I QUIT!

I did it. On Christmas Eve. I am done with Hickory Farms *FOREVER. I am not going back. And I have very good reasons. This year has been too much. Too much drama and emotional abuse. A person can only take so much. Let me TELL you what I have been through.

*Forever meaning - At least for the rest of the year. MAYBE even next year too.

My two-month-a-year job lost it's charm very quickly when my husband lost his job on my second day. But for 10 years I have felt lucky to have avoided the three Hickory Farms traumas. I have been really truly lucky to never have the dreaded three happen. And they are:

1.) Getting Secret Shopped
2.) Catching a criminal
3.) Dealing with the Health Inspector

THE THIEF:

I have already reported that I caught a thief and was forced to contact security. Did you know the (insert appropriate word here) guy kept coming back? But we MADE him buy his Lindor Balls! The nerve! And we were treated with what I'm sure he felt was appropriate contempt for forcing him to legally obtain what he so obviously craved. It was so aggravating to have the dude snapping at me every other day. I felt like throwing the little balls at him like granades. So EVERYDAY I had to sell the twirp his candy and be looked at like scum. BAH! I will attempt to hide my rage now.

The SECRET SHOPPER:

Towards the end of November I was secret shopped. This means that someone from Corperate Hickory Farms comes and makes sure I am wearing an appropriate uniform, that I am following the sells steps and that the store looks nice. Now to be fair, this man was very nice. Even after he told me who he was. And I only missed a couple of things. And only one was totally in my control. I forgot to sample the mints. I admit I'm not fond of sampling in general, but espeically the mints. I don't know why, I've just never liked it. I scored alright. Not great though and was a little embarrassed.


After getting those first two incidents I swore if I got the health inspector on top of it I was quitting that day. But as time went on, HE DIDN'T come! It was a miracle! YAY! Merry Christmas to us! For those who don't have to deal with this guy, let me tell you. He is a lot of bad things. He is a colossal jerk and a sexist pig. He uses his power to belittle women and we HATE when he comes. He spends half of his time lecturing you and then if you fight back he marks you down for a worse offense on something else. So we keep our mouth shut because he has the power to close us down. I have always felt I was lucky to never have to deal with him.

So for a month he didn't come. And we were happy. But inbetween half the crew got very ill, someone went into surgery and some other highly draumatic events happened. And I was glad I was only working until Christmas Eve. I was exhausted. But then:

The HEALTH INSPECTOR

He came on Christmas Eve! The nerve! My last day! Not only did he come, but he came when I was alone in the shop. I looked up, saw him and a whole assortment of swear words floated through my head. We have had this man come for the last few years. My mother has done this long enough to get several other health inspectors. So she has something to compare him with.

He went through the store and proved true to form. Unable to find any real problems, he nit picked about the product packaging (which has nothing to do with my job. But I still get in trouble over it.). It was awful.

So I am finished. I can't even stand the thought of going in again. Especially when they put a minimum purchase on the sale items. People are kind of nasty when they can't get their beef stick for almost free. I'm glad I'm missing it.

So see you again next year....maybe.

It's Time

It has been a while, I know. It's Christmas. I've been busy. So sue me. We have had various Christmas activities the last couple of weeks. Let me see if I can sum them up.

1.) Gingerbread House
Jamie gave us a Gingerbread House and my kids enjoyed it. This is a picture of Ally and Elijah decorating the house with candy and Lauren filling her mouth with candy.

2.) Snow

And more snow and more snow.
This is a picture of Ally making a "snowman." If you call pulling snow in a pile and patting a snowman, then this is your kind of snowman. This is obviously before we got some good snow, but boy did she have fun. We need to take her out for some real snowman making lessons.
Did I say snow? This is after ONE of the storms. We are digging out the cars so we can get out of the driveway. We also discussed sooner rather then later, buying a snow blower. Living on a corner is a lot of hard work.

3.) Singing

I've sung a couple more times, but no film of any but there are pictures from the Ward Christmas Party.

Here were are singing "Let It Snow." You may be shocked to learn we did this with no practices. (Hence me reading the music.) You also can't see it, but we were pelting people with "snow" balls during the "Let it snow" part of the song.
Our next act was the three little singing girls, whom Ally SWORE were puppets. I explained they were just our heads. She didn't believe me. You'll have to guess which one is me. Too bad there is a pole in the way.

There is film footage of this that I am deciding if I actually want to put up.

4.) Ally's Christmas Program

Every year we go to a Retirement Center for the Preschool Christmas Program. While Elijah's first year he was jumping off chairs, Ally just pulled her shirt over her head and hide behind her friend Susanna. I guess is was "Shy Ally's" day.
I didn't get so see too much of the show. I was trying to keep Lauren from entering into TOO many old folks rooms.

There is also film footage of this as well. And I may or may not post this also.

5.) Family Room Finished

For Christmas my mom wanted to have her Family Room finished and usable. We got a lot closer to the usable part then the finished part. But we spend a bulk of our time sanding and painting walls. And putting up molding. It was fun, trust me.

When it was finished we helped my mom and dad decorate their Christmas tree. This was on Christmas Eve eve. There is no window sill yet, but isn't the room lovely?

6.) Lauren

This is just a funny shot of Lauren standing in a drawer and I wanted to share. I think she is after the Gingerbread houses, what do you think?

Rare Moments

Caught on "film". I haven't been home much. But these are the moments in the last week that made me smile.


I have been trying to get Elijah to read the Magic Treehouse books on his own. He reads way above grade level, but is always afraid to try anything harder. So I just started to read one to him. One chapter ended at a very agonizing point and he wanted me to keep reading. I just told him:
"Well I'm done, but you can keep reading on your own if you want too."

This is what we found TWO HOURS after bed time:
Except for the extreme grumpiness the whole day, I was happy. Just like his mommy and daddy! Reading all night. I'm so proud!


Ally still has her obsession with make up. I have put her make up box at the top of her closet, out of her reach. Well, that didn't stop her. Look what a creative girl can do with a dry erase marker.
Viola! Home made lipstick! Luckily dry erase marker comes off easily.


I have been trying to play around with Lauren's very sparse hair. I came up with three ponytail's around her face for something different. It was cute. But after I left them in for a couple of days she looked like this:
Look! I have my very own cupie doll!

Also Slept the Toddler

And so, after protest,
her body gave up,
collapsed for naptime,
to regenerate,
to refresh and rejuvenate,
for further adventures,
later that day.

Hopeful Parents

Does anyone else remember this "The Far Side" comic? When I was a kid this was funny. Now as I look at my son (ie. exact copy of boy in the comic) I am finding it funny all over again.
I wonder if someone needs a boy who can beat Master Hand?

I Go To ericdsnider.com for All my Eric Snider Needs

A Special Message from Santa

Hohoho! Merry Christmas! If it helps him, this is the kind of Christmas I was expecting already.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Is it just me? Or does this somehow detract from the overall feeling of Christmas?
Hopefully this can be fixed before Santa comes...

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

Happy what? Yes I know, I know. We totally made up an extra holiday just so we can get more stuff. Yes, that is exactly what we did. St. Nicholas Day is a European holiday. Each country seems to have a different way to celebrate it. But we celebrate it in what I think is the German way. We take our old shoes and leave them *out for St. Nicholas to fill with candy.

*out meaning supposed to be by the fireplace but actually on the coffee table.

The spread after he came.

So how did a nice girl like me get to celebrate a random holiday? Well, you see, I married this guy who is *German. And when we had kids he thought it would be fun is we celebrated this holiday.

*German like born there but still a US citizen.

Being a germaphobic American, I put my own twist on this quaint holiday. Since I couldn't stand the thought of putting the candy in a dirty old shoe, I put the candy in a plastic baggie and set the baggie on the shoe. (Note: The plastic baggies were very small this year. But the kids didn't notice! YAY!) I also reserve that night to put the nativity scenes out. Usually I buy a piece to add to our sets, but we didn't do that this year. They kids were just so excited to see them again. So it didn't matter.

Elijah asked us once why no one else got to have St. Nicholas come to his house. Our reasoning was simple. He only comes to the houses that actually BELIEVE in him. (He has a much easier job than Santa if you ask me. I know a total of five people who celebrate this holiday.)



Apparently Lauren had a bit of a sugar high. Matt said she kept jumping up and down on the Lazy Boy. This is her on her descent. She is having a little too much fun. Hurray for sugar...

Lauren Speaks

As a lucky stay-at-home father, I have had the chance to do things I couldn't do as easily while working. For instance, I recently took Ally and Lauren to doctor appointments, mostly alone (Kari came for the first bit, but had to go to work). When the doctor asked about Lauren's vocabulary, to see if her speech development was normal, I could not think of too many words she knew. Brain fart, perhaps. I came up with maybe ten words. The doctor said it was normal to have between 10 and 12 words.

I was disappointed, because I was pretty sure she knew more words than that. I started listening, really listening to her speech. Over the next two weeks, I found she was saying a lot more than Kari or I realized. So the following is a list of her current words that I recognize, and I'm constantly adding to this list, so tomorrow, it may be horribly out of date. The word, as she says it, is first. The real word (if not already obvious), is in parentheses.

Nana (Banana)
Mama
Dada
No
Shh (Shoe)
Key (Kitty)
Kiki (Blanket or pacifier)
Owey (Ally)
Ijah (Elijah)
Caney (Candy)
Doose (Juice)
Mo (More)
Hewo (Hello)
Keenup (Clean up)
Nanigh (Night night)
Aside (Outside)
Papa (Grandpa)
Poopoo
Peepee
Boo
Caca (Cracker)
Tetchu (Thank you)
Mine
Bah-be (Barbie)
I wa mo (I want more)
Buhbye (Bye bye)
Wiguh (The Wiggles)
Goobuh (Boogers)
Tee (Brush teeth)
Khh (Ick)
Go! (Go)
Der go (There you go)
Show (Shower)
Foo (Food)
I See Uh (I see that)
Ma sock (My sock)
Eye Keem (Ice cream)
Bolbol (Ball)
Nose (Nose)

Not only are there nearly 40 words, there are simple sentences, too. My brilliant girl! What was I worried about? I have to say, though, it is very fun to watch her develop her vocabulary so quickly.

A Mother's Curse

It's official. I have lived out my mother's curse. Come on, everyone has had The Curse right? When we were our very worst and most frustrating, didn't every mother yell, "I HOPE YOU HAVE ONE JUST LIKE YOU."

I just saw my oldest daughter do something, that up until this moment was a habit unique to me. Let me 'splain.

I have periodically complained about Ally's peeing problem. She is potty trained, but she pees and pees and PEES in her pants. For months this has been going on. A couple months ago I realized that she is doing EXACTLY what I would do at this age. (Okay, yes, I am admitting to peeing my pants past the age when it would have been um....appropriate.)

I think up until I was about seven I would get very engrossed in my must-have-been-really-really-engrossing play. I would hold my urine until it was almost, but not quite, too late. And when I finally decided to make my way to the bathroom, I would wiggle and dance and squirm my way there. And more often than not, I could make the "sensation" disappear.

This is not something I admit proudly, but come on! I just saw Ally do the same thing. I saw her dancing and squirming. And I jumped in with:

"Ally! Go, Go, Go to the bathroom!!!"

And Ally squirms for a minute more and then stops, grins and says:

"I don't have to anymore!"

I'm still laughing. (Well, after I checked the carpet for a pee stain.) I felt like I was looking at a little me.

So, this one is for you mom! You win! I'm getting my just desserts!

Mr. Mom

One of the joys (and I mean that, seriously) of being out of work is that I get to spend time with my children. Really, the schedule I had did not allow for much recreational time, especially for Elijah, when he is in school. So, I've enjoyed being home, despite certain pressures to go back to work (yes, I hear you, Mr. Mortgage!).

At any rate, since I've been out of work, Kari has been working. Not full time, but enough to let me see what she goes through every day I work. Man! That wife of mine is busy. I'm not even sure how she keeps the house clean. But hey! The kids are still alive and mostly presentable, so I'm not doing too poorly.

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to rake the leaves. Even though we don't have trees any more, our neighbors do. No biggie. However, I was at home alone with the kids, because Kari was at that Hickory Farms place. So, I invited the kids to come out and "help" me. Despite the fact that the raking did not get finished until several weeks later (last week, to be exact), it was fun.


Ally and Elijah, enjoying/destroying a pile of leaves I raked up..




Lauren was just a little too timid to join in the games, so she gathered up leaves.




Eventually, they all got in a leaf throwing contest (or something). Good times for all. I wisely stayed out of it, all the better for taking pictures.

We actually went to the park that day, too. More fun was had. I don't need to show too many pictures, do I? Actually, I thought these pictures were the more fun of the day's set, so that's why I'm posting them.

With all this fun, who has time to go back to work? Hmmm. Maybe I can convince Kari she wants to work full time . . .

Thanksgiving Tragedy

At school on Monday, Ally made a little pie. She was so proud. She set in on the counter and showed everyone that walked in. When I would talk to her about eating it, the conversation would go a something like this:

M: "Ally, are you going to eat that?"

A: "No."

M: "Can I eat it?"

A: "NO!"

M: "Do you want to eat it later?"

A: "Un-huh." She acted totally disinterested.

So on the counter it sat, getting drier and drier. Today I came down and found this....a demolished pie. Sad! No insides.
And the perpetrator was hard to guess. Who could it have been?
And the owner of the pie?

Very sad.

(But I don't think she would have eaten it. I think she had created a pie shrine in my kitchen. Is it bad to say I was secretly glad? It was driving me CRAZY! Yay! The pie is gone!)

Unemployed

Several weeks after Matt lost his job, I am finally blogging about it. It has been interesting being in this position, especially right before Christmas with tiny kids. I kind of expected to go through the stages of grieving, but I only went through a couple of the stages. I seemed to have skipped denial and bargaining. But I have anger, depression and acceptance down pat.

Matt lost his job when his company partially lost their referral system. No client referrals, no clients. No clients, no job. So now, Matt has no full-time job (I am working my seasonal Hickory Farms job and Matt has a very part time job he was doing on the side). We have been in this position before, with no job, not many prospects and no money. I don't ever remember being this demoralized or depressed. When we were students, it seemed hard. But I realize now how naive we were. There is a lot of help for students. Jobs are easier to find as a student. But when you have a specialized field and own a house in a crashing market, it is terrorizing. Without going too much more into how hard it has been emotionally, I will say it is a much worse feeling then I ever imagined it could be. Even as a child, I realize how much my parents protected me from similar situations. I was always confident in their ability to work things out.

When I realized that my Hickory Farms money, usually what we use to buy Christmas presents, would be used for living expenses, it threw me in a panic. I don't mind cutting back on Christmas, but my kids are little, I can't tell them there is no Santa, but have NO presents. It has lost its charm for me this year.

[Side note to Denise: I actually had a wonderful explanation about Santa from Jenna, who heard it from her Grandma Romney. (Tell me Jenna if I get this right.) Santa is not a person. He never was. He is a feeling, the feeling and spirit of giving. So the man in the mall is a representation of Santa, but I, the gift giver am the spirit of Santa. And I love to give presents. I do not look upon Christmas as a hardship. It is fun to see people and especially my children filled with the spirit of giving. They do not realize how much I do to give them what they want, but they will and I can't wait for them to realize how fun it is to give! I do not hide Santa from them, and if they ever ask if Santa is real, that is what I will tell them. I'm not even worried about it.]

But it was devastating to realize I had no visible means of providing even stocking stuffers for my kids. So we researched and did something we hadn't had to do in the past.

We asked for help. From everywhere.

We have signed up for WIC, Medicaid, Food Stamps, Unemployment and Sub for Santa. Then there is the help of church, family and friends. This is what I have learned, and this post should be happier from this point:

1.) I hate asking for help for myself. But in a pinch I will do it. (My jeans with all the holes in them aren't fashion statements, they are a sign of poverty carried well.)

2.) Sub for Santa recipients are a tearful bunch. Ask one their story and half the room starts crying.

3.) The Bishop's Storehouse is the coolest place ever! I wish I could have gone. Look at all the food we got! Good Grief! We actually went without food for half a day. Such a relief.
4.) Food Stamps are no longer stamps. They are on a debit card. So cool!

5.) It takes the government an insane amount of time to review Medicaid and Food Stamps cases. Especially when half the state applies at the same time.

6.) Just because you have no money, doesn't mean the urge to shop goes away. Especially if you work in the mall.

7.) We are actually in a very good position financially. We don't have much extraneous debt. Yay us.

8.) Our food storage will/did feed us for almost three weeks. Pitiful. (To be fair to us, we hadn't gotten very far into it when he lost his job.)

9.) People are really, REALLY nice when you lose your job. Except in the mall. They just want their beefstick, er, summer sausage.

10.) Yes, even I, will eventually sob hysterically, if pushed too far (note from Matt: that translates to about once a month) (Note from Kari: I'm going to kick him now).

11.) Matt is a very hard worker.

12.) The kids have no concept of the words "we have no money." They still want their treats and goodies. Elijah offered to get a job so we can "buy stuff again." He's such a sweetie!

13.) You know who your true friends are. And they randomly bring food when you need it the most.

14.) Parents are a big help, too!

15.) The church is very willing to help and without judgment.

Because of all these things, my mind has been slowly put at ease. I am still researching free/cheap medical and dental clinics. I have a toothache and no way to fix it! Torture!

Free Stories

This is Matt. I don't write on here too often, but I had something to say today.

While this may seem late, this morning, I found more Halloween trash, even though it has been a good three weeks since the holiday. Yes, we should clean more, faster and better. Sorry. But that's not the point. There is a story to tell.

The story? I was cleaning up some stuff on our carport to fill in the remaining space in our trash barrel (garbage day today). While doing so, I found some papers and a box, evidence of Elijah's entrepreneurial spirit. On them, he had written in pen, so the words were not visible from more than five feet away. And just what service was he offering?

Free ghost stories, as told by him.

I'm sure there is a booming market for this kind of thing. I can just picture the beleaguered and tired mother, driving her minivan home from a long day of chauffeuring her children. In the back of the vehicle, the children are fighting. She says to herself, "If only I could have someone tell them a story. That would calm them down!" Just then, she drives by our house and sees my son's sign. She slams on the brakes, nearly causing an accident. She stares in disbelief. This is it! Just what she needs. Even better, it's nearly Halloween, and these are ghost stories! She hurriedly pulls her three children out of the vehicle and herds them toward the door. Suddenly unsure, she hesitates. It said free, but what's the catch? She rings the doorbell. After a moment, Elijah answers. "Is this where I go for the free ghost stories?" Elijah smiles his impish smile and replies "Yes, yes it is. Come in."

Actually, I'm not sure exactly what he was hoping for, but it was very cute. To my knowledge, he did not have a single taker, not even his parents. Hmmm. Are we bad parents? Or just too busy?

Take Over My Make Over

Okay, I really just needed someone to rearrange and tweak my room a little. And a couple of ladies in my ward did.

Problem: Ally needed a twin bed and the removal of her other bed from her room. I was having trouble rearranging the room to suit this new bed. I have no money, so I need to rework this room without spending anything at all.

Before Shots:
Ally's Princess Bed. Note: There is no valance above her window.

The non-functional changing table. Or rather, the Lauren Jungle Gym.
Table and Magnetic Board.
Bed and Bookshelf.
Chandelier, closet and door.
The rest of the closet.
The after:

They got a rod for my valance and put it up for me.
Ally's big girl bed. Her old bedspread fit on this one. It looks nice.
They put some cute shelves up and grabbed some stuff around the room to gussy them up.
Lauren's crib didn't move. There was really no where else to put it.
They made their dressers one big one. The only problem I have had with this room arrangement is that Lauren now helps herself to the top two drawers near the crib. So that means her socks and jammies are all over the room now.
They put the changing table in the closet to use as storage. Since I wasn't utilizing the closet to its fullest before. This also showcases how many dresses my girls have. I don't have a problem. I just really like buying dresses.
Close up of the changing table. The boxes hold all the shoes from the last post. I have also since put toy bins on the shelf with them so I can fit more in the room.
They made a little reading area for the girls. The "Little Sprouts" are on there because I haven't been able to get a bin for them yet.
I eventually hope to cover the closet with material to match the valance. But that will have to be another time.

Shhhhhh-oes

Lauren has an obsession. Shoes. She loves to organize them, put them on, carry them around. She calls them her, "Shhhh". Some times she will actually say shoes.

I often find her like this. Here is some serious contemplation. What is she going to do with them today?

This is interesting. It appears she is sorting them.

Ah, in true one year old style she is organizing them. I haven't quite figured out her categories yet. But perhaps she is just going for a line?
Maybe next time she will try them on?

Where does she learn these things!

Beware of bending down in front of Lauren, this may be the result!

Apparently I deserved a spanking. Bad Mommy! Take that! No cleaning up for you.
M: "Hey! What the heck I'd do and why are we laughing?"

Some how she has picked up the quaint Korean custom of the "Poo Needle" (Thank you Christian) which is infinitely worse then a spanking.

Poo Needle - Said "Do-ching" (sp?). Basically a poke in a bum with your fingers. It's lovely and makes you afraid of going up the stairs with anyone behind you.

My Blog's Personality

My writing says nothing about the true me apparently. Here is what my writing says about me:

ESFP - The Performers [Extroverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving]

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

HAAAHhahaha. Excuse me while I contain my laughter. You realize this is soooooo not me.

This is MY personality. I actually came up as extroverted. This is the first time ever. I was only extroverted by 5% though. What is this world coming to? Me? Extroverted? But I was 100% Judging. I am not actually a Perceiver at all. I guess you could say I'm kind of, Judgmental...[insert your snide comments here]

ESTJ - Executor [Extroverted Sensing Thinking Judging]

Practical, traditional, and organized. Likely to be athletic. Not interested in theory or abstraction unless they see the practical application. Have clear visions of the way things should be. Loyal and hard-working. Like to be in charge. Exceptionally capable in organizing and running activities. "Good citizens" who value security and peaceful living.

But I realize that my writing is a performance. I am writing my thoughts, not my actions. I enjoy writing. So, yes, I'm outing myself. I am not like this in person. I get carried away when I write. It's just too fun.

So this begs the question, what is your blog's personality?

Top 10 Things That Bother Hickory Farms Sample Ladies

As written by a Hickory Farms sample lady.

10.) Cell Phones. There are those who like to chat with a loved one while they are trying to pick something out. And I'm okay with this. Sometimes you need guidance finding the perfect gift for your Dad. But the ones who walk up and hold their hand out for a sample, all the while chatting to their girlfriends. These are the ones who are irritating.

This is what I do: I hold the sample hostage, interrupt their phone conversation and tell them the deal of the day. I actually usually hate interrupting people, but come on, everyone has to pay the price. There are no "free samples." If you take one, you have to listen to my spiel. It a rule.

9.)People who try to touch my sample tray. It is against Health Code for people to try to touch the food in the sample tray. But many, many people want to reach in and grab one on their own. I can imagine what they are thinking, "I'll just quickly grab a cracker so I don't have to bother her." This is gross. Do you realize how disgusting that is? Imagine their surprise when I pull the tray away from them. Don't touch my tray. It just makes me go behind the register so people can't get too close to it.

8.) Phallic Jokes. Okay, how many years have I done this? And how many times do I hear a 16-25 year old men pick up a two pound beefstick and make jokes about the size and shape and comparing it to themselves. Then they want me to laugh WITH their buddies. But I won't. Because it wasn't even funny the first time. (For some reason, the next logical step (in there mind) is to make it into a sword. So then I have them swinging phallic beefstick "swords" around. How aggravating. IT'S FOOD!)

7.) People who use the excuse, "I'll have to come back closer the Christmas!" This is annoying because we start running out of things. Lots of things. Nearly every year. And those same people come back and say, "Where are your Beef Sticks?" We sold out. A week ago. Then they say, "I should have bought it in November when it was on sale!" Yes, yes you should have. I even told you this would happen. The best time to buy a 2 lb. Beefstick is during the opening special. They don't get cheaper, because we sell out. So if you want one, come in RIGHT NOW and get one for $10.99. The sale ends Saturday. And don't complain later. It will be your fault and I get to say I TOLD YOU SO.

6.) People who want me to take their sample spoons and toothpicks for them.
They say:
"Will you take this?"
"No. The trash is right there." And they always look surprised. SURPRISED? Why would I want to touch their dirty old sample spoon? That's gross. They were just licking it. There are trash bags everywhere. Put it in one of those. But never put it in my hand!

5.) Non-English Speakers. I don't hate people who can't speak English. But I hate it when people pretend they speak less then they actually can. They take their sample and say, "No habla Anglais." I usually just keep going. But I use simple words like, "It's $10.99. Good Deal!" and treat them like they are infantile. Because sometimes they really don't understand me and the simple words do help, but if they can understand me, it is pretty obvious by the looks on their face. It is torture to hear me speak so simply.

4.) People who want you to put the sample in their mouths for them. Okay, okay. Children do this on occasion. But I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the adults. You hold out a sample and they open their mouth like a baby bird. Ummm....wait..what? You want me to feed you??? I usually say something like, "I think you can feed yourself..." And they realize how weird it is to have someone feed you like you are a baby? No where in my job description does it say slave/mother.

3.) The people who have a sample and then say, "It's good, but I think I'll get it at Walmart/Smith's/Macey's because it's cheaper."

Oh no, do not say that. Because that tells me that anything else I say is a waste of my time. I will be nice, but walk away. Once I had someone ask for another sample. The conversation went as follows:
"That was good, can I have another sample."
Me: "You know, if you are buying it at Walmart/Smith's/Macey's you need to get a sample from Walmart/Smith's/Maceys. Okay?!"
"But they don't give samples?!?"
Me: "I know."
BTW, in case there is confusion. The stuff sold in the stores does not come from the same vendor I work for. So it does not hurt me in anyway to say this. The stuff at Walmart/Smiths/Maceys is also older product and usually not the same packages that we sell.

2.) People who get in my personal space. For some reason, people think if they want a sample or even directions to another store in the mall, they need to get right in our faces. Especially if we are busy. All this does is make us/me irritated and you will probably be told to go to the mall customer service with your mall questions or be told to get in the back of the Hickory Farms line for samples. It gives me the creeps when people are BREATHING on me.

1.) THIEVES. This I find irritating. This is also the real reason I am posting this list. Today I caught a thief. Last week my husband caught a little old Hispanic man taking a Lindor Ball (ie. Chocolate ball with chocolate creamy center. Yum.) Matt asked him if he was going to pay for it and he asked, "How much?"and I told him they cost 39¢ or 3/$1.00. He put it back and left. I meant to mention it to my mom/the manager, but never got around to it.

Today this same man comes up and is playing with the candies and the beefstick slim jims. I see him pick up a candy and palm it and I ask him if he wants a sample. He says yes, eats the sample and WALKS AWAY. I stand there thinking, "I am NOT chasing a 39¢ Lindor Ball down the Mall corridor." So instead I head for security and turned him in.

Turns out my dad had caught the same guy trying to steal yesterday. The Lindor Balls are off the counter for a few days (if you want one just ask) and the THIEF will be kicked out of the Mall if he comes back in. If I see him I will call mall security immediately. If he keeps it up he could be arrested. All this for a candy? It's not worth it.

Savers Snob

Yes, I discovered something about myself today. Even when I am desperate, I still don't like to rummage. The term "rummage sale" has always made me break out in a cold sweat. I always envision toothless women rolling over the ground fighting over a ratty mini skirt. And they have huge, teased hair and lots of make up. But I really needed some clothes for my kids. And we saw a sign that said 50% off sale at Savers. I could get a wardrobe for 5 bucks. I really had to look. I really have no problem with used clothes. I buy used clothes quite a bit and have been given some from generous family and friends. I can do Savers. So we went inside. And I was stumped. The clothes weren't well organized and the sizes were vague. I wandered up and down the aisles, looking through the racks. But nothing really inspired me. I have a philosophy about shopping. It is a waste of money if I don't like it, no matter how cheap. I grouched over to Matt and said I couldn't find anything and could we please, please go to Downeast Home? I needed some Pottery Barn to pick up my spirits.

Now that is my kind of rummage sale. I found several cool pieces of pottery for not a bad price. I didn't buy any, but it is there. For the taking if anyone else has any money. It made me feel better about my Savers excursion. And we headed to Kid to Kid. Because, well, my kids still needed some clothes. I found the needed items there. All name brand (but not 50% off). You win some, you lose some. Oh well. They had the adjustable button tabs in the waistband for Elijah, Children's Place shirts for Ally and a Gap jacket for Lauren. All this for almost nothing. I found these items in under ten minutes and was very pleased. So why couldn't I find anything at Savers?

Do I seem to innately feel that there is something wrong with the clothes because they are from Savers? No, umm....okay maybe. Actually I think my problem is I am not a shopper at heart. If it becomes too hard I don't want to do it. I absolutely hate digging in bins and racks. I have friends who can go back to Savers and Deseret Industries again, and again and again. Each time looking for the perfect deal. And they find some pretty cool stuff! Not me. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in a Savers. I haven't ever purchased anything from there. I give up way too easily.

I can't do Garage Sales either. Too much...rummaging. I am a drive by shopper at Garage Sales. It has to be pretty fantastic for me too stop. Matt makes me stop sometimes anyway.

Well, I can live with the title of Savers Snob. Doesn't everyone have something. And hey, I'm humble enough to admit my faults. Which is better then some people I know. And yes, I am talking about YOU.

My Turn

Since I asked the kids what they wanted Santa to bring, they came down and asked me what I wanted. So since we are shooting for the moon, here is my list:

Clothes, preferably pants without holes in the knees, crotch and back pockets. New clothes for the kids would be great too. They are growing too fast!
A Blue Tooth for me and Matt
A big flat screen TV. Actually anything bigger than our lame-o 10-inch would be great
A new job for daddy with great benefits and great play
A new kitchen. I have the design in my head, all I need is a financial backer. Anyone? Anyone???
New flooring in the front room. That carpet is so gross. The problem with buying a former rental is the cheap fixes that were used to keep the place functioning.
A bed for Ally. She is looking silly in her jr. bed.
A desk for Elijah. Something to sit and do his homework on.

That's all I need. Other then that, I am pretty happy. Santa? I'm depending on you! The kids asked me if I wanted any toys and I said no. I think Elijah was hoping I'd say a Wii. Sorry, son. Too rich for my blood.

Dear Santa,

Elijah's Christmas List:

Mario Party 7
Mario Sunshine
Paper Mario
Super Smash Brothers
Game Shark
Wii
Smoothie Maker

He seems to have an obsession. I asked if he wanted Legos and he said we wanted the Smoothie Maker. What does this mean? I may just buy him a blender.

Ally's Christmas List:

Princess Light
Princess Table
Tinkerbell Movie
Princess Chair
Mixer

I asked her about Barbies and Pony's. No. I also asked for clarification on the Mixer. She doesn't want a toy one. She wants one like Mommy.
"A handmixer?" I ask.
"No, one like that." And points to my Kitchen Aide.

WHAT?!?! What on earth does she want with a Kitchen Aide?? This is a mystery. I think this is going to be a very disappointing Christmas.

Head Over Heels - Literal Version

In some ways this one is actually better then the other one. I just like the other song better.

Take On Me - Literal Version

So funny. I'm still laughing.

Sample Anyone?

Ah, it is this time of the year! Christmas is approaching and you know what that means? Yep, finally Kari works her two months out of the year. I'm not sure how I got roped...er...talked into working at Hickory Farms. It just sort of happened. (Or it could have had to do with my mom being THE Hickory Farms lady. Really! People ask me what happened to her as I am working.
They say, "There was this lady who worked at the store, a long time ago. She was tall with long hair... She was so nice." After I start laughing, I tell them she is just fine. Her shift is right after mine.) What's worse? I actually like being a Hickory Farms sample lady. Being a people watcher at heart, this is a great way to participate in my favorite hobby, and get paid for it!!!

This is actually my ten year anniversary. Yep, ten years ago I started when I was a college student as a favor to the owner. Now we come to count on the extra Christmas money. Sure my very small children miss me (feel the guilt), but they are always happy on Christmas, right?

There are a few things that always crack me up. Sampling is a tricky thing. It is fun to watch people try to get their free nibble without hearing the sales pitch. And this is when Kari comes alive. I can always sense it, in their approach, their impatient stance and their glances in the opposite direction. It is fun to hold a tiny sliver of meat hostage while I go on and on about my fabulous sausage. And they STAY, because they really want that snippet of meat. If they ask for more, I crack my knuckles for more torture. But come on, wouldn't you want to know about the best sausage sale of the season??? But if you look like you might buy, I'm the Sampling Queen.

There are those who refuse to sample. Today my favorite was, "Oh no, I can't. I'm a vegetarian." Now here's the thing, I've been on a Vegetarian diet. Heck I've been on a Vegan diet. (I'm just not very good at them because I am prone to anemia.) I have a come back for everything! Man, I love this job. The Vegetarian bought a cheese ball! Man, I'm good!

This year we have also opened up a Lehi Roller Mill store nearby in the mall. Now this was a bit of drudgery. When no one knows you are there, so no one comes to buy. As you sit there waiting for customers, your eyes start to glaze over. To make matters worse we are next to the Natural Secrets booth. You know who I'm talking about. The "'Can I ask you a question?' so I can suck you into my sales technique" people. (BTW, the answer is always, "No, you can't.") They have been in the mall for several years and they are always run by Eastern Europeans with a chain smoking problem. I avoid them like the plague. You have to come buy something from Lehi Roller Mills to distract me from my poor store placement! And the drudgery. Give me Hickory Farms store, fate/manager! (Or rather mom!) Not the Roller Mills!

This should be an interesting year. Because we appeal to all demographics we get all kind of people coming in for a bite. From the toothless to the Mall (B)Rat, everyone likes us!

So does anyone care to come get a sample? Do you dare?

(And Chris, if you read this, I am a wonderful sales person and, OF COURSE, I don't scare away the customers. They love me!)

World's Best Room Mom

I figured it out. How to be a room mom anyway. I steal, Steal, STEAL. Yep, I'm a thief. But I will tell you what ideas I stole and tell you where I got the idea.

First up, Pumpkin Bowling (from Annie's blog comments).

I called and put a mother in charge of this. Basically you take several two liters and fill the bottom with beans or in this case, a little water. You lay down a cheap-o table cloth (for the alley) and put the pins at one end. Then you get three pumpkins and the kids bowl with the pumpkins. The mother changed the pumpkins to a ball. And that was fine with me.

The kids liked this a lot and it didn't really get as crazy as I thought it would. Here are a couple pictures. She did great.
Lauren loved this. She sat with the lady the whole time. I wish I knew what she was doing here because it is a cute picture.
Second, Cookie Decorating. (From: Annie's blog Comments and Elijah's teacher)

The cookies apparently had to be purchased from a store and, again, I asked another mother to buy them and another mother to watch over the kids doing this. (Just watch me delegate!) It turned out great. Here are the kids decorating away.

Thirdly, paper games...

Well, in Annie's comments someone suggested Mad Libs and well, I didn't want to do that. (Just a personal problem, Mad Libs are fine.) I thought a crossword puzzle or a word search would be fun. Elijah had his heart set on a dot to dot. So I did all three. The crossword I had some help from Jenna and the teacher (who is in this picture. She is Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks.)

These went across very well. The kids liked them.

Fourth, Ghost Suckers. (from another room mom)

My photographer (Matt) didn't get any shots of this. I'm not sure why. But basically you take a tootsie pop and put a tissue over it and tie it with yarn and use a marker for the eyes. Has anyone not made these?

Edit by Matt: Matt did get pictures of this. Kari just missed them.

Here is a picture of some children creating the ghost suckers at the appropriate station.

And here is a picture of a finished one, with my little ninja.

Fifth, Skeletons (from my friend Corrine.)

These are pretty simple. So I made sure I was in charge of it. You take black paper and paste on a skull cut out. Then you use Q-tips to make the bones of the skeleton. The only problem with this one was that it took much longer then the other activities. So not many kids finished it.

Here is Noah making his.
Here is Ally's completed one. I'm having a lazy moment and don't want to rotate this right now. I think you can get the point though. Edit by Matt: Matt fixed the picture.

Elijah's school also does a Halloween Parade through the school. This was crazy. I've never seen an indoor one before. Here's a shot of it. They go into all the classrooms of the whole school.
My Ninja being nice to his pesky baby sister.