Random Thoughts

...We are looooving our new house!  Everything about it.  But now I'm all sorts of antsy to get it decorated!  Alas, I must be patient.  Money doesn't grow on trees, it turns out.

...We just got back from some time in UT with family.  It was heavenly.

...I am now the aunt to two (yes, two!) sets of twins!  Both of my brothers have had twins this year!  Very exciting, however, the cuteness can be a little overwhelming.  ;)

...My dad's cancer is back in his bones.  This is a setback, for sure.  I've just got to remember to be grateful for every month we get.  He's got lots of fight left in him.  The two sets of twins really help.

...I. Love. SYTYCD.  Wow.  Just wow.  (And Jesse Tyler Ferguson is my favorite guest judge ever!)

...I've never really been hit much by that guilt-trip effect that blogs and Facebook tend to have on people.  Until recently, that is.  Between Instagram and Pinterest, I'm ready to throw in the towel!!  Ugh.  How do you all do it??  

...I'm kinda not excited for school to start this year.  My older two help so much with Gracie and she loves having them around.  We are going to miss them very much during the day.

...That is all.

Hearing Aids

Gracie got her hearing aids three weeks ago and wears them full-time!  This is big news because that can be a big adjustment for these little ones.  She keeps them in for most waking hours and doesn't try to take them out!  (Plus, she looks pretty adorable with them in.)  We have noticed little things that tell us she seems to be hearing better with them in.  She has jumped to a dog barking, fallen in love with Dora (dewrah), sung along to "I'm the Map", and even learned a few new words.  She seems to be excited about the new world of hearing.

As for the rest of us... We are learning a lot.  The reality of the diagnosis is starting to settle in for me.  For awhile there, I think I was hoping that they would come back and say that it was all a fluke; that she hears just fine; or that it isn't as bad as they had originally thought.  I also kept trying to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal; that the hearing aids will solve everything and the hearing loss will require no extra effort on anyone's part.  Well, the tests continue to show a significant hearing loss.  This is not a fluke.  She is hard of hearing and it is permanent.  The reality is that this is a trial.  This is something that will be a challenge for Gracie to deal with for her entire life.  She will mourn her hearing loss and it is okay for me to mourn it, too.  And I do.

Sometimes I regret that we didn't find her hearing loss until now.  It is to her credit, though, that we missed it.  She is one smart cookie and she found ways to compensate for that loss.  She learned to communicate her needs and wants to us without us even realizing that she wasn't actually speaking them. She learned to get by reading facial expressions and hand gestures so well that she stumped even the well-trained doctors with her speech delay.  While I know that the hearing loss will be a stumbling block for her, a great challenge throughout her life, I know that she is extremely capable and will be able to make the very most of what she does have.  She is also one stubborn little girl which, I believe, will get her where she wants to go.

A Whole New World

After surgery last week (tubes)

Our family has entered into a whole new world recently- the world of the {Deaf and Hard of Hearing} (aka DHH).  Gracie was just diagnosed with significant hearing loss.  For those of you interested in the technical terms, it appears to be a sensorineural hearing loss, meaning that there is damage to her inner ear (cochlea) or to the nerve pathways from the inner ear to the brain.  We are not quite sure exactly where the damage is and she may also have something called Auditory Neuropathy (which complicates the diagnosis quite a bit) so we have more testing to do before we can say exactly all that is going on.  Gracie has "Moderate Severe" hearing loss, meaning that she misses most speech sounds that are at normal conversation levels.  Our hope is that hearing aids will help her but we also plan to learn sign language as a family since hearing aids cannot bring her to 100% hearing.  She will be getting her hearing aids (think pink!) this coming week and we are very interested to see how she does with them.

How do I feel?   Bewildered...Nervous...Overwhelmed...Remorseful...But also GRATEFUL.  Grateful for such a sweet, pleasant, flexible little girl who, we predict, will take the challenges that lie ahead of her in stride.  Grateful to have reached this point, to understand what is going on and to be able to move forward from here.  Grateful to have joined such a strong community of people (Deaf and Hard of Hearing).  Grateful to be in excellent, compassionate, well-trained hands.  Grateful to live just up the hill from the school that is the base for the DHH program here in Rochester.  Grateful to be married to a resilient man who has helped me to cope with this diagnosis and will help Gracie throughout her life.  Grateful for the joy that emanates from Gracie and buoys our family up.

St George 2012

We had the great privilege of getting together with my entire family (minus Curt and Dave) in St George, UT over spring break.  We had so much fun being together.  We did tons of swimming, relaxing, exploring, biking, scootering, laughing, playing Draw Some, eating, and playing.  The kids could not get enough cousin time and played together all day every day.  We went just weeks after my dad's stem cell transplant (one phrase to sum that all up: {to hell and back} and this trip felt like a sort of celebration for having made it through.  You'll notice in the pictures that he's bald and rocking it.

On the Road!

Swimming 

ATV's

Sand Dunes

COUSIN TIME

The sweet St George trike!

Draw Some

A Whirlwind Visit

We had my sis-in-law & nephew come visit us in Philly the week before we moved.  They were here for three full days and we crammed in three cities in that short time!!

Day one:   NYC

Double Decker Bus Tour

 

Lego Store

M&M Factory

Times Square

NYC Pretzel

Day Two:  WASHINGTON DC
(Gracie was a bit of a nightmare in NYC so I stayed home with her for this day.)

Trolley Tour

Air & Space Museum

  

Day Three:   PHILADELPHIA

Independence Hall

Franklin's Grave




[Liberty Bell not pictured]

Some News

The News:

We have just recently made a big decision! (I would like to be done with big decisions for awhile, please!)  We have decided to have the kids and me move back to Rochester right away!!  We will be moving in three short weeks!!

The Why:  

As you know, we have been homeschooling this year.  It has been a wonderful experience. Admittedly, it's been incredibly challenging, but I have truly loved it.  And so have the kids.  We really feel like we made the right decision for this year and we all have learned a lot.

At the beginning of the year, S&S had plenty of social time in the afternoons with the neighborhood kids, but that only lasted for a couple of months.  For the last several months, they have had practically zero social interactions and it is obviously concerning for Dave and me.  Plus, they miss it, too.  We recognize how important it is for them to have plenty of social experiences and want to be sure to offer those to them.  So we have decided that it is for the best to move back to Rochester and get the kids back in school there for the last few months of the school year.  There are lots of exciting things about moving back to Rochester so soon (squeal!), I also know it is going to be very hard to be away from Dave/Dad for four long months.  Especially with a house to take care of.  It's also going to be a little hard for me to send the kids back to school.  I have really enjoyed having them around and I will miss them very much.  But I know that we will all survive and that the good things outweigh the challenges of the situation.  So here we go!!!  

Some other updates:

•  Our house saga is nearly over!!  We found our (already built) "One Day" house and we're closing on it in three short weeks!!  (Squeal!!!)  It is just about everything we ever wanted in a great neighborhood, with a great lot, in our perfect ward.  We accepted an offer on our current home and will be closing on that in six weeks.  So hopefully all goes smoothly and the drama will be over in six short weeks!! 
• Gracie's speech is progressing.  Slowly, though.  We are working with a specialist weekly here in PA and will probably start with a speech therapist in MN.  She has about 10-15 words and will be turning two in a couple of weeks.  But she does know a ton of signs so that helps us communicate with her.  We are thinking it is just a speech delay, but we shall see.
• My dad is in the throes of a stem cell transplant right now.  If you have had a loved one go through it before then you know how brutal it can be.  Miserable.  But we have faith that it will be worth it.  Please keep him in your prayers.

The End

Disney World 2012

A glimpse of our trip:

...Gracie really loved the characters and the shows.  Like, really really really loved them.  (Best part of the trip for me was seeing how much she loved them, esp the Beauty and the Beast show.)
...We bought the after 2pm passes every day (Dave had a conference so we could purchase these) and that was PERFECT for us.  Gracie got a nap and we still saw everything we wanted to!
...Sam, Sarah, and Dave did Splash Mountain four times.  Loved it.
...Weather was PERFECT until the last day when it was a bit cold.
...Roller Coasters were Sam and Sarah's favorite part.  Dave's too.
...Sarah used the stroller more than Gracie.  (In her defense, she got sick on the trip.)
...It felt like a near PERFECT trip for all of us.  We're so glad Dave had a conference there so we could go along with him.
(I kept saying to Dave, "This is a perfect trip!" and he would look at me like I was crazy.  His look reminded me that Sarah was sick, Gracie hardly slept at night (and therefore neither did the rest of us), Gracie refused to sit in the stroller so we had to carry all 30 lbs of her wriggly self all over the parks, and so on and so forth.  But, if you were able to look past all of that, it was a PERFECT trip.  ;) )

Happy New Year!

We did our annual recap of the last year for our New Year's Family Home Evening!  This is my favorite tradition.  It helps me to put things in perspective, plus it is just plain fun to savor the memories.  It was encouraging for me to see that 2011 was a better year for us than 2010.  When I say better, I guess I mean less emotionally taxing, less "rock my world."  Here's to hoping 2012 is even better!!

We had a great Christmas here in PA.  It was comfortable, relaxing, cozy and fun.  But not white.  Which was a bummer.  We decided to make our own white Christmas, though, by decking out the house like on the movie Elf.  White paper chains all over and tons of paper snowflakes.  It helped.  But nothing beats a true white Christmas.

Jammies made with love by Aunt Nannies

Dave had the week off between Christmas and New Years so we had a nice Staycation.  Lots of lounging, naps, playing, etc.  We took one of the days to head to Hershey, PA.  We had such a great day touring the Chocolate museum and creating our own chocolate bars.

She really liked the Reeses Dogs.
She had to kiss every one of them.

Dave and I celebrated our eleventh anniversary.  We went out to a really fancy restaurant in Philadelphia (we had a $200 gift certificate and spent it all and more! That's how fancy.) and had some amazing food and a really great time.  We just took our time, savoring every morsel.  After dinner, we stopped at Barnes and Noble to browse around.  It was a very peaceful evening and pretty close to perfect.

Now we are back to the grind.  Well, for a week then we're off to Disney World!!!!  (First time for the kids!)

Christmas Surprise!!

Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

I honestly don't know why I chose that for the title of the post.  It just came to me as I sat down to start typing.  While it is mostly just random, I guess on some level, it is appropriate for how I feel these days.

An update is certainly overdue.  We have a lot of issues going on in our household, few of which make for fun light-hearted reading, so I have been avoiding blog-land.  But if you want a shot of reality, then read on...

Homeschooling is working out well for us.  We did decide to withdraw from the online charter school and do our own thing.  We have been very happy with our decision.  It is very challenging for me, but I wouldn't trade it.  Sam and Sarah love it and never ever wish they were back in the regular school.  Gracie loooves having them around all day.

Sam is growing up quickly.  He loves to play outside with his friends, ride his bike, play street hockey, and read voraciously.  We cannot keep up with his reading habit.  The librarians think we are nuts when we check out 80 books at a time and come back a week later for more.  Homeschooling has been a tremendous blessing for him.  He is much happier.  It has also helped us to recognize his attention difficulties and face them head-on.  (I feel like this is a theme in my life right now--- "Face it head-on."  I'm fine with that.  I just wish I didn't have to face it all head-on at one time.)  We are currently in the process of recognizing what these difficulties are and then hopefully we can come up with a plan to help us best deal with them.  Sam has an excellent sense of humor and is always ready with a laugh.

Sarah is catching up to her brother in height!  It seems she grows a little bit every day, which boggles the mind since she basically survives on an occasional bowl of cereal or smoothie and popsicles.  She turns 7 this weekend and is very excited about this.  She helps run the household.  She is very responsible and has a great mothering instinct.  She is mature beyond her years and is delightful to have around.  She has developed a love for reading, like her brother and can often be found curled up with a book.  She also loves to play outside with the neighborhood kids.

Gracie is, well...  Gracie is JOY.  We are all madly in love with her.  She is an extremely happy, easygoing bundle of cuteness.  She keeps herself constantly busy with various activities such as pulling out all of the markers and drawing on herself, scattering paper plates across the kitchen floor, pulling out all of the family's shoes and practice walking in them (knowing that it's funny and hoping for some laughs), digging for the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms, begging for popsicles, spreading a trail of toys throughout the house, reorganizing the silverware drawer, loading the dishwasher with clean dishes, "organizing" the kids' school bins, kissing any stuffed animal she lays eyes on.  She is a performer and is 100% silly.  She is so grateful to have her brother and sister around all day since they take such great care of her.  She is nearly two years old and not talking at all.  We think it's because the rest of us talk so much that she just doesn't need to!  (We are in the process of getting her evaluated to make sure there is nothing else going on.)

Dave continues to amaze me with his ability to be the sane, wise parent.  He continues to work hard and yet manages to give the kids plenty of time and attention.  He is the first to recognize when I need a break and is always, always willing to give me one.  He brings home crazy Philly trauma stories for us that are next to impossible to believe.  (Philly would blow your mind, folks.  Blow. Your. Mind.)

As for me- well, I am walking a very fine line of crazy.  I enjoy having the kids home and have found it very fulfilling to be doing homeschooling.  It has been a tremendous challenge, though, particularly with my depression.  Another thing I am forced to face head-on right now.

Overall, we are happy and making the most of life as we know it.  We are grateful for all of the growing pains and know that this is the reason we are here.

Homeschooling

You heard me!  Homeschooling.

That's what I've been doing lately!

I say it in an exclamatory way because this is something that I never ever ever thought I would be doing.  Ever.

Here's a little backstory---
As soon as we moved to the Philadelphia area, the idea of homeschooling started popping into my thoughts at random.  For the first little while, I would immediately shoo the thought away, knowing this was something I could never handle.  But the thought kept coming back to me. I started spending a minute or two considering it as it would come to my mind.  But then I would lose my patience with my kids and quickly realize I wasn't cut out for that lifestyle.  No way, no how.

But it kept. coming. back. to me.  I even started spending a few days, even, weeks, at a time considering this option.  But then a bad day or two or three would come along- either with my energy levels or my patience level, and I would snap out of it.  I would stomp the idea right out of my head.  No. Way.
But eventually... the idea would creep it's way back into my head.  I finally started genuinely considering the option.  I even got to the point of fasting and going to the temple with this option.  Wouldn't you know it!  There was no doubt in my mind that homeschooling was what the Lord wanted me to do for my children this coming year.  So I decided to do it!  I even told my kids about it.

But then... a few weeks of butting heads with Sam went by and I decided I was crazy for even considering homeschooling him.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  Completely put the idea out of my head.  There was NO. WAY. I was going to do it.

We were planning for them to start another year at their local public elementary.
 
But!  A few weeks before school was to start, there was that thought again! This time with full force.  After a few days of hemming and hawing, I couldn't deny it anymore.  This is what I was supposed to do for my children this upcoming year.
 
I then took the leap!  It was truly a "leap of faith."  Stepping out into the dark, holding only to the hope that the Lord would catch me and help me to make this work.  It was a scary leap.  Probably one of the scariest leaps I have ever taken.  But as soon as I took it (by going through the major enrollment process), I felt very excited about it.  (Which I took as a good sign!)

We are doing an online charter (public) school.  Doing it this way has it's benefits.  The curriculum is excellent and all laid out for me.  We have teachers to help whenever we need it.  They even teach a subject or two in an online classroom each day.  The school provides each child with a computer, printer, and all of their books and supplies.  They even pay for our internet access!

Since it was kindof a last minute decision, I have been extremely busy trying to get things set up, organized, planned, and figured out.  I have honestly been working around the clock with minimal sleep for two weeks trying to get things figured out.  I have had no time for emails, phone calls, showers, etc.  I am so behind in the rest of my life, that it's a bit overwhelming.  But!  I am getting very close to having a handle on this homeschooling/online schooling so hopefully I can start getting some more sleep.  And spend some more time with my hubby.

So far, I am shocked to be able to tell you that it is going really well.  Seriously.  It's a lot of fun.  The kids are enjoying it, too.  They get to spend more time playing with friends than they did before since they don't have "homework" so the socializing is not missed.  They pretty much run outside at 4pm and play until dark.  (I love it.)

We have had a happier home and I have somehow felt more patient and in control than I ever did before. I love knowing what my kids are learning and being such an integral part of the day.  I feel so much closer to them and this makes us all happier.  I am seeing benefits that I never would've guessed and I feel so blessed to have been led to this decision.

I hope it continues to be a success.  I will keep you posted.

Monsters

I used to think that monsters weren't real.

...Now I know I was wrong...

There is one eating away the bones in my dad's body.  A hungry, greedy, vicious monster.

He started chemotherapy two days ago and we hope this stops the ruthless monster in it's tracks.

Unfortunately, significant destruction has already been done.  Let's just say his femur is connected to his hip by a thin thread of bone.  Dad, please be careful.

"It is necessary men should be tried and purged and purified 
and made perfect through suffering."

~President John Taylor

Our House Saga

We've been living a few different nightmares lately.  One of which has to do with our lovely little home.

The whole story involves too many details to be included here, but I think the gist of the nightmare can be conveyed with this Reader's Digest version.  (Have I told you how much I love Reader's Digest?)  

A few months back, we decided to put our house in MN back on the market.  We got an offer on it fairly quickly and we eagerly accepted it.  It was a bargain price, but we just wanted to be done with this whole process and move on.

Here is a little breakdown of what followed from there:

-We flew our family to MN for a whirlwind house-hunting trip.  It was overwhelming, exhausting, confusing, and expensive.  (I’m not going to mention the added strain of having to spend two whole days with our realtor.  The one we were ready to fire right before we got an offer on our house.)

-We didn’t find a house that we liked.  {Nothing}  (Well, we did find one house that we loved, but before we could get our offer on the table, it went under contract.)

-We were introduced to a builder we liked and found a lot for a steal of a deal in a great neighborhood, so we decided to build.  We got right to work planning our “one day” house.

-We planned the blueprints down to the last square inch.  We poured hours and hours into researching our selections for the house, i.e. paint, windows, appliances, faucets, toilets, cabinets, trim, front doors, garage doors, interior doors, knobs, flooring, mirrors, showers, baths, balusters and the list goes on and on and on.  I bought a plane ticket back to MN to spend a couple of days finalizing my selections.  My parents were kind and generous enough to buy their own plane tickets to meet me in MN and help me with all of the big decisions I had to make.  It was a tremendous sacrifice on their part, but I could not have done it without them.  From there, I spent days and days and hours and hours planning our house down to the doorbell.  We had everything {READY} to go.  Seriously.  All we were waiting for was the money from the closing of our current home so we could finalize our loan for the construction.

-A day or two before the scheduled closing, we got word that it had to be postponed by ten days because the buyer’s lender did not have the money yet.  Okay…  Fine.  We weren’t too worried.  It was nice to have a few more days to finalize our plans, I guess.

-The new date for the closing rolled around and I spent it watching my bank account to see if the money had been wired in yet.  The minute it was in our account, I was going to get the ball rolling with our construction loan.  But... the money never came.  I will spare you the details of the chaotic evening during which my realtor called to inform me that the house did not close, but I will tell you that it was at this point that we started to get nervous.

-We spent the next week losing more hope every day.  We began to come to terms with things and weighing our options

.

-Seven days later our realtor called with the final news- The buyers were out for sure.  (I won’t go into the fact that he was sobbing when he called because his wife’s grandfather passed away the day before.)  (I do need to say that we have felt heartbroken for the buyers through this process and recognize that this was not their fault.  The responsibility lies solely on the mortgage company.)

-The next seven days were filled with torment, confusion, agony.  We discussed, weighed, pondered, and prayed {constantly}.  We needed to decide where to go from here and we wanted to make the right choice for our family.  There were several factors playing into this that made it especially confusing and difficult for us.  And we were under major pressure from our realtor.

-We finally made a decision that we were confident was the right one.  This involved giving our realtor the boot.  If you’re wondering how this went down, imagine breaking up with your 15-year-old boyfriend.  It was worse than that.

-We are now taking a break from “house” stuff so we can deal with the other nightmares on hand.