Writer's Block: Untimely Passing

Actually none much really - I'm not into celeb-worship. Everyone dies sooner or later. I was sad that Ian Curtis, Kurt Cobain and Paula Yates killed themselves, because they were suicides & I'm sad that they didn't get to see how lovely life can be. I'm sure they probably got caught up in a sudden stormfront of depression &, despairing of things ever getting any better, they rushed into doing what they did. People tend not to kill themselves in a calm & collected manner, or if they do it's very rare or in a culture where once you have besmirched your honour it's regarded as your duty to kill yourself to save your folks any further shame - but these people were not samurai, nor were they terminally ill. They were mentally ill, and they could have been helped or cured.

At the same time, I think "What a waste, and what utter fucking wankers" because these people inflicted a terrible thing on their partners (in Ian & Kurt's case) & children (in Kurt & Paula's case). How does one deal with the fact that one's dad or mum has killed themselves? Were you not good enough? Did you fail in some way? You were their kid - you should have been the light of their life. How then did they end up killing themselves? You must be shit & worthless. That's the kind of reasoning a kid genetically predisposed towards suicidal depression might engage in following such an event. Also, if it was alright for Dad to blow his brains out, hey, if things get too tough maybe I can take that option too, eh? That kind of thing. So in the end, I don't idolise these poor, suffering idiots, and I don't waste much grief on them either. I just pity them & their families.

I grieve far more for the people I know who've died. Francis Kumahor, Chunky, Andy Metcalfe - these people I miss far more. Fuck celebrity, these are people I grew up with & used to drink with. Good blokes.