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1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Turn to page 126
3. The 6th full sentence is your life in 2026

“Switch out your blade every three shaves or so.” is from How to Heal Your BFRB by Lauren Inés Ruiz

There’s…going to be a lot of close shaves this year, metaphorically or literally? I need to make sure I keep sharp?

However, though it’s the first book I grabbed, it technically wasn’t the nearest book to me, which was ella minnow pea by Mark Dunn (and I must finish it because I’m really enjoying it). If we go with that, I have:

“The school says he was eight last month.”

Huh. Frankly, no idea what to make of that one! Given that I don’t think it was an accurate statement (I didn’t look too closely because I haven’t got there yet), perhaps it’s a warning about government or media propaganda and how I will be told a lot of things that I know aren’t true but that I don’t know how to deal with and which lead down a dark path, either for me or someone I love.

I think I’ll stick to my close shaves!

ETA

aunty_marion used an ebook and that made me think about what I’d get if I used the fanfic which was what I am actually reading right now. And… I think I got the most likely response from that, tbh.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25233430/chapters/61166206
Siren Song (Merlin/Arthur) by Ally_Oop got me:

“‘Odd?’”

It is hilariously short and to the point and I am inclined to leave it there, since it is a sentence of its own in terms of the story. However, the next sentence merely corroborates where we’re going with this, since it’s “‘That’s an understatement!’”

But yeah, I’m inclined to believe that my life in 2026 is going to be odd, though I’ll keep you informed as to whether or not it’s an understatement…

I’ve spent all my time thinking I’d be a boring Beta only to look today at my nest of seven pillows, a bed wedge, and a squishy bed pillow; and remember my habit of nudging people with my head and purring at them when I’m happy; not to mention the way I used to hide under the sofa when my sisters had raised voiced arguments and my liking for soft, touchy-feely materials, and…yeah, I’m an Omega, aren’t I?

When I was a kid I regularly used to make literal nests out of the duvet and my pillow and cuddly toys and curl up in it, as a comfort thing on nights when I was sad. (It wasn’t wildly warm as too much of the duvet was round the edge and underneath, but oh well. There were enough cuddly toys to help.)

Huh. Sudden perception change of self! lol. (And come on, fandom folk, if you read omegaverse fics, you must have considered your orientation at some point?!)

Write a love letter to fandom. It might be to fandom in general, to a particular fandom, favourite character, anything at all.

Dear fandom,

Thank you for welcoming me, whatever age I’ve been and whatever age the rest of you have been around me. I’ve been the younger one in a group (despite coming to interactive fandom comparatively late) and the oldest one; and yet everyone has accepted me. And when I say that, I mean you’ve accepted me, the autistic, really crap at people-ing, anxiety-ridden mess of a bisexual enby.

I remember the first mini-con I went to. There were only about ten of us max, but there was this moment, surrounded by people I’d never met, when I suddenly realised I’d found “my kind”. All the things I usually bit back and stopped myself from saying out loud, I could say and people would appreciate them, or at least not act as if there was anything wrong with saying them.

Online or offline, fandom friends have been some of the best friends I’ve made. One of my long time close friends originally friended me because I was the only other person with Chalet School as an interest on LJ, many many many years ago. We’ve seen each other through a lot of things. Fandom folk, you are my people, and I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve given me.

Love,

Sabethea

Challenge #1

The Icebreaker Challenge: Introduce yourself. Tell us why you're doing the challenge, and what you hope to gain from it.

Hi, I’m Sabethea, often known in fannish places as iamisaac. I’ve never done the snowflake challenge despite being in fandom for upwards of 25 years (which gives you a sense of how old I am) so it felt in a way as if it were time.

I used to write a lot and I’d like to write more but these days I’m more of a reader. I read an awful lot of fanfic - if you’re in the Merlin fandom and write anything long, you’ll probably have had a comment from me, as will a lot of Teen Wolf writers, though not for a while. I try and comment on every long fic I read, unless I didn’t really like it (but if I liked it enough to finish it, I’ll kudos it anyway because if you’ve written 40k words and I’ve read them, you deserve some recognition of that).

I sometimes have ideas for fics, which I post on tumblr, because I don’t have the energy to write them myself and no one runs feats where you offer prompts in the same way they used to, these days. And occasionally I will read one of those one word prompts on tumblr and write a ficlet, but usually I’m too tired and disabled. Even writing this post has exhausted me.

I love fandom, though, and have met some of my best friends through it, one of whom I was chatting with just this morning, even though we’ve both left the original fandom well behind us. :)

Back in the heyday of Livejournal this went around -

nyyki is reviving it here. It’s Elf Meme II: Son of Elf Meme! Okay, maybe not that, but we could all use some connection and holiday cheer, right?

Step One:
Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered ... whatever you're comfortable with) to your journal. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love an icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD")
to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/living space/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post - whether it's your address, or just to ping your DMs, or your bare-faced email address if that’s how you roll - where a Holiday Elf could get in touch with you.

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your journal so that the holiday joy can spread.

Step Two:
Surf around your friends list (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the
important part:

- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and
if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use - or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound
for free - do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday
elf - to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll
have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special, which is a great feeling.

1. If people could send good thoughts, light candles, petition their gods etc to make my Dad well, that would obviously be the best Christmas present I could get.

2. Because I am incredibly wishful today, I would love someone (not AI!) to write new BBC Merlin Merlin/Arthur fics which are over 20k (the longer the better, tbh: there’s nothing more exciting than a new, good, long fic that I know will keep me going at least a day). HEA a must.

3. I would love Christmas decorations if anyone wanted to send me any. A lot of ours are old and tatty, apart from a few I’ve been gifted through this through the years. It’s a sort of Christmas wishlist tradition. (Please dm me for address if you don’t know it)

4. I’d love comments on my non-Harry Potter fics on AO3, if anyone felt like reading any of the things I’ve written there as iamisaac.

5. Anything from my Amazon wish list https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/1WPQ37WC4CXCI/ref=nav_wishlist_lists_2

6. Help and advice on setting up a trans website and meeting group for people local to me, bearing in mind that we have no money and I can’t get out much (there are further complications which make it sound like I’m being as difficult as possible and I’m not, life is).

7. Buy books by Penelope Friday (Petticoats and Promises, The Sisterhood - lesbian historical fiction) or PA Friday (the Maths series: Love Plus One, One Plus One, Three’s The Charm - contemporary gay ménage fiction), available at Bella/Nine Star Press (Penelope/PA) or Amazon and various others.

8. Anyone want to buy me an electric wheelchair which works in the rain, can manage difficult terrain, and has a headrest?.

(Can’t think of anything else right now, may add if I ever get a brain back. If you can magically mend my body, go for it.)
< hr >

So, when you see this, post a wish list? And let me see what I might be able to help you with.

For people in the USA/US citizens outside who haven’t seen it but might be interested,

communityactionusa seems to be somewhere to keep up with protests and join letter writing campaigns.

Not much use for those of us from other countries merely supportive but I know I have Americans on here who may not have seen it and may be interested, so I thought I’d pass the details on. Getting traction for things is always difficult.

The internet is so bad that every time I do get it to work, I have this moment of “what am I supposed to do on it?” where I forget how I usually use the thing.
Also, because it won’t let me listen to things, and I don’t appear to be able to use TheSims without internet and and and it cuts out every 15 minutes or so so it has to be something which won’t be too badly affected by that…

Oh gods oh gods, mouse is going to murder me. He’s not going to be happy.

I’ve stopped getting emails about my comments on DW. I’ve checked my settings and it’s all as it should be, but I keep looking at my emails and being sad that no one has commented on anything and then coming and discovering several people have and probably think I ignored them. Also, if I commented on something of yours and you replied and I didn’t answer when you expected me to, that’s probably why.

Currently sleeping circa 18 hours a day so if I’m not responding to anything that’s why…

You start thinking people are aiming bad science at you when the Cass Report drops after the PACE Trial and the “vaccines cause autism” nonsense. As a nonbinary person with ME and autism I’m beginning to feel paranoid…

Finished my first fanfic in ages and I’m torn between being proud that I finished it and quite pissed off because it’s not very good. Basically it’s a lot of lead up for one fairly crap joke. Oh well. I entered …oh bloody hell one of those things that you enter… And I managed to get my entry in on time so I can be proud of that.

I don’t make New Year Resolutions, because I feel too shitty if and when I don’t manage. I quite often don’t make aspirations either, these days, because I was failing so badly with just about everything. But then I realised there’s a fair amount of stuff happening this year that I do have aspirations for, so I might as well put it down and see what comes off (it beats writing about the *incredibly negative* things which have happened in my outer family circle today, which I can’t even… anyway.)

1.sell house, buy house, move to Cornwall.
Fairly self-evident but pretty bloody major, as in the biggest move I’ve ever made. House is now with agents, we’re signed up with agents and solicitors for selling. I need to pay a fee of £199 for the whole info pack and photographers etc in a sec, but it involves getting my bag and the computer etc, so it will have to wait.

Of course, this is reliant a lot upon other people so I shan’t blame myself if it doesn’t come off by the end of the year. But I can but hope.

2get the coven up and running rituals
Again, fairly obvious. Hopefully, once I’ve done this early bit of organising, other people will help take over from there. I know I know less about the actual running of physical rituals with other people than various of the other folk in the coven, so I’m trusting that they’ll be in a position to help pull that side of things together.

As I seem to spend my entire time organising Jay, why I get myself into situations when I organise more people, I don’t know. Except that I’m so limited in that I can’t just go out and join a local coven so I have to be the change I want in the world. Or at least begin it, and then hope that it gets other people giving organisational support.

3be proactive about giving my pronouns to people
And if they don’t like it, that’s a them problem. Unless they’re doctors, in which case I’m going to continue to err on the side of caution because I need my medical care to be the best it can be, and I don’t trust them not to make my pronouns a “me” problem in terms of my medical care. Which sucks, but there you go. That’s transphobia for you.

4 generally do my best to be as unapologetically ME as I can.
Every time I think I have cracked this one, I realise I’ve still been masking to some degree. I hadn’t realised quite how much my family’s refusal to use my pronouns was upsetting me because I’m so good at pushing things down that I don’t want to know because I don’t think I can solve (usually health related, but actually, it can be anything). I don’t know how much more is hidden, pushed down so far I’m not properly aware it’s there because I’ve been determinedly repressing it for so long. But as much as I can, I shall be me, and to hell with it.

Ugh, my insides are having a shitty day, and my face and ear are sore (the latter is muscle related, something is out of place) and I can’t sleep because of it, nor can I eat.

It’s always something, isn’t it?

Can it just not be, please?

I had the conversation with mum. I just kind of added it on at the end of a long, lovely chat we’d been having about things. I started by saying, “and maybe this will be the year you start using my pronouns…”

Mum looked surprised, as if the fact that I’ve come out all over the place, *worn a badge with neopronouns on it and explained them to her and dad*, and posted copious articles on the subject on Facebook had just passed her by. “What are they?” she asked. And “Are you not female?” as if this were a surprise.

I asked her and dad to use “they/them” because the chances of them coming to terms with neopronouns is slim to none whereas at least they know those ones. I did say that Dad wasn’t obliged not to think it was silly, because I knew he would, he was just asked to do it because it would make me happy. I did have to give a short explanation of nonbinary (again) and I’ve just sent her an article, which is kind of aimed at the parents of nonbinary teens, but it’s aimed at parental figures, so hopefully it’s useful.

And she agreed to try. I reassured her several times that it didn’t matter if she forgot and got it wrong (that’s totally different from deliberately not using them) and when she said “but what about outside the family? People will think I’m mad if I start using ‘they’,” I said, “just say “my daughter is nonbinary, they use they/them pronouns” and go from there. If necessary you can both have a conversation about how neither of you understand it really at that point, but you’ll have done your bit.”

I then messaged the boys, asking them to be sure to try and use my pronouns in front of my parents to remind them. They do their best, but when surrounded by other people not using them, they forget too, or feel too embarrassed to use them, more likely. So. 2024, hopefully is going to be the year I start standing up for my genderqueer self.

As long as mum doesn’t now turn to Nik and go, “So, do *you* understand this nonbinary stuff?” Because I’m not sure that would end well.

But mum did say, “well, I want you to be happy and to be the person that makes you happy,” and I said that just like realising I was autistic, it was like a puzzle piece slid into place when I realised I was genderqueer. So she was generally supportive of me being me, and said it would be dull if we were all the same. Even if she does secretly think who I am is rather fucking odd.

I have a headache now, release of stress? Or more stress because now I’ve asked and it’s out there and somehow that’s scarier because they’ll be talking about it and judging me. But. I a, who I am and I’m allowed to be nonbinary, its okay. I can be who I am. I’m allowed.

Mouse is so the gayest/bi-est “straight” guy I have ever met.

“Oh my god we are going to watch a hot guy as the Doctor!” he practically squeals with excitement before this episode of Doctor Who starts.

He has such a crush on Ncuti Gatwa.

Dude. Kid. You may not be a 3 or above on the Kinsey scale, but you’re at the very least a 1, and I’d suggest nearer a 2.

Ugh. I often wonder if I have MCAS, and with a flare up of itching (despite taking daily antihistamines, which stopped it for years), plus a difficulty swallowing and a slightly bunged up nose and sinuses (not enough to be a cold, just enough to be sniffing in a revolting fashion from time to time, and rubbing my sinuses like some sort of weirdo) - I’ve definitely got a flare up of some autoimmune *something*.

Insides no worse than usual, but I slept ridiculously well last night, and a long long time, and I’m still quite tired and considering a nap.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. At least I’m only scratching my scalp off and not pulling my hair off to get at it given the new hair cut…

Anyone know how to hide comments on the new layout for posting? I can’t work it out…

I have made a tactical error. I love buying presents. I loathe wrapping up. I have an awful lot of wrapping up to do over the next few days, and ye-ah, not looking forward to that.

See, there’s the main Christmas present for the boys. Now, that’s never wildly exciting because it tends to be something they’ve chosen themselves (as it’s something expensive usually, it’s best to make sure it’s something they definitely want).

But then there’s Christmas stocking presents. These are often things that are useful - pants, cleaning supplies, toothbrushes, cute soap - food things, or just silly/traditional things. Mouse always gets the Man U annual, for example. And there’s always a satsuma. Plus we each have a fidget toy, since I have autism and the other two have ADHD. I think I’ve accidentally ended up getting us about 13 things each, so yeah… oops.

And finally, there’s the Christmas tree, which gives a couple of presents on Boxing Day. This is a tradition from my childhood, and I think it’s an excellent one because otherwise the day after Christmas is always a bit of a let down. (I think it’s much better than opening one on Christmas Eve. There’s plenty of excitement anyway on Xmas eve, but the day after is all “oh. Everything is over. Boo.” Personal opinion, obviously, and biased from it being the way I have always done things but. There you go.) To be honest, it only ever gave one thing at home. Now it gives several, because my parents still provide a “tree” present (though that one is usually a bit crap, tbh), and then I tend to provide two. This year, one of them is a Useful House Thing (Mouse is getting a new wardrobe, not a good one, just a cloth thingy) and then the other is something for the person themself (Mouse is getting a new hooded blanket, Jay is getting canvas photos, unless I give him them on Xmas day as an extra, and something else on Boxing Day, haven’t decided: I usually try and give an extra “present they didn’t know was coming” on Xmas day, too…)

So yes. I have to organise all of that. Because I am the one who thinks it is a good idea. In the house Jay grew up in, there was no such thing as Christmas stockings in the morning and definitely no such thing as tree presents (to be honest, I am yet to find anyone else who does tree presents outside our family, which is a shame as it’s a great idea). So he never really got the hang of it and I had to accept that if I wanted these things I’d have to do them myself, up to and including the presents for myself, which doesn’t make them exactly very secret but does mean I get myself some practical things I’ve been needing. (A copy of the book I made Mouse for his birthday, for example. Not practical, granted, that one, but wanted.)

So tomorrow… tomorrow I may be wrapping stuff up. But I probably won’t get through it all in one go, put it that way…

Amongst all the bad stuffs, sometimes I just have moments when I think, “I really love my husband,” and it is lovely.

We have been cuddling and having silly conversation. Nothing special or exciting. That’s the thing. I just really love him and enjoy spending time with him. He makes me smile. We don’t need to set the world alight. He’s just a really excellent person.

(I often feel a similar way when I’ve been spending time with Mouse. Not the same feeling cos I love him in a very different type of fashion, but I enjoy the company of both, and I like that I am smiling even after they leave, just because.)

(It made lockdown, from my point of view, exceptionally easy, as I never leave the house anyway, and the people who were here with me were both folk I love the company of and who love their own company too so spent a lot of time on their own, which suited all of us…)

Did you need a post about Jay’s excellence? Probably not. But you get them when I’m pissed off with him and this is a far more common feeling so I thought I’d post about it for once. He’s lovely.

Haven’t done this for a few weeks, bad Sab, but then… life.

1. Health, while definitely not at all good (Jay was muttering about home doctor calls and I was telling him not to be ridiculous) is much better than it was. I will take it.

2. I’ve made a couple of new friends through the friending meme thingy (*waves at

tommx and

ranawinter*) which will hopefully be the beginning of a nice thing.

3. New car! And it goes, and everything. That’s about my level of knowledge of cars (it turned out I was finding lots of things to judge by when it came to it, but I know fuck all!) but the person who checked it found lots of check boxes to check “acceptable” on, so…

4. ~Vaguely~ on speaking terms with my sister, which Jay said was what he wanted most for Christmas. That’s not the only reason I did it, I was heading that way anyway but it helped give me the extra push to send her the message saying “love you” on top of the other ones I sent her. And it does make me breathe more easily, even though I still have this weight of sadness.

5. Got an invitation to my niece’s wedding (was that this week? I think so) next June, which is quite exciting. Her fiancé is a darling, too, and they’re getting married in the Natural History Museum in Oxford! A bit complicated to attend things, with my health etc, but definitely going to try.

6. Talking of attending things, I also organised a zoom get together for my old school friends for a couple of days after Christmas, which is exciting. Loads of them say they can make it, so that’s amazing! I don’t think Alan, Oldest Friend, Impressive Scary Friend, Birthday Girl, and I have been in the same place since… about Snape’s Birthday Girl’s wedding? Which was when Mouse was about two… Hopefully SBG will be able to come too, but the others have all confirmed. Exciting! Yes it’s only online, but still.

*

One thing I’ve done well this week is write a little more of my article (must do a bit more in a sec) and #6.

*
One thing I love about Mouse is his laid back approach to exams. He’s just had his mocks, and has done fuck all work for them (hopefully he will do more for the real things but who knows with him) but although he hasn’t got his Sports result back yet and isn’t sure how he’s done at all on that (“could be anything from a C to an A* though probably lower than higher”), he’s got his Maths and Further Maths results. FM, on doing about six hours revision, he ended up getting a B, but just on the borderline for an A so he ought to get an A with a bit more work. Maths - well, he did an hour’s revision for it, maybe. But if he doesn’t walk it, then something odd has happened. A* in the mock, despite the grade boundary being an internal one and set at 92%. He got 95% in one paper and 100% on the other. No one got higher.

One thing I love about Jay is that he puts up with shit like being stuck in a broken down car on the M25 for 8 hours far better than I imagine I would. And he picks Mouse up from parties in the middle of the night, which my parents would never have done and I obviously can’t do for the kid. He does the shit stuff with very little complaint.

*
One thing I’m looking forward to next week is… ooh, what am I looking forward to this coming week? I have a lot of shit to do, that’s not fun. I guess both boys being around a bit more, Mouse because he’s now on holiday and Jay because a lot of his fencing has stopped for the holiday. I can’t see all that much of them because energy but a little bit more would be nice.

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sabethea

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