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I need to get the fuck out of my house already. Everytime I get here,everything goes to shit,my mood goesdown, my mom brings me down too much. I love her, but I cant everything I do is wrong, And its alwyas my fault for her getting nervous about everything,so what the fuck am I supposed to do, sit in a fucking chair tied up for the rest of my life, and miss my life? Im always happy and in a good mood atwork, or out of the house then I get home and she just brings me down, makes me feel guilty for everything I do. Its not good, its not helping me mentally for my fucking career that I got the blessing of having at such an early age. Everyone always says the same bullshit, same bullshit advice, meaningless. I got my life, and I'm going to fucking live it. I cant sit and hold back my life cause im worried my mothers gona go nuts cause I'm not around. Its not true, and it wont happen. I'm already sick and tired of feeling down for everyone and everything I do, when in reality I'm a good person and have a good heart, and never hurt anyone else. I understand my moms a little older now, she has her moments as everyone does, thats fine, but when she tells me all the time that everytime i get home, i ruin her sleep or make the dog bark, or make a mess, or disturb the peace, and then tells me i dont love the house or the family when Im out for a couple days, you just fucking run out of options to do. You feel like shit, you cant do nothing, and you feel guilty cause of the way youre feeling about your mother, but you know what, I know what I'm about,and I know I love my family and everything, but I need to be on my own. I want to smoke a fucking cigarette in my room while I work, in my boxers with a cup of coffee on the computer whenever the fuck I want, I hate consulting or needing something ALL THE FUCKING TIME togo and do something. All beacuse I take from myself and give to others. When I need, whos around? My family is, yes, but majority of the time, its a fucking hellhole here, and bet your ass its getting rubbed in my face. and I'm fucking sick of it. It sucks to be looked DOWN on, when knowing I'm a great fucking person, intelligent and putting myself down cause of stupid feedback is not worth it. People say 34535 things about me, and I accept that, and use it as toilet paper, but when my family does this bullshit to me, is unacceptable. If I weird you out, sorry. If I come on too strong, sorry, and if I intimidate you, good. cause that means I'll always have my way. Time to start thinking about myself a little bit more. My fault is giving too much.
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