(xposted, backup project and gentleman's auxiliary)
It's been a long time since there's been activity in these communities. I wish it were easier for me to write this out, but ignoring what's in my head is not going to make me feel any less like falling apart when I think about it. So here goes.
I've been working at
Arisa for 4 years including this one. Not by an means a long stint considering how many people run it. It's what I think of as a pretty good con, including in terms of social awareness. It's not Wiscon, but it funded the Carl Brandon Awards, so that's a good sign. It's a party con, and not as dedicated to awareness as Wiscon even though it has some.
What wasn't so good was what happened this afternoon in my space. By running a con area, I have staff reporting to me. I'm responsible for their behavior, and I'm also responsible for keeping them safe, and my guests safe. Today I was tested in this. I think I came out OK, but I'm still shaky.
Ejecting a normal staff member should have proved no problem, but the problem in this case was a large, muscular, misogynistic (he'd say he likes women) troll. I mean like an internet troll made flesh. He'd been foisting unwelcome attention on women for the entire con, including entering Green Room space, though he wasn't a program participant, and upsetting more than one of my female staff. He'd also verbally pinned several women to the wall, said degrading things about female science fiction authors in clear attempts to pick fights, and as I later found out, been given a warning because he was accused of staking someone.
That alone should not have presented a problem. The main problem was that he
WAS con security. I have no fucking clue how he was selected, but the person who selected him was both female, and a long term Arisia staffer.
Right after he insulted the religion of the female staffer previously mentioned, I told him loudly that he was ejected. He refused to move. One of my other staffers is a six-foot-OMG-tall Tae Kwon Do black belt, who certainly could have ejected him, but violence is the last thing I wanted, because the guy was spoiling for a fight. So, security showed up, and their solution was to shut down my room, leaving a belligerent asshole in a room full of food.
But *wait* it get worse. Not only did the troll occupy the room for over a hour, essentially shutting it down, but on the other end of the room was a child trapped in the room by upsetting, loudly arguing adults. His parents cleverly put headphones on him and had him video-game for a while. Staying in the room to make sure no shenanigans were gotten up to was the aforementioned black belt. Folks, being tall and capable of defending yourself is no armor against emotional strain from adrenaline, fear, and having to restrain yourself from giving in to violence.
I fell down there. My first concern should have been for my staff, and fuck the room. I should have gotten my staffer out, and told the con staff that, because that guy was in there unsupervised, everything should be considered potentially contaminated and thrown out. For a long time afterward, my staffer was vibrating with stress, which I should have saved him from. For that I'm ashamed.
I'm *not* ashamed of taking a stand and creating drama. I'm feel bad for the people who had to deal with it, but I won't feel bad for creating drama, because it needed to happen before I did anything about it. That troll should never have even been given a security badge. But even so, someone responsible for the con's operation had the responsibility to the guests to stop that kind of behavior. I personally should have tried to make something happen the day before when I saw him hitting on my staffer.
It was incredibly hard to make the scene, create the drama, stand up to someone physically bigger than me, and get him thrown out. Not only out of my room, but off security, and later out of the con, and out of the hotel, escorted by hotel security.
I know many women deal with this on a regular basis, which suck so bad I don't have words. I'm still shaky and close to tears, and I would have broken down, had stupid cultural programming told me I wasn't allowed to cry.
What I want out of all of this is a con that takes safety more seriously. I want a con that has people saying "the PC Police have taken over". I want a con in which a problem of a man harassing women that was noted on Friday did not have to wait to be resolved until Sunday afternoon. I want the head of security not to tell me "I hit on women all day" as a response to the accusation that her security staff is giving unwelcome attention to women.
I am thankful to my conchair for dealing with the problem, and following up with me because she cares about me. I'm thankful to my division head for backing me up.
I'm thankful to the backup project and gentleman's auxilliary for existing in order to help me understand how I might best deal with the problem.
What I did was not heroic. It should be everyday behavior until this shit is stamped out. If you feel like holding me up as an example, channel that into finding a way to help stop this from happening again.
