Sammich's Journal

I haven't updated here in a bit. I will say I got a stage one cancer diagnosis this past week and I'm kinda reeling from it still. Kinda anxious and hoping all goes well. It wasn't super unexpected, but it is still a lot to deal with.

I still plan to continue to update on that and just stuff in general on here.

Jammer has had issues with her work ending the bookkeeper position that she had previously worked as and placed her as a usual cashier. It's been a bit of anxiety dealing with that.

Anyway, not much else to report other than just the usual anxieties of the day type of thing.

Indie Horror games list I'm working on. WIP
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So far I've been doing spooky games for Twitch streams. I'm focusing on Silent Hill f primarily. It's my first playthrough and I'm enjoying it so much!! Hinako is strong and relatable. Her friends are so well fleshed out. The story is so well written and Fox Mask is so mysterious and alluring. I won't go into spoilers, but I'm half-way through the game, I think. I am hoping to play more this week.

I was able to play No, I'm Not Human, which was pretty fun. I'd like to replay it and get another ending if possible.

I also plan to play some horror Demos on Wednesday. On the side I've been playing a lot of Genshin Impact and I was recently able to get Flins which is nice!! He's a good boy and needed a spot on my main team. I want to get into his lore more.

I also watch lots of horror movies. Today I re-watched Dead Silence and saw The Amityville Horror.
Dead Silence (2007) is so freaking BLUE because it has that early 2000's blue tint to it. Also, the quickly edited cuts to maximize scary scenes is kind of funny to me looking back on it.

The Amityville Horror (1979) was just really really kinda dull for the most part. Right until stuff started happening which then drove the family out of their home.

I don't think I really have had a lot of public and normal journal entries. Usually I write stuff that is more private and related to my personal life, but it's good sometimes to remember the mundane more ordinary stuff I'm doing that I might otherwise forget.

So I'm super late to the party and have been listening to Lady Gaga's Mayhem album. I'm really bad at following artists in general and so I'm highly influenced by algorithm. I listen to a lot of lofi on YouTube and that will kind of force me to listen to whatever the robots want. That's pretty bad. I will say that after watching Kpop Demon Hunters this summer, I did get into the soundtrack for that.

I've already been hyped for horror films. I mean, I usually am, but my friend Sam and I have been watching them a lot. So I got to see some stuff like Teeth, It Chapter One and Two. I also finally got to watch more of the American-made Godzilla movies.

I don't watch TV. Generally I watch YouTube and that in turn tends to support indie creators online, but I really dislike that robots are trying to determine and undermine what I watch. That's been a big issue, especially with YT implementing and rolling out "Restricted Mode" which is sometimes just turned ON for some accounts without them knowing. This is usually where I rant about finding FOSS alternatives, but with YouTube there really isn't competition, at least in the English-speaking world. It's a monopoly and Alphabet Inc. (Google) will decide what you watch and don't watch.

So outside of supporting small content creators, I'd suggest moving away from Google in general. They already have enough power. But if anyone else has suggestions, please let me know!

So a lot of September was spent kinda prepping for a surgery that was to take place at the very start of October. I literally had some ultrasound scans done of my abdomen because I had gallstones and my doc wanted my gallbladder removed. Fast forward to October and the Monday before my surgery my throat is super scratchy and I'm all hot and have sniffles. I tested myself and I was COVID positive.
It's been my first time having Covid. So the first few days were the worst. In and out of consciousness, sweaty, sore muscle aches and a fever. It tapered off and then I started having so much mucus as my body was fighting the viral infection. I felt like I was doing a decent job of self-isolating. Then about 5 days into my illness, Jamie caught it. It's week 3 and I'm feeling like 95% normal now!! I only have a little bit of mucus when I wake up like I have allergies and no coughing or anything. I can eat normally. I'm not fatigued like I used to be.

I have heard that the first infection with COVID is the worst. I hope that's true because I really don't want to experience that again if I can help it. It's lingered so damn long.

Anyway, I've been looking forward to Halloween and watching scary movies with my friend Ollie! I've also been playing spooky games on Twitch which is always fun! I kind of want to make some Halloween foods for the day of!!

I will be cleaning up this journal. Cleaning up decades worth of tags, old links to LiveJournal and other misc items that are no longer functional (like old access lists I no longer keep)

So caution!  I'm trying to clean up and some stuff might be a bit dusty here!  I hope to continue to use this old reliable format, despite having all of the usual social media types, because honestly there's nothing quite like an old-fashioned HTML written journal entry.  Even WordPress isn't a suitable replacement.  Heheheh.

Not much has changed.  Jam and I got a new cat because one of the kittens was pregnant so we sent her to get spayed and kept her.

She's a handful of energy but she keeps Sebastian (Cat in icon) busy.

Jam and I have watched Spy x Family.  We've also watched Trixie Motel.  That's about it as far as shows.  We spend far too much time playing Genshin Impact, Final Fantasy 14 or Minecraft.  That's what we do instead of constructive things. lol

I've been reading manga a lot.  Sasaki and Miyano.  Very cute and glacial paced as Miyano decides whether or not he truly returns Sasaki's feelings.  Sasaki promising to "wait forever" for Mya-chan's answer after he confessed. Blushy glances, Sasaki touching Miyano too much (hands and face) because he can't help but want to touch the person he loves.  Miyano slowly realizing his heart races around Sasaki.  There's a few more pairings in the series, but Sasaki and Miyano are the main focus.

Seaside Stranger..  I started reading scanlations originally, so it's nice to see it printed.  I have 1 & 2 but haven't read them yet and I forgot much of what happens but it's got a bit of a sad story since one MC got rejected by his family for being gay, but he finds someone he loves.

I have all of the MXTX danmei novels currently out but also haven't read them.  Planned to do a "book club" with a friend and gotta see what she's on.  We once read The Shining together so this is gonna be different.

I feel like Fujoshi get kind of a bad rep.  They're seen as "IDOLIZING" or sexualizing gay relationships in a fetishized way.  And while I believe it to be true in a way, I question that generalization.  At least toward myself. 

When I was in school my best friend was a gay guy.  Well, specifically he identified as bisexual.  Much of his romantic and sexual encounters were with men.  I had always wanted a best friend in general and the two of us were supportive of each other to the point that we were friends even when we graduated out of high school.  We had our own little in-jokes and cared about each other as friends do.  I was more into anime and manga.  He wasn't, but I told him how there was a genre of manga that was mostly gay relationships and he seemed interested.  At the time this was when there wasn't a lot of manga/anime in the west so I couldn't show him a lot.  Anyway, it was cool that he liked me despite my weird nerdy behavior.  In the end we grew apart because he would use drugs and would steal and basically I couldn't deal with that kind of thing.  He started caring more about himself and his habits and less about me in general.  So I stopped talking to him.

This doesn't have anything really to do with fudanshi, but I guess I'll always hold a special fondness for men who are gay specifically because one was there for me when my own brother would be an asshole to me. 

I grew into being a fujoshi and being into BL and all that, but mostly when I see fudanshi I feel like they're allies and like fellow fans.  Mostly I'm happy for them.

There's a couple of Vtubers in NijiEN who are fudanshi and two that play at being boyfriends. (I don't know if they really are, but they seem to be close) and I'm mostly happy for them and excited to get danmei, BL, etc discussions from a guys perspective.  Sensitive and kind-hearted people who are into romance are so cool and I adore them!!!  I don't know if this thinking is the bad thing that people hate?  I don't know if I say the wrong things or am being problematic.  I just know that I'm happy to find more fans of things I like in general.

I am so happy that there are English Vtubers like Uki Violeta and Fulgur Ovid to be the openly gay power couple of Nijisanji EN.  It's adorable and I can only wish the best for whatever they do.

I have attempted to keep a bullet journal. lol
It's going okay. I'm still playing Genshin Impact WAY TOO MUCH. The male characters are handsome! Most of the female characters are meh personality-wise.

I want to draw more, but I haven't really done much. I've been practicing in Clip Studio Paint, though. I'm learning to use it better slowly.

My favorite characters to ship in Genshin are Chongyun and Xingqiu because they are canonically friends. Chongyun is a failed exorcist who has too much yang energy so spirits avoid him, so he's never actually exorcised anything, but he still practices because ONE DAY MAYBE! His personality is seemingly cool, calm and he can be a bit obtuse because he tends to take things literally or at face value. Meanwhile his close friend is Xingqiu. Xingqiu is an avid reader and loves books. He especially loves reading martial arts adventures so much so that he keeps stacks under his bed. He comes from a wealthy family and the maids all assumed his stashed books were x-rated, so the family decided never to enter Xingqiu's room, since he's growing up and needs his private space. lol. (again, they're just martial arts books. He studies a specific form of martial arts that is dying out.) Xingqiu always "helps" Chongyun by suggesting places that may be haunted and in need of exorcism. Chongyun also has to cool down and eats popsicles often to keep his yang energy in check. (His element is Cryo. So he freezes things a lot in game combat and wields a large claymore) Xingqiu on the other hand, is Hydro so uses water and a sword for combat. They actually are really good at complimenting each other in game combat since you can wet and then freeze an enemy for more damage.

Also, Xingqiu tends to trick Chongyun into eating spicy food to watch his reaction. Chongyun basically can not really handle spice or hot foods. His specialty is a Cold Noodle recipe that you can get in game.

I do ship other males in the game, but these two are just cute and perfect.

People from RL have been asking about my twitter accounts and stuff. I gave it to one of my co-workers but I think she's sharing it with others. And my twitter account has PBJSAMMICH as it's name. I guess I'm starting to get paranoid people from work will find out I'm an anime nerd. No one else knows this. I mean, I'm sure they think I'm a nerd anyway... but I have a complex about how liking anime isn't "normal" and I'm a "loser" for liking it. This mostly stems from my brother. I never share anime with my RL friends because I've always been paranoid that they'll judge me for liking cartoons.
I've been going back, trying to lock out RP/Anime nerdiness from my accounts but... I can't take it out of everything. What do I do? ;_;