That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

-The Zahir

sabi sa wikipedia, eto daw defintion ng burnout —

Burnout is a psychological term for the experience of long-term exhaustion and diminished interest.

(ako na nag-italicize for emphasis. hehehe)

ganito nga ang nangyari. pero pinalampas ko muna, kasi baka naman meron nga itong patutunguhan.

pero kahapon, nangyari na naman. na-burnout ako nang tuluyan. hindi ako naka-focus simula kahapon.

tama na, sobra na, ayoko na.

fulfillment na ang hinahanap ko ngayon. siguro na-fulfill na yung gusto ko dati, na maglaro lang. (hay ang petiks ko talaga)

tama ang sinabi nilang lahat, overqualified ako dito. kayang kayang gawin ito ng high school dropout.

hindi naman sa pagmamayabang, pero alam ko na may magagawa pa akong mas makabuluhan kesa sa ginagawa ko ngayon. yung at the end of the day, masasabi mo na may sense yung ginagawa mo.

salamat sa dalawang taon, kahit papano kumita din ako for just playing around. pero tama na. it’s time to get serious and do something that’s worth my time and effort. 🙂

whenever you hear about something bad happen to other people, you try to sympathize and help out in any way you can, until they feel much better, because that’s what friends do. but deep inside, you silently thank your lucky stars that it didn’t happen to you.

but what if it DOES happen to you?

it feels so surreal. you never expected it to happen to you, because it always happens to someone else. the shock is so overwhelming that it clouds your mind and shuts off your work mojo for the rest of the day. you can’t even think straight, you can’t focus on your work, all you can think about is pack up and go home… but of course you can’t because you still have an hour and 30 minutes before the day officially ends.

you rant about it to people you actually trust, because you know that even if they can’t help you out, they will never ever judge you. you can’t broadcast it on twitter or facebook because you will read all sorts of good and bad comments. your boss might even read that post you made, which could get you into more trouble.

it’s comforting to know that shit does indeed happen. most people have probably had worse. so… i guess i’m still lucky.

it’s no use crying over spilled milk. what’s done is done, there’s no point in trying to turn back time. you can’t say you regret what happened, because you always have a choice, and you chose to let this happen even though you know what the consequences will be.

what’s more important is learning from it and hoping that you will not make the same mistake again. this takes real courage and strength of character because you can always take the easiest way out. and most of the time it’s always the easy way out that’s going to cost you so much more.

knowing what you want will make you happy. stick to that and you will be happy every day… guess that’s the simplest way of putting it. cheers to that.

***

two years, ugh that was an awful waste of time.

one: less races. bawasan ang karera. focus sa marathon. gusto ko bumawi sa milo marathon. siguro kung hindi ako matagal nagpapahinga at naglalakad nun, natapos ko sana under 5 hours. sana lang hindi ulit dadaan sa madaming flyovers. at dahil takbo-related naman, sige susubukan ko na rin makapag sub 2:15 sa half marathon. kahit masuka ako. hahaha!

two: ma-accomplish ang isa sa mga susunod — civil service exam, board exams, application sa grad school. hindi na ako bumabata, kelangan ko na matapos lahat yan bago ako tumanda nang tuluyan. pero siguro civil service muna. depende pa kasi kung kakayanin ko mag grad school given the work situation.

three: mag-ipon. last year lahat ata ng pinag-ipunan ko winaldas ko din sa pangtakbo. anubayun. masyadong naging adik kasi sa takbuhan, hindi na nakaipon. tsk! pero kasi ang hirap magpigil… sige sige, dalawang sapatos na lang na pangtakbo. pramis! actually, mag-ipon para sa kinabukasan, at hindi lang para sa mga materyal na bagay. naku parang ang hirap naman nito!

four: makapunta sa nagsasa cove. madali lang naman puntahan, ang tanong e kung may oras ba.

five: lumipat ng employer. ah eto mukhang sigurado na, kasi tinanggap ko yung offer ng kabila. yehey!!! magagamit ko na din sa wakas ang inaral ko! ngayon kelangan ko na lang tapusin yung mga dapat tapusin dito. nakakasuka na pero konting tiis na lang. (kelangan ko na din pala gumawa ng resignation letter…  mambobola na naman ako…)

six: focus sa career. kasi nga hindi naman ako bumabata, sayang yung inaral ko, at gusto ko naman makaangat kahit papano. kung last year sobrang petiks ko lang sa career ko, ngayon eto naman gusto kong tutukan. matututo ako gumawa ng technical papers! yosh! kahit nung college masuka-suka na ko sa kakasulat ng technical na papel, masaya naman at worth it. mas magiging masaya pa kasi makakasama ko sina nikola at patty sa bagong opis! may hihila sakin pag tinamad ako… hehe sana maka-contribute din ako dun kahit konti.

seven: magbasa ng mas madaming libro. yung mga makabuluhan naman, at hindi lang paulit-ulit na babasahin ang harry potter at twilight. hindi kasi healthy pag kino-compare si edward cullen sa boyfriend ko. hehehe biro lang. dapat yung mga tipong paulo coelho, jodi picoult, etc. or pwede kahit puro paulo coelho na lang para malalim at madamdamin.

sa ngayon, yan pa lang. kung may maisip pa, edi gagawin kung kaya. 🙂

may nagtanong. pano daw lablayp? edi sige gawan natin…

eight: lablayp? STEADY LANG. wala namang rason para magmadali (as i’ve learned a few weeks ago), diba? korek.