The Obligatory Year End Update

Sooo... You remember that time, a few months ago, when I talked about goals and how I was going to try to put up a new blog post every week?  Ha!  I don't want to brag or anything, but aren't I the funniest of funny?  Every week... I kill me.

Anyway... It's Christmastime again!  I can hardly believe it.  Seriously.  Didn't we just have Christmas, like, a year ago or something?  I guess that's what happens, huh?  Well, our Christmas cards should be hitting the mailboxes of some of you lucky folks (if you're not a lucky folk, you can be!  It's not too late!  Just send me a message with your address and I'll be sure to send you one), so I thought I should get our blog updated with all our latest news so it will all be here for you to read (if you so choose to) once you receive them.

Starting with the youngest (because she's the cutest, of course), here's what's up with Gracee...

What can I say?  Even though she's 2 in every sense of the word, we just love our baby girl.  She's stubborn, demanding, bossy, spoiled, and makes messes like I never thought possible.  But she also loves to snuggle and giggle and sing and tell stories and about a hundred million other adorable things that make it all worth it.  Plus she sleeps for at least 12 hours every night and still takes about a 3-4 hour nap each day, so she's pretty much the most fabulous toddler on the planet, in my opinion.

Oh, Nathaniel...

What are we ever going to do with you?  Keep you and love you forever, I suppose.  This little guy is still my hardest, neediest, and most persistent child.  But I tell you, the kid is so entertaining that I just don't know what we would do without him!  Die of boredom, I'm sure.  Nater keeps us laughing with his crazy personality and with the strangest questions and comments I've ever heard.  I would love to live in his mind for just one day.  It must be a constant party.  He's been having a fabulous time during his 2nd year of preschool so far.  Next fall he starts Kindergarten.  Really.  Pure insanity, I tell you.  

As for Mathew...

Mathew is growing up right before my eyes.  Does he not look way too old in this picture?  Honestly, I keep seeing him as a teenager and I want to cry.  Thankfully, for now, he's still only 8 and he still likes to give me hugs and thinks I'm cool and stuff.  I'm going to enjoy every second while it lasts.  Mathew keeps mostly to himself, I think mainly because his imagination is so intense that the rest of the world just bores him.  He spends hours of time alone in the basement creating the most mind blowing things with his massive amounts of Legos.  I would sometimes wonder if he's even in the house, if not for the frequent screaming matches between him and Nathaniel.  Ah, brotherly love.  

My McKenna....

I almost can't even write about her without getting all choked up.  Mathew growing up too fast is almost a non-issue compared to how fast this girl is growing.  She's on the brink of her teenage years and it's just starting to hit me.  I received my list of upcoming Beehives a few weeks ago and SHE WAS ON IT!  My girl is going to be a Young Woman and I just can't face it.  Kenna spends hours on the computer.  It's so hard for me to set limits for her because she spends most of these hours writing the most incredible short stories.  Tons and tons of them. It's every parents' job to believe that their child will grow to be all shades of successful, but I truly think she has a future in writing.  She loves to read and usually has about 5 books piled up on her nightstand at a time, with bookmarks in all of them.  She can't get enough!  She's a total nerd to her very core, and I mean that in the best way possible.  I'm trying my best to not brag too much, but dangit!  I'm just so stinkin' proud of her.  

As for Brandon and I...

We had a fun summer/fall together.  We participated in our first Dirty Dash...

And discovered what it truly means to be filthy.  Seriously, for those of you who are adventurous, you should give something like this a try.  I still don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

We also ran (and sometimes walked) the Snow Canyon Half Marathon together.

This was such a great experience for us.  My wonderful parents were able to come down to St George with us and they kept the kids overnight and for most of the next day while we ran.  

Their campsite was almost exactly at the halfway point of the race, and I can't even begin to tell you how much it boosted my spirits to see my sweet kids and my parents cheering us on.

In case you can't tell, that's me rushing to scoop my kiddos up in my arms for a halfway-there-pick-me-up.  It was just what I needed.  Even though this was my second half marathon for the year (I also ran - and sometimes walked - the Top of Utah Half  with some friends a couple months before), I struggled with this one (I guess that's what happens when you decide not to train...) and was so grateful to have my family there to support me.  Brandon was such a trooper and stuck by my side the whole time, even though he easily could have sped right past me (without any training or experience, too!  As I've said before, natural athletes are so annoying.)

Race talk aside, things are going pretty well for us.  Brandon is still working at Salt Lake Regional Medical Center as the nursing orthopedics coordinator in the operating room.  He works long, hard hours and sometimes we actually get to spend time with him, which is pretty awesome.  As always, loves to wind down with all things basketball.  Watching, playing, video-gaming... It doesn't matter.

My year has been spent like most stay-at-home moms.  I take care of kids and clean (kind of) and cook (kind of) and just try to keep our lives running smoothly. It's a work in progress.  I also work really hard at improving my health and losing weight.  Why, since just last year, if you can believe it, I have managed to... uh... gain 7 pounds.  Oh, well.  Someday I'll learn to exercise self-control.  I'll get there.  I will.  

I'm still loving my calling as a Beehive adviser, working with the 12-13 year old girls in my church.  I love doing this so much, I sometimes fear my heart might burst.

It's ridiculous how much I love these crazy girls.

So that's that!  The Christmas season can be so crazy sometimes, but I am forever grateful for all the people, experiences, emotions, and all things huge and tiny in my life that turn it into what it is.  Sometimes I just sink to my knees and cry for several long minutes, just because I don't know how to put into words the wonder I feel when I think of all the things that make up my small existence.  It's incredible, isn't it?  

I hope you'll pardon my sentimentality.  After all the horrific news about the tragic shootings in Connecticut today, I'm just happy to huddle in my tiny corner of the world with all that's important to me and just be.  My love and my heart and my prayers are with all who are aching.

I wish you all the Merriest of Christmases and hope you can find joy in every way possible this season.  If I don't get around to blogging again before the New Year, I will see you in 2013!  Because, you know, I'm a sucker for fresh starts and I'm bound to update this dang blog more frequently in 2013... right?

Move It Music

I love music.  And not just in a "Oh, sure... music is great.  I like music" kind of way.  But more in a passionate "I cannot LIVE without music!! It is in my soul!" kind of way.  Seriously.  I realize this makes me sound kind of like a nerd, but we've already known that about me for years, haven't we?  Music can completely alter my mood.  It can make me do things I didn't think I could do.  It can make me cry when I was feeling completely normal only moments before.  (Let it be noted that pretty much anything can make me cry when I was feeling normal only moments before... but that's beside the point.)  I bring this up because I have something funny to tell you.  It's hilarious, really.  You ready?  Ok... I am in my final weeks of training for my 2nd half-marathon.  Why?!  Why would I do this to myself when last years attempt at a half marathon was so miserable for me??  Really, I'm doing it because I need to.  I know I ran the full 13.1 miles last year (as painful as it was) and I know that just making it across the finish line should be something for me to feel proud of.  But I don't look back on that race with pride.  The only thing a feel is a strong sense of disappointment (and a strong sense of friendship... but that's another story).  So I'm giving it another shot.  I just want to feel victorious.  And I know I can. 

So what does this little sob story have to do with music?  Aside from the occasional encouragement from my friends last year, I owe my running 11 miles with screaming in pain knees to the music on my iPod shuffle.  It inspired me and it kept me moving.  Music saw me through.  Now, because I have seen people on facebook or through email or talked to people in person who are always looking for good music to run or walk or just plain be active to, I have decided to share with anyone who is interested some of the music on my "Move It" list.  (Yes, that is literally what my list is called.  Told you I was a nerd.)

Before I dish them out, I have some (about 500... or 4) disclaimers.  It could take awhile for me to get through all of the disclaimers I have, so feel free to skip them.  But be warned that I will not be held responsible for any shock or disappointment you might feel if you don't read the disclaimers first.  Ok, here we go...

1. The songs with the asterisks indicate possible... um... questionable content.  I'm not proud of my questionable music selections.  But what can I say?  Some of the naughtiest music has the best beat for running.  (Haven't I mentioned before how I'm really good at justifying?)  So be warned!  If you'd like to preserve your virgin ears, you might want to skip these ones.  The unstarred songs should be safe.  If they contain anything naughty, I either forgot it was there or I'm too naive to realize what the song is really about.  My apologies.

2.  Some of these songs are downright embarrassing, but I'm going to be bold and put them up anyway.  (Honestly, Britney Spears?  What's wrong with me??)  No one said you had to like my music selection.  Just try to keep your laugh quiet and avoid finger pointing next time you see me.  I'm sensitive.

3.  I make no claims that this music has the perfect beat for running a mile within a certain time frame.  In fact some of these songs could really be considered slow music.  Want to know my requirements for a good running song?  If I can't seem to stop myself from bustin' a move while I'm listening to it (even if my "bustin' a move" is just a really awesome head bop or shoulder shake), then it goes on my Move It list.  That's it.

4.  A good portion of these songs are probably considered "Chick Music" or have a lot to do with women empowerment.  Sorry fellas.  I'm a girl.  I like to feel empowered and talk about love and stuff.

Ok, enough of that.  Here you (finally) have my music selection.  I do believe I have songs from almost every genre under the sun, though R&B is heavily featured.  Hopefully you'll find at least 1 song that will make you grateful you read through all this word garbage to get to the dumb list.  Also, this music is in no particular order.  I really wish I could have alphabetized or somehow put it all in some sort of organized list... but I don't want to.  I have a life to live away from this computer, ya know.  My episodes of Glee in my queue on Netflix aren't going to watch themselves!

Irreplaceable - Beyonce
*Buttons - The Pussycat Dolls
Womanizer - Britney Spears
Circus - Britney Spears
Crazy in Love - Beyonce/Jay-Z
*Naughty Girl - Beyonce
Mouth - Bush
*When I Grow Up - The Pussycat Dolls
*Fergalicious - Fergie (This is one of my embarrassing songs.  So lame.  But it has such a great beat!)
Clumsy - Fergie
Single Ladies - Beyonce
No One - Alicia Keys
*Beep - The Pussycat Dolls (Do The Pussycat Dolls have a single song in existence that I wouldn't have to star??)
*Rude Boy - Rihanna
Have it All - Jeremy Kay
*Dirrty - Christina Aguilera
*E.T. - Katy Perry
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
Say it Again - Marie Digby
I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick or Letters to Cleo (I have both versions)
Who's Got Your Money - Tina Parol
Survivor - Destiny's Child
Soldier - Destiny's Child
Lose My Breath - Destiny's Child
Get Right - Jennifer Lopez
*Take It Off - Ke$ha
*Boom Boom Pow - The Black Eyes Peas
Crushcrushcrush - Paramore
Heartless - Kanye West
Empire State of Mine (the Clean version) - Jay-Z and Alicia Keys
*Love Game - Lady Gaga
Telephone - Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Down Together - The Refreshments
3 - Britney Spears
Who Says - Selena Gomez (this is one of the songs that makes my heart cheer whenever it comes on.  I love it.)
Party in the U.S.A - Miley Cyrus (*groan* I can't believe I'm admitting I have this one on my list.  It's fun to dance to, ok?)
Umbrella - Rihanna feat. Jay-Z
You and I - Lady Gaga
Mr Know It All - Kelly Clarkson
It Will Rain - Bruno Mars
Price Tag - Jessie J (This is another personal favorite.  I love the lyrics as they put well into words a firm belief that I have)
Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO (hee-hee)
I Like it Like That - Hot Chelle Rae
Brighter Than the Sun - Colbie Caillat
It's Time - Imagine Dragons
Everybody Talks - Neon Trees (I'm so in love with this band right now)
Animal - Neon Trees
You Da One (the Clean version) - Rihanna
Cowboy Casanova - Carrie Underwood
Brokenhearted - Karmin
Rumour Has It - Adele
Tik Tok - Ke$ha
Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
Peek-A-Boo - Siouxsie and the Banshees
Gold Digger - I like the version by The Glee Cast because it's clean... and Kanye West is not my favorite person.

There you are!  50+ music ideas for those who want them.  Want to do me a favor?  Of course you do, because you think I'm fabulous and you want to make me smile.  Right?  Leave me a song idea!  I'm less than 2 weeks away from the big race and I'd really like some new tunes to get me through 13.1 miles that I am not at all prepared to run.  Have a heart!  Just do it!

The Pictures on my Camera

So, maybe I didn't quite meet my "new post every week" goal. But really, it's an improvement. I only missed it by 2 days! (I have a special talent for justifying. It's kind of impressive, really). And in my defense, I've been really lazy... Huh, somehow that didn't sound like a very good defense. Seriously though, I really do have a reason that I'd like to throw out there as a good defense. You see, Brandon likes to play basketball. Church basketball. (Does anyone see where this is headed yet? You will...) A couple of weeks ago, he became a little... we'll use the word "aggressive" or maybe "competitive", and he managed to tear a few key ligaments in his thumb while trying to steal the ball. So last week he had to have surgery to reattach these ligaments. Men and their basketball. I'll never understand. So, there you have it. My world was turned upside-down by my husband's minor thumb surgery. I'm fragile.

What I'm really here to talk about is pictures. After letting pictures sit and sit and sit on my camera for 6 long months, I finally decided to take the time to download them onto my computer. I was sure I'd have tons that would give me at least a month's worth of post ideas. Until I finished and realized that I have a grand total of... 29 pictures. I'm so ashamed. How am I ever supposed to be taken seriously as a Utah Mom if I can't even take pictures frequently??

In any case, here's a few of my favorites...

First up, Christmas!!! (Unlike most people, I think posting about Christmas in July is ideal. I don't really have a reason why, but saying that makes me feel a little more confident.)

Christmas was a grand affair full of Christmas pajamas and a big tree...

Christmas stockings and sacks full of new clothes...

And cute toddlers in boxes

That's pretty much all I have to say about that. After all, Christmas was 6 months ago and my brain doesn't retain information well anymore.

Now, let's skip ahead 3 months and wish Mathew a Happy 8th Birthday!

He chose to have a super awesome Ninjago themed birthday party. I went all out and bought mini Ninjago lego sets, attached them to balloons, barbecued some hot dogs, baked some cupcakes, and hung out upstairs while Mathew and his buddies did whatever they wanted downstairs. It was a rockin' party... I think. Like I said, I stayed out of it as much as possible. How do people throw their kids amazing parties with themed games and crafts and fancy cakes? I practically needed to do my breathing through a paper sack with just having 6 extra kids all in my house at the same time!

Now with Mathew turning 8, he also had the opportunity to be baptized. I'm really heading downhill at this point, because I didn't even bring my camera. But I did manage to snap a picture on my phone...

Ta-da!! Mathew and Owen all decked out in their cute little suits. *sniff* Moving on...

After Mathew's baptism (the day after, to be exact) comes Easter.

I wonder sometimes if kids resent their parents for making them wait to dig into all their cool loot while we snap pictures. Maybe I'm giving my kids a healthier childhood by not being much of a picture taker. Right? Perhaps? Eh, it was worth a shot.

And last but not least... We have Gracee's birthday.

Again with the cupcakes. I tell ya folks, cupcakes or store bought cakes is as good as it gets around here. Pardon her sad expression. I don't think she was thrilled with us lighting her yummy treat on fire. But she cheered up once she actually got to eat it.

See?? My cupcakes may not be pretty to look at, but they are delicious! (Or as delicious as cupcakes made from a Betty Crocker mix can be, anyway)

And that's pretty much it! 6 months of memories all stuffed in a few choice pictures. I actually do have quite a few more pictures on my phone, but that requires downloading them and adding them and trying to think of something semi-interesting to say about them... Really, it's a lot of work. So I'll just leave you with one more, that I already downloaded onto facebook a few weeks ago, so it doesn't take too much effort.

One of the few fun things we've managed to do so far this summer (and by summer, I mean that we let the kids ditch school one day so we could have some fun) is taking a couple days to spend with my family in the mountains. We went to the zoo and ate at a small hamburger joint (small hamburger joints always have the best food) and roasted marshmellows and went hiking and got filthy and all kinds of mountainous fun!

Alright! That's all for now. My blogging duty has sufficiently been fulfilled! Until next week (or the next... or the next... I'm working on it.)

Talking Resolutions... 6 months late

Hello World! I am back and ready to blog! .... Uh, hello?
*crickets chirping*
Yeah, I thought I might be here alone. Oh, well. Perhaps, over time, I can slowly rebuild some sort of readership. You see, I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot about New Years Resolutions... that I never even bothered making this past year. Let's just say I've been feeling a little unmotivated over the past 9 months or so. So I had a heart-to-heart with myself and decided it's high time I make those resolutions. Or - as normal people who don't need the start of a New Year to make changes call them - GOALS. Hmmm... goals. What a concept.

Now I would take the time right now to map out all these goals of mine, but I'm not going to. Let's be honest, nobody but me really cares what my goals are. Plus they're personal and, in the case of many, a bit embarrassing. But I will share with you just one: I am going to start blogging on a regular basis again.
*pauses for cheering... but is still hearing crickets*
Ahem... Anyway, right now I'm shooting for once a week. Is this even possible for an unmotivated 30-something-year-old-stay-at-home-mom who has barely managed to update her blog once every 6 months for the past 2 years??? Of COURSE it is!! Because I'm trying this new thing, it's called "believing in yourself". I know, I think it sounds a little hokey too. But people swear by it, and I thought why not? So there you go. I am capable of making changes. I am. I AM!!! (Sorry, sometimes I have to try to talk myself into things).

I have so much to update on. Not that we've been up to much, but I do have about 100 pictures sitting on my camera that have been there since Christmas. I suppose at some point I should transfer them to the computer and document our life. I'm hoping if I do, it might one day remind my kids that they did something with their childhood, other than watching the Disney channel.

So, by the end of next week, there will be another post on here. There will. THERE WILL!!! (Sorry, still talking myself into it). Until then, I wish you all the best in your own goal-making/keeping endeavors. Um, if you don't mind, will you take a moment to send me your own "wish you all the best" positive mental vibes? Seriously. I need all the help I can get.

And a blog post in a pear tree!

Alright, my friends... Christmas cards are hitting the post office in the morning. A full 4 days before Christmas. If I'm not good at procrastinating, then what am I good at? This year I've included a little line on them, telling everyone to check out our blog for the yearly update. So I suppose I should write a yearly update, lest I leave you all checking my blog and only finding the depressing post about how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom... that I wrote 6 months ago. So here we are! Time to wrap up 2011! Here's the scoop, starting with...

Gracee Girl! It has been both fun and heart-breaking to watch Gracee grow up this year. After being slightly worried about her major motor skills since she was only a few months old, I finally broke down and enrolled her in Early Intervention for physical therapy. Gracee is so in love with her physical therapist, Shawna, who has been stopping by the house every couple weeks to work with her. Shawna brings fun toys and cheers her on for nearly every move she makes. What's not to love? This makes life fun for the rest of us, as Gracee expects applause and cheers every time she stands up, takes a few steps, puts a block away, says a word... you get the idea. We hear a lot of "Yay!!" and clapping at our house. It's very exciting. She's adorable in it's purest form, but also has quite the attitude. Don't cross this girl or she will lash out at you with her vicious baby nails and stare you down. I'm tellin' ya, her scowl would be poisonous if it wasn't so stinkin' cute. Gracee finally started walking the week of Thanksgiving. We're all very proud.

Nathaniel has had a productive year. Over the summer, after many failed attempts, we finally got this little stinker potty-trained. The deal maker? Superhero underpants. Who knew? I should have thought of that a year ago. Oh, well. I decided to put his diaper money to good use and enroll him in preschool. Best money ever spent. He loves school and loves his teacher "Mister Shelf" (translation: Miss Michelle. Took me about 2 weeks to figure out who he was talking about. I kept thinking Michelle must have named a special shelf in the room...). Nathaniel keeps us in stitches daily with all his crazy phrases and his silly sense of humor. He also nearly sends me into fits of hysteria every day with his persistant whining to get whatever he wants. Right when I'm ready to pack up a little knapsack for him and drop him off in the woods somewhere, he always comes around with big squeezes and lots of "I love you, Mommy", and just like that, he's forgiven.

Oh, Mathew... What can I say about this kid? I hardly know he's around. This boy can take care of himself! Half the time, he makes his own breakfast, his own lunch, and if he doesn't like what I made for dinner (85% of the time), he's got it covered! He will disappear for hours, engrossed in his legos most of the time, and be completely content. We've been worried to the point of asking his teacher if he interacts with other kids at school well, and were shocked to learn that she frequently has to ask him to stop talking with his friends during class. Never thought I'd be happy to hear a teacher tell me that. I shouldn't have been too surprised, because when he does come around, he will talk my ear off about the craziest things. Almost like he stores up a certain amount of conversation topics in his head until his brain becomes so full, it all just spews out in pure randomness. Mathew's year hasn't held a whole lot of exciting changes, but he doesn't need lots of change and attention to be happy... and I love him for it!

If you were to ask McKenna what the highlight of her year was, she would tell you, hands down "Seeing Taylor Swift in concert!" McKenna can obsess about things like nobody's business! I've truly never seen anything like it. Over the last year or 2, her biggest obsession has been Taylor Swift. So when my brother, Lynn, and his wife, Vicki, suggested buying concert tickets for McKenna and Megan (McKenna's favorite cousin, and fellow obsessed Taylor Swift fan), I couldn't refuse. Even when the cost of the tickets nearly sent me into cardiac arrest. The concert fell only a couple short weeks after McKenna turned 10 and was the perfect excuse for a really, really cool birthday present. The tickets were a fortune, but the expressions on those girls' faces, and their over-the-top excitement was priceless. Worth every penny. Back at home, McKenna is darn near perfect. She's doing great in school, has evolved into an amazing babysitter, is the truest of peacemakers, volunteers to say family prayer every night, and still thinks Brandon and I are superheroes. She's fantastic, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.

Brandon is still a nurse at Salt Lake Regional Medical Center, and he works hard. Honestly, this guy works his guts out. I bring this up because other people have also started to notice. Brandon received a big promotion at work this year (not to mention a decent pay raise), and I got to listen to at least a dozen people gush about how wonderful he is at his work Christmas party a couple weeks ago. I love seeing other people acknowledge what I see all the time at home. He works long hours, then comes home and helps me out with all things domestic (since I was somehow born without all these domestic qualities every other woman I know seems to possess). When he's too tired to face life responsibly, he loves to wind down with his amazingly talented basketball or football teams on the PlayStation. Can you believe his teams are nearly always undefeated?? He was also called to be an Elders Quorum teacher for our church, and is starting to regret all those times he didn't contribute to the lessons now that he's the one up front, listening to crickets chirp after he asks a question... or so he says. I have no doubts he's just as great a teacher at church as he is at home. I've said this before, but Brandon is seriously the glue that holds this family together. I would go completely insane without his support, his help, and his encouragement.



Me? I've learned a lot this year. I've learned that I'm capable of waking up at 4:45 in the morning to run 4 miles on a regular basis. I've learned I can do things I never thought I'd could do when I have the right support. I've learned how important friends and family can be in helping you overcome your insecurities, your fears, your failures, your shame, and every other pain imaginable. I've learned that if you train for a half marathon on asphalt, you shouldn't run a half marathon on a rocky dirt trail, (I still don't think my knees have fully forgiven me). I've learned that even if I run 11 miles in one day, I won't lose an ounce unless I stop shoveling down large servings of deep-fried foods and multiple glasses of Coke. I've learned that working with 12-14 year-old girls in the Young Women's program can awaken a whole new kind of affection inside of me. I've learned the true tenderness that comes from the love of a family. I've learned so many things, I don't even know when to stop rambling on about it! It's been a wonderful, emotional, motivating, spiritual, exhausting, heart-breaking, strengthening year for me. One of the only years in recent memory that I can honestly say did not pass quickly. I'm ready for 2012, but I'm grateful for everything I'm taking from 2011.

I don't like to get too spiritual. I'm ashamed to admit that it's not really who I am and it makes me uncomfortable to lay my heart out for others to see. But, this year I feel exceptionally grateful to my Father in Heaven, and to my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am blessed with too many things to even begin counting. It overwhelms me to even try. But more than that, I am blessed with knowing that I am loved for all my shortcomings, my mistakes, and my countless weaknesses. I hope you're able to feel that same unconditional love, and that you also feel how it can pick you up when you don't have the strength to continue on your own. Of all the things I've learned this year, it's this that helps me make it through the days I don't want to face.

Merry Christmas to you all, and the very best wishes for an amazing New Year!

With love,
Brandon, Sheri, McKenna, Mathew, Nathaniel, and Gracee Staten

The Dark Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. Seriously. I honestly don't know how I, or anyone else, survives it day after day after day. I would go into all the responsibilities that we face every day, but the internet is already saturated with emails about how much a mother would make if she was paid an honest wage for all the different careers she dabbles in on a day to day basis. And annoying as these emails get after awhile, they are the full truth. Just once, I'd like to meet one of those nasty people who assumes stay-at-home moms do nothing but sit on their large backsides and eat ice cream by the quart while watching soap operas, and I'd like to introduce them to my fist. (I note that "introducing my fist" is much more comical than threatening... but you get my point).

I bring all this up, only because I've been giving a lot of thought to my life lately. I'm going to expose my insecurities here for a minute and admit that I have been feeling drained, unappreciated, and exhausted in every way a person can be. It's the truth. Why is it so blasted hard to climb this barbed ladder toward perfection?

If one were to put a hidden camera in my house for a day, I'll tell you right now what you would see. Between all the meal making, diaper changing, attention giving, computer typing (I work from home, doing data entry), cleaning, laundry folding, and all the other responsibilities - you would see a frumpy woman in sweats and no makeup, pacing the house and running an inner monologue that goes something like this:

I'm exhausted. I think I'll lay Gracee down and take a nap. No, I can't, I still have 4 hours of work left to do. No, before I start working, I have to get the laundry started. But wait, in order to start the laundry, I have to fold all those clean clothes piled up on the bedroom floor. That will take forever. I wonder if Mathew can wear those same jeans he's been wearing for the past week one more time without anyone noticing how filthy they are. Ok, dishes! I have to do dishes. Oh my goodness! It's 10:30 and I still haven't gotten the kids any breakfast! No wonder they're all crying. Ok breakfast... dangit! I don't have anything to make. I need to go grocery shopping. Ahhhh, I can't go grocery shopping until Thursday when we get paid again. The kids will be fine with cereal again. Oh, but we don't have any clean bowls or spoons until I do dishes. And the table is covered with last night's dinner. I have to clean that off first. Ooo... maybe I'll eat the last brownie for breakfast. If I sneak it into the bathroom and lock the door, I won't have to share it with the kids. But would it be worth the Weight Watcher's points? Eh, screw it. I don't care about Weight Watchers today. Wait, dinner! What on earth am I going to make for dinner? Brandon will never forgive me if I tell him we need to do fast food again. Uh, I'll worry about it later. Something's bound to magically appear in the fridge and/or pantry by 5:00 tonight. Alright, seriously, I have to get some work done or I'll be up until midnight keying and I have to get up at 4:45 to go running with the girls. Argggh! If Nathaniel and Mathew fight one more time, I'm going to lose it completely! Umm... what's that smell? Are you kidding me? Gracee needs to be changed again? How can a body that small hold so much poop?! That's it diaper change, breakfast (we'll just pull out the paper bowls and eat at the counter), and then I'm taking a nap. I'm exhausted.

Seriously, I could run this monologue for pages and pages, but I'm sure I've lost the interest of more than half of you as it is. What I didn't include in the above paragraph, is how many times I berate myself for being so whiny when there are millions of people in this world who don't have enough food to worry about being overweight, or enough house or clothes to worry about keeping them clean, or enough money to worry about budgeting. Then I feel even worse because I've just added "being a despicable, ungrateful human being" to the list of my faults.

On my darkest days, I have this morbid fantasy that includes me, while driving alone, being involved in a horrific car crash that lands me in the hospital for a full month. During this full month, I can do nothing but lay in the hospital bed while my every want and need is cared for by trained professionals. I realize this confession may cause a few concerned emails and phone calls from my family and friends, imploring me to seek counseling and/or medication... but let me finish. This dark fantasy of mine also includes the fact that the man caused the accident is a filthy rich billionaire who'd had just a little too much to drink. In his guilt-ridden state of grief and despair, he offers to not only pay all my hospital bills, but to make certain my family and I never financially want for anything for the rest of our lives. Also, when I come out of surgery after the accident, the doctor approaches me and quietly explains that he's very sorry, but in order to save my life, they were forced to do a full tummy-tuck, some liposuction, and a breast lift. The best part of this fantasy, is that I leave the hospital one month later, completely recovered, rejuvenated, and ready to face life head on with my bank account bursting with money that I can spend on my new, size 4 wardrobe. Is this all too much to ask?

So since I've been rambling on about my poor pitiful life for far too long, I should probably get to the point where I reveal how all of this is worth it. How life, in the scheme of things, is truly splendid and blissful. I should share with you the big lesson I've learned from all this dwelling on my shortcomings. But you know what? I don't have a big lesson to share. I'm still learning and still trying to find my balance every day. (You'd think after nearly 10 years of this, I'd have it figured out by now). However, so I don't appear to be incredibly bitter and ungrateful, I will acknowledge that there are numerous days that I do feel blissfully happy. I feel proud of my healthy body, even with all it's imperfections. I marvel at my fortune in having such a patient husband and such sweet children. I smile contentedly at the small corner of my house that I was able to clean spotless... I know it's not all doom and gloom all the time. And I guess that's what matters. As it has been said, what fun is a roller coaster without all the ups and downs?

Now, I'd better get off this dang blog (which I've been neglecting for months) and get back to life. I need to work, and do laundry, and help Brandon clean the basement, and buy a gift for the birthday party Mathew is going to today, and buy groceries for that salad I'm supposed to bring to dinner tonight, and figure out what to do for Father's day, and....

My Blogging Hiatus - What you missed

I know I said you didn't miss much during my 5 months of zero blog posts, and I know I said I wasn't going to fill you in; but after receiving dozens of emails begging me to update anyway, I finally decided to relent and just do it. Ok fine, I really didn't receive any emails asking me to update. I'm doing this all out of the goodness of my heart. And because I can't, for the life of me, think of anything else to blog about. So here you are. August - December 2010. Here's what you missed...

AUGUST

2010 was the year of the wedding! Between Brandon and I, we had only 3 siblings who had yet to be married. All 3 said their "I do's" in 2010. What fun, eh? Aleisha was the last of the three and we all spent the latter part of August celebrating her wedded bliss to Rory. On the day of the actual wedding, I was (once again) fantastic at ignoring the happy couple completely and managed only to get a picture of my own little family. Who says I don't have my priorities straight??



The reception was held the day after the wedding, and all sarcasm aside, it really was beautiful. Dave and Susan (with lots of help from others) turned their incredible backyard into a dream setting for a reception. It was truly breathtaking. In spite of a bit of rain (and frantic moving of reception food and decor in and out of the house), the night was fantastic. Pictures? I've got plenty from the reception. Here's a few of my favorites...





And, you won't believe it, but this time, I really did take a picture of the bride and groom. See??



And for my last picture of the wedding events, I offer you this... When the heavens decide to rain down upon your wedding/reception day, the least they can do is offer up a beautiful rainbow for an apology.



Moving on...

SEPTEMBER

The month of September brings us McKenna's 9th birthday. Due to McKenna and her friend Savannah having the same birthday, it's always a party. A big thanks to Amanda for coming up with the idea of how to celebrate this one. The day began with taking lunch to the girls at school, like always.



Followed up by a girls night that rewarded Amanda and I just as much as the birthday girls. That beats hosting a late-over for 8 screaming girls any day of the week!



The four of us enjoyed pedicures, dinner, mall shopping, and a movie (with lots of popcorn and cherry coke). Seriously... this is how to celebrate! McKenna can have a birthday any day of the week! Well, provided I can have another few months to save up plenty of cash for the occasion. The best way to wrap the whole day up, is by copy & pasting the facebook status I put up at the end of that day:

I know this is so overused, but I have to do it - taking lunch to McKenna at school $10, birthday treats for her class $10, pedicures $40, shopping at the mall $20, dinner out $12, movie tickets $14, movie snacks $10, frostys $2, calories consumed... let's skip this one, tucking her in and having her say, "Mom, thanks for the most awesome birthday ever"... Yep, you know it's coming... PRICELESS.

Next up...

OCTOBER

October is, by far, my favorite month of the year. The weather is usually perfect and there's just something extra fun about fall festivities. While I didn't get out nearly as much as I would have liked to, we did manage our annual trip to Gardner Village to enjoy the witches (along with every other stay-at-home mom and her 4 children within a 50 mile radius... or so it seemed).





We also paid way too much money to take a trip up the Haunted Canyon on the Heber Valley Railroad. Too much money... but lots of fun (and mostly worth it) all the same. It was dark, and my camera is only one step up from the cheap disposable kind you buy at gas stations. My apologies, these very low quality pictures are all we captured. Still, memories are memories, so up on the blog they go!



In the 1st picture, the flash is (obviously) unbearably bright. In the 2nd picture, the flash is almost non-existent because I'm... uh... covering it with my thumb. Needless to say, I've never won any awards for photography.

This brings us to the main event... Halloween Day! Or technically, the day before Halloween Day-Day! Since Halloween fell on a Sunday this year, we Utahns like to celebrate on Saturday instead. We're cool like that. We braved the rain in pursuit of candy at both the neighborhood Trunk-or-Treat, and your typical door-to-door "Trick-or-Treat!" We got lots of candy. That's all I'm going to say about that. Here's pictures!

May I present (in no particular order)...

Indiana Mathew! *insert Indiana Jones theme song*



Nathaniel Mouse! (and Dad) Em-eye-see-kay-ee-why-em-o-you-es-ee!



McKenna the Pirate...ess! (and Dad) *insert Pirates of the Caribbean theme song*



And finally, Gracee the baby chick! (and Dad) *insert... uh... a chick chirping... I guess...?*



For the true night of Halloween, we spent the evening at Grandpa Dave and Grandma Susan's for their traditional Halloween party, which always includes delicious soups, trick-or-treating down the hallway (at all the best and most prestigious bedrooms in the house), and "fishing" for prizes. We all love it. More pictures? Why, yes!





And that, my friends, concludes October. Onto...

NOVEMBER

In November, McKenna's grade put on a Veteran's Day program that made me cry...



It snowed... A LOT...



And my brother, Lynn, and his unusually productive wife, Vicki, hosted a fun and very delicious Thanksgiving Dinner. (Sorry, no pics. Or by this point, maybe I should say, "No pics... you're welcome).

And last but not least...

DECEMBER

Ah, Christmas. It would be such a wonderful time of year if I didn't have to work until 3:00 in the morning (yes, literally) pretty much every night. And wake up to feed a baby at 5:00 am. And get up to get kids off to school at 7:30 am. Yuck. I don't remember much, but judging by the pictures I took, here's what we did!

We saw Santa...



McKenna created her own Santa costume and provided us with an excellent blackmail picture for the future. (yes, the sheet of lined paper hanging from her chin is indeed supposed to be a beard)



We decorated the tree...



On a side note, I should mention that we decided to buy, for the first time, a real, live Christmas tree this year. The result? Branches that wouldn't support our ornaments, pine needles EVERYWHERE, and worst of all... nearly a dozen baby spiders hatching while we hung ornaments. Needless to say, it was a fun idea in theory, but I highly doubt we will ever do it again. If I ever start thinking about it again, maybe several years down the road, someone please be sure to remind me about the spiders.

We met up with fun friends and saw lights at Temple Square...



Nathaniel turned THREE...



And, dressed in their Christmas jammie best, the kiddos received a very generous visit from Santa...
(My apologies for the hazy pictures. I must've had fingerprints all over the camera lense, courtesy of one - or more - of my 4, grubby fingered children)



The stockings were hung from the partition wall with care...



(Stockings provided by the amazing talent of my fabulous Mother)

Well, there you have it! Five months of posts in one! I have been working on this dang post for nearly 3 hours! (You can find the point I started becoming restless with it by noting the lack of commentary through November and December). If you made it through all that... cookies to you! I really hope you didn't have anything better to do with the last 20 or so minutes of your life. In the future, I vow to try my best to be better about frequent, normal size posts. Rather than twice yearly mega posts. Until then... BYE!