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Jan. 20th, 2020 03:28 amI think I stepped out of time. I think all the signs were there,
writing death poetry, feeling the weight of god saying
that I was already too old
Ten years ago I was so small I knew I could vanish and it would barely register.
10 years ago I at least had the hope that I had a possible future where things
could change.
I have so many more words than I can ever get out of my head. Because I can’t convince myself I matter anymore. Sometimes I just want to get good and drunk, and by drunk I mean the most tipsy I’ve ever been, the time just couldn’t stop talking, and then just rant and cry and rage until there are no more words anymore until I’m finally empty.
I got that brief moment after reading my poetry where everything was right in my head, and now I’m worse off than I’ve ever been. I’m begging god for signs, I’m testing those signs as life or death but you can’t ultimatum any god if one exists.
When I speak, people leave.
writing death poetry, feeling the weight of god saying
that I was already too old
Ten years ago I was so small I knew I could vanish and it would barely register.
10 years ago I at least had the hope that I had a possible future where things
could change.
I have so many more words than I can ever get out of my head. Because I can’t convince myself I matter anymore. Sometimes I just want to get good and drunk, and by drunk I mean the most tipsy I’ve ever been, the time just couldn’t stop talking, and then just rant and cry and rage until there are no more words anymore until I’m finally empty.
I got that brief moment after reading my poetry where everything was right in my head, and now I’m worse off than I’ve ever been. I’m begging god for signs, I’m testing those signs as life or death but you can’t ultimatum any god if one exists.
When I speak, people leave.
