Why I Love My Coworkers, by SuB, age 21.
SuB: do you ever wonder if people are calling in and playing dumb and
snickering at us behind our backs?
$COWORKER: i'm completely convinced that stupidity as intense as
I've had to deal with on the phone isn't natural
$COWORKER: either the gene pool is getting *that* low, or people are fucking with me
...
$COWORKER: bad for my health isn't exactly something i care about in case
you haven't already noticed
SuB: $COWORKER, i care. everyone else is too smart to take your job
SuB: i neeeeeeeeed yoooooooooou
$COWORKER: ...
$COWORKER: wow, after a pep talk like that...
SuB: :-D i'm sooo good at management, yes i am
$COWORKER: where's the nearest window?
$COWORKER2: $COWORKER, the parking deck would give a better audience
$COWORKER: im either going to jump out of it, or throw somebody out of it
$COWORKER2: DO EET!
$COWORKER2: DO EET!
$COWORKER2: DO EET!
SuB: $COWORKER2, stop encouraging suicide in your team members
...
Also had a special call today...guy wanted to tweak a few kernel parameters. I couldn't remember off the top of my head where they were (/etc/security/limits.conf...thank you, Google. SO much more useful than actually HAVING DOCUMENTATION.) so I started looking. Aparently, when I said "Give me a moment to look that up" he heard "If you keep repeating the question over and over while breathing heavily, the support technician will answer your question more quickly!" Which is what he proceeded to do.
And, of course, my little ol' brain translated THAT into "Oh, please, please put me on hold so I can listen to the bad dance remixes of songs that should have never been recorded in the first place! Oh, please, please!!!"
I'm tech support...a former waitress...I'm all about giving people what they want. Which is--to my ears--to wait on hold while I find the answer, grab a soda, and check on my team.
Then I wander back...and remember the downside of putting them on hold. They think of NEW questions that outpace the old ones.
Also, another classic:
SuB: Thanks for the customer number, sir. I'm going to go ahead and look you up.
$USER: Ok.
SuB: The name on the account is $USER, e-mail is $USER@$DOMAIN. And I see you have support. Now, what can I do for you, sir?
$USER: Are you in the military?
SuB: Ah...excuse me, sir?
$USER: All the sirs! Are you in the military?
SuB: ...no, sir, I'm just Southern.
$USER: HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA. You're cute, kid.
x-posted to my journal
SuB: do you ever wonder if people are calling in and playing dumb and
snickering at us behind our backs?
$COWORKER: i'm completely convinced that stupidity as intense as
I've had to deal with on the phone isn't natural
$COWORKER: either the gene pool is getting *that* low, or people are fucking with me
...
$COWORKER: bad for my health isn't exactly something i care about in case
you haven't already noticed
SuB: $COWORKER, i care. everyone else is too smart to take your job
SuB: i neeeeeeeeed yoooooooooou
$COWORKER: ...
$COWORKER: wow, after a pep talk like that...
SuB: :-D i'm sooo good at management, yes i am
$COWORKER: where's the nearest window?
$COWORKER2: $COWORKER, the parking deck would give a better audience
$COWORKER: im either going to jump out of it, or throw somebody out of it
$COWORKER2: DO EET!
$COWORKER2: DO EET!
$COWORKER2: DO EET!
SuB: $COWORKER2, stop encouraging suicide in your team members
...
Also had a special call today...guy wanted to tweak a few kernel parameters. I couldn't remember off the top of my head where they were (/etc/security/limits.conf...thank you, Google. SO much more useful than actually HAVING DOCUMENTATION.) so I started looking. Aparently, when I said "Give me a moment to look that up" he heard "If you keep repeating the question over and over while breathing heavily, the support technician will answer your question more quickly!" Which is what he proceeded to do.
And, of course, my little ol' brain translated THAT into "Oh, please, please put me on hold so I can listen to the bad dance remixes of songs that should have never been recorded in the first place! Oh, please, please!!!"
I'm tech support...a former waitress...I'm all about giving people what they want. Which is--to my ears--to wait on hold while I find the answer, grab a soda, and check on my team.
Then I wander back...and remember the downside of putting them on hold. They think of NEW questions that outpace the old ones.
Also, another classic:
SuB: Thanks for the customer number, sir. I'm going to go ahead and look you up.
$USER: Ok.
SuB: The name on the account is $USER, e-mail is $USER@$DOMAIN. And I see you have support. Now, what can I do for you, sir?
$USER: Are you in the military?
SuB: Ah...excuse me, sir?
$USER: All the sirs! Are you in the military?
SuB: ...no, sir, I'm just Southern.
$USER: HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA. You're cute, kid.
x-posted to my journal
