Juniper Mae’s Birth

 Just over two months have passed and I’m still mixing up my days as I learn to be a mom of 5 now. This is the longest it’s taken for me to share my birth story! My recovery has been overall good but not as quick as my last 3. Not to mention, life is significantly busier when you have a gaggle of school age children and involved with a number of extracurriculars. It’s a lot of schedules to balance when you’re already losing your mind haha!

For several weeks before my due date, I would have episodes of prodromal labor. That combined with my pelvic and sciatic pain made for a very lousy and tiring last 2  or 3 months of pregnancy. Starting at 36 weeks, my midwife checked to see how dilated I was due to all the false labor. First it was 3 cm, then 4, and by 39 1/2 weeks I was somehow walking around at nearly 6 cm! I had made up in my mind early on that I did not want to go past my due date because of the pain and exhaustion I was experiencing. Though I was nervous about being induced, I had made peace with that decision and felt prepared. 

I opted to be induced on my due date if she didn’t arrive by then. The night before, I was packed and ready, my parents were in town, and we were all excited to meet this little girl! I started having contractions but again, I had them intermittently for weeks at that point. I managed to fall asleep and woke up at 5 ready to conquer birth. 

I have used the Hypnobabies birth program for the last 3 births with really great success. This pregnancy, I felt too occupied with online schooling and covid to go through the course so I just practiced my hypnosis cues every night and chose to do my own modified hypnobirth. I had some doubts, but drew from my past experiences that I could do this again! 

We checked in at 6 am sharp and got settled into the room. It was nice to see my friend Rachel and have her expertly insert my IV. I was spoiled the past 3 births to not have an IV and very minimal fetal monitoring, but again, I felt peace with the decision to be induced. Pitocin was started just before 7 am and Carl and I were left to ourselves. I was told by so many over the years about the intensity of pitocin, so I was a little concerned. I had several contractions during that first hour but nothing I couldn’t talk through. My midwife checked in with me around 8 am, did a cervical check and I was still almost 6 cm. She said that we could look into rupturing my membranes by noon if I didn’t progress and Carl and I both looked a bit skeptical and said “I hope not that long!” My last two births were 2 and 3 hours long total. The pitocin was turned up a unit and we were alone again. 

We chatted about how this was the most ideal setting for how far along I was, tried some hypnobabies scripts to practice relaxing, and sipped on coconut water. My nurse tried to get a wireless monitor connected but it wouldn’t work consistently so I was strapped down again. Part of me really wanted to be able to move around but at the same time I was content to just rest in bed while I waited for some legit and regular contractions to start.

It seemed like within minutes of feeling very little, I felt a very strong contraction that I had to breathe through and concentrate on relaxing. This was around 8:15 am at this point. The contractions felt like huge waves that would envelope me completely and then smooth out to calm in between. I chatted with Carl and our nurse in between a few of them but by 8:30, I was all in and putting every effort to relax and breathe when I had a moment’s rest. I moaned and groaned, “ahhh-Ing” the baby down, doing the best I could to use my hypnosis cues to stay zen. This birth, I also wanted to record it so that I could see what I experienced later- “but I don’t want to see EVERYTHING so don’t record down there” is what I told Carl haha. Carl strategically placed his phone on a bracket on the wall behind me and began recording around the time where intensity began. 

My nurse came in to check every few minutes it seemed, bringing in supplies and tables, asking if I felt like pushing. I was so focused on relaxing through the intensity, I wasn’t sure if I was feeling “pushy” or not so I had her do a cervical check, but my water bag was in the way, so she said she’d just call my midwife back (even though she had just barely left haha). As soon as she left the room, I had a few more really intense contractions and told Carl, “I just keep thinking about an epidural and how nice it would be to sleep through it all.” Carl remained so calm through this entire experience and I loved watching him in the video think for a moment and reply to me, “positive thoughts.” I suddenly felt the urge to push with the next contraction and then my water broke! This was about 9 am. 

Carl calmly pushed the call light button and let my nurse know I felt like pushing and water broke. A few more nurses or techs came in along with my midwife too! I surprised myself (I do each time) with my primal moans and groans as my midwife told me to listen to my body and push when I was ready. Recording my birth was so cool. I didn’t feel exposed because of the camera angle and it was neat to see the hypnosis in action. Like every unmedicated birth I’ve had, it was very intense but the pain/pressure was manageable. I love having supportive providers who encourage mother-directed pushing. Only as baby girl was crowning did my midwife tell me to take a deep breath and push a little harder. 10 minutes of pushing and out came all 8 pounds, 6 ounces of Juniper Mae at 9:09 am! When the time was announced, I said “the kids just started school!” Haha. My midwife and I have kids at the same elementary school. My modified hypnobirthing was a success! 

Even within a few days after birth, I was forgetting exactly how intense those last contractions were! This pregnancy was hard and recovery was slower than I anticipated. Something about 5 pregnancies and deliveries perhaps, but my hips and pelvis were not happy for the first 2-3 weeks postpartum. Juniper has been adorable, but much more needy than my others were. She’s a bit colicky, but doesn’t have reflux. She does not like to be put down any where! I do get breaks for a few naps and my other kids have all enjoyed doting on her. She’s lucky to be the baby and so very loved! 

I thought I lucked out by not getting mastitis, but alas, it got me for the 5th time. Antibiotics on board and frequent nursing along with friends and family who take care of me made it go away so quickly! Breastfeeding is actually came along much faster and smoother than the previous children and for that I am so grateful. Juni is a great little nurser! I joke (but not joke) that starting nursing for me is akin to Peter Pettigrew sacrificing his arm to the lord Voldemort stew in book 4. Yes, the baby is the dark lord. But this time only for 2 weeks and not 6 ha ha ha.....

What was birthing during Covid like? Not bad at my hospital! I was required to be tested 2 days beforehand and honestly, the nasopharyngeal swab was not bad. I also was not required to wear a mask and Carl only had to if he was next to staff. Once I established nursing, I felt comfortable getting vaccinated and got my first COVID shot and just received the second dose last week. I also just started back at work and have been adjusting to that once a week. So grateful I have a flexible career and employer. 

While this was a hard pregnancy and Juniper has been taking up all my time, I have been overwhelmed by the kindness and outreach of my friends and family. I had a socially distanced baby shower that fulfilled most of my baby registry (first time using one!!), my employer threw me a really cute baby shower during our lunch break, my friends have watched my children many times, they brought me meals, my parents and in laws have both helped us out, and my sister and sibling in laws too! Juniper is surrounded by an outstanding support system and community. We are blessed. 

Thanks for reading.

xoxo

38 weeks with #5

38 weeks in a few days this week! Being my 5th rodeo, I feel a little more prepared but at the same time, just like a new mom. It’s amazing what we forget between pregnancies! Like how I naively forgo how painful my hips and low back would be by the 3rd trimester... is this time the worst pain or is it all in my head?

As tradition calls, I’d like to share some things I have or haven’t experienced this pregnancy. 

1. No morning sickness! I had just a few days of nausea or low appetite but I was otherwise ok! This was a shocker as I was so sick the past two pregnancies. 
2. I had a very healthy start because of this! I jogged the first half of the pregnancy 3 times a week because I felt so great. Then Oregon caught on fire and I couldn’t jog outside anymore due to smoke inhalation, so that quickly turned into a distant memory. 
3. Cravings... it’s hard to remember specifics but I definitely have indulged in a lot more sweet treats than typical- ice cream, candy, sweets of all kind. I lack self control as a craving. I gained like 15 pounds immediately after I stopped running! 
4. Swelling. Week 35 I started getting very swollen feet at the end of the day and now this week, both legs from thigh down are +1 pitting edema, maybe +2. For those unfamiliar with this medical term, you squish my shin bone and a finger imprint is left behind. 
5. Complications. I can’t say it’s been horrible, because my complications have been resolvable overall. Scary at times, but OKAY. First, at week 20 baby had “choroid plexus cysts” which sent us to a specialist for more ultrasounds and monitoring. Concern was a marker for Edwards Syndrome. Those cysts resolved by week 32. But at week 32, I was measuring huge and diagnosed with polyhydramnios, which is excessive amniotic fluid. So the baby is in a swimming pool and also happened to be measuring around 5 lbs at 32 weeks. My A1C was in a good range though, so diabetes was ruled out. Baby’s growth has mellowed out some and is estimated in the high 7 lb range and while I still have extra fluid, polyhydramnios is borderline. The 3rd ugly diagnosis is pubic diastastis. Separation of the pubic bone. Comes and goes depending on the week. I’ve had many good days despite the miserable bad ones!
6. Regardless of diagnoses, I am huge for being just under 4’11”. I was huge for my last two pregnancies too. I think I’ve gained about 45 lbs at this point. I long for the days of hopping out of bed or off the couch to grab something. Quickly. Quickly does not exist in my day anymore. I’ve had a few incidences (including while I type this out) that have made me bed bound for a day because I can’t bear weight on my legs/pelvis. I saw a free walker and almost had Carl get it for me. We improvised with a bar stool, but still- I feel like I can write a chart note about myself. “32 yo female, gravida 5, para 4. Increased pain in bilateral lower extremities noted, decreased mobility r/t pain.  Reports ‘shooting pains and pinching’ upon ambulation. Difficulty sitting or standing for longer than 15 minutes, does report relief in side lying position, however requires assistance in position changes.”
7. Baby girl is ACTIVE! I think she is my most active yet. Not sure if it’s because I’m huge or because my muscle walls/abdomen are paper thin, but I can see it every movement and she is constantly moving, day and night. 
8. I am far less anxious than I was last pregnancy. Medication makes the difference. 
9. I am opting to not complete my Hypnobabies course this time, but I plan to apply many of the techniques. I’ve said it before, but birth is not what scares me. Breastfeeding and postpartum does...
10. I’ve breastfed 4 babies now for 1+ year each. It ******** hurts each time for the first 2 months. There, I said it. I’m hoping for miracle this time for pain free nursing and NO mastitis. 
11. A baby registry shower! I was going to forgo a baby shower and just eat the cost of buying new baby items. I had gotten rid of a LOT of stuff after I thought Betty was our last (ha ha ha...) but my friend, DeLisa, convinced me to let her host one, which I am so grateful for! I’ve always loved hosting baby showers and using friend’s baby registries to get things on their list, so it was fun to utilize my Amazon registry for an actual baby shower instead of a wishlist of sorts and discount coupon. I felt SO spoiled by the generosity of friends and family!
12. Far fewer pictures. Is it because this is #5? Or is it because I’m too darn busy with online school? Ha. I think it’s a combination of both. I am so grateful that elementary kids returned to in person school today because I need to rest more than ever these days between the swelling and pelvic/hip pain. I did do something that should be picture worthy though- eyelash extensions! Didn’t think I’d ever say that, but eyelash extensions have been one of the best “self care” things I’ve ever done. I feel like crap, but I wake up and have glorious lashes haha! Bring on post birth pictures because my lashes are gonna be glam. 

Anyway, 12 seems like a solid number. I told this baby to stay in until I finish my last work day tomorrow haha. I only work once a week and there are things to wrap up before I go! I think she’s listening. Much thanks for all the kind thoughts and prayers on our behalf. We feel the love!

I Did It!

Betty Pearl

I finally did it! Those are the words that keep running through me as I reflect on the birth of Betty Pearl at 40 weeks and 6 days. It's been just over two weeks and I am humbled. So grateful for all the support from family and especially all the friends from our church who fed us right when we got home from the hospital! Feeling a little crazed too because I have FOUR kids now! And I'm currently getting over mastitis because apparently I must have it after every birth unfortunately. While I caught it early, the first antibiotic regimen didn't work, so praying that the second one does. Boo! Hiss! But Betty is here! I'm so relieved!

I love sharing birth stories as I really enjoy reading them. It was empowering to me and I garnered strength from many women who were willing to share their birth stories too. You can read Ezra's here, Vivienne's here, and Teddy's here. I treasure these records because I forget that blissful feeling in the beginning of each child's life. Enjoy!

All of my previous births were around 38-39 weeks gestation, so you can imagine my "horror" when I finally met my due date for the first time. And then passed it. So many women experience this and prior to my own experience, I was sure that my body just wasn't capable of carrying to 40 weeks. Oh how wrong I was. My little body is capable of so much and proved me so -painfully- wrong. Oh it showed me alright. I won't be using Hypnobabies terms for the sake of most of the people reading this but I cannot emphasize enough how much this program has helped me have the births I wanted, even when I didn't follow the program carefully.

I had had contractions intermittently for a few weeks. On Sunday, July 2, 2017, I was exceptionally tired of being pregnant and was trying to induce labor yet again (believe me, we tried just about everything. Except castor oil because that's gross. Who wants to have the runs during labor? Ooh! NOT ME). This time, I thought I'd give pumping a try for oxytocin production (so a form of nipple stimulation). I would get fairly strong contractions but then they'd go away. After trying pumping on and off for nearly 4 hours, I gave up and just moped for awhile. Yes, I literally just sighed and moved from sitting on the couch to the bed back to the couch and then wandered around. Pitiful. My parents were in town and had been so helpful for the 9 days they'd been here already but I was feeling guilty of their sacrifices to be with my family and feeling the burden of my scheduled induction for Monday morning at 5 am (which is kind of hilarious because I thought it was at 5 pm so I would have missed it, whoops!). This pregnancy had been ridden with a lot of depression and anxiety already, so I was feeling fairly down at this point.

Carl encouraged me to keep my chin up throughout the day though and later around 5 pm, I noticed I had a random but fairly strong contraction. Through the rest of the evening, I had a strong contraction every 30 min to an hour. However, I talked myself out of the possibility that this could be "it" each time. Because why would this be "it" when I had had contractions for two weeks now? Every evening since my parents came, Carl and I went for an evening walk after the kids went to bed. During this walk, I told Carl again how much I did not want to be induced and how I was so concerned my provider didn't seem to 100% support me or my birth plan. She seemed so ready to induce me as soon as I hit 40 weeks and made sure I "understood all the risks" of going past due. I missed my last OB doctor who was so supportive of my birth plan. She had told me at my last appointment with her, "Tracey, be strong with your decision. After all the births I've been to since I started, I can tell you that the fewer the interventions, the safer the birth. You've done this before and are so low-risk. Don't let the providers push you any other way you're not comfortable with." Her words stuck with me, but I was nervous about birthing at the local hospital I didn't know much about and I just felt like I had all the odds stacked against me. Carl listened to my words and then told me to try to stop worrying about others since he and I have always been the main team anyway and we would be doing all the work.

We came back home shortly afterwards and chatted with my parents for a few then went upstairs. By 9 pm, I began having more contractions, about every 20 min it seemed. Later around 10 pm, the contractions were about 6-8 min apart lasting a minute each and fairly intense. I kept thinking that they'd fade though since I felt totally fine in between them. Carl was ready though. He jumped out of bed, showered, changed to "nice clothes" (because "I've got to look good in pictures too!" haha), and grabbed a few last minute things. I kept saying "you really think this is it? I don't know..." I had too many false hopes the past two weeks thinking labor would be soon. About 11:10 pm, I called my OB office's answering service and talked to my midwife and we arrived at the hospital around 11:30. I got checked into my room shortly after and my contractions were monitored. I was 5 cm and 90% effaced at this point, which I was satisfied with since I had been at 2-3 cm and 50% for a few weeks.

My nurse was very supportive of my birth plan, including not wanting an IV, which eased some of my anxieties immediately, especially since I had several people, including my midwife, tell me I'd need an IV per protocol and safety (I didn't have one the last two births). I was overly concerned about the slippery slope of interventions and felt like my midwife was not as supportive of natural birth as I wanted, but my nurse looked over my paper and said it looked great. It really helped me to be less anxious with her low-key attitude. For the first time here in my new town, I finally encountered a medical person (besides Carl) who I felt recognized birth as a natural process and was ready to just let me do what I felt was right- no push backs, no warnings of hemorrhaging, no scare tactics of "well you know, just in case you or baby are...." I get it. Scary things happen. I worked in the ER, I understand trauma and the unexpected dangers of life! Of course there is a place for medical interventions and no shame to the mothers who otherwise need or choose to birth with interventions. But as for me, I cannot fully explain the innate, natural calling of motherhood that streams through me and reassures my deepest feeling that birth is a natural, normal, and safe process if we listen to our bodies.

I was coping with the contractions pretty well at this point and really able to stay calm and focused by using my hypnosis techniques. They were very intense and strong, but I had a good few minutes of rest between them. I thought labor might take longer this time since it was a weird pregnancy, but just after midnight, contractions picked up and were closer together making it hard to rest between them. I still felt pressure instead of pain as Carl helped me stay focused. We tried bouncing on the yoga ball, then squatting, and then swaying/slow dancing, which was very helpful in assisting baby girl to "labor down." By 12:30 though, I was beginning to grow quite fatigued and climbed onto the bed. I assume this was the "transition" part of labor from my symptoms as it was seemingly impossible to find a good resting position between contractions. Carl had his hand on my shoulder and brushed my hair away from my face, continually reading hypnosis scripts and telling me how great I was doing. My nurse was very gentle and discrete about fetal monitoring and would just sneak in and hold a monitor to my belly every 15-30 minutes. So grateful to not be strapped to monitors constantly. I then began having a lot of very sensitive, low back pressure and thought maybe I might need to push. I hoped this was baby time! My midwife checked me but I was at 7 cm. I felt so disappointed at that moment, even though considering what time it was, I had progressed 2 cm in about 45 min. Darn false pushy feelings.

I began to lose focus on and off and deal with my internal struggle.

Is this pain? 

No, just pressure. 

No, this is called pain. 

No, pressure! 

Pain! 

This sucks! 

Almost done. 

I hope.

Please almost done. Please please please. 

Carl kept reminding me to relax and cued me to use hypnosis, but the mental struggle was challenging. Probably about an hour later, he helped me stand at the side of the bed to give my knees a break, but he had to literally hold me up because my legs were so wobbly and could not support my fatigue. I felt baby girl lower down more before climbing back in bed back to my knees. Finally, shortly before pushing, I puffed up my chest and told my thoughts "enough, I am too far into this labor and past the point of no return. Whatever I feel, I will feel, and just deal with it!" And so I did. I didn't allow myself to have the thought battle anymore and focused on each contraction being a "wave" instead and attempted to relax as much as possible. Not an easy task.

It felt like an eternity, but at 1:50 am, I felt like I could try pushing. Interestingly, my body has never gotten that overwhelming urge to push with my unmedicated births. I could feel baby girl making her way down and finally had some relief between pushing. It was so wonderful to rest between pushing! I finally caught a much needed break and didn't feel much while resting- just took some slow, deep breaths in preparation for the next contraction. I hardly felt the contractions but just pushed when I felt like it. Since I was on my knees on the bed, I gripped the head of the bed like I was about to fall off a cliff with each push. I felt very primal in the moment from "ahhhhh-ing" baby girl down and pushing when it seemed helpful. I was in control, which is kind of an empowering feeling during birth.

I felt it all, but I had basically just run a marathon and pushing baby out was the last half mile. Being able to rest between pushing renewed my energy and powered through the "ring of fire." It was tolerable, but I understand why it's called that haha. My midwife really showed me why so many women love her as a provider during this birth. She was present, but great at letting Carl and I do our thing and once I was pushing, she helped direct me only when needed to avoid injury. I ended up with a small first degree tear and by 1 week postpartum, it has healed up very well. She allowed Carl to "catch" baby girl, which has been such a great and unique experience for him for these last three babies. As soon as I pushed her out at 2:06 am, I felt instant relief in my hips and could take a deep breath. Before doing anything else, I looked over my left shoulder (because I was still on my knees) at Carl and, probably with a crazy, sweat glazed look, I said, "I did it! She's here!"

Betty Pearl was placed on my chest as soon as I turned over. She was a bit purple and didn't really want to cry and pink up for the first few minutes but was otherwise breathing well and very alert. Once the cord stopped pulsating, it was clamped and Carl snipped it. Not much longer, my placenta came out and my midwife did her minor repairs. Betty nursed right away and had a perfect latch. Nursing is always extremely painful for me at the beginning, but she's off to a great start already.

I've had a few thoughts while pondering birth this past week- the main one is if you desire a natural, unmedicated birth, you totally can do it. Truly. When I started this journey of having kids, I had no idea what I was doing. My first birth was so traumatizing to me- I left a lot of details out of my birth story then, but the fear has never been forgotten for Carl and me. I thought "great, this is it. I have to be pumped full of drugs and filleted open every time I have child." But I didn't. The human body is so capable. It's amazing. It's inspiring. Using the Hypnobabies program three times now has been the best birth preparation. I've had 3 different births with hypnosis and while the first one I did with Vivienne was more like the "ideal birth," I've had great experiences and outcomes with each of the following.

The second thought is having a strong birth partner is so important- almost a must if you want an unmedicated birth. Someone you can trust and be strong with you. Carl was my rock. I don't know what birth would be like without him. He was so calming and all the staff who came into our room were incredibly impressed with his birth preparation and hypnosis script reading. He helped keep me hydrated, reminded me to relax, change positions, and speak for me when needed. It was amazing to have so much trust in one person. Not to brag, but yes, I'm totally bragging that Carl was awesome. He will be taking on clients as a birthing doula from now on. Just kidding. awkward...

The last thought is to trust yourself. I had so many doubts and anxieties leading up to Betty's birth. I was so concerned about providers and hospital staff being unsupportive but Carl was right- we were the team. We did what we felt was right for this birth. Our opinions were the only ones that mattered. I had prepared for years at this point for what I felt was the right birth for me. I read so much research and truly practiced evidence-based medicine in my decision making. I wish I could have had less fear with the anticipation of this birth, but darn anxiety always has its way of being the party pooper. I was surprised at how much I depended on my provider's confidence to support my own- I guess I was lucky to have two amazing doctors the previous two births to not realize that I cared so much about what they thought. Trust your instincts. Prepare. Birth is a beautiful experience!

Thanks for reading. And now, indulge in these beautiful children of mine, taken at 4 days and 6 days old. I don't know how they are so cute. I certainly was not a cute child. 

Smile twins

Ohhhhh Teddy, your blond curls kill me!

I promise I'm happy.

Sisters! Sisters!

The best for last- digging for gold! #keepingitreal

*** I've read that I should watermark my photos from internet thieves. I didn't obviously. Please do not use my pictures for any reason without permission.

Ready, Set, Go! ... now GO! ...and GO! C'mon....

I am 38 weeks and counting down still. I am trying to be optimistic that I will continue to never meet my due date, but at this point, I feel like like I will be pregnant forever haha. As with the previous three, I'm sharing all about my pregnancy likes and woes. I realize that i don't really blog anymore, but I love having these posts to look back on! I am not the greatest at recording memories or milestones, but I'm glad I can at least do this.

1. Morning sickness was the pits for the first trimester. However, it lasted only until the first trimester ended! It was not easy working in a smelly ED at that time haha. Zofran was a good friend for several weeks... 
2. Weight gain. I've gained more this time than any other- I think I'm at 40-45 lbs gained total. I had lot more water weight with Teddy (remember my nasty ankles?!) so I felt like I looked bigger. 
3. Woe is my low back and hips again!! Darn sciatic pain. My hips are so loose and sleeping is definitely not comfortable. My mattress is way better than the ones I slept on during the previous pregnancies though (Costco's 10" Sleep Science, king size)! 
4. No left rib pain again! Guess that was just something my first two pregnancies had. 
5. Oh, we're having a girl! I was hesitant to find out the gender since I thoroughly enjoyed having a delivery room surprise the last two times, but the older kiddos really wanted to know, so we did :) we had a very sweet gender reveal though with our children. Vivienne is the most excited to have a sister! The brothers are happy too, though Ezra was crossing his fingers to add more boys. 
6. I've been much lazier about practicing hypnosis (using the Hypnobabies program I used the last two times), but I feel overall confident about birth this time. I mean, teddy was born in less than 2 hours from the first contraction so.... I can do this! I can't help but feel a little nervous as I approach these last few days *I hope*. We could have a newborn here in less than 2 weeks!!! 
7. Cravings, cravings, cravings... Carlos knows this one better than I do. I know that I have had an abnormal craving for sweets and desserts of every kind, but I forget everything else! So I guess I have a severe case of preggo brain too haha. 
8. I've been a bit of a doomsday prepper this time around. I've managed to get all the newborn laundry washed, the bassinet is ready to go, and I have enough diapers to last months, maybe even through the first year! I have about 2-3 weeks worth of meals frozen/jarred too, which includes a spreadsheet of all the meals haha. Having underlying anxiety is a bit of a doozy most days, but it's worked in my favor in regards to preparation. 
9. I packed a hospital bag last week and even completed all the hospital registration paperwork. It must be my most prepared and smallest bag yet! I know we've been DIY maniacs for a few weeks too. I guess dads nest too haha. We just like to have things done... 
10. So far, no disgusting sausage feet. I only had a lot of swelling with Teddy. If I'm in the car for awhile, I'll have a little swelling, but otherwise, I can still fit most of my shoes! 
11. I had the sweetest baby shower thrown for me by some of the ladies in my ward. It was so incredibly thoughtful and I truly felt so loved. And my friend Emily made an adorable melon baby, which then my family and I devoured the next day because we are cannibals. 
12. I've been way grouchier and emotional this pregnancy. I wonder if it's just a cumulative effect where the more kids you have, the more kookoo you get. That's my experience at least. 

The #4 pregnancy has been quiet on social media. I know. I purposely kept it quiet until I hit 34 weeks. More than anything this pregnancy, I craved privacy. I think it's because we had so much freaking stuff going on! I was tired of answering the same questions over and over.

So to clear the air, yes, we moved out of our beautiful, crazy fixer upper. Yes, we still own it and rent it now. Yes, it is mostly finished!! Including window trim, 2 additional bedrooms, a full bathroom remodel, exterior, porches with a roof, a complete HVAC system, kitchen lighting, and various other finishing touches. There is still work to be done, but nothing too urgent.

We moved to southernish Oregon for an awesome job opportunity for Carl. Which means I had to leave my sweet gig at Silverton's ER- miss that crew!! We bought another house here but now we are in suburbia. I don't love having neighbors this close, but the conveniences of having everything I need or want within 10 min is great.

This was initially a really painful transition full of bittersweet feelings. In my mind, likened it to losing part of my liver and hoping it would regenerate. It has. We are so happy to be here now and have felt a sense of belonging and being in the right place! It's been a faith building experience and we are so glad we took this leap to continue our life's journey here!


Now send me all the good baby-having juju out there and pray that I won't be pregnant forever. As I've written this post, I've had several light contractions! Hoping they develop into something and aren't some kind of baby trickery...

Theodore Rich

taken at 5 days old. babies are so easy to photograph when they sleep all day long!

Wow, what a crazy few weeks we've had! Our little Teddy is THREE weeks old now! Recovery for me has been great so far, thankfully. It's also helped to have family come help left and right too!

In the last three or four weeks, we have painted rooms in our new home, sanded and finished floors, peeled wallpaper, packed up all our belongings, had swim lessons, Carl went to WI and back, moved into our home, had school assignments written, Carl back to WI for a week, more school papers, graduated from our colleges, and oh yeah, had a baby in the middle of all that. Makes you want to take a nap, right? I could use a nap.

As with my other children, I am sharing my birth story with Theodore. I love reading positive birth stories when I'm close to my due date, so I hope sharing this takes some of the anxieties out of birth for my preggy friends and family.

I was much more patient this pregnancy and decided to not try to induce labor in any way since we had so much going on. In fact, I would have even been okay going past my due date this time around! I opted to not have any vaginal checks, so I never knew how dilated or effaced I was prior to labor and I utilized hypnosis for childbirth via the Hypnobabies self-study course again. My birth with Vivienne was so peaceful, so I had high hopes that it would be similar this time around. I used my hippy hypnosis training and visualized my birth to be after 39 weeks (namely because I didn't want the kids to miss their swim lessons haha!) and the first day past my 39th week, I lost my mucus plug (why does it need to be called that? It sounds so... gross). With my first two, I went into labor within 24-36 hours after losing it! So I went into crazy nesting mode that day and tried to figure out how we would bring a baby home to the chaos we were living in- boxes everywhere, beds on the floor, couches in the dining room, yikes... I went to bed that night and when I woke up for my nightly potty break around 2 am, I felt a light contraction. It felt a little stronger than the Braxton Hicks contractions I'd had the past couple of months of the pregnancy. So I stayed up to see if I would have more and sure enough, the next one was slightly stronger! Excitedly, I woke up Carl and told him that I had felt some contractions and put him to work timing them. After 15 min, they had gotten much stronger, so I called my doctor's office to tell them I was in labor and then we called my mother in law to have her come stay with Ezra and Vivi. She zoomed on over like Lightning McQueen and by then my contractions were much stronger and closer together. Carl and I got into the car and off we went to the hospital! But we only made it to the train tracks down the street before the 5 minute long train crawled by. 5 minutes never felt so long! Sitting down and buckled up during labor is not fun, by the way.

We arrived to the hospital around 3 am and at that point, I was trying very hard to concentrate and not focus on how intense everything felt. Thanks to hypnosis, I wasn't feeling much pain, but it was still a challenge to walk and answer questions. The nurses in the unit didn't seem to think I was that far along in labor because they took their time having me sign consents and taking my weight. I'm pretty sure I looked like I was in labor as I was moaning and leaning up against walls and the nurses' station every two minutes. We got into a room and the nurse hooked me up to the monitors and then did a vaginal check.

This is the part where she suddenly went from chill into high adrenaline mode and called in the team because I was complete! For those unfamiliar with the term, this meant that I was done with transition, completely dilated and effaced, and baby was making his way out. All the nurses and aids must have been bored because I'm pretty sure there were at least 6-7 of them in there. They called my doctor a few times and she was rushing over. I began to have an urge to push after about 15-20 minutes from being checked in. Everything was happening so fast, it became quite the challenge to remain focused and in deep hypnosis, but I did have a couple seconds between contractions to rest and reposition myself. I stayed on my hands and knees for the duration of the labor. My doctor managed to fly into the room about 10 minutes before the birth! Shortly before crowning, my amniotic sack finally broke (woah, step back everyone!). Compared to my experience with Vivienne, I felt a lot more, including pain, but it wasn't horrendous- just intense. I could tolerate it well enough, though it wasn't a walk in the park nor was it "just pressure" as Hypnobabies tries to help you feel. I worried about the dreaded "ring of fire" that occurs at crowning, but it wasn't as dreadful as I read about. Whew. After about 20 minutes of pushing when I felt urges to, my doctor let Carl deliver the baby once his head was out and he announced to everyone "we have another boy!" We named him the next day, but Theodore was placed onto my chest as we waited for his cord to stop pulsating and for the placenta to deliver. I had been in the hospital for about 45 minutes at the time of his birth! To add to the shock, an hour after he was born, he was weighed and Carl and the nurses were all wide eyed when they told me he was 9 lbs, 1 oz! I figured he would be a little bigger than my other babies just because of the struggles I had with the pregnancy, but holy smokes, I was in disbelief that he was two pounds more than my first two!

so, so snuggly

It was such a surreal experience- perhaps a combination of being in the early hours of the morning or just because it was so fast- when he was born, I couldn't help but think "wow, did I just give birth or is this a dream??" I felt like I had much more time to prepare with Vivienne since I labored lightly at home for about six hours and then had more intense labor for 3 hours in the hospital, but this time it was just under two hours from the very first contraction. While I am very much logically minded, there is something to be said about the power of the mind when it comes to pain control. I definitely could not have done this as calmly as I did without my hypnosis preparation.

Just like my other babies, we always use 1-2 family names when naming our children. Theodore was always a favorite name for me because I had a great uncle, whom I never met, that my great aunt Dorothy would endearingly call Teddy. Rich is after my father, Richard, because he never had any sons to carry on his name :) So there you have it- Theodore "Teddy" Rich Leder. We love him to pieces!

My mother-in-law and sister-in-laws worked hard with Carl to somewhat organize our home prior to me coming home a day later, so when I came home, our chaos was a little more organized! Then, my parents drove up the following day and helped around the house some more and with the older kiddos. Carl had to go back to WI last week for finals, graduation, and a boards exam review course, so then my sister and my brother-in-law came and helped out and when they left, my mom came back :) She is here currently and will return to CA tomorrow as Carl will returns the same day. So grateful for all the help! It has made the transition to having three kids much easier, not to mention the extra help while Carl finished his clinical rotations and left for WI, and so that I could finish up school as well (PS- I'm done! Tracey Leder, RN, BSN!).

Thanks for the all the congratulatory texts, messages, phone calls, etc. We have felt the love :)


And just for fun, here is my "studio" for Teddy's photoshoot:

correct, it is a mound of pillows on my bed covered with a comforter.

A few thoughts on this pregnancy

I am now 37-1/2 weeks along and I feel it everyday.  This might be my most complaint-filled pregnancy yet.  The past two pregnancies have been so comfortable overall, so now that I have experienced more of the typical pregnancy woes, I am more sympathetic to women who experience this every time.

So how does this pregnancy compare to my others then? Very different. I made a list:

1. Morning sickness.  It lasted the first half of the pregnancy and then some.  Never had it, hope I never do again.

2. Swelling.  I'd show you a picture of my feet, but you might barf, so I'll save you the horror.  I basically walk with little summer sausages instead of feet now.  Not so funny when you don't have shoes that fit anymore.

3. Joint pain. This goes with the swelling.  My fingers also are swollen, so I have not worn any rings for 2 or 3 months now. I didn't know swelling could cause so much pain in all my toes and knuckles.

4. Weight gain.  I've gained about 5 more pounds this pregnancy than my other two.

5. Stretch marks.  It was bound to happen at some point.  They are not too bad, but they are there!

6.  Cravings.  It's mostly under control now, but I went through several periods of wanting breakfast foods only (waffles, fried eggs, butter, butter, bacon, butter), then only southwest style foods (think ranch, cumin/chili, black beans, corn), and then cheeseburgers.  There was also the time I only wanted Quakers Oatmeal Squares cereal too.  Anything healthy? Not unless I wanted to puke.  Only in the last 2 months have I finally eaten a green salad.  Cravings are so strange.... I'm currently eating ice cream cones regularly.

7.  Baby movement.  Each pregnancy I think the baby kicks like crazy, but this time, I won't be surprised if I have twins. I get beat up inside hourly.

8.  Unable to walk sometimes.  Today was rough. Other days have been too.  Walking causes extreme pelvic and low back pain that I cannot manage to find relief for. Don't even suggest assisted lunges or animal yoga poses.  I have tried everything on Google. But by all means, let me know of a miracle move or drug of choice.

9. No left rib pain! This is nice as I had a rib slightly pulled out of place for Ezra and Vivi.  Yet, no amount of pillows provide relief for my hips/pelvis

10. Crowded bladder.  I used to be able to hold my pee for hours, pregnant or not. Now I have to wake up 1-2 times a night. TMI? Whatevs.


I know, I know, someone please call the Wahhhhhhhmbulance.  I feel better having written down my complaints.

I have been practicing my Hypnobabies almost every night for 18 weeks now.  I try not to scare myself by watching birthing videos.  The screaming in the videos haunt me! Especially when the videos are labeled "Gentle Birth with Hypnosis" and the mom is shrieking in pain during transition.  Not my definition of "gentle," thank you very much... Even though I had so much success with Vivienne, I can't help but feel worried as I anticipate labor and delivery again.  My doctor is awesome and so supportive of my birth plan.  I am opting not to have my membranes swept this time around.  Not sure if it even worked the last two times, but I'm just going to not have any kind of intervention done.  My doctor doesn't even believe in vaginal checks since studies have agreed that dilation/effacement aren't reliable indicators of impending labor- evidenced based practice right there, folks. It's true.  I walked around at 4-5 cm with Vivienne and was not in labor until a week later.

So what will this baby be?? I'm becoming more curious as the d-day nears.  For Ezra, I want a brother. For Vivi, I want a sister.  For me, I don't care.  I want a healthy baby and another easy and fast delivery.  Any guesses?  Strangers' favorite guesses are "Ooooohh you look like you're gonna have a boy! Because you know, boys carry more like this and girls are like that." Love the logic.


And for fun, here I am around 31-32 weeks with each baby! Ezra, Viv, #3

If only I did another selfie for the last picture haha.  

Family and Festivals

I am desperately trying to blog more, but the excuses keep piling up.  I CANNOT wait until July! Carl and I will be done with school and done with unnecessary amounts of busy work.  This week, I have finally reached term in this pregnancy.  It is very exciting to be at 37 weeks! I'm also kind of freaking out too as Carl leaves for Wisconsin tomorrow and won't return until late Friday evening. Crossing my fingers that the universe is on my side and this babe doesn't come until after he returns.

Anyway, enough about now, I have been planning on updating about my parents visit this last April. They came at the end of the month for a very short, but wonderful visit.  I loved having them here and I'm glad my little family has planted roots in the West coast once again. Sure, Oregon isn't California, but hey, someone pumps my gas for me and I don't have to pay sales tax.

The few pictures I took were at the annual Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival. Because half of the tulips were dead as it was near the end of the festival, we all got in for $5! Still fun times :)

the kids thought the cow was the coolest part of the festival 

Stop and smell the... tulips

goober dipping and kissing a tulip

yes, my dad carries around an iPad and takes pictures with it because he's that cool! <3 i="">

sometimes they are just so awesome at posing for pictures- perks to having overly confident kids!

Viv aka "Muscles" Leder.  She toted Ezra around in that cart for quite the distance!

my beautiful babies!

I loved the visit and can't wait to see my parents again!