Update

It has been forever since I have blogged. I feel like I have been in survival mode for quite some time. First it was surviving at my previous job. Then I was able to get another job at a wonderful place, but learning how they do things has been stressful. I don't know if other careers are better at training, but it seems that being a therapist you get tossed into things and you get told, "Didn't you know about this" "You should have been doing this" etc.

Also the learning curve has been huge at this new job. At my previous job I was in substance abuse with adults. Now I work with people ranging from three years old to adult. I have been learning new modalities such as play therapy, sand tray therapy, art therapy, EMDR, Emotion Focused Therapy, attachment etc. A lot of these things I was introduced to in school, but learning something in school and applying to actual people is very different.

Even though I have been feeling overwhelmed it is amazing to look back at where I have come from. I feel like I have put together so many more pieces in helping others. Well enough about work stuff. I will post a list of all the things that I can think of that has happened since I last posted.

• Trip to Hawaii in November 2014
• New job March 16, 2015 
• Fifth anniversary May 22, 2015
• Trip to Scotland June 2015
• Trip to St. George and hung out with my sister and her family July 2015
• Camping trip August 2015 in Idaho
• Trip to Portland October 2015

Those are all the big things that I can think of that has happened since I last posted. I will try to get pictures up, but honestly I keep forgetting to get pictures from everyone else who took pictures. I never take pictures these days. 

A good reminder

At work I participate in a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) consultation group. To put it simply in order to follow DBT to the book you need to do a consultation group. A part of the consultation group we do a mindfulness exercise. I was reading a book that was recommended and this really struck me. This book is called When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron.

We think that if we just meditated enough or jogged enough or ate perfect food, everything would be perfect. But from the point of view of someone who is awake, that's death. Seeking security or perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed and whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of death. It doesn't have any fresh air. There's no room for something to come in and interrupt all that. We are killing the moment by controlling our experience. Doing this is setting ourselves up for failure, because sooner or later, we're going to have an experience we can't control: our house is going to burn down, someone we love is going to die, we're going to find out we have cancer, a brick is going to fall out of the sky and hit us on the head, somebody's going to spill tomato juice all over our white suit, or we're going to arrive at our favorite restaurant and discover that no one ordered produce and seven hundred people are coming for lunch. 

The essence of life is that it's challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride. 

To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man's land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the awakened point of view, that's life. Death is wanting to hold on to what you have and to have every experience confirm you and congratulate you and make you feel completely together. So even though we say the yama mara is fear of death, it's actually fear of life. 

My Dream Hike

For as long as I can remember I have always loved Mount Olympus. As a little kid I called it the Wolf Ears Mountain because the peaks looked like wolf ears to me. It was a landmark that always let me know when we were close to home from long trips.

I have heard a lot of people say that climbing Olympus is a pretty strenuous hike so I have never believed I would ever have the strength to make it. One warm weekend in March Marcus and I grabbed our water bottles and thought, "Let's just see how high we can get with our water bottles." I wish I had the pictures that we took but they are on Marcus's phone. We hiked up for about an hour and a half and we think from our memories and pictures we took that this is where we ended up

Right above the dangling google person is where we think we ended up. Marcus climbed up this rocky area and took a picture of the sheer cliff face we were walking along side. We hiked up several switch backs before stopping because we were just about out of water and in a picture of me you can see the trail curve just like in the satellite photo.

I was pretty amazed that we made it that far. I think if we would have brought more water and some food we could have made it to the top. I was also impressed with how nice the hike was. There were lots of interesting formations and the view was really cool.

Since then we haven't attempted to finish Olympus because it has been cold/snowy and we needed to buy another camelback. I mean no offense to Marcus I really don't want to share my water with him because he drinks SO much. No seriously I have a hard time sharing with him because he isn't as conservative as I am so I knew for day hikes we would need our own packs. So finally we have the supplies to go now we are just waiting on my injury.

I mentioned in a post some time ago that my leg was bothering me. Well after a lot of research I think that I may have injured my peroneal tendon. I have been taking a break from hikes for the time being. Mainly right now I am doing elliptical workouts with weight lifting. Hopefully before the summer really sets in we will be able to finish our hike.

One last thing I will mention is how hiking is not just a physical thing but a psychological thing. I think on almost every hike I have a bit of an emotional meltdown. I was talking to my friend Andrea about the hike and she said, "I think the very first part of that hike is the absolute worst!" Oh thank heavens someone else thought so. We got up to that look out rock and I felt so out of my element. I sat down and looked out at the valley and had a 5 minute temper tantrum. I WORK OUT WHY IS THIS SO HARD!!!! WHY AM I SO WEAK. LOOK AT ALL THE OTHER SHMOES HIKING WITHOUT AN ISSUE WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE THEM!!!! etc etc etc...Finally after about ten minutes my body adjusted and we hiked the rest of the time with only taking a few minute breaks here and there.

After apologizing for my outburst I said to Marcus, "I am starting to notice a pattern that I hike to my exhausting point and then we stop for about ten minutes to cool down. I have an emotional meltdown and then after that we hike without a problem." Marcus just gave me a look that said, "Yep. You are just noticing this?" My next hiking goal is to start breaking this pattern. One because it is probably really annoying to Marcus and it probably isn't helpful for me either. It is kind of funny to look back on as I type it out though.

Swimming

In my last post I mentioned that I bought a rec center pass and have been running, swimming, and weight lifting. While using the pool it became painfully obvious that I have not been taught to swim very well. I definitely know enough that I could swim to save my life. But when it comes to going to the pool to exercise I do not like I how I feel. I feel panicked and everything feels awkward and wrong. I decided one day to do some research on the swimming strokes. I started with the freestyle because this stroke has never felt good for me EVER!

It was crazy what I learned in the video. Wait...what...you are supposed to be rotating in the water...your arm is supposed to be stretching out to propel you in the water...SAY WHAT?!?! I swear I have never been taught any of this crap! I then text my sister Kristine who was shocked to hear how little I had been taught. Sadly my sister doesn't live close enough to coach me. I then realized I could ask my friend Maddy to help me out.

Maddy was kind of enough to find some time in her busy schedule to help me out. I have no idea how terrible I looked in the water (Maddy said it wasn't that bad, but I am wondering if she was just sparing my feelings :) ) and I bet I ended up with half the pool up my nose during the teaching process. There were definitely moments though when I felt like I was doing it. It felt so amazing and natural...then my brain would start talking :) That is when I would panic and freak out and end up with water up my nose or swallowing it...shudder.

I guess the reason I decided to post this is because I am shaking my head over how long it has taken me to find this awesome intuitive/mindful approach to exercise. I mean seriously! Why wasn't I taught how to exercise! All my life exercise has been this horrible awful experience. Exercise was the thing I HAD to do so I didn't look like a gross disgusting person. Now exercise is an amazing experience where I get to be with my body and release all this energy that has been cooped up inside of me. I am really glad that when kids someday come along that I can teach them how to enjoy exercise and how to be more mindful.

Minimalist Running

For the past several months I have been striving to strengthen my legs so I can actually do something with running. I kept on trying it here and there on trails in the gully behind my in-laws house, but I still was struggling with pain in my shins and then a new pain that developed on the outside of my left leg above my ankle. I was getting pretty frustrated and wondered if I would ever get to a point where I could run.

As everyone knows Marcus and I moved in the beginning of November. It was really hard to go out and exercise where we live. Marcus and I are working more and we live on a busy road which doesn't really help me want to go out and do something so vulnerable. Finally at the beginning of January I decided that it was high time to get a rec center pass. I bought Marcus and I a three month pass to see how we would like the facility and see if maybe this would be something we should invest in year around.

I began to use the treadmills, swimming pool, and weight machines. On the treadmill I only was doing an inclined walk to begin. I finally got the urge to finally try to run again. I was a bit disheartened that I couldn't run for very long. I was able to go about three to five minutes and my legs began to burn like crazy. But there was something different about the run. My shins didn't feel like that were going to snap. I did regrettably still have the burning sensation (not a normal muscle burn, but a different burn) on the outside of my left leg above my ankle. I did some research and found that other barefoot/minimalist runners experienced something similar. According to the forums it is a tendon that gets inflamed. They found that icing or taking an ice bath right after a run was effective. They also said that it is best to do short runs more often. So I began doing that and I am no longer feeling the burning sensation while I run but it definitely hits when I slow down to a walk. I am hopping with more time this will slowly fade out. We will see.

The really cool thing about this running experience is how much more mindful I am while I run. Instead of being so focused on burning calories and dealing with side aches, pain, and shortness of breath, I actually am completely focused on my form and making sure that I run in a way that doesn't hurt my body. I am also really excited with how well I am breathing while I run. My legs give out way before my breathing does. This is definitely a new development for me. It is amazing how different an experience this is and I am really enjoying the process.

Thanksgiving in Colorado Springs

This year for Thanksgiving my sister Michelle invited us to spend Thanksgiving with her family. I was really excited to go because I have never had a chance to visit her in Colorado Springs. We were set to go and the only thing that could stand in our way was inclement weather. Thankfully the weather was beautiful and we were able to drive the long drive to Colorado Springs. It was pretty neat to see Colorado. I have never been there before. I got a good long look at Fort Collins and Denver because we hit traffic. Thankfully we arrived in Colorado Springs and had a great dinner followed by a movie of Jim Gaffigan. The next day was Thanksgiving Day. We played with Owen at the park and helped get dinner ready.

 Here we are sitting down to dinner. Everything was fabulous. Later at night Jared, Marcus, and I hit the stores for Black Friday shopping. We hid our loot and luckily everything was still there the next day. Marcus and I bought a blu-ray player, two seasons of Gilmore Girls, two seasons of Simpson's, and our first Blu-Ray video Skyfall. We then went out to visit the Air Force Academy and see the famous chapel they have there.

It was really neat seeing the different religions represented here. I think my favorite was the buddhist room they had. From there we did a short hike in the surrounding woods. 

The next day we visited Garden of the Gods. It used to belong to a family and they donated it to the community as the father's dying wish. Michelle and I don't think we would have been so charitable. Could you imagine having this as your back yard? I would love going walking and running through this. Below are more pictures. 

Afterwards we hopped over to Manitou Springs and ate a creperie place and did some Christmas shopping. We even dared to try the natural springs there which were revolting. It tasted like warm ginger ale. BLECH!

All in all we enjoyed our trip to Colorado Springs. I am glad I got a chance to visit my sister while she lives in Colorado Springs. I am also glad that my old Saturn made the trip. One last story about that and I will close this post. While we were driving home the check engine light came on. We were freaking out as we were out in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming. Luckily I thought to read the manual and learned that the check engine light could have come on because we had been using gas our car is not used to. My theory tested out when we burned through the rest of that weirdo gas the check engine light turned off. Phew! Also we learned why windmills are so successful in Wyoming. Those 60+ mph winds were awful. Glad it didn't snow :)

Celebrating Halloween

For Halloween Marcus carved a pumpkin that was given to us by the Mathers. Marcus's pumpkins stump broke off which he decided to stab into the pumpkin. He then decided to have it look like the pumpkin was puking out his innards. If we were having a competition on most morbid pumpkin, I think Marcus would win.

Sadly Marcus's pumpkin was further deformed by the mag pies eating the innards.