter, though still yourself beyond the silence. May God bless your path immensely as you go through life.
I don't know if I'll ever go back to Hegins to visit you, for it contains a time capsule of memories too much to bear through these older spectacles.
With Brotherly Love,
Jeremy |
|
|
| Bullets, bullets, bullets, dot. dot. dot. |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|02:49 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  accomplished | ] |
Thanks to writing out Melissa's workout program, I am astoundingly reminded of what you can do within the small confides of a room with some dumbbells. Today, I didn't have time for the drive to the fitness center due to last night's communication refinement between Melissa and myself; so I pumped iron here. ( Read more...Collapse ) |
|
|
| Red Fish, Blue Fish, Yellow, Yellow Woo Fish |
[Sep. 21st, 2005|04:24 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Blackhole Sun - Soundgarden | ] |
Apparently, yesterday's double shift along with today's 5-hour shift (returned as a choice to me by my supervisor as thanks for the overtime) has presented a temporary dilemma of insomnia. The body is weary, mind fatigued, yet the vortex of sprouting ideas, channel-surfing imagination, quandry concerns, theistic questions, challenging pursuits, and lesson-filled memories all swirl as debris through the wind of debilitated examination in my mind. Then there is: a rebate form to send; a re-fax to correct a lack-of-signature error; inputting data into Money 2006; The Melissa Matters Show (hehehehe); scheduling to see dad on Raiders-vs.-Eagles Sunday; finishing the last two chapters of The Millionaire Next Door; finishing Grim Fandango; schedule an all-day observation of another local physical therapy facility.
No, not even the Biblical, philosophical, logical probing of Dr. Ravi Zacharias, my favorite Christian apologist, can focus my pluralistic mind into a singularity (thereby easing the consciousness into unconscious ). Several sermons later, I am blogging right where you are reading.
( Read more...Collapse ) |
|
|
| Saving a piece of my heart... |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|02:39 am]
JPod
|
Cameron Crowe believes Vedder will learn from the suicide of Cobain.
"I don't think it is going to send him off the deep end," Crowe
said. "I know he had a lot of those feelings, those impulses himself,
and I'm just thinking he was able to almost see what would have happened
had he taken that jump... and it's not pretty. I think it is going to
help strengthen him. I think he'll deal with it properly."
Vedder began dealing publicly with Cobain's death on "Saturday Night Live." Asked why he omitted the "burn out" line, he said, "I guess I
could have turned it around and asked, 'Is it better to burn out?' but it
wasn't something I had planned out. I was just following my emotions at
the time. The other lines just meant more to me."
Vedder expects to spend much of his time in coming weeks in his
Seattle basement, making music. That's the way he has always been best
able to deal with his problems.
"I think that process has already begun," he says finally, a note
of resolve in his voice. "Seeing what can happen [to Cobain] makes me
realize I've got to work on it... to avoid getting swallowed up too."
|
|
|
| Small, my table, fits just two... |
[Sep. 8th, 2005|01:30 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Not For You - Pearl Jam | ] |
THIS IS NOT FOR YOU!
All that's sacred comes from youth
Dedications not even true...
FUUCK YOOOOOU! |
|
|
| As I row, row, row...just down below me, is the old sea... |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|02:46 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Rowing Song - Patty Griffin | ] |
I feel like only leaving the monitor on and dancing slowly with my shadow.
Oooh God, how I love her music! Her inflections are so sincere and open.
I am crying and totally in touch with my child and my fleeting mortality. Sweet bliss. |
|
|
| Walking the Abbey Road... |
[Sep. 3rd, 2005|03:25 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Useless Desires (on loop)- Patty Griffin | ] |
Today, at least, I live with passion, curiosity, and forgiveness as a Triforce in my life.
The new direction of physical therapy has reinvigorated me. I do not say good-bye to technology as a means of creative expression insomuch as it does not provide for my financial needs. I am no longer tethered to my past goals, nor am I defeated. For as long as I have breath, I can realize my goals at a time of recreational discretion and be satisfied.
This is a very healing song. I'll forever love it. |
|
|
| ~And this iiis the end...of the WOOOORLD!~ |
[Aug. 28th, 2005|11:56 pm]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Apocalypse Please (on loop) - Muse | ] |
With the grim overcast of both the fright mongering media and perhaps the most gigantic hurricane in U.S. history, I propose that this is a perfect song to listen to for the backdrop of impending devastation upon human and animal life, as well as property. No matter where you are in the United States, all tax paying citizens will be relinquishing a small slice of our dollars for this natural disaster, one mean or another. |
|
|
| Walking away, no good-byes... |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|12:16 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley | ] |
Smiling about a co-worker's jest while looking over my shoulder, I momentarily take a mental snapshot upon a sad, longing, puppy-eye expression from a employee as her last day working with us (at least until December) comes to a finalization. The eyes are inexplicably directed at me as I step into the alternate exit elevator.
Was it my non-good-bye? Does she have a secret infatuation with me? (Petty vanity.) Or was it merely that she hoped to talk as a means of closure for the night? I'll never know. I'll never ask. She'll never tell.
I often pause and consider such samples in time as this, curiously questioning the significance and possibilities. After tossing thoughts for a few minutes, I instantly nullify and numb any inspiration to such a fanciful, frosting relationship devoid of substance beyond the decorative setting.
As per my current relationship with Meary, my feelings towards her are at ease, with my feet on the ground. As long as we are open to each other and continually work out our differences I can't justify a break-up.
I'd be a fool not to say that I wish I had more of a history dating the women I sought so much before getting suddenly serious with Melissa, but I shallowly sigh and tamely resign at my lack of further freelancing ambition. "It's a cold and broken hallelujah..." No, it's a peaceful surrender. |
|
|
| In remembrance of Danielle... |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|03:22 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5 | ] |
I, with gushing internal bleeding, loathe how my heart writhingly pangs every time I hear Maroon 5's sweet 'n' sour album, Songs About Jane. The album just fills my nerves with such swelling, passionate emotion that I suddenly have an irrational desire to forgo sleep, unseat my electric guitar, and start writing, though I hardly know how to play.
I won't hear, read, or even speak of the 3v1l songs without having a direct connection in my synapses to the association of Danielle. The album's hits seemed to be all that was playing in the backdrop while I visited her once in Williamsport over a year ago. Since then our most recent and final communication was in December as my hazy memory estimates. It is bittersweet how, at this point, we had our best-connecting, most laughable conversation before I decided to let her go. Tearful, really.
I kiss your memorial stone and place a flower. You were very dear to me. I loved you. What slays the most is, you'll never know this.
Your memory still hints...though no longer haunts me, o' Danielle. |
|
|
| From Samantha |
[Aug. 2nd, 2005|05:42 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | tired | ] |
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.
( Read more...Collapse ) |
|
|
| Lala popo ^-v-^ |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|03:47 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  bouncy | ] |
The recent replies to my Friends list on LJ, though fun and worthwhile has been in part a device for draining the remainder of my waking kinetic energy near zero. I blame it on Melissa's black forest cherry cake, oh so rich and good! Yums!
I am looking forward, if ever so slightly to today's adventure at Crystal Cave with Melissa and Melissa's mother, Sharon.
I shall read, as my next weapon of mass destruction against insomnia.
Shhuu-gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar! |
|
|
| Molten Bubbles |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|01:48 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | now playing |
| | All Apologies - Nirvana: MTV Unplugged in New York | ] |
Grrr...
There are times I hardly understand my innate, occasional Frankensteinian propensity. When stressed and further annoyed, grunting the admonition, I then grab the gabber by the tongue for the sake of r-e-l-i-e-f. It is as if my forbearance has languish momentarily, if only to be restructured more durably for the next shouldering of moment-by-moment intolerance.
I am quite gracious to most individuals of whom I am familiar. Yet if perturbed, I allow my reservoir of fortitude to absorb the acid of despair until it deteriorates down to my self-control, hoping that the disturbance will subside at some point (which it usually does).
Maybe I'll strum on the guitar for a bit as I lay in bed to cool off. |
|
|
| And now a recipe... |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|12:24 am]
JPod
|
|
Pineapple Cake
Ingredients:
- 2 cups flour
- 2 eggs
- 2 cups sugar
- 2 tablespoons baking soda
- 1 can crushed pineapple (do not drain)
Directions:
Mix everything together. Bake at 325 degrees for 40-45 minutes.
Icing
8 oz cream cheese, 1/2 cup butter.
Mix until creamy, then add 1 2/3 cup powered sugar and tsp vanilla. Beat well.
// Why?
For posterity, as my lil'est sister won a church contest, and I had this cake as her prize. I ate it all.
Enjoy! It's moist. |
|
|
| Self-psychology: Roles and goals, saying and doing. A call for accountability. |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|02:41 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  determined | ] |
"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance."
- Nathaniel Branden
I hate that I am journaling this for its time consumption, but I need to set a marker, a reminder upon which I will not return to my former ways. So this is a must.
Tonight, I happened upon a movie snippet of what I later discovered to be Sabrina. Harrison Ford's character, a businessman, was ripping into his brother, played by Greg Kinnear. In the scene, Ford chided and reprimanded Kinnear's character for living a life of self-indulgence, refusing to complete anything he has ever started, from his education in business and foreign languages, to his present, contemplating marrying his apparent fiance.
Remorsefully, I identified with Kinnear's character.
How much have I finished lately? How much have I finished in my entire life, thus far? There is a serious wide-gap discrepancy between my goals and my actions.
With my latest journal entries and muses, the movie scene heighten my awareness towards this ill habit. Here I am saying on one hand to myself, "Let's finish this book you've been wanting to read all along, so you can be one step closer to reading another you enjoy." and on the other my actions are counteractive, with me aimlessly flipping through the television channels as if hypnotized, oars resting inside the ship instead of outside where I ought to be rowing.
Inside there is a Child sprinting rampant, let loose to be whimsical, care-free, only called out by the Adult side to come back at its side. So the Child returns, subsides and stays quiet for a time. Then the Child dashes away again to frolic upon noticing the Adult growing weary of the responsibilities. And thus, I have summed up my cycle of self-sabatoging productivity. This is why it has taken me long periods of time to finish my goals.
One side must be the master. I choose the Adult side, for that is where my potential growth lies. The Child can be fed its fun anytime through the Adult then freed as a break and reward for hard work completed.
With the realization that I've been an unfocused explorer, I submit two small snowball statements now.
One game: Grim Fandango
One book: The Millionaire Next Door
There are some other "One"s of which I shall commit to when the time is right and momentum for this newer habit in effect. My thought process is ongoingly refining the directions upon which I seek as to have clear purposes and paths. |
|
|
| V, V, V, no more. |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|12:24 am]
JPod
|
| [ | temperment |
| |  devious | ] |
Viewtiful! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
