Thinking of recent events….
It really is always the same. Sometimes I do wish humanity would learn from art… hey… maybe even consider learning from history and the far too many famous and infamous examples we have had throughout history – where people felt justified to play God through violence.

Reality is that violence doesn’t solve… because the wheel does just keep turning. Ideas and opinions are never “removed” from the world, just because one individual that happened to hold them was. (Nor should they be – we need to be willing to think through opposing views – it is what keeps us able to think intelligently )

Its a senseless cycle of violence, and there continues to be a slice that chooses to justify their actions of playing God and choose to (in the words of The Doctor) ‘die stupid’ rather than actually resolving anything.

Those that murder in order to “fight” opposing beliefs, instead of being mature enough to actually “work” through things with the people on the “other side” are cowards trying to avoid real work of having to actually strengthening your ability to through the

“I kept going, not because I wanted to.
Trust me, all of me wanted to stop.
I kept going because I deserve to know what not giving up on myself felt like.”
~ Renaada Williams (from the book “Becoming”)

Yesterday was a mixture of sorrow and grief over a loss of hope in being able to at least partially prepare and trust how leaders would behave in global interactions with different countries, and what value they would place on the lives of those in our country. While previously I couldn’t trust they’d necessarily 100% make the choices I would, I at least knew that decisions would be thought about from a logical standpoint rather than purely emotional standpoint.

Our next “leader” is 100% reactionary, and regularly retaliates verbally without thought to anything other padding his own ego at the same time. He doesn’t seem have to ever prove anything, nor actually be held accountable for anything he says or does. Imaginative stories get “woven” to end with him being the source of anything “good”, and the answer to anything “bad” regardless of any actual involvement.

Today has moved into a place of anger with acceptance. Now when I say anger, I’m admitting that I honestly feel pretty angry at the misappropriation of care that the American public gave to their recent selection.

I am angry to be subject to that which others selected that where if what has been said is to come to pass, than so many will suffer, including those who chose it.

I’ve learned that I’m human, and its ok for me to be angry – which is new for me to even have that permission from myself – I’m working on it. I recognize however that my responsibility comes in how I choose to react to this feeling that I need to allow, and to process it correctly – so that I behave correctly.

So this is the step of acceptance is where boundary defining is helpful.

I need some guidelines for myself so that I don’t feel so lost and powerless. And… I refuse to have my reactions become anything like the person that generates this feeling for me.

so…. Its time to formulate and outline what I will and what I won’t do.

What I will do:

I will accept my anger over the situation.
I will sit with it, and let it be what it is. I will allow myself to be human, and have it, because anger generally is not the problem.. how you choose to behave because of it – generally is the issue.

I will accept that this is beyond my control.
I will have the serenity to accept the pieces I cannot change, and….

I will continue to live my life upholding the values I hold dear
regardless of those around me and how they choose to disregard those same values. I will continue to care about those around me. I will continue to judge people based on how people exhibit their beliefs. I will continue to take note, and prepare myself for dealings with them. I will continue to believe that character matters and a whole lot is relayed in how you treat the least beneficial person to you. Wither you mock them, or are fine to allow them to live their own lives when it doesn’t actually harm others. I will continue to know that the bigger the ego in someone, the less equipped they are to deal with – well anything.


What I won’t do:

I won’t hold it against anyone.
They bring their own feelings they have to their decisions, and it is their job to deal with their own consequences. It is not for me to say how, or what they “should” value, or how they “should” feel. Blame rarely does any good, especially when you are blaming parties that plain don’t understand things as you do, and where there is no hope of getting them to understand. It isn’t for me to control them. This isn’t even meant derogatory. People plain understand things differently. I shouldn’t assume anything.

I will not forget how we got here.
While I will forgive in order to preserve, and find my own individual peace, I will make sure to not forget how we got here. I will remember, who can be trusted, and at what level. I have to come to terms with the knowledge that while I like proof, with something more than just simple correlation, not everyone responds to that.

Communication is about knowing your audience. There are some who think themselves logical, but really only adhere to how something makes them feel, or what bias something supports for them. That is why “stories” or uncited statistics or multiple people spouting the same rhetoric are enough for them. Because what they already “know” is enough for them. If you support or say what they want to already believe is true, your good. If you offer an excuse or justification they hold themselves – you “must be right” and therefore good in their eyes.

They suddenly can look past your myriad of other instances of poor behavior, because you padded their ego. You could: “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and wouldn’t lose any voters”, or be a felon multiple times over, have bragged about sexual assault, or be a merciless boaster…. but that all still can be overlooked because you supported something that supports how they “want” to view something.

Also If you haven’t already won someone over – only then – do people seem to notice inconsistencies. Example: you truthfully only have one accent when you are speaking a language, a single natural way of being. If people can’t trust you to be plainly you, that is a nail you can’t remove. Even if inclusion was your motive behind it, keep in mind that if someone is on the fence about you – and then they hear you being different than how you portrayed yourself to them originally – it is taken as being sketchy (this should have been a known – but seriously) it is a steep road to then regain that level of trust that you’d initially may have been able to get from them, had you remained presenting yourself as you are.

Long story short. This is a learning session. Not one I particularly enjoy, as it was far more comfortable to give people more credit for their choices than what is actually true. People don’t have the same values, fine – that can’t be ignored.

If people vote against taking your rights away, you weren’t important enough for them to consider.

They may say that they love you, or that you shouldn’t allow it to ruin your relationship. I’d offer up that it doesn’t mean you have to “ruin” a relationship with them, but it definitely should change it.

You don’t have to agree with someone, but you also don’t have to entirely trust them to choose for you either. (Again not meaning to sound as harsh as this maybe is coming off – but I think its really true. Consider the source in all your dealings, and weigh how much of your life they should be allowed to “mess with”.

In the end I need to return to myself and remember. I am wired differently, my views continue to be different, and I should never get comfortable thinking that those around me will understand. I don’t need others to agree, or to affirm for me that character, and human decency matters.

Please don’t comment. Read at your own risk.

Growing up I was taught – character and decency towards others mattered. Since 2017 this has been consistently challenged by those in power, to the point where I’ve seriously questioned if maybe my naivety just let me think that what I personally valued, mattered, and I was being tricked all along to believe that even with our country’s differences, that in the end, justice and what is right would win out, that overall people weren’t so self-centered.

I feel so disillusioned right now. My personal value, is not as important as his propaganda, all because of my chromosome configuration. My ability to drive my own decisions about my own life and my own health is back to being second guessed and decided by those uninvolved.

Least I live in the state I do – but how long will that hold out?

The age old promise of my “ability” to be anything I want, if I just put my mind to it… that thought has taken a serious hit and has honestly been rocked.

Duped once – shame on you… but duped twice….. maybe I was actually alone.. I can’t tell anymore.

No longer the land of the free, and I’m really second guessing the home of the brave part as well. I know so many veterans – that this isn’t at all what they fought for – To have our countries foundations be pillaged, sold off, and their sacrifice’s meaning ignored.

I get that those who wanted this will just chalk this up to me being “overly emotional”, and will just decide I’m just stupid, or some other demeaning, derogatory term that they can chuckle at. Have a good laugh I guess.

I think despite that, I will likely die on this hill – in the belief that longstanding improvement doesn’t come from dividing people and minimizing those around you.

The inability to see people as human in their own right, just because they believe differently is a total weakness. The tendency to lash out, instead of listen, to demonize as a first response is childish. The inability to have any diplomacy, and say things just for shock value and ratings is tired.

Not paying your bills or your taxes is not something worthy of applauding. Not being transparent about your dealings – really not a way to earn trust, though I doubt this individual has ever had to “earn” anything in their lifetime. Forcing themselves on women and young girls, then threatening the lives of them and their families if they speak out is disgusting. Exploiting systems is not a measure of intelligence.

I’m sad at the revelation that America doesn’t mean what it once did. That maybe we are just finding ourselves at the cursed 250 year downfall.

For the average person, your success isn’t based your particular set of problems, its actually based off your resourcefulness in engineering your “solution” to those problems. Two people can have the same ingredients, and end up with something totally different purely based on the manner in which they chose to react.

I’ve realized there are certain things that, despite the best efforts of some recently, I just can’t bring myself to accept because they are so against what my own experience in this lifetime has taught me.

What life has taught me as actually being true is the following:

#1 No one is an ally who enables the lies you tell yourself.

#2 An ally can indeed understand your challenges without supporting your use of employing them in staying “stuck” or “hiding” from life. Sometimes those that challenge us and our beliefs, those that make us the least comfortable… turns out some of them really do have our best interest in mind.

#3 An ally will not ever be the one telling you to stay focused on unfortunate happenings in your past, nor encouraging you to have them define you. They will actually be the ones pushing you to climb over, process and move beyond, and develop a stronger resilience, so that the next thing that comes up won’t break you.

#4 There is a point in time where we need to realize that the holes we get stuck in, its really only because we’ve bought into a narrative that things “feel” insurmountable or that we believe that the world or some aspect of “society” is “keeping us down.” Truthfully its more often that we’ve given up on ourselves. Even when there are bad actors involved… so many times it boils down to us choosing our own inaction. I say this as someone who has had bouts where honestly I’ve given up on myself, not seeing the point or value. Times where I am just existing, not living. No one puts you in that place, or locks you there quite so securely like you do.

Reality is… its rarely a matter of resources, but rather its actually our own resourcefulness that keeps us stuck. Its how unwilling we are to try something else, or to look at the challenge in front of us through a different lens. Its far easier to not. However, history shows that humans have escaped unimaginable situations and predicaments. You can too, and I bet there are those who just now heard a voice in their head saying “no… I can’t”… then there is your proof….. Something inside yourself is keeping you in the situation you are in.

Its time to be your own ally, be your own friend. Challenge your beliefs about your own capability. Challenge yourself to look at things differently and try something different.

Sometimes it is really hard to see any point.

I hate how many arguments start because someone acts like they want to have a conversation, but then just get mad and shut it down and blame the other person for it the instant there is another way to look at something.

#1 No one makes you do anything.
If you believe anyone “makes” react a certain way – then what you are saying is that you have no self control. You don’t have the ability to regulate or think through things, your emotions are the only thing that matters is how “you feel” regardless of anything else.

If someone “makes you mad” – the reality is that while it may be more comfortable to blame them, you are the one allowing yourself to be mad. Generally it means your Ego got in the way.

#2 Reliable people are able to work through discomfort.
Reality is the less able anyone is able to talk to you about anything real, the less you will be connected with. If people can’t trust you to not fly off the handle, they they will avoid meaningful conversations with you, because most real things are messy. Anyone worth their weight as a partner, is able to put aside their ego centered reactions, and actually care about what the partner is saying.

#3 It is not required for someone to agree with you.
If you are unable to navigate still being decent to someone, because they don’t agree with you on a topic, then the problem might be you. If you can’t just agree to disagree and move on, then you are the relational roadblock.

To all the Mom’s out there. I hope you get to enjoy your day.

With all the sweet wishes, and pretty things being thrown about. I think its also important to remember that its only half of the story.

Yes, being a Mother is bright and beautiful, but the reality is its also tough and heartbreaking too. There are times you doubt your impact. Often you second guess yourself, sometimes rightly so, and other times because you let yourself listen too intently to other opinions.

Reality is you won’t find perfection, so don’t get too caught up in seeking it. Life has a way of winding through and interrupting even the best of our intentions, and sometimes all we can do is be resilient and flexible enough to not be broken. To accept our tears, and to continue to offer the support to those we love.

We don’t know what we don’t know, and we will make mistakes, but all we can do is keep trying. Its easy to give up. Its hard to accept the discomfort and keep going. Know that today is really about just that, so I say Happy Mother’s day to those who haven’t given up. To those who continue on even when its uncomfortable.

We only have the time we have. Celebrate that you have found a way to continue being present.

I invite you to reflect on your experience. Today celebrate not only the joys, but the also the hard lessons that Motherhood has taught you along the way. All the aspects that have brought you where you stand. Strive to continue to evolve an grow. Most of all smile, because you have survived thus far, and you still have some time in front of you to inspire, support, and love. Make the most out of it.

Happy Mother’s Day All!

The person that does us the most disservice, most often ends up being ourselves. Even when others may participate in discouraging us, in the end it is our choice wither we accept it and give up, or find our own way.

This thought came to mind today, and I just wanted to record it as a reminder for myself for later, if I feel discouraged.

I’m starting to believe, that low self-esteem sometimes is actually a coping strategy that some have enacted, in order to safeguard themselves from experiencing failure.

I’m not saying having low self-esteem is a malicious choice, I’m only saying that often it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that we too willingly adhere to. We accept that we are less, and accept that we “couldn’t” accomplish something, so we don’t chase it. What’s the point if we could fail? Who wants that?