superbus

A man must react when the gauntlet is placed.

Four years ago, burning_phoneix and I had a competition to see who could guess the teams who would make it out of the group stages of the World Cup. Unlike his usual form, he actually won that one, comfortably. For someone who usually fails before my might, it was a rare victory, which he has cherished and brandished for four years. It's kind of like Manchester City bringing up their last two Premiership titles to United, while forgetting decades of dominance beforehand.

Keen to feel even better about himself, he has issued the challenge again, with stakes: whoever gets the most picks right this year wins a game, chosen by the winner, valued up to $25 on Steam.

My friend, the challenge is accepted.

Below are my picks to make it out of each group, and why. I look forward to reestablishing my omnipotence in all matters, and punishing Fenix for being the bus-parker he is¹.

GROUP A
IN: Brazil, Mexico
OUT: Croatia, Cameroon

Obviously, Brazil is the favourite. They're not only the favourite, they're head and shoulders better than every other team. But I flip-flopped on the second team at least once, each. I actually had Cameroon tabbed to win until I remembered that their strikers are as old as I am. Mexico is a hot mess. And while I love the Croatian team, I don't like their odds having to start against Brazil, and being an Eastern European team in Brazil in June.

Ultimately, I think Mexico's coaching change will help them advance out of what is going to be a bit of a dogfight. This is a tough group, despite Brazil's obvious dominance. If this tournament was anywhere but Brazil, I'd have Croatia advancing handily, but it's not.

GROUP B
IN: Spain, Chile
OUT: Netherlands, Australia

It's going to be trendy to pick the Dutch to advance along with the champs, but I'm going to go with Chile for a few reasons:

1) The Dutch are good up front, but the bad news is that they all don't get along very well. There's some France potential here. The days of Total Football are long over.
2) Chile is a lot more comfortable in this heat than the Dutch.
3) Yeah, Chile's defence is weak, but that's the case for virtually every team outside the seeds.

I think second place in this group comes down to a 2-1 victory for the Chileans. Sure, they'll probably get worked by Brazil in the Round of 16, but hey, that's not bad for them!

As for Australia, they are awful, and they are in a tough group. We could see them give up some cricket scorelines.

GROUP C
IN: Columbia, Ivory Coast
OUT: Greece, Japan

I feel kind of bad for the Japanese here, because they got put into the worst possible draw, match-up wise, that didn't involve the Germans. Small, fleet of foot team that likes to run... in a hot country against physical teams. The Greeks might literally eat Shinji Kagawa.

Overall, picture Columbia faring the best, and the Ivory Coast surviving. This is assuming that they don't choke like they do every other World Cup and end up losing 3-0 to the Greeks.

GROUP D
IN: Uruguay, Italy
OUT: Costa Rica, England

Boy, did England get fucked here. Italy, Brazil Killer Uruguay™, and even a frisky Costa Rican squad. Prediction: England loses to Costa Rica and the nation collectively shits itself, which is an accomplishment for a people that boil virtually everything.

I think Uruguay actually wins this group. The Italians are far from home, in a very hot climate, and relying on too many older players.

GROUP E
IN: Switzerland, France
OUT: Ecuador, Honduras

The ironic thing is if England or the US were in this group, they'd probably win it. As it is, we have Switzerland, who are... *checks* SIXTH in the FIFA rankings!? When'd that happen? I don't think they're that good, but they're not shit, either. Then there's Ecuador (who won't play well so close to sea level) and Honduras (who are basically just happy to be here, and might rival Greece for most shots blocked because they put all eleven men in their own box).

And then... there's France. Frankly, anything can happen with these guys. They could win the whole thing. They could lose all three matches and literally murder Deschampes. Frankly, I don't think they get far - I have them second, especially after losing Ribery, and that means meeting Argentina - but they have enough on talent alone to get past Ecuador and Honduras.

GROUP F
IN: Argentina and Nigeria
OUT: Bosnia-Herzegovina and Iran

One thing we know about this group: there will be goals. Bosnia is the team I want to support just for beautiful football alone. They score, and score, and score. Defence? Just an excuse to score more goals! Argentina is Argentina. And Iran is so bad that they're going to be plucking the ball out of their net all tournament.

I really want to say that Bosnia is going to go through. I really, really do. But Nigeria are, among the three Not Argentina teams, the most solid defensively. And personnel wise, B-H are the most susceptible to something going wrong because they don't have much room for error. If a key player goes down with an injury, or gets into discipline trouble, they're in big trouble. I'm playing it safe by picking Nigeria, but this is one I want to be wrong on.

GROUP RAPE
IN: Germany, Portugal
OUT: Ghana, United States

As far as groups of death go, this is the ninth circle. Holy shit.

So obviously, it's going to be Germany and Portugal. The only way that changes is if Ronaldo breaks his leg in the Germany match (which, thankfully for the other two, is first). And Ghana is unlucky; they're the best African squad to make the tournament, but ran into two buzzsaws, even if I don't trust Portugal to play to potential; they're France with hotter women.

So, let's talk about Landon Donovan, since everyone else and their fucking mother will be.

I honestly think that once Klinsman saw the draw, and saw he was going to likely finish last no matter what - Ghana is good, trust me - that he figured this World Cup was ultimately a throwaway, and also a good chance to integrate younger players while sticking it to Donovan - who he has a history with before the US team - in the process.

For anyone asking "wait, would the coach really keep a guy off the national team during the world's biggest competition out of spite?", yes, this coach would. Klinsman's son's tweet was not an accident; there is real animus there, and it's unfortunate because for one, Donovan deserves better, and for two, in American international sports, it never ends well when a coach decides to make a statement with their most famous player. Ben Smith made that mistake for the women's hockey team in 2006, and they didn't even make it to the gold medal game. If this ends like that story did, Klinsman won't even get to see his young squad blossom in '18.

GROUP H
IN: Belgium and Russia
OUT: South Korean and Algeria

Algeria are also-rans. And football neophytes might not know it yet, but Belgium is solid. VERY solid. More on this down below.

So the group's drama really comes down to Russia and South Korea. On the one hand, I've been pretty down on the European teams playing in the heat so far, and it doesn't get any more Eastern European than Russia, many of whose best players played in the RPL. On the other hand, I don't think South Korea is that good. Here's why I have Russia advancing:

1) Better competition. Russia qualified in Europe, while South Korea barely qualified in the weakest federation outside of Oceana.
2) South Korea can't defend set pieces at all. I think Russia will slot one home in their match.
3) Fabio Capello is good enough to get them through, despite what the English think.

---

Naturally, just humbling Fenix isn't good enough. I have predictions for the rest of the bracket. This is where things get edgy, and are going to prove I'm either a genius or got a bit too speculative.

For what it's worth, my bracket is on ESPN: http://games.espn.go.com/world-cup-bracket-predictor/2014/en/entry?entryID=845440

ROUND OF 16
* Brazil d. Chile - This will be a fun match, and the Chileans will make it interesting, but Brazil has too much quality.
* Columbia d. Italy - Again, Italy is old and is going to be on fumes at this point. Columbia might run them into the ground.
* Switzerland d. Nigeria - The Swiss aren't *that* good, but they're not bad. They'll beat a Nigeria side that might beat itself first.
* Germany d. Russia - Barely a contest.
* Spain d. Mexico - And once again, Spain exerts its dominance over the Mexicans... but enough about the 1600s.
* Uruguay d. Ivory Coast - No contest in my opinion. Cote d'Ivory is not that good.
* Argentina d. France - Could France be the first team to forfeit a World Cup knockout match? God, I hope so. I do so love seeing this team implode.
* Belgium d. Portugal - And the rest of the world goes "woah".

QUARTERFINALS

* Brazil d. Columbia - Who will have more pressure: the Brazilians, who have an entire nation demanding their victory, or the Columbians, who proved in '94 what happens when you make mistakes at this stage?
* Germany d. Switzerland - The Swiss's lack of relative talent finally bites them.
* Uruguay d. Spain - At this point, Spain's probably running out of gas, while Uruguay's getting stronger. And it's been so long since we've seen a Spanish collapse, no?
* Belgium d. Argentina - And the rest of the world goes "WHAT THE FUCK"

SEMIFINALS
* Brazil d. Germany - Tight game, but the Brazilians win a close one, as the rest of the country looks restlessly at the other match...
* Uruguay d. Belgium - Finally, the climate and youth of the Belgians catches up with them, setting up arguably the greatest rematch in World Cup history...

FINAL - BRAZIL V. URUGUAY

* Brazil 2, Uruguay 1. Though I wonder: normally, when a team loses, the country riots. That could be the opposite here. I do think the Brazilian team will hold through ridiculous pressure, because I rate Scolari that highly. The dark years of Dunga are over! And while this won't "heal" the country - the division is too great - there will still be a huge deal at avenging 1950.

^{1 - A direct Twitter quote: "Oh oh, @superbus isn't gonna let me live this down: with 4 midfielders and the main GK out injured, I switch out my counter attacking... For pure defensive Greece style in Footyman2014....and suddenly I'm winning games...like a lot if them." I, on the other hand, run a 4-3-2-1 with two deep-lying playmakers, a B2B, two attacking wingers and a striker, in a fluid system, and I make my spectators sing my name in praises regarding my attacking style of football. I cannot just win for myself. I have to win for the sake of beautiful football. Joga Bonito!}

So, long story short, I was asked to give some advice on a Serenes Forest issue that Josh had been having some problems with, and I had to look back for some examples of similar behaviour; to summarize, this reminded me of what was the Ramza Lateralus incident. So while looking for that before Josh remembered his name, I had a chance to check out some other posts from around that era.

In two words: man alive!

The period of time I checked out is around February of 2005. For reference:

- The three FESS admins were myself, Shawn (I forget what he was calling himself; I think he was still Eaichu, but might have become Kirbymasterchef), and Jet Enduro. Yeah, we're talking Golden Years.

- I was dating Cammy at the time. This is just before I went on my trip to Canada. Ironically, I was not getting along well with Rosa/Kate in most of these entries. Keep this in mind going forward.

- Staff members (at the time) included Liz, Rosa Aquafire, Summerwolf, Samantha was also a mod then, Tiburcio, and I think Togie was, too.

- I was going to school at Porter and Chester at the time. I had also already suffered my really big concussion by this point, and was well in the throes of Post Concussion Syndrome.

Looking back, it's awkward. I remember everything, as it happened, and yet, it feels like I'm looking through a one-way mirror into someone else's life; that's how much I, and those around me for the most part, have changed in eight years.

I'll just bullet point the things that stand out to me.

* I am literally unsure of how anyone enjoyed my presence back then. To put it simply: I was a vulgar, insensitive, bullying prick. Maybe this is me being too hard on myself, but I really carried myself in these entries like my opinions mattered because fuck you I'm Superbus. Granted, I can be all of those things at some time or another, and those tendencies have been severely blunted due to age and experience, but man alive, either this was a really rough time for me or I really was a douchebag. Was I really so intolerable? How the hell were most of you friends with me back then?

* Then again, looking at the subject of these entries, maybe I can see where the frustration came from. Simply put, 99% of us were really, really drama whores back in those days. Everythinw as drama. FESS drama, LJ drama, Kate being Kate drama, you name it.

* Speaking of Kate, I read her comments and the like, and wonder how I was friends with this person in the first place. Tremendous emowhore? Check. Self-pitying to get attention? Check. Pulling the "I don't care" routine in the middle of a five paragraph comment? Check. Basically, it hits all of the checkmarks for someone I wouldn't associate with today. I know she was wonderful when she came into our lives, but I really do have to wonder if my known weakness for redheads with nice breasts was that pronounced back then.

I've always said that going to see her for that time in New Brunswick was a mistake, but looking back, I honestly don't know what I was thinking to begin with, notwithstanding all of the blowback.

* I used to make a big deal out of announcing LJ friend cuts back then, even telling certain people that they were at risk of being cut. Holy shit, I actually did this? Bartender, make this one a double. I need to wipe my mental hard drive.

* When we weren't being overly dramatic teenagers - even the adults - things were funny. I had a few legitimate laugh out loud moments reading some of these. Remember "uNF"? That was big back then. The comment threads between myself, Cammy, and Jet in particular (I say "Jet" because I'm honestly not sure his name is "Colin", or ever was) were epic.

* Holy shit, a Fachiki sighting. You know what? I never did crack that nut. I am under the assumption, years later, that 99% of what she said to me was a lie.

* We all grow as writers as we age and do it more. However, back then... I've always typed the way I speak, for the most part (though professional writing has broken me of that habit), but even I'm amazed at how many times I said the word "fuck".

* Livejournal STILL HAS THOSE VOICE POSTS. Seriously, I am able to listen to voice posts I made on my way to New Brunswick.

* What stands out the most to me is that ultimately, thinking back a day later, these things that I look back on and go "man, I don't know what was so important about that", in all honesty, were important when discussing my development as a person, as an adult, as a leader, and as someone who interacts with people. Older people tend to talk about the things that teenagers do as if they're useless and those kids just don't know what they're talking about; to them, human beings are fundamentally incomplete until they're buried in the same shitty 9-5 job that they themselves loathe. But in truth, the whole beauty of being young is that they don't know what they're doing. We look upon a kindergartner constructing castles in a sand box and imagine them becoming an architect; why do we regard the teenager or the 20-something who draws all day, or plays in a small-time band, as someone who's only putting off the inevitability of growing up like a modern day Peter Pan, instead of someone desperately trying to chase their dream, the way Americans are supposed to? At 33, I regard the things that I - we - did back then as things that I would not engage in now, but at 24 going on 25, they were critical to me being the person I am now. I can only hope that I look back on today's events in 2023 and say "wow, I was an idiot then, and thank God for that." I'd hate to think that at 33, I've already peaked.

This was inspired by a set that ESPN the Magazine recently ran where 12 athletes wrote letters to their younger selves. It's worth a read, even if you're not into sports and don't know who these people are.

This is me reaching out to myself, twenty years ago. In June of 1993, I was living with my mother's... I don't know if I should call him a boyfriend, or what, but basically, they weren't married, but they might as well have been, and the marriage was *OVER*. Furthermore, he was an abusive prick, but not with his hands; I can't remember more than two times he struck me. Bob's abuse was mental, and frankly, I'd rather be punched. I also was struggling badly with puberty, the assault in '92, bullying in school... pretty much every part of my life in 1993 sucked. I contemplated suicide daily.

Dear Chris,

I know what you're going through. I know the pain you're going through. You think everyone hates you. They hate you at school. Your teachers hate you. Your coaches don't give you any respect, they hate you. Even your mother hates you, in your mind¹. Nothing's going right. And then there's that evening from last January. You won't tell anyone about that for years, and just reading these words is likely going to make you want to puke. If I remember right, it likely *will* make you puke.

You're angry. I get it. Hell, in some ways, even I'm angry, to this day.

But here's the thing: it gets better. It doesn't just get better, it gets a lot better. You have no clue how much of an advantage everything you've gone through is.

First things first: you won't make the National Hockey League or Major League Baseball. But... you WILL make the ECAC. Yeah, college. You'll be skating on Division 3 ice, and you have a chance to make D1, too. I know, I know, college hockey isn't that big of a deal in 1993, but trust me, dudes are going to start making the NHL in serious numbers from college. A Connecticut kid from Fairfield made the Edmonton Oilers out of Yale, dude. Oh, just one thing: you won't make it as a player. That's OK, though; you'll make something called Major League Roller Hockey. It'll only be for one season, and you'll be the backup, and get into two games (and get SMOKED in one of them), but that's OK, because your real calling is in stripes. We finally decided to become officials at 16, and got serious about it in our 20s. At the higher levels, we'll be linesmen - that's another thing, you're gonna get *strong* - and see amazing places, and do amazing things. At 33, I train the referees for USA Hockey in the western part of CT.

Your hockey career, however, is going to get derailed by the military. You're going to follow Grandpa and Uncle Ed into the military. You won't be a Master Chief like Grandpa, but you won't be a fuckup like Ed, either. You're going to have a nice, four year career, and then get out, having just made Second Class. Before that, though, you're going to bomb out of something called Nuclear Power School. You have just as little interest in school as a teenager as you do now, but it's going to stop being easy, fast, and you are going to fail Nuke School with fireworks. It's going to suck, but that's OK; it'll turn out to be really good for you. That failure is going to make you a hell of a leader when you're assisting in the running of a workcentre.

While you're in the military, you're going to learn your way around a computer - no, you really don't know anything right now, I know the look you're giving so cut the shit - and that's going to be a big deal. See, our computers are going to learn how to talk to each other, over a really, really big network called the "internet". Basically, you'll be able to get any piece of information, and talk to anyone, at any time. And before you ask, yes, you will be able to find porn with it, but trust me, that's going to get boring before you know it. What it does mean is that you're going to be working with computers - over the internet - as an adult. In fact, I'm writing this to you on a very small "laptop" computer, with its own screen, made by Apple (they're gonna get really, REALLY big), while sitting in a coffee shop and drinking a hot chocolate. The internet is a big fucking deal, dude, and you're going to meet the best friends of your life over it. I'm telling you, you don't have a clue just how big the world is.

This internet is going to help you become a writer. You're going to write about the video games industry, and branch out into politics and other short-form stuff. Keep reading EGM, Sports Illustrated, Hockey Digest and all those other magazines you soak up right now, because they're going to form you. You're going to get paid to write about video games, and while you're going to find out that's overrated, the experience will be awesome. It'll also help you get into business, and while that won't work out the way you intend it to, it'll be another great business that will help some of your friends have a nice entry on their resumes.

Here's the point: life sucks right now. It really, really sucks. I get it. I know the thoughts you're going through, and I know what you're thinking, but you need to buck up and get over them. You're a scared teenager right now who you think everyone hates, but trust me: you are a natural leader, and people will gravitate to you. Let the fires you're going through, that hurt you so much, sear your soul, and harden you. Like a fine sword, you will come out of it ready to cut through rock. At thirteen, you don't know if you're going to survive the next week. At seventeen, you won't have a clue of what your potential is. At thirty-three... hell, even I haven't reached our potential yet. Keep that in your mind, because even I have that problem sometimes.

In fact, I'm not even going to tell you to do anything major different. I am not going to tell you to go to college - I never did - because frankly, you won't be ready for it at 19. I won't tell you not to join the military because it helped me become who I am. In fact, I'm going to tell you to do the things that you would normally do, because even the mistakes will help you in the long run, and trust me on this because you're going to make some whoppers. Never accept mediocrity, never be afraid to cut people out of your life who bring you nothing but negativity, and never, ever censor yourself. Question everything. You will figure this out yourself, but every little bit counts.

Keep your head up. It doesn't just get better, it becomes amazing.

Oh, and some bad shit is going to happen in 2001. Really bad. You'll be there. Whatever you do, don't try to pick up the photographer you see that day and try to get her into bed. Trust trust me.

Sincerely,
Chris, Friday, June 28, 2013

P.S.: One more thing to help carry you through:

Jon died in 1999. He was homeless and insane. Andre died in 2006. He was broke, and died having a heart attack before his 40th birthday while having sex with a woman almost half his age. Bob is a useless drunk. Literally every single person who hurt us is either dead, or might as well be, and they died horribly. We won.

I told you things would get fun.

So lately, I've been watching more anime. I figure it's either that or whatever sports game of has my attention at the moment, and watching anime gives me a lot more things to talk about with my friends than sports games. You won't hear Samu or Dale commenting too much on my NHL '13 thoughts. :P

So I decided to experiment with two series lately. One of them was basically a cracky dare with myself, and the second was a case of "OK, OK, I'll fucking watch it"; itself a bit of a cracky dare if only because of what one would believe is the subject matter.

THOUGHTS ON KOIHIME MUSOU

Koihime Musou was my cracky dare to myself; the idea was to watch what I knew, instinctively, to be a horrible anime, and livetweet it. Immediately, Helen - herself a noted bullshit expert - told me to RUN AWAY. DO NOT DO THIS. I figure if Helen - the expert on "so bad, it's good" - is telling me not to bother, then that's a red flag. Naturally, I proceeded to plow through. Logic? Intelligence? Not on my watch, fuckers! If I'm dumb enough to consider watching a show like Koihime Musou - an anime that started out as a terrible hentai game that kinda, sorta retells the story of the Three Kingdoms, if all of the generals were either big-titted chicks or lolis - then I'm certainly dumb enough to actually go through with it against advice!

I watched two episodes.

I did not need to watch three.

If someone was to ask me for a DVD quote, I would offer them this: "Watching Koihime Musou is like being the bottom in a bukkake video. A few will enjoy it, most will just feel sticky and wrong." To expand on that, the series is awful. It's completely fucking awful. It's beyond awful; there is actually no redeeming value to this, whatsoever. It's one thing to have a bad anime; that in itself isn't really a cause for frustration. But there is *nothing* positive in Koihime Musou. Let's look at this analytically.

- STORY: I don't even know what the story is after two (out of twelve) episodes. I guess it involves the main characters looking for something or other, some kind of sword, but beyond that, there's random attacks, very few actual battles (these main characters are Dynasty Warriors-level overpowered), and then... nothing. The first episode was literally centred around one character being unable to use the "-kun" annexation. This is where you're supposed to set up the whole rest of the story, and we're using it on someone's D- level yuri fanfiction? The second one actually has something happen, but damned if I can remember what it was, because they were too busy making innuendos that would make a 12 year old go "oh COME THE FUCK ON".

- CHARACTERS: Everyone is an stereotype or a trope. I was checking them off within five minutes. There's the tsundere, there's the yandere, there's whatever it is when you have a character who's reserved in public but a sexual freak in private, check, check, check. There is no exposition beyond this; no character development, no reason to get to know anyone better, nothing. These characters exist solely to be the butt of anatomy jokes and sell full body pillows on JList. The whole endeavor feels... vapid. This extends to when the clothes come off, because...

- FANSERVICE: Oh, the fanservice is strong with this one, but it's also strong with better anime, too; the original Gundam had every single female lead outside of Lalah show up naked at some point (and most of my experience is with the movies, so I might even be wrong about this). Of course, this was in 1979, when they had such a thing as subtlety; none of this took anything away from the show for anyone who didn't want to see canonically 15, 16 year old women in the nude. Koihime Musou exists solely for fanservice. Of course, this being 2013, there is no subtlty in this. This is an anime written for what is perceived to be the "modern" anime audience: pathetic losers who exhibit all of the stereotypical traits of a reclusive male shut-in, living in the basement with pizza boxes and Mountain Dew strewn around, pimply faced, masturbating to anime only because real women are so out of reach, and devoid of any knowledge in how to close that gap. Basically, Koihime Musou feels like the official anime of Sankaku Complex, at least until I plug my nose and plunge into I Have Few Friends.

What I mean is things like random bathhouse scenes, which do nothing to expand the plot; they're like gaidens if this was a video game, something you unlock to get to 100%. And random shots of females falling into the crotches or busts of others. Or one particularly galling scene where a female gets mugged by muggers for the second time, and immediately gets her shirt ripped off, because what makes us horny, guys? That's right, ATTEMPTED RAPE!!! And here's the funny thing: They can't even do that right! The bathhouse scenes have selective fogging over the nipples, so it toes the line between "we can show this on TV" and "this is about hentai". This, of course, is hilarious for a series that came from a hentai that held nothing back. If you're going to cater to the loser with his dick in one hand and a box of tissues in the other, go all the way or go home.

Really, I don't even want to write about this series anymore. This is one of those shows that make people say that anime's a dying medium in the modern years. In fact, many shows that I see - either legitimately (this shit, and anything Sankaku Complex writes about) or through the fandom (Sword Art Online) - justify that mindset.

And then the next show I'll talk about makes all the pain go away, and makes one realize just how good we have it when modern technology, inspired storytelling and a slightly western influence come together.

THOUGHTS ON PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGIKA

The best way to describe just what Madoka Magika brings to the table isn't even to describe it myself. It's to describe Aileen's reaction to it. When I started watching the show, Aileen would poke fun at me. "You and your magical girls! :P" I told her that that criticism was just unfair; this isn't what you would expect of a magical girl anime, not even close, so making fun of me for that was just ridiculous. She didn't believe me. And like I did before I started watching, she mocked the idea of a "dark" magical girl anime. She would also link me to comparisons between Madoka and others like Sailor Moon. No, Aileen, it doesn't work like that. Watch the show. Just trust me.

Finally, on Friday, after running out of Attack on Titan episodes, she decided to use one of my 72 hour passes to watch some of it.

She ripped through the entire thing - twelve episodes, six hours worth of anime - in one day. She could not tear herself away. I win!

The thing that impressed me the most about Madoka Magica, as an anime, is how it plays with those expectations that Aileen made fun of. The series knows what a magical girl anime is: it's Sailor Moon, and Magic Knight Rayearth, and Revolutionary Girl Utena, and the many branches off of those tree roots that is the magical girl genre. It knows that just having a magical girl anime carries with it the expectations of certain tropes. It understands, acknowledges them all (just check out the opening if you're not familiar with it), and then spends twelve episodes batting around your precious, adorable expectations before delivering the knockout blow. Like a boxer, Madoka Magica spends the first two rounds feeling the viewer out; a jab here, a jab there, and making us think we have an opening to hit, or at least, understand it. "Madoka's picking out her magical girl uniform! How cute!" Then in episode three, right at the end of the round, bang; it finds an opening and rocks the viewer. The viewer's hurt. Round six, the viewer's on the ropes and their expectations are getting slugged to the point where the referee considers stepping in. By episode ten, everything's been blown away; the viewer's still in it, but in body only.

It's hilarious because Madoka Magica, as one can see, hits *NONE* of those expectations. Not one. Basically, it toys with what we would expect of a Sailor Moon until the early moment when a key character is brutally, horrifically killed off. From that point forward, everything we expect with no knowledge going in gets obliterated, and never stops being obliterated. Even when I came in with some expectations of what to expect, I couldn't predict the severity of what I was about to watch. I can't say this enough: Madoka Magica gave us all of the tropes - cute girls with magical powers, a cute little animal sidekick, a typical Japanese high school and the social norms that come with that - and then changed the rules very suddenly and very abruptly.

Go back to that opening I linked a couple of paragraphs back. See all the cutsy stuff that Madoka does there? Oooh, she's chased by a doggy! And hilarious mishaps! NONE of that happens in the show. Just another example of the series setting up expectations, and knocking them down like so many bowling pins. Even the nudity in the series - of which there is some in the opening - is set up in a way that only a pervert or a shut-in would find sexy. There's the occasional magical girl transformation; big whoop. Other than that, there's some nudity, especially in the last episode, but it's only hot if you're not viewing in any context, and if you have a thing for prepubescent Barbie dolls.

The result ofall of this is a masterclass of anime storytelling. What's telling about Madoka Magica is that there's no fanservice. There's no moment of levity, no beach episode, nothing beyond the Magical Girl outfits that would sell merchandise, and even those aren't intended to do that. Every moment of Madoka Magica, from start to finish, is either used to set up the story, or execute it, with no fluff to get in the way. Considering the fact that every moment of episode four onward is deadly serious, this is impressive. I was told that Madoka Magica was dark going in, but I was unprepared for some of the questions the series started to ask while going through, and the level of despair that permeated the series.

It's too bad that I can't go into too many details about what makes this an absolutely mind-blowing series, but the reason for that is that I don't want to spoil anything, and really, anything after the half way part of episode 3 is a spoiler. I don't want people who haven't watched Madoka to know anything. I want them to watch it. I want them to see what the big deal is, and to see where anime can be in this decade (2011 in this case) with everything and everyone firing on all cylinders. I want them to be blown away like I was, blabbering on Twitter about what the fuck just happened on their screen. I want them to be on the ropes, having their expectations bloodied and battered by a series that sees your tropes and laughs in their collective face.

If you haven't seen Madoka Magica, watch it. Trust me. If you like anime at all, this is a must watch.