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Friday, October 31st, 2008
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12:09 pm
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| Sunday, April 6th, 2008
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12:21 am
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I feel great!
Ok not great..but almost like myself. I'm feeling passionate about things. I have a drive to learn. And although getting teary quite frequently, but always caused by a wonderful emotion, might be worrisome to most, it is THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD. I feel like me again. I see beauty in the odd things I used to. I feel passion about myself and people and things. I have the desire to achieve great things, to set goals for myself. I FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL OUTCAST AGAIN! A WEIRDO! A FREAK! Just a fucking oddball. And that is what I am and what I've always been. And I am back to accepting it and living it..and loving it.
I can't wait to explore the world and see what it will bring to me. I am finally ready to use my potential. My present goals far exceed my goals of the past..but will bring a much happier future.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 11th, 2008
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5:04 pm
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My parents (and their boyfriend) came to The Sportspage last Saturday to hear me sing. I didn't want them too..but my mom made plans to do it..so I had to give them directions. They got there about 9:30pm..and took 1 sip of CJ's captain and coke..and I KNEW they were gonna have a good time.
I figured they'd stay for a few hours..and then take off and go home and go to bed...because my mom usually goes to bed at like 9. They ended up closing the place. My mom was talking to everyone and going out for cigarettes with my friend Keith..and it was just weird. So they left and when I pulled up to my house at 2am...for the very first time IN MY LIFE, the lights were all on. I walk inside to find the 3 of them sitting at the kitchen table eating scrambled eggs and ham.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 8th, 2008
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3:15 pm
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So, I'm against hunting as a sport, however, I agree with it if you're going to eat what you kill.
Therefore, I've made a decision that the rule should apply to humans as well. Murder is ok as long as you plan on eating your victim.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 28th, 2008
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4:18 pm - another gay in the fam
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Last night I watched men's igure skating with my mother. BECAUSE....my 3rd cousin? is like..the junior world mens figure skating thingamajig. Anyways, I've never met the kid..but he came in 3rd for the chance to go to the Olympics..
http://www.figureskatersonline.com/stephencarriere/
his favorite show is America's Next Top Model..so you know he's gay, like me.
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(comment on this)
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9:30 am
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| Friday, January 18th, 2008
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11:45 am
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Next Thursday, I am having laser eye surgery. I had my consultation yesterday and he decided it wouldn't be right to do LASIK on me, but something called PRK because that way he can customize it.
KELLY, DON'T READ THIS PART:
SO with LASIK, the laser cuts a flap in your cornea, they laser your eye..and like reshape shit..and ladidadada, and then they put the flap back over. You're healed in like 2 days.
But with PRK, instead of cutting the flap, they dissolve the whole cornea, do what they gotta do, and put on "bandage contacts" until my cornea grows back. The healing process takes longer than LASIK and also my vision will not be 20/20 right away..it will happen gradually over the next few months.
I'm extremely excited...and now scared at all. I had my eyes poked and prodded all day yesterday..so I'm ready for my Xanax and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 11th, 2008
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5:27 pm
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As soon as your born they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
There's room at the top they are telling you still,
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.
If you want to be a hero well just follow me,
If you want to be a hero well just follow me.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, December 3rd, 2007
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10:00 pm
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I'm slighty disturbed by the dream I had last night.
In my dream I woke up, in my room, in my bed...with a huge erection.
Yes, I had a big penis. And it would not go down.
Now..I'm not sure what this dream means, but it was so goddamn real..I don't think I'll ever recover.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 26th, 2007
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11:28 pm
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| Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
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1:21 pm
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Dear mysterious armpit lump,
Thank you for freaking me out. I appreciate you for not hurting..but I must ask you to leave. I don't really like you.
Thank you,
Robyn
Owner of the armpit
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
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11:33 am
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I had a nightmare this morning.
I was at work. And a patient was checking out. I know who it was. I saw her face and I THINK I know her name, but I'm not positive. She gave me 4 credit cards to put 5 dollars on each, which I'm sure is irrelevant. As I was putting them through the machine I complained about not being able to work with the loud noise I heard and then I heard a big bang and the lights went out. My boss ran up to my desk and said "it's an earthquake." And then everything started shaking violently. Everyone was in my office and she was telling me to get under my desk. But I couldn't move. It was like the vibrations were keping me in my seat and I just sat there in complete shock. The shaking went on for a long time and then finally the building began to fall sideways...and I woke up.
So basically...I woke up freaked the fuck out. And since I've been awake I have this horrible fear and anxiety that SOMETHING bad is going to happen today. Do I think it's an earthquake? No...not that it's far fetched. But SOMETHING. I'm still shaking.
And then..I went into my desk drawer and saw that the patient whose face I remembered is coming in today.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 14th, 2007
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3:14 am
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| Friday, September 21st, 2007
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2:57 pm
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02:08 am: Oh look, there's another "Friends Only" post.
And again, minutes after the bar closes.
More details of her trampass behavior? Yet again?
Naaaa, she must be drawn to go there, just about night after night, simply for the "whore d'oerves".
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
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8:31 pm
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| Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
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12:15 am
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ULTIMATELY my favorite thing ever:
"Speaking of successful relationships...I would think a 51 year old man who's never been married and isn't with anyone right now definitely wouldn't know anything about a SUCCESSFUL relationship. I don't doubt that you've had many a relationship, but had any of them been successful, I am sure you would still be together...unless of course she died or something.
Their reply was:
Fuck off Douchebag. The days when it mattered to me what you thought are LONG gone."
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 9th, 2007
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11:48 pm
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My dart league practices on Sunday nights. When we were finished, I left, and in front of my car was an empty box of the old guy cigarettes that Michael smokes. I kicked them. I got home to find this:
"10:26 pm: My Dad's viewing was today.
It wasn't as bad a day as I had thought it would be.
He looked good, surprisingly, considering he was as sick as he was; had lost as much weight as he had.
The funeral people did a great job with him, I was pleased.
It was good to see some of the people who showed up, friends and relatives I hadn't seen in ages.
My Dad was well loved, and I suppose I am as well.
Afterwards, my thoughts turned to Robyn. When I got home, I thought it might be nice to see her.
Strange, when my mind's not occupied with all that's been going on with my dad, my thoughts still at times turn to her.
I drove to the bar she's become a regular at, figuring she'd be there. And she was. Her car was parked right out front. Thing is, it was the ONLY car parked ANYWHERE NEAR the place. And she was out front, smoking cigarettes with ANOTHER homely fat chick, and some old guy tagging along. And eventually he left, and they went back in. Likely they were 2 of the only people IN the place.
I was saddened at the thought, that she was so friggin' lonely and desperate that it DIDN'T MATTER that there was no one there, the place was empty of all her "friends", the ones who "accept her as she is".
And then it hit me.
She must have her sights set on the friggin' BARTENDER.
In the months since we split, since she had admitted to acting the tramp, doing what she did, with whoever she chose to, because she "wanted to get fucked", she must have gone through the ENTIRE BAR.
The regulars, her dart team, the rest of the dart league, other girls' ex's, there must be no one left to hit on EXCEPT for the bartender.
And it became clear to me, this is just one more thing about her that I need to "accept".
I could only smile and shake my head as I drove away.
Crazy people just loooooooooove to make up stories in their head.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 27th, 2007
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9:10 pm
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He strips his questions down to their barest form, and he finds the single unifying theme of his contradictory feelings. He suddenly knows why he feels the way he does about her, why she still touches him, and why, at irregular and unpredictable intervals, he wonders where she is and how she is doing: he has become her parent, and she his child. He sees, finally, that as much as he believes he was imposing his will on her, she was also imposing her need on him, and their two dispositions interlocked.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 19th, 2007
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3:23 pm
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I got home last night to find an email from Livejournal about the request for my password. I immediately knew that it was Michael that had requested it.
I woke up to this:
"10:06 am: I drank to excess last night.
It was the first time in a LONG time. I thought it might help to mask the pain I'm in, have been in for so long now.
It didn't.
I tried to hack into her journal. A friend gave me a program to do this, and while it works on myspace, it doesn't seem to work here.
I'm not sure exactly WHY I tried; maybe just to satisfy my hunger for information, the way she seeks out penis when SHE'S "trashed", to satisfy HER hunger for, well, penis.
Oh well, it didn't work.
Which is just as well; her entries, I'm already aware, describe, amongst other things, her sexcapades, with this one, that one, and the other one.
Info I'm already aware of; info I don't need to read."
Well I'm certainly ready for THIS to end. You NEED TO STOP. You are losing fucking control and making a fool out of yourself. Your comeback will be that I am the one that's made a fool out of myself..AND THAT IS FINE. But you need to stop now. You're OBSESSIVE.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
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1:34 am
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FUCK YOU for being a selfish inconsiderate asshole. Leave me the fuck alone already. I don't care about you..you've said it a million times. I don't care about you or what you're going through. You've chased me away. So let me go already. I want NOTHING to do with you. I won't apologize and I won't feel badly for you. And no matter what horrible things you have to go through for the rest of your short life..I WON'T CARE. I am done with you. You've treated me like shit, called me as many names in the book as you could. I will NEVER attempt to let you know that I care..EVER AGAIN. Because I don't anymore. SO FUCK OFF.
P.S. Lillie will make a lovely date to the funeral. A real shoulder to cry on. That's what happens when you choose the wrong people to take care of first. Add "decision-making" to your fucking brain insult list.
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