semfem

I'm here. After 32 weeks of not posting (thanks for counting, LJ!), I'm finally back. Missed you!

More to come soon, I hope. But not now, since I'm currently procrastinating on preparing for lectionary study for tomorrow morning. (Well, I suppose if I were really committed to the procrastination thing, I would go ahead and write more, but I've reached the point of procrastination where you start feeling tired and slacker-like and want to just get things done and go to bed already.)

Sheesh, I even missed my fourth journalling anniversary.

But we won't dwell on that now! Glad to be back.

How are you when it comes to the phone? I grew up really disliking talking on the phone. Oh sure, when I was growing up, occasionally I would spend a long time talking to a friend on the phone, but unlike some teenagers it was not a daily or even a weekly occurrence. And calling people I didn't know at all, or even people I only sort of knew? Forget it. I would put it off and put it off, and only after I had written out what I would say would I actually do the calling.

In many ways that's still my basic preferred mode of operating, but being a pastor in two small towns means this doesn't really fly as a method of ministry (withdraw into your shell and communicate with people soley via Internet...good luck with that). Many of my parishioners have nothing to do with the Internet and don't care to. Which just boggles my mind, but hey. It's their business. Gradually I became more and more comfortable with calling people without always writing out a script. But when I set out to make difficult phone calls, to people that I have a feeling are going to cause trouble, I do go over scenarios in my mind. I practice answering hypothetical questions. I figure out my standard responses to things.

I say all this because a good portion of my day today was consumed in preparing for and participating in one of these phone conversations. I sat there for a good ten to fifteen minutes trying to calm myself down with prayer, singing, practicing what I would say, deep breathing, sending some other important e-mail, all of these things. And finally I hit "send," and now that phone call is done, and I can breathe, and things may still be messy there but at least I have done the honorable thing and called the person.

I should add that living far away from family and friends and AMJ also means I'm on the phone a lot more than I normally would be, which is a good thing. In Alaska I tried to discipline myself to pick up the phone and call one long-distance friend per week, which didn't work so well. But slowly, bit by bit, I'm getting better. I do feel bad when those who are more telephonically inclined do all the calling in a friendship or relationship. But I think I might be improving a tiny, tiny bit.

Today feels like proof of that.

As AMJ noted last night, "semfem is slacking off!" That's right, no entries in a month. It's been quite an interval.

For part of that, I was in China, which was amazing. Beijing and Shanghai, and yes, I would definitely go back. Those of you who know me by name, I will be sharing photos on Facebook and in person as appropriate. I may also be sharing some on Flick, in which case I will cross-post a few here. I just haven't had time or space to go through them. I'm not a huge shutterbug anyways, but of course in China there is a bit more of the drive to capture what you are seeing and experiencing, knowing you may never see it again.

As I came home from China, I came down with a cold, which combined with jetlag and allergies, really knocked me out of commission for nearly a week. I think I'm still dealing with the weird sleep patterns (although I have those anyway--but not in China, where I flipped to China time pretty easily and had a very consistent sleeping schedule).

Several more days, and then it was off to Arizona for an FPP reunion, courtesy of the Friendship Grant by Aunt Lilly. Fantastic time with great colleagues I hadn't seen in over a year...reconnecting with them was priceless, as was having some safe space to check in and be myself.

Got back Saturday, and now I'm ramping up again, this time for synod assembly in a few days. I am rapidly approaching a state where I don't really want vacation--I just want regular, somewhat relaxed work weeks, where I get my day off. I honestly think I haven't had my full normal day off since before Lent. I know this is not good--vacation and FPP have helped with this--but my routine is still totally whacked.

I realize this sounds like complaining, which is not my intent. I realize I'm pretty lucky to be this involved in things and have opportunities to travel and take some time off. But as AMJ and I were discussing last night, these times have not really been physically restful. Mentally and emotionally restful? Definitely! But not physically restful.

Memorial Day was a blur. I did dishes and talked on the phone and did some very minor tidying up around the house, I think, but the day slipped by quickly. I accidentally overslept and missed the parade (THE event of the summer here). Still disoriented and trying to get back on track.

Okay. I really should get back to work now!

Remember when I finished my last post with this?

I'm looking forward to sleeping...and washing ALL the dishes finally...and cleaning up the house, which is littered with work papers and birthday wrapping paper...and knitting.

Well, I always have been an optimist, I suppose...

I have not been in a good place this whole week. Scheduled so tightly that there is no time to catch up on e-mail or make phone calls during the day. Falling asleep at my desk every night until 6 am and then sleeping in bed for an hour or two, because for some reason I had morning meetings for much of the week. Dealing with three surgeries, one funeral, and a huge emergency at St. Extra-Large concerning Sunday morning and a pastor MIA. Yesterday I couldn't take it any more and broke down crying as I spoke to my dean about the emergency.

Since then, things have gotten much better. The to-do list is still long and scary, but gradually getting shorter, and more importantly, the things directly related to leaving on Monday are getting done (as opposed to the work things that SHOULD be done now, because otherwise it will be too late when I get back). That improved my mood substantially--just getting things mailed and purchasing the items I need for the trip. Oh, and doing the dishes (at least most of them before they took over the kitchen counter). Paying attention to more physical things has helped me put the less-physical things in perspective.

This could also have something to do with the fact that I just now, at this late hour, scored a supply preacher for next Sunday. YES!

My Lenten disciplines seem so far away, and yet I still do hesitate before eating meat at home or at a restaurant. It's still seen with "treat" status. I don't know if I will ever do that one again, but it taught me a lot about self-denial. I don't usually choose things that are that much of a challenge, but this one was quite a challenge. It has also taught me the value of PREPARING to meet challenges.

I did pretty good on the journalling thing, but that one taught me that sometimes the best self-care is sleep or relaxation, not intentionality about my vocation. I have a feeling that one will get adjusted next year.

Working on the room of boxes was a really fruitful endeavor. But I allowed myself to slack a bit at the end of Lent (which was somewhat necessary). So there's lots to do still, but at least now that room is mostly usable.

It's really quite warm here--uncomfortably so!--but the breeze blowing in the window as the birds sing and the sun starts to go down is helping. Beautiful.

Today I:
--met for much-needed coffee with a parishioner about our website (!)
--picked up a few last-minute things for Easter breakfast item
--went to church, puttered around to make sure things were in place, copied and cut magnet cards
--went home and washed dishes
--finished baby hat for parishioner's child, photographed three completed baby hats, wrapped the two hats for the twins
--started making sweet "egg nest" bread for breakfast
--used too much yeast, which went wild, so bread-making got sped up (first rising took a fraction of the time it was supposed to)
--assembled all magnet cards (we are giving out cute little magnets tomorrow, attached to a card that thanks people for coming to church)
--boiled eggs, dyed eggs, assembled and baked bread (it got a little overdone, but it will just have to do)
--called my mom to wish her a happy birthday
--heated up some of the Bad Soup for a quick dinner

Notice that I did not write my sermon yet! That's the only thing left on the list (along with potentially steaming my freshly-washed alb). I'm not panicking...not yet.

I'm looking forward to sleeping...and washing ALL the dishes finally...and cleaning up the house, which is littered with work papers and birthday wrapping paper...and knitting.

It's busy here, of course, so this is going to be brief.

I broke my fast last night and had a birthday steak. And that was one fantastic steak, let me tell you. The flavor of the meat was completely different from normal. It tasted much, much stronger (I'm sure the teriyaki sauce added to that, but I tried my friend's steak and it had the same HOOAH flavor). It was almost like good-quality game. I've had venison and moose and that's what this reminded me of.

Carnivorous friends, I would almost recommend you try giving up meat for a week or two, just to experience a good steak at the end of it. It's a strong, almost exotic flavor that just knocks you out. WOW.

Of course, this sparks a lot of other reflections, like how being used to the taste of meat decreases the enjoyment factor...and how other things in life that have great flavor can, for whatever reason (familiarity? lack of attentiveness? lack of time to appreciate?), seem ordinary or bland. Interesting!

But for now, that's all. Back to Good Friday and sewing up all these loose ends.

Mmmmmmahhhhhhhmmmm.... *drool*

Why yes, I did just get back from my birthday massage. How did you guess?

I will be breaking my meat fast tonight after worship. I am looking forward to this, but the entire experience has been a very thought-provoking one for me. I was made attentive to just how frequently I don't really think about what I eat, and I really had to pay attention. I was also made attentive to how much meat is EVERYWHERE in what we eat. Perhaps more so around here than in other parts of the country or world. Things with fish and shrimp are more or less findable around here, but if you wanted to go truly vegetarian, it would be difficult to eat out.

I really do think I would have been more fully successful if I had been more prepared. I have quite a lot of meatless food now around the house, but it all requires preparation and this is a season where food prep often falls by the wayside. If I'd been prepared enough to make a bunch of frozen portions of meatless things, this would have been less frustrating.

I am also struck by how my hunger would manifest itself in wanting what I couldn't have. Even if a handful of cashews would satisfy the need for protein, my mouth wanted MEAT. Very interesting (and a little disturbing) to be reminded of your non-logical instincts that way.

I'm sure I'll have more observations on this practice, but they will wait for another day. Right now I really should polish my sermon for tonight and work on the Easter bulletin.

I went to knitting night tonight. This is notable, because I haven't been able to go since before Lent, due to our Wednesday night things during Lent. So that in itself was exciting.

And they had birthday cake for me! Extra-nice yarn shop owner. Must write thank-you note.

I finished a baby hat with devil horns for an FPP friend's child. V. cute and clever pattern.

.......
Wow. My mind is pretty blank. I guess I'll leave it at that.

Today was a semi-frustrating day. Did some fun things like going to the Broadway Market in Big Snowy City and going to see a movie tonight (Doubt, in case you're curious). But the other times, where I had hoped to be working on Holy Week stuff, kept getting interrupted by people who needed things. The copier tech guy. People trying to get flowers into church. Friend on synod council. All bona fide things, just happening to keep me from getting work done.

I would recommend Doubt, by the way. Although my friend and I agreed afterwards that it should have been called Power, because that's really what it's all about.

Leg still hurts. Went to doctor. Blood clot ruled out, thank goodness.

Likely culprit: muscle cramps (sheesh). This will be profitable for my massage therapist on Thursday.

Lesson learned: Think twice before you blog about an injury when your mom reads your blog. (Sorry for freaking you out, Mom!)