spacefem

just when I was about to reconsider cross-posting to livejournal, I saw that the first post on the lj homepage is a 685-comment conspiracy theory about how the US created coronavirus as a biological weapon and owes the world concessions for it. absolute nonsense. 

And let me remind you that I was already mad last year about how my entries, on my paid account, show russian dating ads to my readers.  The response I got was basically "we don't care". 

I realize this isn't an airline I don't need to announce my departure, but come on you guys, this place is not innocent. 

I got an email that we were all getting three extra months of paid account status, that's why I came back to see what was going on here. I was very disappointed with the main page today. 

spacefem

I bailed. I went to dreamwidth. there are just too many other trusty friend people who went, I followed the crowd. there's a renewed spirit over there of frienzies and community building and welcoming arms. 

While I appreciate livejournal's interface, post scheduling, phone app... it just doesn't feel right. it's a gut feeling that I shouldn't be here. 

see you on the other side. 

spacefem

last year I was concerned about my 9yo being lost to the real world. all she wanted to do was play videogames. when school started up post-covid, her teacher said she wasn't even playing with other kids on the playground, just walked around thinking about minecraft. she didn't want to go outside with us or go on walks or go play. there was the tough parent world, telling me to limit the hell out of videogames, but I did not do that.

I tried to do the example thing instead. Just invite her on every walk, propose going to the playground, make opportunities to get off the games, find balance. and stress that the games will always be there but nice playground days might not. then I didn't really think about it. I didn't make her do anything.

It's probably been a whole year, but she was asking me what we were doing this weekend and I noticed that hey, she wants to do things again. It's magic. maybe the gaming addiction really was just a pandemic condition?

school is better. she got the student of the week award. she was one of the two kids who represented her class at the school-wide spelling bee, and made it quite a few rounds in there too!

last week she wanted to go to the science museum, so we renewed our pass and got out there. this week she asked why we never took judy to dog parks she'd heard about, so we took judy to the dog park.

spacefem

I found this audiobook on spotify: "Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn't Buy Presents for the Holidays". The author argues that gift giving is a pretty glaring waste of money and resources, and I have to admit he makes some good points. 

It's like this... pretend your loved one spends $100 on a sweater for you for christmas. Maybe you love it, maybe you don't... but on the average, when people are surveyed and our gifts are reviewed, they do not feel like they're getting $100 worth of enjoyment out of the sweater. If they had $100 they'd spend it on something else. The odds of you picking out a fantastic gift for someone else are low.

It's kind of like everybody in America gets into a room and each person throws $1000 into a pile of money in the middle. Some people even go into debt to throw in their cash. Then everyone takes out $600. Then we set the rest on fire. 

There are exceptions. Let's say your uncle has been looking for this ONE comic book for 30 years and you find it in a comic store for $5, then you're a hero! You have a chance at gift giving that is worth MORE than what you pay. But these events are rare. 

I realize this book is cynical as heck, but I kind of like it because my family has really limited what we buy each other these days. Christmas has turned to a few toys that the kids love, and consumables for the adults... a basket of fancy salsa and locally roasted coffee and chocolate covered almonds. 

spacefem

I always joked that I didn’t trust the American tech companies so why throw rocks at livejournal for being a Russian one?

But at least American tech companies aren’t trying to openly start WWIII. As a paid user, I have to think a little about who I'm supporting.

Is this the end for us, livejournal friends? Are you leaving?

I have a dreamwidth account. I guess the option is there for us — I'm just curious what everybody is doing? I am not making a decision right now, just going back and forth. Obviously this poll will be biased because my target audience here is people who are on livejournal! But I know a lot of folks are already on DW so maybe we can sync up over there? 

spacefem

There is a moving episode of the Armchair Expert podcast called Day 7, where the host Dax Shepard opens up about a relapse after nearly 16 years of sobriety. His co-host and best friend Monica said something I think about a lot. She talks about texting a friend and saying "there are pills missing", and her friend tells her to delete the text before Dax sees it. But Monica decides not to delete anything. It is what she has seen, it is truth. He'd been hiding something from his friends and family. I'd been listening to Armchair Expert because it's fun interviews with a little information about recovery and addiction and mental health sprinkled in. I'd heard that the Day 7 episode was kind of the big one, but I didn't dive into it until one random day on a walk. I had to keep walking, and crying, and walking. It meant so much, and sadly felt so familiar.

I work in technical support. That is also a place where we speak our truth. We try not to accuse users of doing something wrong, because we our relationship to them is important. So we make it black and white. If you do this, the system does this. If you press enter a bunch of times in your word doc, the new page will always move when you add text above it. If you insert > page break, the new page will always start in the same place. There. Done. You're not a bad person. I am not here to say what's right and wrong. I am just here to tell you the truth.

spacefem

1. Do you have Spring or Fall allergies?

I can't tell. I guess both?

2. Do you have something in particular that you are allergic to or is it just general?

Probably. But it's not bad enough for me to want to nail it down. I've also known too many people who went in for allergy testing, only to be told "you're allergic to everything", so why bother?

3. What do you take, if anything, to help?

Kirkland Signature Aller-Tec, compare to Zyrtec. If it's spring or fall and I feel bad for a few days in a row I'll start taking one a day. I honestly can't tell if it helps or not.

4. Do you seem to be saying, “It’s just allergies” a lot more than usual these days (i.e. because of Covid)?

My COVID came with a really sore throat that wasn't allergy-like, more cold like, but I could definitely see how it could be confused. It was all in our sinuses.

5. What do you hope to get out and do this spring, allergies and pandemic willing?

Gardening! I have plans to move that rock bed in my back yard and plant real plants... but where did my plans go? Curse February, I can't ever even remember what I meant to grow. I can't even remember that anything grows. Well I definitely don't have any symptoms of allergies today. 

spacefem

from thefridayfive 

1. What's your favorite candle scent?

I only have one scented candle in my house. last year spoonflower sent its top sellers a Durham candle from the bright black candle company. I'd get another one, because it's just a really nice candle.

2. Do you have an artistic or crafty hobby? What is it?

rock painting. I still like to sew, but as craft hobbies go it's really nice to have a hobby that you can pack up in a single shoebox. 

3. What's one weird way you save money on food?

I am really glad I got the kids hooked on ramen. now josie's got her friends on it too, they come over to our house and there's noodles they can make themselves in three minutes? our sleepover parties are a ramen-fest. those girls are crazy, they can go through like $3 worth of ramen. 

4. Do you collect anything weird or unusual?

I'll say no, but in my house I joke that we should collect hair brushes. you really cannot have too many. marc is growing his hair out again, mine is long-ish now, the girls have long hair, brushing needs to happen all the time but we must not risk sharing brushes ever because they got head lice like ten years ago and I'm still scarred by it.

5. Do you fear the deep ocean, or does its unknown depths excite you?

I fear the wide ocean. I'm from Kansas. I don't like being over water where I can't see any land. 

spacefem

I am sorry for the boring title on this entry, but I have this life goal to write publicly about what engineers DO, so that kids and people outside of STEM won't find it as intimidating and they can see themselves solving problems with us. And realize that it's not all differential equations and bring a brilliant instant inventor. 

So much of my engineering career was just organizing stuff. SO MUCH. 

Pretend you work in a shoe factory. 

Marketing comes to you and says people are loving green shoelaces this year, can we start cranking out shoes with green laces? Sure that's easy. 

You just have to edit the drawing and parts list that the factory workers use when they're building shoes. You title it "green laces" and get it all approved, it has the exact part number for green laces instead of the boring white ones, and your factory stops buying white laces. They've got about 100 white laces left so they'll use those up and switch to green by late next week. 

Then you get ANOTHER call from the factory that Bob's Rubber, who sells you rubber for the soles, is going out of business. They need to start using Jen's Rubber next month. It's a different part number but it's okay. You make a new drawing for a shoe with Green Laces and Jen's Rubber.

Next week you come to work and bad news. The green laces didn't come in. The supplier is a month behind schedule. Well that's okay, buy more white laces.

spacefem

I know some times I post here about my life in management and I'm very... manager-y. I think people should work hard. Seek feedback to improve. Work extra hours when a project demands it. Be there for your company in a crisis. Answer your phone if I call you. Help the team.

But other times, life goes the other way and I find myself coaching newer engineers on the basics of setting limits and looking out for themselves. It surprises me because there are so many discussions online about looking out for #1, how does anyone miss this stuff? But they do. Here's my list...

spacefem

My husband celebrated two months of sobriety. I'm proud of him! 

This also means that I've been in al anon for two months. You readers should all be happy about that because it gives me things to talk about, rather than trying to speak for marc, I can write about what's in MY head, which I'm much better qualified to write about! I really did not know how to do this before al anon. I showed up there wanting to bitch about my husband. I saw the sign on the wall that the group is for me, that I have to be in the center of my own story, and I couldn't even deal. But I'm slowly realizing the value of their philosophy.

Here is step 2, of the 12 steps:

2) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

A lot of people recommended al anon to me last year, and I ignored them all until I was really at a breaking point. I wish I could write myself a letter back in time.

spacefem

My monthly automatic donation list is up to six charities now. Auto-donate is the way to go. I love the Bible's 10% goal, but the idea of giving intentionally and thoughtfully as soon as you're paid just doesn't work for me. set it and forget it. 

That said, I am not AT the 10% goal, nor will I be this year, but that's okay I can increase a little bit. When I get a raise they get a raise. So I thought I'd let my lj friends vote on WHICH charity I should bump up this year.

Here's what's on my list, in order of most-to-least...

United Methodist Committee on Relief — the humanitarian program of the Methodist church, focused on getting water out to hurricane survivors not Bibles. I like them because they have extremely low administrative and fundraising costs, the donations come in through churches so they can focus on driving programs.

Amnesty International — freeing political prisoners, fighting for human rights and equality. I like them because it hits all the causes, Black Lives Matter, abortion rights, asylum seeking, LBGTQIA+

International Rescue Committee — helping immigrants and refugees find safety

My local food bank

The public university I attended that set me up for life without a ton of student loan baggage that everybody else is burdened with

My local public radio station

You can vote on who gets the raise!

spacefem

New Years resolution #1 is down - I tried the climbing wall at the YMCA!

As expected, I was terrible at it! The first attempt I had they didn’t understand that I need the REALLY EASY WALL, like the kids one dude seriously. I guess you could look at me and see a skinny girl in the gym wearing workout clothes and think that I am in shape. But I am not strong. So I barely made it above my own head.

Next attempt, as illustrated, I made it higher but it was scary and I wanted to come back down. This was on a part of the wall that I’d just watched like a six year old girl get to the top. But she had a fearlessness that I do not have.

There’s another YMCA in town with a 60 foot wall, this one is 30 feet, but that’s more than I need!

Marc said he’d go with us but would not try it. Then he tried it and had a blast. He’s dying to go back! He climbed higher than me and wants to learn how to anchor people and be all into it.

Olive and Josie also had fun and got higher than me, but this hobby takes serious grip strength that we don’t have.

Also my triceps hurt all the next day, and you guys I did like… four climbs? The longest lasting TWO MINUTES? But every time I tried to push myself up out of a chair or something I felt all the muscles in the back of my arm near my armpits all yelling at me.

We’ll try again. They have open climb every week where anybody can get in there. If marc somehow really does learn to belay, we could go any time we want.

spacefem

It’s Kansas so it’s 60 degrees one day, 10 the next. Luckily we had the 60 degree days on the weekend, which meant Olive finished painting our window trim. At least, the bottom edges. 

The reason it looks weird is because I hired a guy to replace the trim and he... was interesting. Flaked out, took months, and made very strange decisions about what to replace and what to not replace. I guess I'm glad we tried a new person on the side windows, not the front. The caulking and painting got left to us. Whatever. I still have his ladder, if he ever feels like coming back. I just got sick of bugging him and took what I got. Of the thumbtack app hires I've done this is not the best.

We got out of COVID jail! Marc tested negative, the rest of us made it through our assigned days. I'm still really upset that I missed my cousin's wedding, the family doesn't get together often enough. But there will be another one, someday? Maybe? 

The 2nd weekend of COVID was like a cold that just will not go away. My sinuses felt terrible. I had a few more sore throat days. But we were fine, and now we're in the clear for a while. 

Post-COVID "stuff I couldn't do" resolutions: get my hair cut, seriously. get my oil changed.

spacefem

Today is a date that's a fun number, so I saw this idea going around to make yourself a time capsule for the next time this happens. I think my whole lj is a time capsule, but I do think it'd be fun to write a few notes to myself with questions and some optimistic projections about 2033. 

Dear future Spacefem, here are things that are important to me now, I'd like updates. If there is some kind of time warp way to send me these answers BEFORE 2033 I would really appreciate it, if not, do your best. 

1. You are 53! What's that like? OMG 50s! I bet you have all the clarity and are brilliant. Do you have any advice for your 42 year old self that I should have known? Did you have a killer party for your 50th? 
2. Are you still updating livejournal? I hope so.
3. Your children are 20 and 23 years old now, how are they doing? Did they become engineers? Scientists? Are they happy? 
4. Did you take your husband on an international vacation?
5. How did your stock market investments do? FZROX is at $15.80 today and a little rocky. Did you weather the massive drops, or even predict any? Did it grow at an average of 4% a year or greater like the FIRE people think? It should be over $24. Are you retiring in two years? 
6. Did that UWMC meme stock you bought on a reddit whim ever increase? 
7. Did your house fall over or is it doing okay?
8. Did you become a director at your company?
9. Did COVID go away or are you still required to quarantine for 5 days if you get a positive test? 
10. Are you still rocking the same eddie bauer black leather coat that you think might last forever? 

spacefem

lookfar asked: "You are a woman in STEM. How do the stereotypes of scientist women affect your work life and your self-concept? Do you feel a need to fight them, internally or externally?"

Great question, but are there stereotypes about scientist women? It seems like there are stereotypes about women, and stereotypes about scientists, and the biggest stereotype is that there's no overlap between the two groups.

Stereotypes about women: emotional, not technical, can't fix things, bad at numbers and mechanical things, unwilling to get dirty or greasy.

Stereotypes about scientists: can't talk to people, like to be alone all the time, interested ONLY in numbers, fixing everything magically from the time they're three.

both boxes are way too narrow, and do a disservice to both groups. I really hate the stereotype that technical people are anti-social. it scares people away. the most successful engineers are the ones who can tell a story, get people working together, build a team, make friends and deliver fantastic presentations. I went into engineering very unaware of  this fact. I think my writing and story telling actually set me apart and made me successful. This means that MORE people who are good at writing and speaking need to pursue technical fields... but they worry that they're "not technical people". 

spacefem

Before Christmas I was in the market to buy a carpet for the kid room. I browsed around and bookmarked some things and found one I liked on rugs dot com. It was the weekend of thanksgiving and they had their Black Friday sale and I was worried… buy the Black Friday deal or miss out? I hate the idea of Black Friday! I hate buying new things, hate consumerism, all of it… but the SALE. It's a $379 rug on sale for 50% off — $179. The ticker above the item was clicking down the minutes I had. I needed to decide NOW or risk paying more.

I did not buy it.

Instead I checked two days later and phew, same price, except now it was a cyber Monday sale. By this time I had really convinced myself I didn’t need the rug but I was so curious whether the sale was really a sale, do prices go up?

So I screen grabbed it with plans to check it later.

Then forgot about it.

Then remembered it! Last week, heck now we are way into January, no more holiday specials, what is the price now?

Well guess what… it’s on sale! The January new arrivals sale, lucky us! The rug is at the amazing limited time price of... $179! Yes. The exact same price it was on black friday, cyber monday, and every other time I've randomly checked on it and found it advertised at a one time limited buy it now price. 

spacefem

I got myself a rapid COVID test yesterday. It was positive. Marc and the kids tested positive Sunday so we'd been quarantined up at home, but I thought maybe we were on the end of it, so if I got a negative test then it'd be a good sign? No good sign. Oh well. 

We're still feeling healthy.

I had some mom guilt realizing we should have contacted the kids schools and asked for take-home packets or notes or something? Asked all Josie's middle school teachers for homework? I realized this with two days left in the school week... I feel like it's a lost cause now. Why didn't I think about it Monday? But it would have sucked, and it's work for the teachers to prepare that stuff, and half the kids are already out or have missed their weeks already, so what are we even doing?

You'll all be happy to hear that we did try out grocery delivery for the first time. It was okay. They forget things. They refund the money when there's stuff missing, but then you have your money, your sandwich stuff, and no bread.

I am more motivated to run this week than I have been lately. Just trying to burn new air into my lungs, even though it's very cold, it's not quite freezing. I don't run on bike paths or sidewalks because there might be people and I don't want to run past anybody. So I run on the roads. Yesterday I breathed in, I felt like my lung capacity isn't quite what it usually is, so I ran. It's like I have more of a reason.

My cousin got married last year. We attended her wedding on zoom. So then she scheduled a 1-year vow renewal real party for this weekend that we were all set to attend, at a hotel with a pool that the kids would love. I had this idea that if we all got negative tests, why shouldn't we go? I was a little back and forth on even that, but really, why? Anyway the question didn't matter because I got the positive so there goes that, no visiting my big family. this poor couple just cannot win on timing... two attempts at wedding celebrations, both landing right on a covid spike.

this is the bitchiest entry so I am sorry about that. I should feel very grateful that we survived a pandemic, didn't get coronavirus until we were vaccinated so the symptoms are barely noticeable, didn't lose any loved ones, don't have any compromising health issues, we have the house and food and are comfortable. yes of course I am thankful for all that!

(but I also can't help but wish for damn glass of wine and that's gone, too.)

spacefem

ironphoenix asked this birthday question: "what would you be most tempted to do if you won a large lottery prize (say, $10M), but probably wouldn't actually do?"

I like the frugalwoods definition of financial independence... "if we won the lottery, our life really won't change." it's a nice balance. half that battle is finding that life that does not require UNLIMITED money, realizing that a mega lottery dream house will just fill up with crap and unhappiness. the other half is, of course, getting all the money together to have the medium house with a comfy chair and books, because it does take some money. $1-4M depending on who you are. But it doesn't require $100M. Nobody needs $1B. Hell I don't think anybody needs $10M, but let me move on...

I dislike the lottery and don't play it, I think it's bad for us. I drive by a huge billboard on the way to work every morning that tells us all the mega millions jackpot. People play the lottery and they will not win it. the odds are BEYOND TERRIBLE. it is, as they say, "a tax on people who are bad at math". my parents always played the lottery and I grew up with their "if only..." winning dreams. 

I like to think that if I somehow had $10M I would give...

1. $3M to charities. I'd have a wing of the makerspace named after me, I'd save some noticeable chunk of a rainforest, and amnesty international would call up some political prisoner to say "good news we got the helicopter to break you out!" or whatever they do. I'd fund scholarships for women in STEM and run off on gofundme shopping sprees to kill time. 
2. $1M in political contributions to local candidates who can make Wichita, Kansas a nicer place. You can really crank up an election with $100K here, surely I can shift the city council a bit. 
3. Help my family. I can't decide if I'd split $3M between them, or put it in a trust so they get income and don't implode. Some of them I trust with a large amount of money, some of them I do not. 

Leaving me with $3M to live, which is way more than what I need. Rule of 24 says I could scrape off $124K a year with that. I'd maintain my usual cheap ways but we could go on a nice vacation or two every year. I'd get to see Hawaii, Japan, Brazil, and Tahiti. Domestic trips would all be on chartered planes, international would all be first class. 

I would pay people to fix my house so it stops breaking and stressing me out. I'd get the plumbing and electrical up to code, fix damaged wood, refinish the basement, build a new garage. I'd be a good custodian so it can stay up for another 100 years. 

I would probably spend LESS on clothes and shoes because I wouldn't need an office wardrobe.

I'd go to every fundraising party and silent auction that local organizations hold. I'd see every theater show that comes through town. 

Some of this I can do now. I can afford some theater tickets, the clothes I want, some events, I live in the house that's right for me even if it's old and weird. we are okay. 

spacefem

On Sunday, after Marc took our one COVID home test and got a positive, he found a place testing on Sundays to get the kids tested. not a rapid test but at least a test. We thought maybe the kids gave this to us, since Josie was coughing last week for one day? So if that was true, they might be OVER it and could go back to school... just prove that they're negative.

But 24 hours later we heard that the kids were positive too. 

damn! they seem healthy as horses. marc sounds messy and my throat is definitely scratchy but the kids? just hanging out complaining about being bored. And now they can't go to school all week.

yesterday's entry had a ton of comments to get me thinking about pandemic life, especially the comments about how people in other countries can get tons of home tests all the time. it is not that way here.